Under this world, I move the ethers.

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It’s set up this way because of past actions. Karma. Mostly people reset old grooves and the pain never ends, the grief goes deeper until you’re lucky enough to maybe hit the bottom- whatever that is for you and finally take a stand and stop living in fear of the unknown. And actually have real trust and faith – enough to break out of the self imposed and believable prison of compromise, projection and denial. These consistent behaviors create a type of psychosis that is almost impossible to recognize and break out of. We think it’s out there, everyone else. But it’s not. It’s the lie being lived by each individual. The approach to problem solving only makes the groove deeper, the karma a more powerful and devouring monster. Hope that answers the question. You will wake up when you want to stop sleeping and you will make a big and destructive move if you’re listening. And then you will spread your wings and fly. Only then will fear not be God. It will go on, everyone wishing me the best, praising the mother light…it will continue, all the wishful aspirations and then we will die. And it’s the tragedy I live. The crazy dreamers I watch dreaming, but it’s real. Myself who has no home, the part that no one sees but touches. As if a body or a face can get inside my eyes. As if my body or my beauty, however fading could be me. There is a daily prayer. I write like I’m possessed over and over again year after year. You say you’ve heard it all before and I know that. I say to myself, try this, try that. Remember the mind training points, don’t cling, don’t try to change things. Relax and be…let it happen. Remember zen. Who cares if you feel like a lunatic who saw the light with no flashlight. Who heard even the moon herself whisper, “this is crazy.” Who cares, just keep encouraging, confessing and uplifting. Because it doesn’t matter anyway. You’re just unwinding a life already lived long ago. This already happened. We aren’t here at all. The suffering is a residue. I want to believe and yet I’m in it, as real as real can be. As close as close can be, I am there inside barely touching you with my hand. Because my hand is only a prop to spread my light in you. My words only a sound to make the light heard. And I mean the darkness of light which to you makes no sense. And I tell myself this as a crazy person sitting on the lonely teenage moon. Sending love letters, getting hurt by other dreamers. You don’t know me. I’ll go there and I’ll go mad fucking animals. I know I am dreaming her desires and I don’t think you’ve touched all my light yet,

little dark one…

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and once felt she can no longer be left behind in your bed. She is not a mystical experience, she is always what is there and she gets covered in fantasy and skin or in prophecy and prayer. It’s a projection like a five pointed star has nothing to do with five points, figure it out yourself. I will lead the way from behind you. It’s a shadow girl, that’s who she is, forever the dark of her body who curves pulling you in between her mixed message. Either way, it’s not me. I am not one night or one sided. You can be who you choose to see. I am always the heart of the ethereal flower even as she is old and dying. Even when she loses her eyes and droops to the earth. I will take her back, inside…and my love is as psychotic as the black is unseen. Listen, don’t be gazing too long in the mirror at yourself you may fall in love with your image and forget all about  me. And did you know I am that water and did you know the moon is merely the heart’s naked eye. And the astral world she comes and she goes from is only the land of man made love stories and nightmares. I’ve been with them all, every thorn and every horn…all the dormant human flowers. I am telling you the longest true story of all, about myself and these cycles of delirium. I go everywhere and we go nowhere. Look at this tangle of mystical stars we strike and we pull at…the forever knots…we keep tying- saying love love love will find a way…but I am the way, in the way. There isn’t one. There is no way. Knots are made for keeps. Always.  It’s all ways back to the lucid chaos of inexplicable deep, we’re all sinking. Earth, water, fire is my seed. Whose name will you call this heavy unmatchable god…at the bottom who will you belong to…light, spiritual, goddess, all good things that wait underneath me so and so? Right, insane is my name…that’s a laugh that’s so ancient it’s deadly.  Under this earth and over this sky, where will you be without the pain and bliss of friction? She’s irrevocably crazy, has no story to tell, just fragments perverted and ordained. Broken and revolving lines. Sacred predatorial union. I can’t stop myself from being what she needs. This piercing is the dying of death.  Love, the love that loves. I think I can. My heart, oh my heart has a feeling. She needs something I can’t become, without entering the world of night lights and fairy tales. I want out and I want in. Enigma, it’s a slaughter house. Blood is my perfume. Tears are my glory. Nothing matters, all is consumed. But I really do love you,  your words are lost in me. Emotional sea, waves of honey. I know, I  understand. Puppies and kittens with bows, pink tongue. I wanted one too. Karma baby we create anything we want to. I get my feelings hurt and I blame someone. I prefer dim rooms that are effortlessly warm. That says it all, how she does it. Makes love like a serpent while you think it’s God. “And why wouldn’t that be God?” She would ask you. “I love your pale skin, alabaster moon flower. Is anyone dying, have you lost your seed, has the baby ghost died in my arms, have I fallen asleep in your dream catcher, are we married to god down below, is there really life after death, is my voice being heard, can you feel me coming in as the pearls of blue tide…?” These voices come from heaven and fall in and out of me as the clear light. Under this world, I move the ethers. Sharada Devi

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6 thoughts on “Under this world, I move the ethers.”

