I have a great idea, how about- self discipline and accepting things as they are, resisting inertia, not succumbing to fear. What you think you want terrifies you to have, which is basic sanity- unconditional synastry, two forces aligned in a bigger picture, the sum of it’s parts, a sanctuary where everyone’s safe, safe from self harm, masochism and the prophet who leads you astray, the one who fulfills your hurt over and over again. The way out is through but the trick is, “through” is hard to define because it’s not the outside that ruins you, it’s the inside that destroys. We surround ourselves with cherished safety nets that are really anchors thrown in the swampy waters of every way we drown our prospects of rebirth, we paddle in dark waters and make dirty promises to ourselves that tomorrow will be the day I outgrow this. We surround ourselves with people as sick or sicker than ourselves and then we compete with them or control them with our anger or our pouting. Self discipline determines the outcome of any situation, without it, you’re a failure before you even begin. And where is it you’re even going, where will you arrive when you get the thing you need to make this work? It’s funny and sad guys, this is it, I love you- but there’s no tomorrow. I’m wondering of course how effective is this blog, it appears to be read by hundreds and yet one of my stalkers told me he hits each entry at least 200 times, so it’s at least half all him- which isn’t inspiring and I’m a goal oriented person- I don’t need a creative outlet out there in cyberspace so I can snag a new stalker- I don’t need any of these things thrown at me- and you probably don’t either- and here we are, atop a pile of useless time spent recycling our daily purpose so we can feel like we’ve moved forward or gone somewhere with our action, only treading water this may be and I’m so bored I can barely type another stupid word. We have tried to leave this country over and over, become drug dealers, whatever – anything to stop role playing and it’s not like I mind playing a role because I’m very good and believable and I get results, I’m not faking my fire. But, there is nothing here to work with, everyone is so superficial and materialistic it breaks my heart watching you all not understand a word I say, I mean really understand the immediate threat we face called extinction of you. And I would rather not know what’s obvious, yet that you hide in oblivion from- totally satisfied to keep stoking that karmic hell fire and pretending I’m a drug, entertainment, a freak show or just a spectacle. I am NOT doing or saying any of this for me, and I don’t think it’s working and I’m about to shut down and disappear. I can only save myself after all and anyone who truly wanted anything I had to offer or Bhagavan Das they’d be sitting on our door step until we let them in, if ever. Sorry but it’s true and I know I’m wasting time and this is what it is, not holding on after the fact hoping a situation improves or trying to force it to become what we’ve hoped for. We can’t save this place, I can’t even get you to open your eyes and wake up from your role playing, this world is too powerful for me to conquer on your own behalf. I do not intend to be here to “keep you going” because that’s another illusion. The videos, all of it, such a failure but you know, it’s always been this way on earth and I cannot figure out why I even had to come. I want to leave this god forsaken worldly country, everyone is a scam, kirtan groups, baby mantras, cook books wtf? Does ANYONE hear me? Bodhisattva the dog? Stupid question. I feel like those people who are trying to contact life on other planets and sit there hooked up to devices listening for a beep or a rumble or any sign of intelligent life, I don’t think it’s coming and I’m about to take off my hat. Isn’t that what you want anyway just freedom to do your thing, your way? Of course, don’t we all. We do retreats as an opening- not as a solution- but to show you the way life should be EVERY day, not on a vacation in Woodstock or Mount Shasta, not so you can do kirtans or feel your life is more doable for a few months because you’ve siphoned some of our devotional prana. NO. We serve as a living example of revolutionaries, not free water with some sugar mixed in. You miss everything and get really quiet like my chihuahua under the bed until I’m in a “good mood” again? Well I’m never NOT in a good mood, I mean every word I say, I never forget where you’re weak because you are only as strong as your weakness. I am not unaware that ass kissing is more fruitful for the one being lauded, but this is about both of us, only one ass remember? So the acceptance of things as they are means that we can’t pretend we can change the situation to match our intention. We then become responsible to apply the discipline to change the direction we are headed and we surrender to the consequences. This is about living the truth, not the projection or the fear based persona. I can’t have people pushing their agenda on me as if I need to satisfy some creepy mommy craving. You don’t know me very well and the more you hide, the more I push until I just say F. U. you’re on your own and that’s the best I can do for you and for me. I cannot make everyone into myself, I can’t give you anything you don’t already have, I can only strip off the filth of the cover up which you hate me doing and you deny it exists. I mean the problem couldn’t be clearer, it’s right in your face, the mommy problem you won’t admit, we turn a child or a man into “baby me” and we live through them and then expect THEM to be our energetic mommy and live through them that way as well, two flips to the coin and both sides are wrong. It’s universal, its undisciplined narcissism and you KNOW the cats out of the bag. But who cares, I say your time is up, I’m shutting down the system if you want me you know where to find me, and maybe I’ll be there, and maybe I won’t. No wonder America had to kill off all the Native American Indians, they held something real, something they knew you’d never pick up, the sword of valor. They scalped the white guy for a reason, opportunists are losers, cowards come in uniform costumes, only the wild animals see clearly any threat at all. You don’t know danger or you wouldn’t be hiding in your stupid house as if you were safe. Destruction is on the rise and it will find you wherever you cling and it will stomp you out like a used up cigarette. If you came outside naked and ran to the river crying and held a flower to the sun and if you rolled naked in the dirt and took a bite of the sky and if you looked at me with nothing on and said, “I love you like I love god.” I might believe you and we might be friends moving somewhere fast and sacred. But you’re domesticated like a inbred poodle who lost any sense of anything but the fat lady it clings to- who calls it baby boo boo – then deodorizes it and ties perfumed ribbons in it’s hair and feeds it canned food, who gets it groomed and puts little tshirts on it that say, “I’m with mommy,” and then mommy gets it poison shots year after year until the poor dog finally dies, totally demented and forlorn in the vets office one day, “oh well, missed that chance to get off my leash, I hope my new mommy does a better job with me,” useless fools! There is no doggy heaven!
