the horned beast that sips of my life


It’s like one of those scenes where we’re not sure what to think because the enchantment changes just like the forest colors do. I saw it myself and it was beautiful. I don’t know how I did it and the lighting seemed to matter most of all. How the wild mushrooms grew, how the tree had a twisted wise face. All of it, the birds in the wind. The pretty girl walking through dusky flowers with soft lonely feet. My eyes, my eyes that even I never saw, but it mattered. The shadows where the deep mother lived beneath it all, it mattered. How we formed her from undistinguished light. It all mattered. Just like the fragrance and the buzzing of bees. Night hawk, it matters just like you do. Where I found you, in the enchantment of a forest long forgotten but you were there, in the hollow of the tree. I saw it, in low soft lighting, I saw strawberries and a butterfly. I saw a deadly shiny snake. I didn’t see myself however but I knew somehow I was there, hovering just below the tainted cloud. I was there like the velvety rain, on your lips, I was there touching the smallest of gods. I was there touching you, in tiny unseen places. The enchantment was that you were mine. That the colors smelled of wildflowers and the whisper of beloved was held by my voice. The one you never saw was me, making it real, for you. Love beneath me, it all happened just as I’ve described- and you threw me, like a mane of hair from the spirit horse, you threw me back like thunder running to the sky. And I heard you wanting freedom most of all. But I also saw you were alone, lost in a forest made of shadows and mockery. A forest made of fairy dust fallen fromΒ my hair. A lonely land made of a soft spoken me- just for you, because you were afraid in dreams such as these. Because it could have been anything. Kissable frogs, a random creature in your arms. A man. A prince that saves dark secrets from the silver moonlight. I was not the one inside this, I was the one whose eyes contained the whole mystical world of what you needed. A god moving lights that were sharp. A mother wiping tears that were vivid. A picture in a locket that you never forgot- of a face you will never see, without this- the perfect rainbow inside the dove white sky, a meaning of more than just me. An enchantment made from colors drawn in a still wind, a vast array of words written as if by newborn magic. The spelling of myself as eternal love, below the bells of another tomorrow, you will find me. Always am I there. Never embodied, but implied…in the moving of sacred longing. You will find me aching in your heart…as the one you may never find. And yet, your life will not matter until you do…erase the enchantment that drives you…like a raging fire, devouring the forest of me. It ends like that, two bodies burning because of this tragic and mystical love. I love you is everywhere- can’t you feel it…killing the flowers it grows, becoming the flame storm of heaven that threw god from it’s clutches into this thistle of words, this poignant touching of pains that meet in eyes that can’t have me…is why I write from my sleep, is why my heart races towards you. However it can, casting shadows, filling puddles with light. That is all me, desperate to have you back under this world of suffering, above me like the real true sun that wasn’t involved in any of the phantoms that stalk this place. Just me, naked inside you, seen as bright as I am without even a morning to disguise my new face. Just this knowing of the meaningless spreading of light over all the world it loves and can’t have- simply because this body is limited, this heart is in rags like a beggar. This world is under the spell of the moon- my lover who is only a sliver of me…the horned beast that sips of my life. Sharada Devi


17 thoughts on “the horned beast that sips of my life”

    1. It’s a full moon in Scorpio. 9 degrees.
      If the full moon falls on your moon it’s powerful- degrees- aspects- current transits
      and house placements come into picture-
      -as well as progressions- and other things too I don’t have your birth info on hand ATM- I know we did the reading though…astrology is a seriously potent tool for anyone seeeking self awareness- or even liberation in any regard of the word- it gives insight and awareness that would otherwise take forever to learn- as well as objectivity and self acceptance. Astrology and kundalini yoga changed my life on a fundamental level- I’m going to start doing teacher training for kundalini yoga next spring – that is all about the presence of the star fire goddess wisdom. And how to approach ourselves and live peacefully with God. Do you want to come? β™₯️

  1. Was an incredible day yesterday. And I saw the cat. Today maybe strange creatures and tiny people living in the flames talking very fast

    1. they do talk fast…they also talk in the shower- in the moving water, I still can’t quite make out the message…I’m like “what’s your point??!!”
      no answer.

  2. i like it when Jesse comments.
    You of the Refuge, speak with ease.
    i think You can calm the very fast talk
    translate the ultra voice vibration.
    it just might be spoken in a reverse tongue
    like a river running in reverse
    an upstream language
    of flame within water
    those fire people take every opportunity
    to pull me in
    it’s a challenge to not fall in full face forward
    that flame knows my inner name
    and keeps calling

    1. Thank you Radhe. Dakini, I love you. You’ve been with me.from the beginning. I saw you in the tree and I put you there. I didnt know you’d fall flat on your face. Rise in the flames like a christ Phoenix shimmering light in a cool dry place. The nose knows

      1. Yes, from the beginning.
        i’m glad you saw me in the tree
        sometimes i strive for invisibility
        i’m glad you put me there
        to become a hive for the bees
        a nest for birds
        more ENT-ish
        the opposite of talking fast.
        i do fall, but i keep getting up
        over and over and over again.
        here i sit on the edge of my feather
        expecting to fly.

        1. Me too. Sorry you kept falling. Moving slowly and intentionally helps when I feel the fast talking fear and forget there’s nobody there and no body here. Getting centered in the inner fire sound, the fear dissolves. Sending you more of you πŸ™‚

  3. They don’t know that
    I’m a cold spider that
    Reaches into their mouths. Smiling
    If air could smile. I’m crazy like that.
    Paint that covers walls and corners.
    I don’t paint. I don’t do anything but
    Move like the shadows with the light.

    Shadows disappear into larger and darker
    Night. Colder than me. I can’t reach anything
    but you, coming into me or I am
    nothing nowhere. Because of you my night has life. And when morning comes to take it away, I will be something. For you β˜€οΈ

    I will cast my magic disappearing and reappearing,
    Moving invisibly. Quiet and with something to say
    Like the water that falls when you can’t make out a definite message.
    That is my life. Just like that.
    I am relentless and gone,
    My Love

    I feel you like a tree bigger than anyone has seen in the world-
    A tree that no longer casts a shadow, but whose giant body of light
    Is present when my forest clears… I don’t know anything but to leave my stones at your feet and stand as high into the empty sky. To breathe as clear and facing, rain and all

    Timeless, cliff, changes, flows, my Unchanging, who will stay as I melt away, sure as the slipping light of day..

    1. This is good writing.
      Spider in the sunlit tree.
      Never seen in the forest,
      I smile at my death web.
      How it shines…
      for no one at all.
      The most beautiful secret
      is hidden by not hiding.
      I love you.

      1. I see-
        Secret held by
        The mystery that you’ve shown…
        Of me, and the pain body- the one that thinks it is something,
        defined and separate- big and dad…
        “Come in.” I tell myself,
        And hoping you know
        It is you who showed the door from the inside. Your light, my love

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