what spins inside these words i cast

We make our fate like a widow builds steam deep in the cauldron of our own secret spell. The spell we cast upon ourselves to be born under- feeling only half of who we need to be. He isn’t here. She left me. I’m all alone now, confusing chaos with the magic I’ve made. Unknowing. I made the place I find myself. Somehow seeking a marriage from so many different places. It doesn’t need to be a man or a woman- maybe it’s my art, my job….but it’s an empty widow always in the end, looking for the sunrise she lost. That’s the abandonment we are facing. That’s why the tears fall. We can’t control the season. And you know I’m only a messenger and
my words only matter if you let them. This is your illusion being tainted or illuminated by mine- depending on how you see what spins inside these words I cast.

This sort of darkness lurks in us all. The undiscovered territory of our own self abandonment. I do not claim to be teaching you anything. The last thing I want is a role to deliver me straight into my own demise. I’m smarter than that, and I hope you will be too. Of course, we can’t forget self deception herself, who brings us the menu that we order our secret desires from -denying they will do us any harm as long as we disguise them like you would any bad tasting meat with some sort of distracting sauce…so that you forget what you’re eating.

Anyway, it’s no small terrain. I can be insane. I can be crazy. I can be wrong. It doesn’t matter, I’m still going to say it because I’m a messenger
and I always have been. I deliver and it’s usually what no one wants to hear. It’s a light in the darkness and we don’t want to go there, do we?

But that’s a stupid question, because you think you do. Actually you think you already went there and now you’re back…because you did drugs or were beaten or whatever….those were symptoms, signs pointing to the places, those were not the places. Maybe you don’t see me in the shadow you carry, but I found you and I’m just saying, it’s what I do and it’s no lofty position. It’s trash talk and I’m covered in filth from head to toe. I carry too much information and that’s one reason for my physical issues. I’ve never been sick, I’ve just needed to be cut up and put back together again. It seems the knife does wonders in situation of astral infestations which is what I get. And I’m not blaming the world, it’s my fate and I know judgement day draws near for us all.

I’ve got nothing covered. It’s only just unraveling and it seems my purpose is thwarted as there are no true believers who don’t attack me literally upon command. So many declaration and it’s just one push of the button and out comes the attack dog with all sorts of reasons that I’m wrong, reasons with new age holes all over them, I won’t engage it for very long because I’ve already learned- 99% or more want power by association, they want an identity, who to be and who to emulate- but it’s always for the wrong reasons and it’s always further from finding their own actual truth. Because who you actually are is layered by the things you won’t look at. I’m no judge so no need to target me with your wrath. I’m only trying to help, really.

My life, and I know nobody wants to hear it or believes me really- but it’s been hard and painful and with one crisis or trial or death of some sort over and over again- with no breaks- and I’ve been expected to rise over and over- not only for myself but also for you- so I could be stronger – more compassionate, more clear. I’m always weary in so many ways-and never know if I’ll make it around the next corner -but I try- in all my pitiful weakness -and I get up and start again- somehow better from the worst of all curses- a better servant of this all elusive, yet all pervading -ferocious and enduring love. Like lightening, we never know where she’ll strike next. So get ready…

And I’m not saying love comes like you think it should. I “called you a name” poor baby.
If you respected me even a little bit, you would stop being defensiveness and be open to the idea that maybe it wasn’t a name, maybe it was a clarification on why you’re suffering. You see, I’m never angry when I talk or write to you, I’m just delivering. If it sounds harsh, try seeing it differently. You don’t have to hear me or believe me. You can dislike me or think that I’m delusional -thinking that I’m “some chosen vessel” but I don’t. But I do deliver messages and you should listen because it could help you if you had the courage and devotion to know yourself completely.

*Also, remember, you don’t even need to read this blog and your problem of me is solved. No need to convince me to alter my ways of approach-and you could even start a blog- it isn’t difficult. What I’m saying is, no need to struggle with my reality if it’s disturbing to your reality in a way that doesn’t improve your conditions- because-

The question really is, where do we go from here? Shouldn’t we move forward instead of side to side-shadow dancing with our pain and then getting defensive, self righteous or combative with me? Of course, it it were easy to do these things the world would be a much nicer place- suffering abounds more than ever. Call what you do or what you support or how you participate love- if you want- but you’re still in the same place- the same losing game- and it’s not changing anytime soon- because it’s the same road that only goes to the same destination -more suffering, more abject denial.

