I stay inside because I don’t like to be reminded
that everyone but me has somewhere to go.
I listened to this audiobook about “running with the wolves.”
In a world that feels so far away from me I’m left like a word that didn’t belong in the sentence.
Recently I was betrayed. It felt like being in the electric chair for a crime I didn’t commit.
I know many feel they have answers and guidance to give. I only see boxes with people inside.
And so I talk around the thing. The thing itself is a dragon with too many heads to defeat.
I know this and yet I’ve been planning my ambush for years, like an indoor cat
who only has that little window to watch through.
This is not funny.
So l listened to another audiobook the “tao te ching.”
Nope. That didn’t work.
Then, “the body keeps the score.”
Oh, that hit home and made me start looking for the wolves. But alas,
It’s just me. Here. So little, so flammable.
I just need a spark.
And so that’s what I do. I rub things together in my head hoping to start the big fire.
But in this world of fumes and tight, fire proof clothing. It doesn’t matter,
how many times I’m lied to.
Because one day I will have to ride the beast anyway. And open the curtain in yet another empty room. Where voices, once again – are heard and not seen. Where the distant howl pulls me and yet there’s no road. Where these “feelings” are splattered everywhere like roadkill I can no longer distinguish.
I will be blamed for these deaths – and it will probably be true.
I was not given a choice.
I’m not going to panic over blood.
Please don’t new age quote at me or send me a picture of a dead guy from India right now.
This is real.