the cause and effect of the radiant mother light diamond

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So I’m just going to write an ordinary letter. The pace is about to quicken and I just want to say I hope you join me in the new beginnings that are promised astrologically for everyone. This doesn’t mean you’ll be without friction. There has been a extra amount of grinding and polishing going on for about 9 weeks now. A re-evaluation of our lives, a deep purifying transformation. We are clearly not separate at all. And so we’ve been pulled from old conditioning and security roots. We’ve had to take a stand for something and it’s been at times confusing, at times frustrating, at times painful- but ultimately this should be a culmination of liberating ourselves from any idea of smallness or lack that has unnecessarily held us back- for so long, lifetimes even. These 3 eclipses in a row have cleared the way- even if ruthlessly- what we could once ignore, deny or wash over with spiritual jargon- we no longer can. We must stand stark as the bare bright light of an effortless higher power. This is not easy. We sometimes are called upon to sacrifice for the greater good no matter if this is recognized as such or if we are misunderstood for our wrathful actions. There is a deep universal compassion that drives this current cycle of human evolution. It may appear or seem violent or cruel at times but this is not different than a surgical procedure- it looks really bad from the outside unless you know the doctor’s skill and intention to heal the being he is so violently cutting apart. Yes, sometimes blood is spilled in more ways than one. If we do not trust ourselves because we have done the work to get there- we cannot be what we need to be on this planet. The dead weight has to go. The gifts must be given. The sacrificing the lesser for the greater must occur if we are to meet our collective destiny. Little personal things are temporary and meaningless. They fill the spaces between what actually matters and that is authentic connection and purification – tapas. Creative movement, innovative mind shifts. Dropping old beliefs based on an inherently evil religious paradigm. What once was can no longer be. In order to see this and not just say this- we must take fearless action at this time. We must give ourselves a way to break free. This isn’t about hiding and saying a mantra in the corner, it’s about rising and standing up for something as a whole. This time together here can be a renaissance if we allow it, if not this is a rapid rotting and an exposing of lies. The ones we tell ourselves to stay secure, to deny we’ve hit the end of a road, or are at a crossroads- that we must start again at the bottom because integrity is just too important to position ourselves on any artificial leaser throne than the one of absolute stark and stellar human divinity. Against all odds I will rise again because that and that alone is how the jewel- the rainbow body is formed. We are a crystal. We are made of water. We become clear when we are seen by our own God. Not what someone else says or thinks. But by what we know as we strive to purify with courage thus allowing our shining heart to guide our way. I have been on this challenging path for a long time. I can only set an example and that is what I do. I have no throne in this world because I do not serve materialism and fear no matter what “spiritual disguise” it wears. It’s about the bottom line, what comes up with the roots- the hidden content that keeps the fear as our ruler- but no more. The time has come for an awakening so huge it shatters the lie and breaks open the door to our freedom. We do not need to live in the comforts of our familiar bondage anymore. It’s really up to you. The community ideal is really up to each person realizing the necessity for this- how we have nothing else but the truth generated by collective practice and gathering to move forward. This takes effort and priority. I cannot continue as I have with limited support because it’s impossible in this world. If there is no demand there is no need and my life is obsolete in that way. I have given everything and given up everything for the benefit of this mission. I cannot stand alone carrying the weight unless I continue alone. It’s not my decision, it’s yours. I am not about fame name and the glamor of these- I am about freedom. It seems the time has come that my validity and effectiveness will be known. That everything will be seen for what it is- not some unreachable ideal. The ideal can only be reached by supportive stretching – not by anything else. I have stretched all the way and can do no more self soliciting. I really do have nothing and true friends who aren’t easy come easy go groupies are far and few between. I know this isn’t like the late 60’s early 70’s when people seemed to understand the importance of communion and genuine community- where they gave up their structured secure material lives and started their own little worlds within this one. There was a vision that was earthy and innocent, vibrant and otherworldly. We don’t have that coming together anymore. We have kirtan socials, facebook and yoga studios. An hour a day maximum if that. We have 5 day retreats that should really be our “real lives” not the other way around. The commitment isn’t as final and complete as it could be to awaken the huge group heart. And to become the group who could do that would take everything. True tapas, true complete change. The caterpillar forms the cocoon to fulfill its potential. The cocoon is its support and protection. This is what I am saying, without the cocoon it can’t happen. It’s a delicate procedure. That is why we have been stuck in samsara for so long…no wings yet.