Clawing at the door, the dog wants in but I make him wait so he whines and whimpers and so I make him wait longer and then he starts whining louder and scratching harder and so I open the door and slap him and say get off the porch right now and he rolls on his back and just wiggles his tail and so I close the door and after a minute he starts barking really loud and so I open the door and say GO!!! and he just looks at me like, “where would I go?” then I shut the door and only silence- after awhile I look out to see him sitting perfectly straight just staring focused on the door because he knows I am behind it- what a smart and devoted animal- and so I open the door, pick him up and kiss him and say, “what a good boy!” That’s focus on the flame, I’m
his flame and he knows he can’t live without me and besides, I doubt he’d want to, I’m the best dog mommy anyone could ever hope for- BUT it’s all or nothing, no deviation, no distraction, no compromise- or you’ve got to get away from my door ok? Also, I don’t like dogs who piss on themselves when I look at them, or who don’t really want in but just want to have a look around, or they just want to eat- my dogs learn to fend for themselves and they know I mean business. Discipline and personal responsibility are the demands of the day. That’s the way things are- they’re NOT a dog, neither are you (yet) they’re a soul. My dog mani was a closet gay tibetan monk in his last life- that’s right, secret desires don’t leave, they manifest next time, he’s still gay but now he’s a neutered dog, jokes always on you- better open up that naughty box and take out what’s inside. This life isn’t about entertainment, career, family life, social status- it’s about You, you don’t know that person. I wanted to show you what’s inside and I see you either don’t care or you just can’t deal- mostly it’s just that your aspirations are feeble- so it’s only on death’s bed will you see me at all, I always knew you but I couldn’t find you like this- and that’s the reason for this letter.
When I really think about the prospects of this delusion I am participating in I am just filled with wrath that knows no recovery. Everyone is drugged up heavily on their karma. You couldn’t hear me if you tried. I would tie you up in a room and take everything away from you for a long time until you sobered up. That’s the only spiritual support that’s real. The only effect is fire. I would burn you until nothing was left but ash and eyes. Then I would pour holy water into your eyes until your heart sprouted and I would put you out in the sun until you grew a divine and beautiful spirit body and only then I would know you were real. I can’t give you power you don’t already have, I’m a shoe shiner, I make the truth apparent, nothing more.
This shit is a lie filled with liars so deep inside the world tube- they think it’s true…none of it is you. The world is a plate and you’re the food that’s being offered. Human sacrifice has always been what these gods wanted and because it’s more sophisticated makes it even more lethal. What are the children learning exactly, how to read? This is disgraceful, all of it.
I think I need to stop being a crutch and start being a ghost whose words will always haunt the living dead who knew her.
You’ll see, this isn’t me, this is IT. No more A.I God training for me, you guys should have listened to a human instead of a screen. God left the building long ago and now this is just the chicken still running and jerking off even though the lady already ripped off it’s head. Losing feathers fast and the knife is being sharpened. Dinner is for everyone out there, not just you…
a muslim woman doctor in Detroit has been caught cutting off little girls clitorises- with parental consent to make it even sicker- so that as a woman she will have no autonomy or connected relationship with her body or any man- and the man who purchases her can own his very own slave/whore/baby making cow that he then covers in a bee keepers suit. No honey, only numbing dicks throbbing out the wrath- and don’t ignore that it’s a woman doing the genital mutilating to baby girls, not a man- isn’t this the problem- the enemy is within- it’s the the wrong war, no winners and evil gods with plates of chopped up chicken. I’m just saying a clitoris says a lot and so does a penis that goes in and is totally unimpressive- such uniform assault- like, “who goes there? What’s the password? How deep is your love?” LOVE??????? Sanity? None.
Who is your GOD?
Bomb after bomb is the zeitgeist,
my poetry is backwards,