Underworld, she looks like me, the scars and the grooves, the red weeping eye, somehow still smooth, she is as ethereal as the stars she hides. Never moving, going nowhere she waits for me to remember her as if I’ll go away. The tree that hurts and grows for me, darkened veins spread through time too far below to see, wherever she is drinking from, the tap root of long before the earth sunk into my awareness and I brought her this incense. So many things she never said, so many times she waited, the sun in my eyes. She took everything away or I killed it, it’s hard to be sure, we’re both sunken in pools of memory and other places, people washed away, we don’t have anything but a foggy recollection of voices that are barely recognizable, the sound of loss in my ears since the beginning of this phase, let it go, lose your ground, don’t move, stillness never leaves. Who haunts these leaves?
I used to rake piles of leaves years ago and bag up the tree’s only trace of others but I stopped and I let them wither and fall all on their own, stuck to the earth outside, dying to get back inside. Underworld, concession, coitus. Don’t worry, everything and everybody rots, and truly I know this. Time can’t hold onto me forever no matter how many schedules written by hands, the bird is knocking at the trunk, things are going down into holes, smoke from the bonfire of last night still lingers looking for the last ember’s thrill. I’ve forgotten it all but sometimes I get this feeling and I see a part of you in my head, a smile, a younger year…I don’t know how to deal with sadness that has no captive. It would seem all are ajar in captivity, captivated by the raindrop, tear inside me always dripping, the water hole where everything waits.
Everyone, you never saw me. I grow myself from the leftovers and dead bodies, so many me-s, I can’t remember, you on the other hand, can raise the dead and you found out that nobody is home. Changing faces, making use of the pile of rot, flesh from before who taught me to give- the things that I couldn’t take, myself back to the beginning of you. Source of my pain and my aching, because of you I stay alive growing in space, time for a tree, a linear me. Headless stump who I left, your picture is no longer on my wall. My tree does everything perfectly so I don’t have to, never, nothing to fear not even dog bones buried beneath her. The deck and posts are made of tree, murderers. I sit and we both pretend it isn’t true, your dead body that holds me up. Up here, on earth, putting makeup on corpses and painting the walls. Prettier without anything and yet we paint the face of nature. Everything looks like a grave to me, people look like they’re crying. Trees die all day long, pushing roots hard into the hole of the wet earth. Whole painted picture, I touch her smooth skin, round bodied as if she’s never too old to be loved.
I laugh and I don’t know why, a heart afloat on a river of tears, moving upward losing it all to the pull underneath. Underworld. He’s always waiting to love me more, I’m not stupid. Life is strewn all over the floor and I’m sinking while she watches his snakes come to take me. Nothing is make believe, there really is a story about the white horse who splits the night and lets the black horse in, who is here. Pale rider, death with the wings we gave away. Skeletons already rotten to the core, something real to offer, hard truth. Move into me and make me remember myself lost on the floor, pieces, I look like I’m whole, in piles inside the door. Forget it, the tree is better, sterile, uninvolved, beyond fertile. Waiting for me, wondering who I am inside, why I say the opposite, why you can’t go down. Roots, heavy, thunderous wet awakening, below me, I have it all. Scars and broken records, I wonder what this means, gravity fed, sinking into a night brighter than the day, you have seduced me.
Underworld, I want something else, the venom inside the trunk. Spiral insightful, death tap illumination. Inside has no bottom, pushing forever, deeper deeper dusk to black, forever lit by recycled ghosts. I gave a name to you, who I loved the most. Once was your name on my paper made tree, lying still, so still listening to what you’d done. You cut her up and drew on her, processed her with words and threw her out as trash. You, hell spider, live beneath me and yet I am the ground you forge. Let her rip. RIP. I personally will never die for I am ageless, moving on immortal. Blind to your blindness, dead to your death. I suck water because I am a tree, I suck sunlight, what will you do. I protect what grows forever, ego climbs me, death no more. He’s so in love with me, how I’m up for anything, never tired, always there. He’s little with an ax, obsolete yet charming. Underworld. Any love would be pale compared to this. I found what it was I needed, not anything here, but the sound of your hooves on the line of time, we’re bound to meet again. If you don’t do it, he will. Kill the charity case. Mock the believer. Undress the corpse. Unchain the dog. Open my trunk and bleed out the snakes who strike always at noon, shadows below the sun, where we meant to go. I am her, the tree, who gives you this. My place is the fury of emeralds and tadpoles, bitten off heads. Coitus.
This is the edge of my kingdom and everyone knows I’m the queen. I breathe for hours, you in and out. I know how to love all around. Nobody left out, remembering, in and out. Deeper than the dog who stopped his warning bark long ago, deeper than who you think he is, love is only at the bottom, her danger is silent. On top of it all you won’t find the one, she comes without sun and yet she is the source. I processed myself to be more attainable but it was all just a waste of my treasure. Riches deep and dark, inside of her, despite her, get under her and touch my skin. Soft scars and daylight smiles, it all looks like home to me. Underworld.
Tree soul. Eyes deeper than death. Look at me, boneless and alive, tearing you open. Inside, lightening travels, I know the way to crack the whip. Hurt is feeling nothing, hurt is everything god has to give as something. Hurt turns heads, I’m always hurting for you, wet roots growing something bigger than the surface touch. Coitus, streams of death defying love magic.
Tree born, the snake inside, immortal weaver. never surrender, a fight to the death. Alive, blossoms at your feet in the charnel grounds. Tree death, fire for you, living forever my plight.
Behind the fire, the spirit of wrath who chews up the tree and ravages the womb, I bow to myself as the horn of it all. Sound left me kisses in all that is hidden, forbidden. Come closer, look inside my shell, I love you with echoing madness. Tree boy, tree girl, left to recover, searching for where they left the dead body…me, it’s me, all me. I am only the sounds I make, I hear her everywhere, searching, crying, remembering.
Find me, find me…find me.
Buried, invisible, indivisible, hollow filled with white, coitus love, three sacred spots, gemstones, hidden in my tree. Get beneath me green eyes.