I am a radio receiver and transmitter. I make holes into impenetrable places and I spin webs of addictive illusion to captivate the dreamer so that your life becomes mine. You are the one who I hang over while you dream, my fingers crawling through your head like roots boring deep psychedelic caverns and tunnels throughout your brain. I will seduce you into serving me by promising you the best of all three mystical worlds…
today I woke up and opened the door…
and just outside of this door a river is roaring, shadowing the crystalline river is a forest of trees tall and wild, wrapping the trunks are bright green vines, growing like hungry snakes and a lime colored carpet of soft moss covers large boulders and old, fallen branches. The prana of freshly flowing, bubbly water and the scent of cool pine invigorates the morning with hope, alive and clear. Rocks and pebbles smooth and shining glow at the bottom of the river as a waterfall crashes, swirls and then moves on toward its destination….to the left of this sacred river in a small open meadow a raging bonfire is burning, spiraling clouds of smoke fill the air with the smells of the east…it reminds me of India- minus the monkeys and gods.
A girl stands there with a large stick jabbing at the fire creating sparks and new flames. I’m only watching and noticing the symbols and signs. A great manifestation out of nothingness. The ascended masters are floating right above me and I don’t even introduce myself or state my case. If all of this were real, they’d already know anyway. This little red bird that we killed because it got caught stuck in the front grill of our car has been ruthlessly haunting me all week…just a tiny faint orb always in front of me chirping, “I’m already dead, what are you looking for.” I’ve been ignoring the bird because I don’t have an answer but the implications could be serious. So for now, I just watch the river and the girl with the fire. She seems to tame the fire the way someone would who was training a tiger. I find it intriguing and maybe it’s a metaphorical key to my flimsy front door…I haven’t yet been able to find the key, and so it’s been left unlocked or just open and swaying back and forth- which is fine but I always like to be the one choosing rather than adapting…but alas, the tiger roars as loudly as the lion and so I’m not immune to false promises of forever or safety. Tigers stalk the forests of India and black panthers too. I used to walk a few miles back to my room ever night after the aarti on the ganges river with the warning that I could be mangled and eaten by a big, wild cat. It was very dark, I didn’t even have a flashlight -but I did it anyway- and as I felt my way down the deserted dirt road through the deep darkness the wild noises of the fertile Indian jungle seemed to be coming from the inside of me rather than the outside, so that was confusing -and I never told anyone but you- because of course, the implications could be serious.
I wear a tigers tooth around my neck sometimes. It hangs from a cord, Bhagavan Das says it’s for protection -like me saying, “No, I AM the queen of the jungle, not you.” it’s kind of cool to feel powerful and omniscient sometimes. I never believe any of it, I just play along because it’s polite and I’m bored-so role playing is a big daily commitment. And it’s not that I don’t believe I’m not the Queen Tiger, it’s just because I try not to be superstitious and looking for omens and believing in old wives tales, you know. The signs and symptoms of delusion or wishful thinking were manifests in my psyche years ago and I’ve been trying to shake them loose with all the mojo I can muster. It’s “the real vs. the unreal,” like tigers versus the bears. There are not a lot of bears in India but there are tons of bears here, and wolves too actually- and on the topic of wolves, which I’m somewhat of an expert, let me say, there motto is certainly not, “Live and let live” its more like, “It’s my way or die” I feel I am one of those women who “run with wolves” Bhagavan Das got me that book at the library when I was shacked up for weeks after my first surgery in 2014- he literally locked me up and threw away the key -oh, don’t worry, after I put on a few pounds, he paid BIG TIME- he said he was “afraid of me” he said I was a “skeleton with huge gleaming, terrifying eyes and I had become Kali at the cremation grounds” those are his fanciful words not mine…let’s just say though, I did get my way… anyway, so he brought me this book, “Women Who Run With Wolves” and he said, “I think you might like this.” I flung the book to the ground and said, “Get this stupid shit out my face” and then I started mumbling profanities about pitiful, weak women and their fantasy of being all wild and dancing under moonlight while they menstruate -blah blah blah- and that’s not to say I believed my bitchy, self condemning words, I constantly say things I don’t mean just to contradict myself- due to the “swinging door dilemma” mentioned previously in this post. I’m pretty sure I’m “running with wolves” BIG TIME. And I’m totally convinced I am the “Queen Tiger,” BIG TIME. The signs and symbols and symptoms are written all over my face BIG TIME. I believe in the river and where it comes from and where it goes. I believe in the flames that shoot from the girl….I hear you little red bird, maybe we can try again?
See how I spiral and create hypnotic clouds of smoke?