There aren’t a lot of real heroes. You should be a hero. Face yourself. Stop being a liar and a hypocrite. Or -someone who knows it all already.
What’s worse? It’s all a treacherous and self rejecting mind fuck. No matter how pretty she is.

She always lived alone behind the village, at the end of a narrow dirt road near the mouth of the river. Nobody hardly ever saw her and very few knew where to find her. She lived in what looked like a hole in the side of a rock. It was dark and dirty and you could pass right by and never notice it at all. The entrance was covered by trees hanging branches…and the river ran only a few feet away from the entrance. But if you were given directions and you paid close attention you would find the small hole and duck down low and enter and as you rose into her little dwelling, you would be dazzled by oil lamps, incantations and her flaming wild eyes…

She is the widow who brought you into this world and she is the one who will take you out. She watches you and she takes your toys away. She does everything for you and she expects nothing…

Without devotion we are void of light.
Get to know her and who she’s calling as she stirs the cauldron that brings you life.Β It’s your name she’s calling throughout the night. You’re hooked on her and it’s no use to struggle. Get involved with what she intends for you. Stop wasting precious time resisting. Look inside the the dark and boiling bubbles of this fermenting illusion and see what could become of all your suffering and resources. Why waste the holy material that she so freely gives?

This is the alchemy of our human birth and we really can take this all the way. We really can eat what she’s cooking and become immortal.

Then, inside of you,

beyond time and space she merges with him as the sun rises and the moon erases herself into his eternal and silent light.

believe me, she knows you
and it wasn’t all for nothing.
Sharada Devi

20 thoughts on “what spins inside these words i cast”

  1. i just stepped outside to take out the recycling and found a glorious golden waning moon hanging in the night sky.
    And became captivated by the spell of it’s splendor.
    She and i became one and whole in that sublime time.
    Within her glowing orb there was a darker portion that drew me to myself and made me aware of
    the many aspects of my life that are still in transition and cultivating change.
    The necessity towards further refinement.
    There is still so much deep work to do.
    And i am grateful and fortunate to have this / your encouragement in that direction.
    i am ready, willing and able to accept that which is offered for me to consume.
    What else is there for me to do?

        1. Ok. Thanks for sending info and pic.
          What you need to do is make sure no matter what- that you have two hours of silence
          every day- undisturbed and alone. Your own private room. Lock the door. You need to pray and listen. Two hours a day. No husband knocking ok?
          This is important and if you’re doing it already -just keep it up. Keep praying.

          1. Yes, ok, i understand
            i am partially there.
            Have been working on maintaining silence lately
            will implement it even more.
            Two hours together or two hours per day?
            i have an opportunity to get away for five days
            to house-sit and dog watch.
            i asked Krishna last week if He would give me a means to be alone
            a few days later, i received a request to do a favor…
            just as i was writing this, my husband came to the doorway of the bedroom where i have been
            peacefully alone.
            He said ” … ” and i said “well you can’t always get what you want” ( not in sarcasm )
            He replied ” But sometimes you get what you need ” ( smiling )
            i responded “Sharada says that i need 2 hours of silence undisturbed”
            point taken… and received with a smile.
            Thank you Sharada
            Blessings and Love to you for continued healing

          2. Two hours all at once – or one hour morning one hour evening- and in a place no one else goes- a prayer/temple space- it’s important
            astrologically for you to get the solitude for many reasons -and on a regular and consistent basis.

          3. And you can sit outside quietly at night also- and get an outdoor chair that reclines
            back- and just stare at the moon and stars
            and find your peace there.

