I’m sorry to scare you. When you say it I only laugh, it’s so unbelievable to me. Like I’m some spooky Elvira with my dungeon and my coffin bed, pale white skin and long red nails.
I’m just saying, It truly is all or nothing. This double edged sword doesn’t spare the half ass and the uncommitted. Probably a good idea to be careful with declarations of forever and always if we don’t really mean it.
There are a lot of things I’m good at – but one of my specialties is upsetting people. It’s not even like I have to do anything besides just be myself.
I do though, like to fuck with people who want me to stay in a cage. It’s more fun, stop being so uptight, it hurts. I’m not politically correct- I still say things like ‘black people’ – I’m not democrat. I wasn’t sold on Bernie (especially as a president) and nobody understands what I’m trying to say in this ongoing blog- maybe you do, but where are you? I haven’t heard from you…
Anyway, I’m used to it, being misunderstood as a way of life- but seriously, sometimes I wonder why the intellect has such a stranglehold on the free movement of the heart. We don’t have to be here locked in this mental grid construct of predictability. Heaven and Hell barely limit us, why stay stuck in the mire of the planet earth’s government rules and social regulations? It’s like this painful stick up the ass that everyone got used to – and since everyone walks funny due the stick, nobody notices that everyone walks funny- and consequently nobody thinks it’s a problem. Well, a stick up your ass is a big problem. Just because you’re used to it, doesn’t make it right.
And I am there for you. And I seriously don’t want to “Guru” anybody- and I don’t want to be
“Guru’d” and neither do the readers. Yes, we find ourselves eventually and the stew can get a little thick- but in the end, we made it and it’s doable. It’s workable. At the same time, let’s not shove the righteous spoon down anyone’s throat ok? I can’t stand the new age Guru’ing. It’s obsolete. Let’s spill what we’ve got, and see what happens. If you’re clever, you’re clever, no need to prove it.
And to think that some of you think, me, the greatest ego-maniac of all – sits down in angst or anger to write the blog- or that I’m filled with such intense inner turmoil, pain and confusion- like it’s just my way of crying for help, understanding or support- is so amusing, thrilling and hysterical to me, I can’t find the words to describe how much I love you. At the same time, it’s perplexing because it’s so insanely ridiculous.
You have no idea how emotionally stable and mentally intact I am in the midst of my perpetual breakdowns and habitual unpredictability. I will reveal everything about myself to you so that you won’t be ashamed or guilty or bottled up anymore. Its what this is. We are free.
What’s so hard to believe or understand that I write? If you knew the other worlds, and got out of your rigid, controlling head and thought, “a thirty foot white lizard…hmmm….why not?” That would be freedom. That’s what I want, your freedom.
But we’re only as free as we’re willing to be, and there really are other worlds and alternate dimensions- and I can -and do -visit you while you sleep- and I do know what your mother did to you- and I do know what you’re thinking when you look at me. It’s not Megalomania (my sweet Saturn) it’s just the truth- and you could do it too if you wanted to. If you just stopped thinking in terms of “God” “God’s creation” etc- WTF does it even mean?! Nobody knows. Just shit talk.
Fake Happy feelings.
And I’m a master shit talker. I can talk or write all day- no effort at all- keep it spewing for the greater good- why not? And I will always have an answer for you, and I know it’s ludicrous because honestly, who am I? I hope you listen though because somehow I know what you need and what we all need it -and it’s love.
Black and furious love. White and pure, the virgin undresses. It’s crazy what you could’ve had.
I’ll love you senseless and wordless and speechless. I’ll love you black and blue. I’ll love you like a dove. I’ll love you when you’re not even looking. You’ll never know how much I can love you until you open your eyes and look at me.
Here I go again, leaving the station for another world, west to east….
Bhagavan Das says I’m the mistress of the dogs. They think my fingers are nipples and who am I to say they’re wrong?
They look at me and lick their lips. I like that. So true and so easy. We don’t fumble together. We lay down and we die. Wet fingers and fur.
I’m guessing, Die is just a word to you. But Die is not just a word- Die is a gesture, a posture of dominion.
Die is what happens when you love.
Love is dominion.
Love keeps moving until you’re still.
And if you think it’s just a circle jerk and if you think I’m just a bitch and if you think of me even at all my hungry puppy, just know that I’ve got a finger for you too.