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My love goes out to you all. That we be strong and clear and give our gift in the most pure way we can for the benefit of all beings. That we know that we ourselves are that precious gift- and that we alone must be the cause and effect of the radiant mother light diamond.

 Sharada Devi

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63 thoughts on “the cause and effect of the radiant mother light diamond”

  1. Cause and effect, is the beginning- opening the door where our wings fly. We do not have wings because we haven’t reached the beginning. Stripped down, violently, as it seems necessary, the root can be seen, but to get through all the dirt? I guess that takes a life. You mentioned the crucifixion as an ultimate symbol of tapas. We are the ones.. you said the time is now, but who else will go all the way, for themselves. Dirt, blood, light… breath and death, in this space you create… I need love like water- to give you mine. I cannot walk on this Earth without your hand. Pointless steps, floating friend. Please allow me to kneel,

      1. P.S. And about the Christ who bleeds in our hearts. We are his flesh made holy through fire.
        Tapas- to me means- bright suffering- however we need to until “God” is the only one left. Inside and everywhere. Illumination is the path.

        Shining fire burn me.

  2. FROM GINGER;

    🌟💎⚡️🌸💖🔥Starlight ,
    I felt you & went to your blog just now .
    Yes , yes , yes , yes , Yes. What you said .
    So much intensity . The Great Work is happening.
    Sending a beacon for all to gather .
    As it was written in the Ancient Future .
    And as we Manifest it now .
    Peace to You and all you are .
    💫Eternally, g.

  3. Dear Genevieve,
    Thank you for writing. Yes I know all about what happened to you and the India situation. You have grown wise- do not get back with BD. He’s not able to offer what you need and it would be harmful to your mind and heart.
    I appreciate very much your words and your taking the time to write- to hear I could help you makes me feel better. I want to do what’s right for everyone, including Baba. He needs help, he can’t go on as he is. He needs to stop acting out and living in denial of his emotional pain- and your not supporting it is such a great blessing for you and him too. I send all my love to you. I met you long ago at exhale in Venice before I got with BD- and you are the sweetest most loving person! Love, Sharada Devi

    1. I have been thinking about this a lot recently. What Alan is saying.
      not wishing to rock the spiritual boat ideology…
      But at what point does meditation and chanting cease to be a practice
      and become a crutch. A panacea for whatever is giving you the –
      I can’t deal with what i am feeling blues. – Mantra, take me away!
      It can be a high-ding place while you are doing it. Then another form of boredom sets in and it’s time to find yet an other fix.
      Keeping yourself so busy that you don’t have to face who / what you really are – the god you are so desperately seeking outside yourself.
      Or just done out of fear of the unknown. An insurance policy.
      I always thought that annihilation of the ego was the only way to achieve enlightenment. But denying the ego, just might be an attempt at killing off the only aspect of God that has been recognized, within. Am not referring to the ego as self aggrandizement. But as acknowledgment of God within. God without. God permeating everything.
      i ponder this life and the illusion all the time. No matter what I am doing. It’s a constant exploration. And i write things daily. i simple have to. And sometimes i am fortunate to write them here. As a response to you. You as the catalyst that sets off a spark in a particular direction. On a particular day. The reaction differs. spontaneity flows or doesn’t…
      Last night i was writing about affluence and how it comes to some and not others.
      – those who are steeped in the ways of manipulating the illusion – towards money, success, material gain… gain the fulfillment of that projected aspect of the illusion. It must come with the territory. Like begets like.
      Seek and you will find the attainment of what ever shape your heart’s desire takes.
      Be careful of what you wish for. Because you do have the power to manifest any thing. The illusion is malleable. Alchemical. Bend it in the direction of the light. Like a rainbow refracting out of your own true being.
      🌈
      Here i am existing in the abstract.
      Hahaha, actions speak louder than words…
      I should become more like my 18 year old self and run away from this
      “world”. Again.
      Instead of being brave from a distance.
      God was much more bold in me back then.
      💥
      ” there is nothing so cruel
      Than to bury that jewel when it was mine all along…”
      💠
      Hmmm, a commune in New Mexico…

      1. Dear Radhe,
        This is beautiful and radiant pondering.
        The way a diamond turns, the bright mind
        spins shining. And so action reveals the heart not the mind. ❤️ The mind goes on being ugly and beautiful forever. The heart stands as it is yearning for its likeness.
        Acting out of desperate devotion.
        Mystics suffer with their love with a vengeance. ❤️

    2. You suffer because you desire — get rid of desire and you won’t suffer. But you desire not to suffer! – The technique of reductio ad absurdum.

