The Dark Talks…

Hiding in the shadows, watching me everywhere I go, It’s you. It’s only you. It’s always been you.

I don’t really sleep. I just lay in the dark waiting for you. You’ve already come twice this week.
I’m not sure if you know that you’re doing it.
Breathing down my neck, invisible and dangerous. I never know what could happen and so I wait like a cat with my eyes open wide. But late last night- you came to my bed -and you leaned over me -and you searched my eyes deeply – then, with a slight smile (which was unusual) you melted into my body.

Forever, at last.

Such total love misunderstood.
But I always knew you-and so I wait for more.

People think I don’t know what you’re about to do to us all, but I do know- and I can’t wait to see you again. Since the last time that I died -two years ago- I love only you- and I know where to find you -and who carries your seed.

It wasn’t a hospital -and it wasn’t an illness or condition- it was a supernatural shamanic attack- and they tried to kill me -because they know I’m your Queen -and they know the damage I can do- and they know that you spread water under my feet everywhere that I walk.

If it wasn’t for you, I’d have nothing to do. But you gave me a seat in your heaven. Your heaven in the island below. The underworld haven of so many bad girls, but I’m not bad at all- and that’s why you picked me. Yes, I’m talking to you and it’s not about me. And my seat came with a crown and so does yours. And my feet are covered in gold and pearls and my crown has 3 Ravens that sit watching everyone -and you are with me

-and this bed is rocking.

So I lay there waiting because you are my redeemer -and nobody knows -but you -how to slice me -or how to put me together- We all came here wanting the same thing- and so we have to do the dirty deed- and we have to get fired-

And I hung from the meat hook in the back of the room- and it all bled out –
who she could ever have been- whatever was- is gone- and so the stories I tell- are like myths or like fables- yes, I remember her but she isn’t there.

And I had a dream and we were all laughing – laughing to death -at the joke -and at how much fun we’ve given each other. My exotic and brilliant mother. My stealth and gorgeous father. My genius and brooding brother. Even you, you were in that dream laughing too.

We all know what’s next don’t we?

Pinnacles and pageants and angry men who think I tease pricks- well I don’t have a lot of time to waste on teasing. I mostly like doing. And a prize? Yes, a big prize -I’ve given myself to you.

I hope you can find me in the same way that I’ve found you -because like I said before, he’s coming and maybe even again tonight. Will you be ready to see his silver gray eyes?

“Bow deep and low to the black bitch of the black hole.” That’s what Bhagavan Das says- and he really does know best -because there’s no reaching the bottom -and mommy never dies -and you can’t stop loving me even if you try.

He came to me and He made the offer He said, “listen, shaman, there are two ways we can go. I can be on top, or you can.”

And then He got out his dagger -and He got out His silver gray eyes- and He opened his big mouth -and He basically swallowed me. I went down hard and fast and She was watching from the top of the room. I didn’t come back for about six months-

and when I did, I didn’t matter anymore. And I commanded the birds in the sky -and I heard the fish in the sea -and I made storms and sanctuaries -and I bled the moon dry.

Dry of the past – of the forlorn little maiden that stumbles us all.

From naive virgin to immaculate Queen. From frolicking maiden to master mistress.

That’s what He’ll do to you deep in the night.

The Dark Talks…

… and the sound of the trees ushering Him down the long driveway straight into me. He’s quiet and light on His feet -and so I don’t always hear Him. Unless He rides in on His horse and I hear the panting tongue of the Man I always loved.

He lets me eat Him over and over again and He’s never scared or mad.

Because He’s the Love that Takes Us Home.

I was born from Him. I will go with Him. I will die into Him until the end of time.

So before you call me a slut or man hater, before you say. “What has become of Her blog” stop for a minute and hear what I’m saying because:

you’re all fucking each other anyway- so you might as well get it right.

…and for those of you who think you aren’t…I’ll be waiting when you arrive at His Gates. I’ll be waiting with a throne and a castle. I’ll be waiting with heaven and hell. I’ll be waiting with the sacred and the profane.

I’ll be waiting to hug you forever.
Sharada Devi

8 thoughts on “The Dark Talks…”

  1. We are here to eat the shadow, bite by bite. Little bit all the time, we become who we are and go free or we are eaten by the witch of the north wind. Time winds out like a black snake hidden under the table, we see her in the soft light of the butter lamp in front of her body made of bread that the maggots eat. She has no legs for she walks with ours, we need to stop and get the bag off our back so we can stand up straight and scream PHAT PHAT PHAT. Stop the mind, dead in it’s tracks and walk through the waterfall in front of the cave door. This is what a human birth is for, the vulture is circling high above your head, look out before you run off the road and die in the ditch of forgotten dreams. Tara knows what she is doing, do not second guess her glance. her eyes are like an icepick in your back. So eat the darkness that you waste your life force to hide before the bag gets so heavy on your back that you can hardly walk. You love yourself so dearly so be it, You are the eyes of the world, dance and sing the black bird song and fly away. Eat it slowly and be sure to chew it very well before you swallow.
    Grandpa says “good morning, don’t lie” bhagavan das

  2. Many things were cast off and gotten rid of when the move i had not anticipated came to be.
    It was at first a shock to the senses a blow to the static complacency that had become the habitual norm.
    Much begging and pleading ensued in my attempt to not become unglued.
    But the truth of the matter was, when ya gotta go, ya gotta go.
    The letting go became a breath of fresh air and observing all the processions being handed off and set by the curb side to be picked through and put into the flow
    was a release and a lightening of immeasurable relief.
    And i became lighter too in the process. And strong.
    Do you want this? NO! Let it go! Let it all go!!!
    And now a year later it is all creeping back in. Found in the piles of others cast off moving enlightenments. A shiny trinket here and a glistening bobble there. Can’t pass that up. Too nice to just walk on and ignore. Someone else may actually have a use for it…but He likes to hoard.
    And so the piles of crap begin to accumulate AGAIN.
    And the heaviness that had been vanished is finding it’s way back from the feathery lithe.
    And with it, the dark presence of I, Me, Mine!!! Don’t tell me what to do you cunt! You are not the boss of me! You are a liar! You lie about everything! You are a fake, a phoney. You are crazy, You are a WITCH!!!
    Can I have a hug? What’s for dinner? Do You want to play with me? I’m here 24/7. I’m right behind you which ever way You turn. I will follow You from room to room.
    Silence? Forget about it.

    i like it when it is dark and late. When the human world around me is fast asleep.
    It feels like being back in the womb.
    i only wish i could remember. Remember everything that i forgot at the moment that the snapshot of the stars went “Click” you have arrived. Next stop…karma city.

    1. You’re so beautiful Maria. I love you.
      It’s really just you and me.
      It’s so simple to see how you can fly free-
      just come with me to these places.


      “When she sees me in all and sees all in me
      then I never leave her and she never leaves me” Krishna said it so remember.

      And also, the guy is OLD NEWS. We need to
      get you out of there and we will.

      Love Love Love

        ⚡️⚡️⚡️HES OUT!!!!

        1. Yes, i say that very thing to Krishna every time i offer Him first the food that i am about to eat.
          That He is more me than i am myself.
          That all i am is because of His eternal love.
          All i have is due to his benevolent love for me.
          Bowing in reverence before His blue lotus feet.
          He has ALWAYS been there to see me through what ever i have been given to endure
          When the timing is right, He let’s me know and illuminates the path for me to follow
          Due to his grace, i have NEVER wanted for anything more than what i truly needed to sustain.
          When i have in the past, needed to take that leap into the void of faith
          ( and this is not my first marital rodeo )
          He has been there to catch me and keep me from falling
          Allowing me to soar freely
          The wind that has always carried me
          His are the wings that see me though
          My Sweet Lord of blue.

          1. And also bow in reverence to your own blue lotus feet and start loving yourself the way Krishna would love you.

            That’s how it’s done. Starting with you.

  3. Im trying to savor every bite. This solstice has everyone raging!

    They’ve been riding for a long way – they’re shaking the net and I’m still.

    September is right around the corner. We have to get right with the source.
    I’m constantly being reminded of my child hood lately…
    There’s still something missing.. for better or worse.

    Dad hit mom – child hides.
    Mom leaves dad for another.
    Mom never stops hurting.
    Boyfriend after boyfriend the same thing.
    Drugs and physical/verbal abuse.
    Dad changed, and when i asked him if he ever hit a girl i still wish i hadn’t.
    The truth hurts.
    Mom gets kid stoned on coke and alcohol.
    Mom was just trying to help him help herself.
    One big happy shadow.
    Loving each other to death.

    So i call my mom and i let her know i love her, and i listen to whats going on with my sisters.
    I asked about my step father who also hit you, even tho he was really hurting himself. I let you know I love him, even tho he won’t speak with me.

    The things she said to instigate her attack – the booze you all drowned yourselves in..
    I feel better, but as I watch my child grow I can’t stop being reminded.


    The net shakes, and i can hear the the invisible steel rattle like thunder right between my ears.
    Your so close i can feel you in my energy field.
    Lets dance.

    One time i was told from the other side we came from fish.. Then you showed me on this world it was true. Ill never forget all the things you’ve taught me. All the signs pointed to you. All the crows you have look after me.

    Yet always both sides of the coin flipping through the air..
    sometimes heads.
    sometimes tails.

    Happy Solstice and may the sun and moon bring whole hearted blessings to all as they dance in the sky for us tonight. Sharing the heavens, and raining down pure crystal illumination unto all souls. DANCE!


    1. So beautiful Paul. So profound and truly a man. I love you and your divine goddess wife and little Kumari daughter.
      for everything you’ve said and done and for
      all you didn’t do- SHE WILL BLESS YOU

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