wet fingers and fur

I’m sorry to scare you. When you say it I only laugh, it’s so unbelievable to me. Like I’m some spooky Elvira with my dungeon and my coffin bed, pale white skin and long red nails.

I’m just saying, It truly is all or nothing. This double edged sword doesn’t spare the half ass and the uncommitted. Probably a good idea to be careful with declarations of forever and always if we don’t really mean it.

There are a lot of things I’m good at – but one of my specialties is upsetting people. It’s not even like I have to do anything besides just be myself.
I do though, like to fuck with people who want me to stay in a cage. It’s more fun, stop being so uptight, it hurts. I’m not politically correct- I still say things like ‘black people’ – I’m not democrat. I wasn’t sold on Bernie (especially as a president) and nobody understands what I’m trying to say in this ongoing blog- maybe you do, but where are you? I haven’t heard from you…

Anyway, I’m used to it, being misunderstood as a way of life- but seriously, sometimes I wonder why the intellect has such a stranglehold on the free movement of the heart. We don’t have to be here locked in this mental grid construct of predictability. Heaven and Hell barely limit us, why stay stuck in the mire of the planet earth’s government rules and social regulations? It’s like this painful stick up the ass that everyone got used to – and since everyone walks funny due the stick, nobody notices that everyone walks funny- and consequently nobody thinks it’s a problem. Well, a stick up your ass is a big problem. Just because you’re used to it, doesn’t make it right.

And I am there for you. And I seriously don’t want to “Guru” anybody- and I don’t want to be
“Guru’d” and neither do the readers. Yes, we find ourselves eventually and the stew can get a little thick- but in the end, we made it and it’s doable. It’s workable. At the same time, let’s not shove the righteous spoon down anyone’s throat ok? I can’t stand the new age Guru’ing. It’s obsolete. Let’s spill what we’ve got, and see what happens. If you’re clever, you’re clever, no need to prove it.

And to think that some of you think, me, the greatest ego-maniac of all – sits down in angst or anger to write the blog- or that I’m filled with such intense inner turmoil, pain and confusion- like it’s just my way of crying for help, understanding or support- is so amusing, thrilling and hysterical to me, I can’t find the words to describe how much I love you. At the same time, it’s perplexing because it’s so insanely ridiculous.

You have no idea how emotionally stable and mentally intact I am in the midst of my perpetual breakdowns and habitual unpredictability. I will reveal everything about myself to you so that you won’t be ashamed or guilty or bottled up anymore. Its what this is. We are free.

What’s so hard to believe or understand that I write? If you knew the other worlds, and got out of your rigid, controlling head and thought, “a thirty foot white lizard…hmmm….why not?” That would be freedom. That’s what I want, your freedom.

But we’re only as free as we’re willing to be, and there really are other worlds and alternate dimensions- and I can -and do -visit you while you sleep- and I do know what your mother did to you- and I do know what you’re thinking when you look at me. It’s not Megalomania (my sweet Saturn) it’s just the truth- and you could do it too if you wanted to. If you just stopped thinking in terms of “God” “God’s creation” etc- WTF does it even mean?! Nobody knows. Just shit talk.
Fake Happy feelings.

And I’m a master shit talker. I can talk or write all day- no effort at all- keep it spewing for the greater good- why not? And I will always have an answer for you, and I know it’s ludicrous because honestly, who am I? I hope you listen though because somehow I know what you need and what we all need it -and it’s love.

Black and furious love. White and pure, the virgin undresses. It’s crazy what you could’ve had.

I’ll love you senseless and wordless and speechless. I’ll love you black and blue. I’ll love you like a dove. I’ll love you when you’re not even looking. You’ll never know how much I can love you until you open your eyes and look at me.

Here I go again, leaving the station for another world, west to east….

Bhagavan Das says I’m the mistress of the dogs. They think my fingers are nipples and who am I to say they’re wrong?

They look at me and lick their lips. I like that. So true and so easy. We don’t fumble together. We lay down and we die. Wet fingers and fur.

I’m guessing, Die is just a word to you. But Die is not just a word- Die is a gesture, a posture of dominion.

Die is what happens when you love.

Love is dominion.
Love keeps moving until you’re still.

And if you think it’s just a circle jerk and if you think I’m just a bitch and if you think of me even at all my hungry puppy, just know that I’ve got a finger for you too.

Sharada Devi

33 thoughts on “wet fingers and fur”

          1. i didn’t know i could see
            with my eyes
            until you asked

            i know why you are “dramatic” at times
            how to describe last night and this moment
            is that
            the river is happening
            this is it
            and now i know
            -not god or anything but
            i know how to die because you can feel it, like there is something pulling you
            and it’s about willingness (like you said) and it’s all i want wow

            ramana maharshi
            river, keep coming

  1. The world is a pizza, we eat it. we are here to share our life with life, what’s so hard about being in the moment of eternity now?

    There is no edge to this world of desire, HER arrows just keep flying. So beware of getting stuck in the spinning mind-mesh of thought. It is the heart of sadness that opens the door.

    She offers her flesh to you and there is blood on the dance floor. The golden letters are in her eyes and she sees your form in the mountain.

    Living on the road we just keep going into the unknown, what we are is what we see. Thoughts come and go like clouds in the deep blue sky. We all have a WAY, but it’s our devotion that opens the door.