I had a dream once that I was a Russian woman who could talk to bears and so was training them in the Russian circus and they wore ballerina skirts and it was super cute…..it just felt right too, you know? And sure the bears were big but since I spoke their language and they were not as smart as me (at least it seemed so at the time) I was able to make them do tricks…for awhile that is- until I was transported into the snowy Russian forest (dream style) and I’d lost my voice and so unfortunately my best bear ballerina/pupil just went ahead and ate me- it was as simple as that and as he took the first bite our eyes met and I attempted to telepathically communicate as a last shot at survival saying, “Remember me?” and this dumb bear just looked at me totally cold and blank eyed and opened it’s massive bear jaw and bit in….and as the dream goes, I was obviously dead- at which time the bear said, “Of course I do” so, as far as bears go, honestly, I don’t trust them. Wolves are better IMO.
We were in Mount Shasta a few days ago. You know that the Lemurians live inside Mount Shasta right? Well, THEY DO- people have seen advanced looking beings in lord of the rings style, long hooded white gowns wearing crystal amulets- circumambulating the rim of the ancient volcano at certain times of the year- so it’s scientifically proven basically-THEY’RE REAL…anyway, from the center of this hollow dormant volcano they communicate with us astrally, psychically, you name it- they’re doing it- like 24/7- to help us because we’re screwed up really bad due to being fabricated with impure and incomplete DNA which makes us a half ass, failed species-susceptible to all sorts of stupidity and ignorance (it’s a long story…) but basically, Mount Shasta has the crystals to prove it. All we need is evidence, and here you have it, I’m serious. These owners of the crystal shops have big round eyes and melodic voices-their hair is a little fluffed up from all the electromagnetism of the “crystal beings” and it’s true, they’re stoked.
They feel the crystals “choose us” and I believe it’s true- a few “museum” quality crystals “chose me” and we talked for awhile (in private) and now I just need around 15-20 grand to get enlightenment (please see donations page if you would like to contribute to this cause) I feel it’s an awesome, incomparable deal -as I believe that crystals (only the expensive ones) are for sure God -BIG TIME- and I can make this happen right now-be with God. We all can. They are called “Record Keepers” these Lemurian Seed Crystals are my God, if that isn’t the truth I don’t know what is. I was getting a major download that fateful day- and felt like my head was going to explode-afterwards I got really creepy and quiet for awhile -most likely due to some important info I had downloaded-my eyes are glassy, and opened really wide now- and my voice is very noticeably melodic- and also, that’s right, I got the tell tale “hair fluff” and if you’re “one of us” you’ll know what I mean (that’s what a Mount Shasta native told us) We were “called” and I think you may also be getting a “call” so please click and give-(donation page) I need lots of hard cash and ‘viola!’ we’ve got God -and all the info needed to advance into the rainbow realm of perfection -once we get the magical mushrooms ingested….(and give it a few to kick in) you’ll hear the unhearable too- the “other realm” of magic and crystals, I call it, “god’s neighborhood” if you feel me say, “ommmm” it’s a block party on high!
To make matters more complex, in this “full circle analogy,”
there is a shell of a dead scorpion hanging in an abandoned cobweb in the corner of the bedroom just over the bed. I didn’t remove the poetry of this collaboration in time- as everything happens for a reason- in case you didn’t know. Or, better said, “that scorpion is me” and I have so far pretended that I did not hear that voice in my head because the implications could be serious…
it all sounds pretty lame but my world is a dream -and so is yours – so why be a zombie or puppet for “the man” or “the woman” it’s such a waste of the imagination. I don’t believe anything that isn’t mysterious and magical. Did you ever play dungeons and dragons? My brother did until my mom found out it was a game that “invites the devil through the door” much like a ouija board so she yelled at him for being evil and took it…I got hooked on ouija boards for awhile but I got lucky because I talked to not only John Lennon but Jim Morrison and Jesus too…I don’t think the ouija board lies my friends, have a little faith like I do…I had to stop because they started stalking me and it got pretty horrifying -like straight out of ghost busters- and I didn’t realize that holy people and rock stars were desperate enough to stalk…you learn a lot the hard way about the spirit realm when you’re naive but now that I’ve got my tigers tooth around my neck nobody fucks with me.
I am the magistrate of swinging doors.
That’s right, all of the above.
Its all about the river. Btw, let me remind you- that’s also what Buddha said- and yet, I am not copying him, I just thought of that myself -“it’s all about the river,” so as you can see, I’m right up there with the big wigs…
I just looked up and there is a picture hanging above my head at this cafe I am sitting in -and an old-fashioned, bewitching looking woman is holding a steaming cup of coffee slyly smiling and the caption reads,
“you can sleep when you’re dead.”