To Bring You My Love

I’ve never had an interest in normal people.
I only like freaks. They interest me and aren’t boring. They make mountains out of mole hills,
are totally creepy, spider- like and obsessive. They stare at pictures of me. They think about me all day and night. And I know this. They cancel their video subscription and sign back up over and over again (it’s their way of saying “F- you” to me and I love it because I thrive on friction) I do F with people. I admit, I suck.

Friction is the truth taking away the lie.
Grinding away at the space between two.

She sits and rocks singing like a little bird. I know she has it in her. So I yell at her and call her a few names- then She opens like a flower in the Spring. She responds to abuse in a very productive way (or I wouldn’t do it) other people-
proud people- with not much going for them -who think they have it all- would never take my criticism and abuse- they aren’t powerful enough. She only laughs when I tell Her She’s a mouse. She is a Queen Virgin. Just like Mother Mary. I told her I was mad at her for being a loser. She hides The Virgin Mother from the world, trapped in her little kitchen playing wife.
She thinks it’s all over. She’s got her own bedroom. She has a secret life all up in her head.
Without her yearning, she’d be dead.

He walks back and forth. He sees me inside yet he can’t walk through the door. The music is too much. The Gods are too real. He stands shaking with his hand on the doorknob. He paces very intensely back and forth several times- then, he just turns around and leaves. He is deep. He is wide. He is a mountain. He is bewitched by the full moon of Her love. I watched the whole thing from the stage. He doubts himself and blames me for it. He also loves me for it. He shouldn’t blame me for what she did. I only see the black snake rising. The sun coming through the window of his dark house. It’s alive and it’s big. I would never hurt a little boy or leave him all alone. Snakes can be dangerous for boys to play with-all mothers know that.

He Wrote:
“I could die if i knew you were near. you’re the new one who can see everything. your innocent sensual laughter haunts my day. the blood hue of your black eyes confirming what i knew you already could see. that empty homesick feeling- the poison from staring too long. loving from the depths of the emptiness of my being. please remove the hex and stop hurting me or just kill me. twisting and thrusting and breathing and sucking the pulling and grinding entangled in dingy stained layers of innocent wet lust for her perfect pink tongue. the beast sees what you’re thinking.”

Mystical. Deep. Touching the blackness of the wordless -unable to show anyone but the darkness Herself…He hears it – It is the Sound of Ghosts Weeping. Yes I heard them too…

The freaks, the rejects, the perverts and the stalkers are much more touchable than other people. These titles only given by the dull and insipid. They don’t live between worlds. They don’t talk to the dead. What do they know?

Being the one looking in- see how She shocks, She enrages -playing with taboos and licking danger- because there are always more layers to shed or to eat. Take it all off. It’s dirty and kinky unraveling, undressing, uncovering the Bad Girl whose bigger and faster and way more ready than you are.

She’s writes to me this morning:
“I should have been a nun”

Really? pray away your sexual suppression into a clean package of self rejection -for now maybe,
but who knows what happened last time? I’ve already done that and it doesn’t work. Look at me now and what I’ve done to find you…where I’ve had to go To Bring You My Love.

Who knows the webs we’ve spun…how many
mouths we’ve kissed. Spiders are always crawling up my legs. Snakes are always slithering in and out of me. Hissing into my eyes and mouth. Calling for the Secret Sex- beyond body, voice or tongue., Summon Me. I’ll come.

To Bring You My Love.

I have had multiple exorcisms. Seriously, I carry the dead within. I didn’t even know but I’ve been possessed so many times by entities some welcome and some not. I’m still waiting for you to come in. That’s why He almost had to kill me. I almost bled to death, but I didn’t die. I was a walking corpse with holes for eyes. I saw you differently then, and now it will never be the same…

so don’t dump your heaven into me
I’ve come from another place
To Bring You My Love

The Virgin Mary just emailed me this morning.
She said:
“Dear Sharada Devi,
I’m watching your last video “Tantric ritual becoming the deity” and there you are with Kali -being Kali and you moved it all from Woodstock by yourself- and you are eating life -and I want to be there with you -and I’m crying and giving this broken heart to the fire and the rage and rage and rage…
I should have been a nun as I’ve had the calling all my life — it’s messy and big and I’m waking up..
and the horror and the huge shame — shame -and lidding it -and pressing down all the rage and playing small- And yes, I do wish that I had listened to you -and I regret it every moment -and fear I missed the open door and invitation-and for that I’m truly sorry. I know I’m I carrying my own cross and need only put it down but this ego … I’m such a baby- weak and filled with longing for God and nothing can get in when I’m living a lie — I’m nobody and filled with longing and yes too much co-dependency -and it seems it doesn’t matter what way any of us go — it’s all a train wreak- and I’m a sleeping giant starting to awaken- and it’s big and scary and lonely- but I can’t stop now -and will burn this karmic holding down. And so what are ways to break through my own sexual energy? I’m dead there and know it’s not about being celibate most of my entire life but it’s something else — it’s about something that is so close but I can’t see to be it and don’t know it and it’s such a looping of crazy and so I see how I’m being called up and out of this looping rut … And thank you and I will continue to be that which I seek…
and I’m deeply sorry I caused you anger- and I will change that- I will -and I promise within every cell of this being -and you may feel that you are in the game as well (as you said)-or feel you have no resources- but please know that no matter what- all I have I share and give to you freely -and I will become the Queen- and I am here -and I’m grateful for you- and want nothing from you but to be of the highest service to the Holy Mother Light.”