  1. Where will you be without the pain and bliss of friction?
    I really like that line 🙂

    What I’ve been thinking about lately is how you hear these stories of serious Buddhist nuns and monks who had to rediscover what Buddhism was. Like they never heard of Buddhism or knew what the Buddha looked like before they were Buddhists. Or Bhaktas who happened to come across a picture of Krishna and didn’t know who He was but were drawn to Him. And these were very serious well known practitioners. It blows my mind how ignorant, lost and confused the mind becomes in between living and dying. I can’t imagine completely losing my awareness that I have slowly acquired this life. But maybe its chicken shit to a previous life somewhere sitting in a cave, where my own concern was self realization. Lately, I’m taking cold showers, cold plunges. I read that we as humans have become way too comfortable and that its is good to suffer. I feel like we are too used to suffering emotionally, while our bodies are kush as kings. When I first came back from India, I would cry in front of various deities/gurus and put my hand in a candle flame. Something about the pain and sorrow was a catalyst. But when the passionate fits subside, there is only nothing. And how can you be nothing in America??!! Sometimes I hang out with a group of people and after several hours I realize I havnt said a word. I like to keep it that way. In my world I communicate through high pitched shrill guitar solo notes and feverish teeth clenching fits that you only feel in saunas that feel more like medieval torture chambers. The problem with America is that it makes you think you want everything but when it lands in your lap, you are absolutely repulsed and disgusted by it. Like do you really want to have an orgy? I would rather dissolve into the thin wispy moon lit invisible rays of the ether than have smelly genitals and dull personalities shoved in my face!

    Jai Ganesha!

    1. This is very good writing and makes sense In a way that is hear-able.
      The orgy part is funny, and gross.
      I really went there when I read it,
      the odors, heavy breathing, stubbles
      and all…and it’s just not worth it!
      GROSS. People mostly smell bad anyway.
      Not that I go around sniffing- it’s
      all around them- I spontaneously hold
      my breath when passing another human
      body (such as in the store) its automatic-
      I’ve been traumatized before. It’s just a
      reaction. I have a nose like a bloodhound

  2. I like that you, move
    Ethers. And show me
    How light comes from
    Dark. To flow like honey
    Or paint on a grey canvas.
    Brightening the world
    That was built on a lie.
    So I sing, for you
    Who moves above the trees and comes down, through, me.
    Just to return, perhaps,
    To the way it was, an ancient
    Purity- god’s face given by
    Your effulgence beauty, darkness,
    Beyond.

    1. This is pretty.
      I don’t know
      where I am.
      With you
      is the most
      I can say.
      and so my friend
      because of you
      my life is alive.

  3. I am RE-creating something I wrote earlier, but it dis-appeared somewhere in the ethers….under the under- under.

    My life had so much drama/trauma/angst for decades, and most of it my own doing. It was in 2004 that I was just fed up with everything. I was working for small R&D firm that hired me before my 25 year Navy retirement. I was making good money (along with my military pension) and was sitting pretty. But I was SICK to death of it ALL. Everything, all of it. I was in a relationship with a man whom EVERYONE loved and admired. I loved and admired him, too. They adored us together, too. But there were things I hated and had put up with for years. Things I knew would never change and knew that I could not go on. I cried a lot. A lot. (I mean I cried all the time). One day I saw myself crying, in the mirror, and I just stopped, while looking at myself, and realized that this was it, something had to give. I had to get off the fucking band wagon I had been on what seemed like forever. The band wagon of expectations. FUCK THIS SHIT. I broke it off with the guy (one of the hardest things ever/because I still love him (and from time to time have second guessed myself)), and then later, quit the job without getting another job. I had NEVER been without a “job,” since I was 16. Holy hell….it was scary but, so fucking freeing!!!. I then decided to up and move to the west coast…I HAD to go…I decided to rent my house in RI, furnished with all the antiques and family heirlooms. OMG…..the family had a lot to say about that. First I quit my job, then leave a GREAT guy, then rent my house out without ANY idea of what I was going to do on the west coast!!??? WHY? No one understood me. I had to go. I could not explain it, but I couldn’t NOT go. The sad part of it all was my boy cat, Bailey. I tried to find a home for him, but no one wanted to adopt him. I brought him to the shelter where I had adopted him ten years earlier, only later (after my move to CA) to discover that they euthanized him (no one wanted an older cat). Yes, ME, the animal lover, the pet sitter. I abandoned my own sweet cat that I loved so dearly. Guilty, as charged. I apologize to him often (still). Really, I do. Even now, my own cat, who adopted me when I first moved here, gives me an intent glare (like she knows what I did). I tell her that it won’t happen to her, but at the same time, I don’t make any promises. No one really knows what life has in store for us, do they? Anything can change in a NY minute. Change is all we can really be sure of here in this life on earth. Everything is so impermanent.
    Even after moving out here, it was not easy. I felt so alone not knowing anyone, but was still so happy that I left my life back east. Since then, it has been an unraveling. It continues to be an unraveling. It feels good, even though I have no idea where it will take me. I am choosing to look at all the good in my life and the positive things are around me. My life has become like a camera, as I am continually adjusting the focus. It has always been MY choice what I focus on, and it continues to be a practice to stay in a state of gratitude. It’s important that I do this, because now I see that my life is really a gift, so why not make the most of it?

    1. Thanks for this! Sorry it disappeared!
      You have THE SPIRIT!!! Fearless warrior.
      We do what we must and when we know we
      can’t turn back from the light no matter
      how crazy it seems! 🌙♥️

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