  4. Thank you. This is uplifting. Community means a lot. I am grateful to be connected to one in Charlotte. All groups/businesses have politics, but the beautiful friends and ones I “see” shine deep in removing their layers. It is a temporary blessing. I am stretching now. It’s a lot: “the becoming.” Even if I do teach, I will always be a student. And it’s all practice really. My debt is rich, but so is my ability to turn and tend the soul, soil and Earth. Shaktipat~ ya know? I am just moving along this journey letting my Self be molded. I will be honest in that I still have no idea where I am going, only that it is my real “Home.” Om ~ I don’t want to be so attached to the fire ceremony subscribed like it will help me thru clearing, so that I can be of more service and more free. It is desire amplied. The better part if me knows that it is also my duty. I will do it in that way. Pisces full moon brought water gushing from the ceiling and a ceiling tile collapse. Luckily, the cat too smart to be bored? In his body woke me by walking on my bones to it All. I dif build the fire, but I have not lit the flame. It will be soon though. And when it feels right it will be done. Blessings~

  5. Economy of motion
    The shortest distance
    Between two points
    The straight and narrow
    As the crow flies
    The most direct route
    Leaves a shadow
    on parched crops in fields below
    What seeds have been sowed?
    Abundance has many names
    Gratitude for what is
    Thankful for my lessons

    I’ve had a lot mixed feelings about this.
    I want to dedicate my whole life just to spiritual life. But right now, I feel more in acceptance of my path. I work a full time job but it’s fairly flexible and I usually work from home. It enables me to be completely independent. Then I’m able to do seva without any expectations of anything in return or worry of bills to pay. I can give freely. And I also feel like my job is still in service to my community. I’m trying to walk more the middle path. I know that may sound like selling out to some… and maybe I am. But the reality is I have to support myself. I never want to burden anyone for anything. I’m hoping that in a few more years I can move on though. I think I’m just paying my dues for now. I really do hope for the best for your seva, as well. I know it’s the most challenging path to take and I do have a lot of respect for it. I don’t really have any answers but I have to believe that blessings will be on their way for you and all of us.
    Best wishes 🙏✨
    ~ Andrew

      1. Thank you for understanding. I’m very thankful for so many of your writings and videos. The truth is hard to hear at times. Our modern Kali Yuga definitely feels to be the most challenging to walk this path. But we signed up for the task. What else can I do but try to be like Hanuman and serve? Many times it feels daunting. Chop wood, carry water, walk lightly and help as many as we can along the way. Still, I am grateful for this path, so many are lost. Keeping hope, faith and prayers for the best for all. May our Dharma win over our Karma.
        God takes care of all devotees.
        Jai Hanuman 🙏

    1. Sounds like a good life, Andrew. I lean towards the Middle Way. Deep down I want to renounce it all, however. I also never want to burden anyone for anything. I have always taken care of myself financially and emotionally (and often taken care of others). I keep thinking that one day as I keep giving things up…soon there will be nothing left to give up…..except…my breath… when death arrives.

  6. Sometimes I feel I’ve fallen off. Reverted in some tea and weedish ways. I actually didn’t know chai had caffeine in it. But the mode I was in the first half of summer needed tweaking I think. It didn’t seem feel like I was being real. Though I was suffering.. maybe it was right. But at the same time i feel more real and right now than maybe those first seven weeks. I feel closer, yet still far off and away. maybe.. I forget and have forgotten a lot of things. Still I want to stay. Even if I’m crazy or I go crazy with sweet family and friends around me.

    1. I think you need time to find your way.
      When you know you’ll go…
      in the direction that matters most to your heart. Love sharada devi

  7. Sharada Devi, I was hearing your voice as I read your post. It reminds me so much of what you talked about in the videos.
    So much to take in here…so many beautiful heartfelt words shared here.