    We hate her because she is crazy and cannot be put in a box by our stupid mind. The burning ground is moving but we are standing still, it must be heaven or hell.

    My Native American Indian grandpa little joe told me the earth was flat and the eagle was god. Once when I fell into the fire and could not take the heat any more, i prayed to him to take me away to Blue Lake and he did.

    I stood before the moon and he put the sage on the burning coals and with his eagle fan blew me away. Cool wind of HER breath and now we are here at last. The song is your life and you are singing it.

    Suck away and you know what is real. The magic is afoot…… follow the road.
    Bull Coming, aka Bhagavan Das

  2. God, no God…safe space….illusion or not….graced or otherwise…
    it is all the same anxiety
    with suffering and longing both as “correct” givens to our existence.
    No one can peek behind the veil.
    If they tell you they know,
    avoid them, for they want your soul.
    Forewarned, the angst gets stronger
    as we distance our awareness
    from others
    on this m/l lonely journey.
    Ultimately, we all walk alone
    with a coyote behind every bush.
    Wherever it is you want to go,
    you can’t get there from here,
    but stop looking, and it comes.
    Not everyone is able to see that,
    But that is the fur and feathers
    on the bone of our existence;
    our home is in the heart.

    Surrender to a reality or an illusion or a concept…
    or none
    (perhaps the greatest illusion of all)
    it is all the same gruel
    and ultimately does not matter,
    as long as the other is part of the recipe
    that limits the suffering we create.
    Pull up a chair…we might as well be comfortable,
    because there is no place to go.
    God…no God…sure…why not?
    whatever.
    please kindly realize that your rights end
    where my nose begins, and we will be fine.
    be kind, dammit.

    1. How do you know that no one can peak behind the veil? By saying that aren’t you suggesting otherwise?

      And who’s rights end where your nose begins?

      And based on what you said, aren’t we then fine already? (no rights, no nose or otherwise)

      And is kindness an expectations or a demand?

      Based on how you wrote it, it seems you aren’t suggesting but rather exacting your position and need for approval and allegiance.

      Maybe I’m wrong, but who are you to say?
      Maybe I’m right but how would you know?

      it’s just another endless hope for a power
      we can’t spell in words.

  3. so i’m at work
    and i can’t get this like old rap song out of my head:
    “look into my eyes and tell me
    what it is you see”
    and i’m whistling down the hall and I look at my black coffee
    and i don’t even have to look in it
    I can just imagine looking in it
    and Sri Ramana
    and i spill my coffee
    and I am seeing stars in the coffee on the floor
    and I am wiping them away
    and none of it is real

    Thank you,
    have a nice day
    “look into my eyes and tell me
    what it is you see”

      1. I moved to Siant Marys, GA (on the coast)
        when I turned 30.

        Therapist
        You may recall
        when you and BD asked me what I do for people
        I said attempt to get them in the heart and
        i called it Neem Karoli Baba therapy.

    1. i’ve been
      floating, all over, in my head, i guess
      my supervisor, just clarified.
      he gave me
      Black Onyx
      in a six sided
      oblisk

      for to get dense
      and direct,
      like Sharada Devi!!!
      .

          1. My father was Irish and Cherokee Indian and my mother is Italian. So I always love a
            good drama, a good fight and lots of loud love…

  4. My supervisor is from Mexico
    he described how Onyx is used in preparing for ritual
    and in sharpening knives.
    What he was telling me was to be sharp
    as a therapist
    and cut through
    the bullshit
    for Self and others
    for Freedom

    1. Black Onyx also absorbs negativity.
      So put it between you and another and instead of you taking the hit, the onyx will.
      Also black obsidian absorbs negativity.
      The bigger and more clear and pure the stone’s fire the better..

      1. it’s magic
        intense!
        what can I say
        I can’t say I didn’t know

        i’m sitting here and basically pointing it at them and it is directive.
        very fun. and vulnerable, you know- well, maybe because i’m a little boy

        this is better than reading the bible

          1. yikes
            not working

            i was just teaching a boy about determination
            that wasn’t working either

            “nightcall” by kavinsky

          2. better just to make him love you
            and you be determined for the two of you.
            Love fills in the all the holes and determines determination!

      2. i’ve never done “therapy” like that
        i just gave it up
        i didn’t know what to say
        because i was nothing
        Boy
        the onyx
        came to me, like Thor’s hammer (you know? it flies to him and then he can direct the lightning through it. it’s like that.)
        basically I’m renaming my therapy to Sharada Devi therapy on behalf of what is happening

  5. There it’s happening again.
    The six sided black onyx obelisk.
    i sat with just that very thing for 5 days
    in my Brother’s living room.
    It stood on his mantel next to a black onyx ball.
    i knew they were decorative but they seemed to be more.
    i had intentionally worn a black smoky quartz crystal necklace before leaving home
    on my journey to his house.
    As an auric protection against the dark energies i might encounter out in the world,
    driving so far away in city traffic.
    These seemingly random synchronistic occurrences are becoming more frequent.

    1. I think it’s a message.
      These stones have magic and they talk.
      like the Lemurian dagger I hold sometimes in the videos- is literally a weapon, a revealer, a healer, a record keeper and a reminder. I couldn’t believe it myself until it happened to me- the crystal must be very high quality though to manifest that power.

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