wind in the white space

One moment, he unlocked the door. She stood staring as a moon flew by. A cold blue ghost born from another sun. A galaxy far away. Beckoning, days long and steep. The softness fades into a heavy burden. Hidden behind closed doors, years and years of nothing. But now, we stop and hurt those memories. If I can’t have you no one can. The knob turns, it doesn’t even matter. Anymore, who comes and goes. But there is a floor at the bottom of this starless moment.

We were friendless, we were searching. Born on an island and returning. All alone, not alone. Moving backwards toward the sky. Someone is missing, something is missing. Nothing is ever gone. I walk down a slow path moving faster. I move slowly as the fast sky travels downward, into me. We were put here, left with each other. A world built on ashes. An earth trapped within, these broken hearts. Don’t we miss her, this earth here, how do we find him.

They’re somewhere inside, the moment passes again and again…

There is the burning the raining the sound of wind. He sits with his back to me, facing the fire. Removed from exposure and hidden from rain. Quietly I write it all down. The secrets that float in the room, creak under the floor, beg to be worshipped. Nobody sees you but me, the night is long and sterile. The fire is dull and bored, with him as he fumes, smoke rises- covering thoughts with more thoughts. Feelings, hunt these feelings, burn these feelings, ignore these feelings. She is, however on the outside as a problem to be remedied. An off putting voice in my head. Colder than ice is the shadow that follows. Never moving, who cares if I go. There isn’t a picture I won’t inhabit. Not a dream I won’t crush. Tonight is a tunnel, tomorrow is a bridge. This moment is a word that describes the missing destination. He left as the fire died. I remained because I’m me. Turning shadows into words and fire into black. Remedy.

If I go in that room. If I summon the muse. If I write all her words. If I keep myself beautiful. Will another day cease to pass, if we pretend our feelings haven’t changed. If we imagine how she might have once been, if we conjure a memory of bright lips. Might we love again, ourselves from more beautiful days. Like the beginning of spring, blossoms. Plenty of time to be sad and romantic about death and love that fails. But now, here we are locked in each other’s rooms. Who can know the lonely imagination that wanders up and down legs and moments trying, trying to be touched. Another way than the despondent curl of bodies. A soft, dreamy way…like we are never dying. We are flowers beneath the sun. Warm and supple, pure and open to time. But I know it’s not true, its not me. I am collapsible and impenetrable. I am fluid and captivating. The afternoon has come. This would be the melancholy of the youthful muse who pretends that she is ageless. Immortal, we have seen noon and shuddered at our failure. The arrival was not as it seemed. He did not bring you new flowers. You cannot ask for what has gone. The room is quiet and late. I listen for abandoned memories. I try to find beauty in my loss. We all lose. My eyes, won’t stop watching the corpse. Lonely and quiet. Remember, don’t touch the seed. You’re heading out in the morning for far away lands. Give him space to roam. You aren’t even heard when you wail young tender cloud. You are just his imagination and his yearning. You are a fading sound in the twilight of a new less broken love. When he stoops and she aches. Pages torn from the year before. Nothing will ever replace your words. Nobody will ever walk toward me again. With a promise of a hidden garden where my frail beauty holds his soul enchanted. Beneath moonlight and ever passing skies of silver…I look back inside at what’s gone. And the pain makes all the galaxies disappear like there was ever only this dim lit corner. Seeping fantasy through my veins. Little flower quietly dying, just a moment and I’m gone.

 wind in the white space
Sharada Devi

5 thoughts on “wind in the white space”

  1. Wind in the white space takes place.
    It needs a heart, to be felt.

    No one hears the tender cloud
    So I rumble. Maybe that’s how she moves mountain, man inert.

    No time to laugh when the flowers are dying.
    “A moment and I’m gone”

    Forever returning
    nothing unbroken.

    Can’t want forever- that’s the truth.
    So her spirit
    re-creates.
    The pain of total love-loss is a fire burning a brighter face.
    The wind, I do not give, but you can have it all.

    I know you and see you, sweet bright, breaks my heart. Still silent voice, keeping me up when the rest wants to take me down. In the end, you will win, because it’s all for you.

  2. unanswered questions.
    message in a bottle cast out at sea
    bobbing off of a foreign shore dry and safe
    safe is a place where endings begin.
    too much white space, less sun more night
    invisible boundaries.
    is hope a lack of faith
    what is such
    is it the where where we exist in vacant, ness
    shine turns to glare. excessive characters, too much imagery
    good intentions gone astray
    bouncing back
    what is written, word wise, is not what is understood
    such is the such of such
    expiration of expression. easy is harder than it seems
    what is said is often not what is implied .
    a play of ill chosen words can be . the results are in
    but who would know, in the dark,
    at the bottom, of an ocean floor where the fish are colorless and blind
    and empty is full of the weight of water
    when the game is played without rules
    silence may be an answer in itself
    the tell is yours \\

  3. Do we really want live in the lands of nirbija~ reach samadhi~ teach the keys~ leave the fruits~ bury the pursuits~ forget our names~ remember our faces~ bring all to our mind’s spotlight~ See the Full sky view~ know Universal secrets~ tunes older than time~ time snapping fingerless~ just a spectacle~ spectacular~ do you feel it? The pulses that quake and shake us~ unreal~ hmm A good one said you know Being willing to come back is noble~ it is duty~ it is not selfish~ to know it. Some strict dedicated sound boards are on their way to spaces of amritam so eternal Krishnas butter ~ no bread~ just butter~ I found this deep silence in your expressions~ I could hear the clock ticking~ it is so warm inside~ this air more dry then my minds desire for my container haha we are just residing in these folds~ not so eternal~ except the soul you know~ lists that are listless~ desire that fights fire~ your hurt breath beats back again~ sister, what is the remedy? Fill it. You are worth it All. Om Shanti Shanti Shanti peace

  4. Dearest SharadaDevi,
    Love and Light vibrations I send to you on this blessed day…
    May the pure white light of peace prevail and
    fill that lovely sweet diamond heart of yours….
    Energizing you into a huge rainbow…..
    radiating inward to clarity of space and time…
    Om Mani Padme Hum
    Om Mani Padme Hum
    Om Shanti Shanti Shanti
    now and forever and ever….
    Love, ChandraMa

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