    I feel like I have been on a roller coaster ride the past two months. I have had to deal with a major rat issue here in my home. I thought I had a mouse in the house. I thought it was one my cat caught a few months ago and I could not catch it, then “kind of” forgot about it (busy with out of house work and stuff). Poops everywhere, getting into cupboards. I tried NO KILL rat traps, tried putting food out on my deck and leaving my doors open…hoping it/they would leave on their own. I prayed at the altar (and once the rat was on that altar at the same time!!). I chased it with a broom, tried to trap it. Days turned into weeks…then a month. I was literally crying. Rat poop and pee behind both couches, behind the bed, on the counters. I was so upset, I went into the hardware store and purchased five snap traps. Well…..five days and nothing caught. SO…I went back (in tears again) and a sweet older lady suggested a “humane” way of killing the rat/s. Electrocution box…at $50 a box. So…I did it…got the box…and day after day I would enter my house in wonder…nothing…until the fifth day (5 is coming up a lot)…GOT IT! I hate killing, but I was SO happy that I could get my house back in order!!!! Clean it….big time. I apologized to the rat for taking its life and hoped that if the tables were turned, he would have done the same thing. I told him I had given him so many chances to get out of this alive. But then again….like you say…..No one gets out alive! SO….the cleaning began and I was happy. Impermanence is REALITY. It took FIVE days to clean the place and I thanked the rat for making me clean my place so well, for if it were not for him….I might not be clearing a lot of stuff out that I did not even realize I had! Ahh….NOT SO QUICK! As soon as I was relaxing and all was back in place…I heard a funny scratching noise…then a bump. I thought it was probably my cat, then the next day I heard a weird noise behind a bookshelf. NO. NO. NO!!!!! I found him!…and began chasing him around…OMG. I thought I had him trapped. I put more traps out. Bought two more $50 boxes…and then more snappers….AND the DREADED sticky/glue stuff (I know!!!! I hated this whole thing!!!). Okay….so when is this gonna end??? I thought… OMG. OH…and my cat? everytime I went into the hardware store they would suggest I get a cat. REALLY? Well, my cat is on retirement now and is living like a queen. Why should SHE have to work? This story has to end, you are saying…yes….I was lucky enough to have a handy man visiting my downstairs neighbor…and he asked how I was…I burst into tears and told him. He came up and took matters in his own hands….he found the mouse, set up barrier and began chasing him with the broom. He ran behind the dishwasher! the space was only the size of a dime! How the heck did he get in there!!!??? Anyway…the guy pulled the dishwasher out from under the counter after he unhinged it…OMG…..it was the most disgusting thing….rat poop and pee was all over the place…and the insulation around the dishwasher was all eaten up for nesting (oh and it was even worse behind the refrigerator!!). He ran out and was literally running up the wall!!! No joke…the man was beating it off the wall…and it fell and he batted it out of the house…it went flying in the air and landed in the neighbor’s yard! We looked across the way…as it just lay there…I kept thinking I wanted it dead….then I thought no, I want to save it…and bring it to the creek….then went back to wanting it dead! Then as these ideas were spinning me around, we saw him get up…then race off along the fence and across the street! Holy Hell! I was elated that he was out of the house…and that he was actually not killed!
    Sorry for this long ass story that might seem boring…but to me…it has been a living hell (well…maybe not THAT bad, but you get the picture). SO…what does this RAT represent? He sure was a survivor. How the heck did he know not to take food from the trap/s? Someone once told me that rats are auspicious… I wanted this rat out….and he was wreaking havoc on my life. What does this all mean?
    I have wanted to change things in my life lately. I have made lots of changes over the course of my life…leaving all my relatives back east (I am the baaad baaad black sheep)…and stopped playing their “games” years ago. I changed my whole way of living and being when I moved to CA. I had been offered a job working for a lot of $$$ after two one hour interviews. I turned it down. I refused to live with my partner, now of eight years. He now gets it….and likes it. I love it.
    Which brings me to my next point. I have been wanting to run from this relationship for years. He is a good man and I do love him…but I get so sick of him and his ways, often. People who know him love him, too. He is funny and fun to be with…and he is very allowing and very affectionate. I even went to a counselor to get some help….but it did not help. It got better (in my head) for about a month…then it came back. He always supports everything I do…whether it’s my art (painting, writing, music, etc.), my various exercise routine, my travels without him, and even my spirituality (he likes to meditate with me and chant, but does not do it on his own).
    I have tried to analyze myself…journaling to no end (it has helped), and I keep coming up with “I always run.” I am always the one who leaves relationships. ALWAYS. Even when I met him, and really knew he was great (and is still great), I kept telling myself “remember this when you want to run again….you really wanted to meet a nice guy.” He has NO baggage AT ALL. No kids, no financial difficulties, no parents, no pain in the ass family ties. His health is good and he loves to read and we even read books together. We watched your videos together, too.
    I keep wondering if there is any connection between what happened with the rat and with my relationship…like is it some kind of symbol.
    Is he the rat? Or maybe I am the rat.
    Whatever….
    my house is clean now…maybe it is about getting clean….
    Or the impermanence of all things…the rat could have represented my negative thinking….
    Maybe it is again about leaving EVERYTHING again.
    I am reading the book The Heart of Compassion and your post here…seems to tie in with that….
    I have so much I want to “give up” and I do…for awhile then go right back…the pull is so strong…..the worldly pull…I feel like that rat who is just clinging to the desire (for him it is to stay alive) for comfort and security…..I feel so gross sometimes because I allow myself to fall back into the easy way….I even had angry thoughts about my parpalegic neighbor downstairs because some request was interfering with my life. (!!!!!)
    I am fine…but I feel like I am on a tightrope.