She can’t be a nun. Come on!
“Open to the deep dark place and don’t tell me I’m dead down there” whose dead? Not Her! I don’t think so. You are the one who put on the schoolgirl skirt and lip gloss. I’ve got everything you’re asking for but you’re going to need to come to me to get it. Pull it out. The biggest secret of all. Let’s take a look at what you’ve done down below.

What I’m saying is come down with me. Down into the Mother Light Dungeon. You didn’t know
that’s how we rattle the cage, by getting in?
We rock the bed by getting tied to it.

Do you understand what I’m saying?
You’re not naked yet.

It’s you that you’re hurting and feeding and loving. My pain and my food and my love never changes- it only looks different when I’m not in the room.

My wrath is my devotion to you. Only bruising and abusing the best and the finest.

He says he’s “offended but still loves me”
Who are you? “a friend if I need someone to talk to” he still loves me even though he is one of those Bernie worshipping white guys playing Hindu. Which, its fine with me but why read my blog so you can forgive me in my space?
He says I seem tired and angry. YES, very perceptive. Tired of cardboard cut out people
calling it something other than what it is.
You inspired this blog and it’s provocative content. I know you mean well but you’re still on the fence -so maybe better to sit this one out. (two out of three isn’t bad)

1) Hold hands with Her through every movie.

2) Never let Her go.

3) She is The Only First Kiss you will ever have.

It’s all over,
now that we’ve touched.

Sharada Devi

36 thoughts on “To Bring You My Love”

  1. Hello Mrs. Sharada Devi,

    Blessings to you.

    I have recently found your blog and read all your posts and let me tell you something right now…

    My dick gets so hard when I think of you, my heart throbs with passion, there is nothing I would love more than to fuck you wide open and drink from your heavenly nectar of love. I don’t know if you read these comments but who cares. I just want you to know I am ready for you anytime, email me.


    John Kosswix

    1. I think you’re missing the point.
      I’m not a person. I’m just a voice
      calling from the deep…also your invitation
      is quite crude and clumsy, totally lacking
      in creativity -which makes
      me doubt your actual ability to pull it off.

          1. Dear Mommy Devi,

            Every time you respond my cock only grows harder and harder.
            It sticks straight out from my body, farther and farther.
            The veins pulse angrily with the hot blood of demons
            My balls churn with millions of life-giving semen.
            I only want to penetrate deep and impregnate you with my seed.
            You will have my baby, yes indeed.

            Thank you for your loving and kind responses,


            John Kosswix

          2. angry penis veins and churning balls?
            sounds really gross.
            your first post was better than this one.
            unless you start getting sincere I will delete all your posts. this isnt a place for
            mundane pitiful guys who hide behind computer screens jacking off. Ok?
            Have some respect for yourself.

          3. You must learn to embrace the good and the bad of reality. Just because I’m attracted to you I’m mundane and pitiful? RUDE!!!! Thank you for your responses but you are too frigid for me. I made the poem in the last message just for you…


            John Kosswix

          4. How old are you? Like 14?
            I don’t breed or play house.
            think about expanding your horizons ok?

          5. I was walking on the beach thinking of your long dreadlocks.
            Explicit images of me filling your womb to the brim flooded my mind.
            Red, hazy, and lusty images of penises and cocks
            My penis entering deep into your behind.

            Anyway, you said you like perverts and freaks in the blog post so I’m releasing my inner freak.
            I will pound you so long your bones will creak.
            Your insides will spring a leak.

            Reality encompasses all, the gross and the clean
            The wrong and the right
            All opposites are resolved
            In the glorious light of God


            John Kosswix

            Ps. Are you still open to having my baby?

          6. But you’re just boring
            no ones a judge here, be happy.
            Find yourself a cock or a penis,
            You seem really into them.

          7. But you’re just boring
            no ones a judge here, be happy.
            Find yourself a cock or a penis,
            You seem really into them.