          4. Sharada Devi
            am i off base in my perceptions.
            as i pray and listen and “hear” with my ears
            does that mean that i am not connecting on the right level.
            Should the listening be only experienced in the heart.
            And so i am not deep enough or tuned in
            ( as it was stated that the songs of starlight can only be heard / understood with
            the heart and not the ears )…
            i am second guessing my spontaneity and it only brings mental confusion
            and discomfort.
            maybe i am just having an off / sad day…

          5. I don’t think it matters what body part
            you hear from- as long as your listening!
            It’s your life not someone else’s-
            nobody knows but you where God might whisper
            to your yearning soul.
            Jai Sti Radhe! Don’t be sad. Be glad that
            It is what it is- and it’s OK!

  2. Thank you. Big transitions going on for everyone – everywhere..

    Baba and you will never leave my heart.
    The space you’ve made in it is a fortress of fierce compassion and sincere forgiveness.

    Everything you said last week holds truth.

    She hasn’t stopped. Ultimatums are set. My heart slowly unthreads with the obvious inevitables looming.

    If my faith was her strength than this time we may fall. There’s no more tears to cry.

    The only thing that matters is the little one.

    I will keep praying and thriving.

    Endless love.
    Om mani padme hum

    Feel better Sri Sharada Devi, and thank you for encouraging selflessness, and stoking the beacon of light from deep in my heart during the rockiest of storms.


    1. Your faith is your strength, not hers.
      She needs her own faith and strength.

      I know I’m right that’s why I deleted your
      last two posts -which were not nice.

      You better be stronger and get ready to
      stand alone. Life has episodes- we can’t
      win them all like we think we must.

      things change-and we approach the crossroads-

      You control nothing and nobody but yourself.

      1. I can’t remember what I wrote? I thought I was overly defensive. Sorry I was mean towards you, I never meant to.

        Life isn’t what i thought it was. Grief and sickness is what I’m offered right now. The light is faded.. but it’s still there – distant and foggy. I let the pain in.

        My Kumari is my only source of energy and love and we’re just getting by. It’s all we need. She helps me remember.. All the programming.. Her inate sense to heal others is beyond this world.

        We must remember how it was to be a child to really be able to make authentic contact with divinity. Open heart open mind pure faith pure love.

        Om mani padme hum
        Om mani padme hum
        Om mani padme hum
        Om mani padme hum
        Om mani padme hum

        1. Your only source of energy and love needs to be you- not your daughter- that’s a burden she cannot carry. It’s not an emotionally healthy situation at all. You MUST be more emotionally independent and self contained.
          She’s a child and all the undercurrents are not hidden from her AT ALL. Don’t think for a second she isn’t absorbing it all- she is.

          1. Paul sent me this- and I think EVERYONE should watch and take it seriously- this is
            truly where we’re at- and it’s scary but best to be informed and wake up from the dream at least partially – of what this really is and what’s really going on and it’s going to get even weirder I’m sorry to say and I’ve got lots to say on this topic
            (see his email and link below)

            From Paul:
            This should be watched by everyone. I am sharing with all my loved ones. The last 30 minutes of questions is important also.. If you have the time there is much inside knowledge to gain from watching this video.. Love you both – I wasn’t sure where to post this on the blog.

            Endless luv


  3. i have begun watching the above video…
    But my reply relates to a pervious response.
    You may post if you wish-
    but i felt compelled to respond that in the short amount of time since you suggested
    that i take time for 2 hours of silence daily, there has been a remarkable change that has been
    noticed by me as well as my husband.
    We have both experienced a change in hearing. As if our ears are plugged. Like when you are in a change
    of atmosphere.
    We agreed that it was a direct result from this practice.
    As if it was an internal shutting off of the outside world.
    And he has been obviously elsewhere, separate from me during my times of silence.
    i have also experienced a renewal of the original affects of Shaktipat in that the Triple Divine Qualities of
    sound , light and vibration have been intensified and renewed.
    i would have relayed these observances to you privately in an email, but at your request i will relay them here.
    Subject to your discretion.
    But irregardless, there is a noticeable change.
    Even though i do not have the ability to set aside a dedicated personal space. ( i do wish that i could but we basically live in a situation with a living room / kitchen and a bedroom / bathroom.
    It has been a compromise of timing and consideration.
    i thank you deeply for the impetus towards the progressive evolution that has transpired.
    These words are not coming from my head, but flowing completely from my heart.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *