the meat from the bone of this body

I’m not religious but I cry to Him everyday and I’m crying in my heart to Him now and I go to bed crying to Him and I wake up crying to Him,

“Are you there? I can’t do this. Please help me.
I only want to be with you. May I be om mani padme hum. May everyone who sees me see you. May everyone who hears me hear you. May everyone I look at see you. I love you. Please help me. Don’t let my life be a waste. I know I’m selfish and unkind. I know I’m really disturbed.
I know I’m lazy and can’t ever measure up. I know it’s hopeless. I think I’m wasting my time. I’ve wasted my life. I can’t stop. What’s wrong with me, why can’t I stop? They’re in gods hands I know, but if I leave them where will they go? I’m unworthy, unqualified, so weary…I love only you. Please help me I don’t know what to do. Please help me. I love you.”

and on and on….crying silently in the dark and the light…

and finally I sink into a blend of love and grief and I move forward like any good soldier would.

Om Namoh Bodhisatva Avalokateshvara

Demons flock to me and they mean well. I wear them like a swarm of bees around my head.
I attract them with special innate devices-

I somehow say. “Come here. Let’s do this. Let’s see what you’ve done that’s so bad- sweet little demon -and let mommy kiss all your boo-boos away.”

They really love this and they fall in love with me madly. I do it because I love them too-

they’re the meat from the bone of this body.

And I do it because I was picked for the job-
and believe me it doesn’t get any easier with age, I just get better and can attract larger groups at a time. They are loyal and faithful and are always waiting to catch me off guard.

Oh, don’t think I don’t know who I’m collecting in this entourage that follows me everywhere I go. I know exactly what I’m doing. I prey upon them wearing white- just like an angel sent by their god- and I promise them hot blood and fresh goats feet and cats wrapped in plastic- but that’s just to entice them and pull them in closely- take them deep into my aching heart.

I know exactly how to target my audience.

The lonely, love starved demons that nobody wants. That nobody feeds. He’s a starving demon growling and hissing in the corner -chewing my arm off as I feed him – this is not a job for the faint of heart.

I’ve been dismembered, assaulted, raped in more ways than one, torn limb from limb, beaten, abused and locked in their dungeons. Lucky for me I’ve had so many gurus -and their pure love always brings me back to life again….and I move on…looking for another sweet demon to eat.

I was born into the business of love without reason, unconditional compassion and fearless diving into pools of black demon blood. I know they want me. All of me. I know they’ll kill me to get it too. And so I pray to Him with every breath and with every tear and with every angry demon shock.

And my body is hollow and glowing white -with only a growing flame in my heart to keep me here. My mind is a crystal -and I always have my radar on -because it’s a full time job and it hurts.

Who else could I possibly be to make it through the day?

And I joke and I laugh because what else can I do? I’m in perpetual grief and still have to work.
I get attacked every day by the onslaught of new recruits and my halo is huge and buzzing with

The Kali pujas were like an all you can eat- and I over ate their black deserts-and so I became their black desert- and something supernatural happened -and She transported me out of my wasted body for a time -so I could be gutted like a cold fish in the hospital by the kind man with the knife.

My body is only a cover to make me seem harmless. You don’t know what I look like at all. It’s too horrific. Too blinding. Too stark.

The Ancients of Forever call me the Tipper of Time.

It’s over for you. Get it? You’re going down.
I always win. I’m not a woman. I’m a glacier, I’m an ice cap. I’m the end for you- A raging inferno and it’s time to burn.
Drop in and forget it.
Get it?

So pull your tongue back in and be a good little demon and get in line like everyone else waiting to die by my mercy ok? Otherwise, you’re headed straight back to hell -and you were given a chance -and you’re currently failing -and I give you an F.

No gold star today sweetheart.

The shamanic rituals in North Carolina were only a preparation and final protective shield for what was to come -when I was ushered out of that level and domain once and for all. I went in black and became red. When I left I was white.

And now I double as an angelic swan and sing my swan song of grace and renewal upon the choppy waters of this murky world.

And it’s no small feat and I never would have chosen to kill myself so that my baby demons could eat.

But I did and it’s never over and I still do it everyday….

and they think they’re clever and can out maneuver me- but since before the beginning of time, not one ever has- just thought you should know…

because you’re going down. For sure.

Sharada Devi


14 thoughts on “the meat from the bone of this body”

  1. When she feeds our demons they come out of the darkness so we can ask them what they want? The human world is really very small, the world of the hungry ghosts is very large. They are alone with large bellies and skinny necks and hungry and thirsty all the time. The water turns to poison and they cry out like old cats in the ally. Feed me feed me. Can i just find a host-who will let me ride on his back?

    Don’t be a fool. Have some self control.
    It’s your mother after all.

    The American Indians say “all my relations, known and unknown” before they enter the inipi-the sweat lodge. They sit in a circle like the birds and feed the hot rocks which are really the stone people, and they hiss and hiss like snakes, and the hot steam comes up and they sing. We are related to everyone.

    And now powerful demons are here to destroy and feed on the desires of money madness. We can’t even remember what we came here for, which was to be a white crystal light being of many heads and many hands to heal and to save the wandering waves of darkness.

    Make your life a source of waterfall light that sweeps the demons away and clear the path over and over again, for the Lord who wears the blanket is coming and his naked feet strike the earth like lightning.

    Beware of cyberspace. The demons lurk in the corners of the pages you shouldn’t be on, and then you are only one click away from Hell. dharmasara bhagavan das

  2. The trail of my soul has always rewarded me on the inside – I see little progress on the outside. I was more a nobody when I was lost in drugs. Even though my creativity and compassion was completely blocked. Today I still don’t know why I’m here.. “should I stay?” .. The answer is always the same; would Yeshua leave? Recently I heard the guy murdered on the cross was a imposter and yeshua got away. Never thought of that before, but why did this information true or false come to me now? i can’t be like yeshua or Buddha I try and fail non stop. I’ll never be anything and that’s okay. I’m not here for me.

    When I woke up yesterday I had to drive into town. The birds were flying with me while I drove I could feel the oneness with everything the completion I could see through there eyes. Seeing through the eyes of birds is something I’ve had little practice with yet much success. The invisible net connecting everything is easier accessible then I ever imagined. But I’m such a fool and bliss out on these things.. Cause it’s still new I guess.

    I’ve died enough times to know that I’m supposed to be here I just need to let the right people know the truth through compassion and creativity. I’m sorry sister I’m not here intentionally hurting or taking. You and baba both made me cry like a child when you came to visit us in Maine. Thank you I’ll never forget you both. You still make me cry.

    I need to go to God. I’m trying but not hard enough I guess.
    Going to see Amma again on the 5th in Boston. I’m going to bring Talia.
    All of my love always everyone
    Om mani padme hum
    Om mani padme hum
    Om mani padme hum

    “Don’t be discouraged by your incapacity to dispel darkness from the world. Light your little candle and step forward”-Amma

    1. Beautiful Paul,
      I wasn’t talking to you. It’s just that my
      baby demons also read the blog- lurking in dark corners and staring at my picture on the screen wondering how they can get more…or what creepy private email they can send me next- they know who they are.
      Hi guys!

      You’re sweet and noble.
      Love and Thanks.

        1. devi sunshine- that’s beautiful!
          anonymous, I think you’re much better
          than you give yourself credit for…

  3. You can never be free from HER because she is all and everything, we move in her being. She is the pixels on your Iphone, she is the dance of life and death. She is empty and crystal clear of all form, she is sky like and she walks on the sky. She is the cloud of unknowing, she changes her form moment to moment in the wind of time . She is the mama dog who looks out to sea, what does she see? The waves of desire roll in and out on white foam. She is chitta shaki, she dwells in all form, so don,t get stuck in a trip looking for some meaning in all of this. But the dance of atoms spins on and on, we see light like fire in the eyes, that,s why she never looks at you. You will burn up from the blue beam that shoots out from grandma,s eyes, then you will faint and begin to fall down, but the thunderbolt naked lady will hold your hands before you die.. It,s a family affair, they bring you into the crystal light you just have to remember HER. and worship HER to be free from HER otherwise she will kill and eat you. bhagavan das

  4. Shiva lingam goes inside the jade palace. Splash of cum on the ovaries. The womb is tainted with the seed of the conqueror. Vishnu the supreme unleashing his fertile creation into the receiving mouth of Kali. His very life essence poured forth into her gaping maw so that she may suck it down to her belly and gestate it. Out comes baby Krishna so he may sing a song to the universe. One of love and peace. Pure crystalline tones reverberating through my being. 100,000 OMS coalesce in divine Union to bring forth the seed of divine inspiration. Psychotic reverie, foaming at the mouth and babbling I fall in front of my goddess and sing praises to the rivers of blood that issue forth from her yoni and bathe my head, soaking my hair and dripping into my mouth and over my closed eyelids. I open my mouth and tilt my head back so that I may gargle with the holy water. Thick bubbles of mixed blood and spit foam out between my teeth. Her eyes roll madly in their sockets and her cervix spasms with rolling pulses of orgasm that reverberate through her body over and over again. I am coated and ready my body slippery and nimble sliding into Kali deeper and deeper my head and shoulders soon follow as I curl up inside her womb. I revert back to a baby and suck my thumb in the comfortable bliss of the womb. All is peaceful and then I am reborn shooting out like a cannon into the loud piercing masses of humanity. My mind frolicks through the incomprehensible chaos until I am slammed into a chair to write this out to my love 🙂

    Praise Shiva!

    John Kosswix

    1. Teddy Besr John🐻, I’m really starting to understand you!
      Thank you for this most picturesque and graphic expression of your sacred devotion
      -to endless love and the celebration of love all its gritty facets. Very real work.

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