  2. I spoke up last night and said to the man stop patronizing me — his tone is filled with superiority like I’m a stupid little girl — doesn’t he know that I can eat him alive and that the sleep giant is waking the black snake and I will eat you whole and now he’s pouting packed his baby powder in his pretend adult case and says I’m mean and abusive — he’s bullied me far too long and the control and manipulation game is over over and gone — I’m a rage a burning fire and this fire will not be damped by your lazy masculine bully control King baby — the nursery games of house are over — no more I can’t speak my truth for when I do I get in trouble — I’ve seen death smelled it and watch fires burn sculls and heard the scull caps pop and I’m not going to paint anything over anymore to play small — if I were there now watching those sacred bodies burn I’d rub those holy mother ashes all over my sacred body and eat the left over flesh — and I’m not going to play small so you can feel safe and I’m not going to fix it — I haven’t done anything wrong and I’m not going to pray for the man anymore — My prayers are for the Holy Mother Light

    1. It’s the Virgin Mary Queen of The Dead
      And Mother of God!

      Now you must carry through Megan.
      Which is harder than stomping around your
      nice house all hot and bothered.
      Volcanoes are erupting everywhere and
      you’re next! See you soon!!!

  3. the first name on the gravestone was that of a father ten years senior to his wife… he died in his late 30s…their only child died a few years later… the widow and bereaved mother died 60 years or so later… she carried his legacy all those years…

    love is eternal

    1. “On the floating, ship less oceans
      I did all my best to smile
      Till your singing eyes and fingers
      Drew me loving to your isle
      And you sang, “Sail to me
      Sail to me, let me enfold you”
      Here I am, here I am
      Waiting to hold you

      Did I dream you dreamed about me?
      Were you here when I was full sail?
      Now my foolish boat is leaning
      Broken lovelorn on your rocks
      For you sang, “Touch me not
      Touch me not, come back tomorrow”
      Ohh my heart, ohh my heart
      Shines from the sorrow

      Well, I’m as puzzled as a newborn child
      I’m as riddled as the tide
      Should I stand amid the breakers?

      Or shall I lie with death my bride?”


      1. I exercised today and several hours later fell very ill at times feeling nauseous to the point of vomiting. It was either food poisoning or heat exhaustion. I was able to collect myself and go home from a meeting in the city. And on the journey I found this profound sense of peace. At moments I felt like I could die. Could I die now alone with only my faith in a higher power for comfort? Of course I could. “Lord Jesus Christ son of God have mercy upon me” I repeated to myself several times. I felt so taken care of and the fever never lasted very long. I was able to think of and to genuinely care for others around me on the train and to accept all of my situation and still feel happiness. I became the divine loser. This would never have happened without you or Bhagavan Das. I don’t mean to get all sentimental and lovey dovey on you but you helped me deal with this and I wanted to thank you both and I care about both of you! I’ll try to be more cryptic and poetic in the future.

  4. it’s a trip
    it’s trap
    this striving upward
    then sinking back
    Krishna blue
    and tenebrous black
    the constant quest
    for what we lack
    there is so much i do not know
    dive into it too deep
    and you just might get caught in the undertow
    day for night
    my daily plight
    perhaps tomorrow will be more right
    in the interim
    i swim
    amniotic tread-water
    giving all to be
    The Mothers

    1. The Mother’s Daughter. You already are…

      “She walks in beauty, like the night
      Of cloudless climes and starry skies,
      And all that’s best of dark and bright
      Meets in her aspect and her eyes….”
      Lord Byron

  5. it’s a trip
    it’s trap
    this striving upward
    then sinking back
    Krishna blue
    and tenebrous black
    the constant quest
    for what we lack
    there is so much i do not know
    dive into it too deep
    and you just might get caught in the undertow
    day for night
    my daily plight
    perhaps tomorrow will be more right
    in the interim
    i swim
    amniotic tread-water
    can i give all to be
    The Mothers
    daughter ?

  6. We’ve all touched long ago through this mass of eternity past and future now. Heartical strands of light once blobs seem to attune to the sound of truth. Thank you. Then confused now I feel the truth. Fuck politics love everyone. Love music. Music from tomorrow music from never music right now. Love the children and feed the children food and knowledge hug the children let them know they’re strengths be the mother be the father in all our existence to be the father and the mother is to be the highest. I’m so boring I’m so cliche I’m so typical because I can be I can be whatever I can be Buddha I can be yeshua I can be Neem karoli I can be a blade of grass I can be a piece of shit I am everything like you are everything like even the sick sick with disease syndrome phobia ego greed all of this they are love. Trump Hillary Bernie Cruz political drones housing souls of love with twisted ambitions working through whatever from whatever life – maybe complete satanic mind control? I can’t tell nor do I care I just love I just love you and baba and if you need some one here on earth to talk to were here for you both I know your expansive compassion and awareness and strengths and we’re all suffering just want you to find peace is all. Your fierce love cuts through my life. This ones for meat loaf.

    1. Dear Well Wisher,
      I don’t identify with this plight.
      I am the opposite of peace and there’s
      nothing to find.
      Look into the sky and
      see that They’re coming…the sound that heralds the new dawn has begun, which means
      get ready…

  7. I pray you find peace I pray to Kali i pray to Buddha I pray to yeshua and shiva and God and Jah and allah I pray to the ones coming I pray to the ones already here I pray – for it can be so much worse out there..this is only the beginning of the end..diligent work is critical but useless without the teachings and nourishment of the holy mother and the divine Peace and not that it’s anyone business; like I get it, but why be so angry all the time? I find peace in my singing and playing. I ve been on a stage only 5 times or so in the past 6 years (I used to do it for survival) because the stage sucks like you say and I totally agree, but yea people need to hear the truth and thanks for all the truth you and baba give to all of us. Maybe I just still don’t get it.. I still love you both with all my heart.. I can’t stop loving – the depths of hurt and loneliness and sickness I’ve endured I might as well be dead – gods grace is mighty and terrible and the great mothers divine omnipotence and protection is soul shattering. Thanks again

    1. If you are angry it’s ok. Righteous anger is
      a great force for good. We should accept
      it all and make a difference in our own special way. You talk about Kali but do you know she is wrathful? Do you know what that means? I doubt you’de like her if you met.
      She’s angry and violent for the stuck to be free. She is a demon slayer. You can’t say what that form is- At least not at first until the anger is owned. Only then is she the golden light you keep asking for.
      This blog isn’t about Hinduism or any God you are naming -it’s about the truth of open space and no person you can pin down.

      1. I also think you’re a great drummer.
        Mars is the God who beats the war drum!
        What kind of war will it be?

  8. Anger comes from love – Kali is a fierce mother goddess warrior and protector her strength guidance and protection bring me comfort. She is every color. I have met her and she almost killed me protecting my loved ones from me and preserving what matters most while I danced with the dark drugs of the tenderloin and Chicago and Newark lusting for pleasure poking holes mixing drugs with puddle water living out of space toilets. I know Kali I married Kali I love Kali I hate Kali. There’s no other way. Kali is my mother goddess she is in my wife and my daughter she is in you. So is Saraswati.. And Jesus and ghandi..
    I was having a prolific vision of ghandi while watching amma speak on a new documentary titled the science of compassion. Amma was so fierce yet never hurtful and I was having repeated flashes of ghandi in her face… I don’t know.. I guess just fence hurdling in your open space thanks again sharada I’m in love with Kali and you and baba – you know she is beautiful and scary it’s haunting
    Btw – the devotional tantric video was epic and inspiring to say the least

      1. I guess I don’t.. I only had the honor of hugging her once in California in maybe 2008(?). At the time I was so un concerned with the real truth.. I was walking the fence, lost – its a blessing all of my struggles and tourture, because now I know the importance of surrendering to God. I’m trying.. I think I need a teacher like baba n you keep saying.. I need to learn more about amma I need to watch the documentary again also I wasn’t reading all the subtitles because of the intense hallucinations – her compassion is unlimited. It would be the respectful thing to do I was such a fool I still am – her place in California was so perfect pond stream mountain the earth was warm underneath me all day all night such a blessing I took for granted at the time. I don’t know amma very well I guess – the film maker showed a scene where she was explaining the importance of introducing love and compassion into schools and she was pretty fired up about that I guess. She is such a lover of people the love just oh my goodness – I was so clouded at the time heroin and hash whatever else.. Just soo slothful. I never could figure out why I used to hurt myself so bad – why would I hurt myself for my mom getting beat up by her boyfriends? Or was it that I was doing coke with my mom as young as 15? Just so lost & brain washed (drinking the water eating the preservatives the prescription medicines the dark drugs) – my mom is Kali – thanks again sharada this space has helped me some more! Your writings bravery and honesty encourages me to live in the truth while typing this out. Luv n light

        1. I really like you.
          You’re also a great drummer!

          PS- behind the scenes is different than
          a movie. You live in Maine right?

          1. Thanks sharada I do live in Maine. You just ignited my soul with pure love and inspiration. I really like you, and baba I think you’re both beautiful and wonderful singers(who complement each other beautifully[notjust musically]). Not that it matters or whatever I just think the multiverse of you both.
            If people are persecuting you and are trying to take you down in some way your going the right way. like yeshua teaches the righteous are always persecuted.

            I admire your grace and how you learned from JK – you’re super thoughtful and I think i overstand the rage more.. I don’t think I’ve known you and I was wrong for judging you thanks for opening up and being kind and helping me connect always.


          2. You are a real man and I thank you.
            Hope to see you soon on the drums
            right next to me!
            Sending Love- Ram to Hanuman-

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