    1. Dear Chandra Ma,
      A boyfriend is not something we talk ourselves into ot sell ourselves on- you talk about him like you’re trying to talk yourself into buying a car you don’t really want. It’s about heart, and when it’s there- there’s nothing to think about or convince yourself of…

      We had a huge rat problem- a whole cult of rats in Garuda’s dome (which was next to our yurt) they took over quickly- and me and Garuda bought those cages and caught all of them- 12 total. We took them to the river and set them free. It wasn’t easy- we had to change cage location and food offerings just to trick them- they’re very smart, they talk to each other- it’s in their DNA not to take the food- they’re ancestors know it’s a trap and the most in tune rats don’t fall for it no matter how much they love food or even if they’re starving. Don’t get trapped by temptation. Don’t be a rat trying to out maneuver the inevitable.

      Yes this world – good days and bad days.
      Without very strong support it’s up and down…up and down and then…death. We tried which counts for something but not really enough and we return and repeat. It takes a hero- it takes everything. It’s not easy or logical. This world is an intoxicating hallucinogenic rat trap. Over and over we try to survive in it- hiding and hoarding and eating and gnawing at the wrong things. Spiritual progress- the level of it depends on priorities- when our attention is diverted – as this world requires- we can imagine its tantra or the middle way but it’s impossible and that thinking is a trap-
      we cannot have it all- we cannot mix it like a cocktail- when we still want it, we lie to ourselves about the reasons why- and it’s self sabotage and it goes on and on.

      We are only here to encounter our shadow. We peel our darkness like layers of an onion- and like fasting from food- it takes abstinence and time- fasting from the world the astral body needs time, physical energetic support and total focus on the divine to release the worldly astral toxins that make us act out, not realize our potential and although we may be smart, not smart enougb to see we will be dead soon and at this rate of back and forth we won’t go far by the time death arrives- do the math. It keeps me writing these words- we cannot sit on the fence and engage our bad habits if we hope to ever truly enter the heart’s paradise. Krishna said to a lover of god this world is like poison- to a lover of poison this world is like god (nectar)
      (In so many words)
      And so we have the choice to make big changes and statements with our lives. It’s our choice how far to take this here and now. It’s really not better safe than sorry. It’s better to be a fearless lover of light.
      ☀️

      1. How the heck did I miss THIS commentt!? I am just reading it now! I know you are right…OMG…like buying a car…talking myself into it. I keep putting it off. It’s a like 50/50 thing. Three years ago, I spoke to him about being unsure of wanting to stay. He said “Babe, you’re either in it or out…if you’re not completely in…then get out!” He is right! But there are days I love him dearly and am glad I have not departed. But maybe that is the clinging, because deep down, I am really bored with the whole thing. A lover once said to me (years ago when I did not want to live with him) “do you even REALLY WANT to be in a relationship? or do you think that’s what you “should” do?” Funny, that memory came back to me recently…and I am seriously thinking maybe I want to be a lone wolf and not even bother with ONE person…in LTR.
        I feel awful about the one rat…… bravo on your being able to catch 12! OMG! That takes a ton of patience!. I am so torn up over the first one…and I almost broke my back (literally fell of the chair backwards) with the second one!
        I know you’re right…it’s NOT better safe and than sorry. However, I have often felt my SINGLE life is safer which is why I kept running out on relationships when I got bored or tired. For me, it’s always been “easier” to be alone. Loving someone is hard work. No one is perfect. And I have a nasty streak (impatient, opinionated, righteous) that I am sure is not easy to be with at times. I work on these things ALL the time. This is actually the best, most loving relationship I have had in my life. Someone who does not have distractions and can be fully committed …but who is the one who is distracted? ME!!!! Damn.
        Once I bring it up (again), I know that will be the end. There is no way he will want to be with someone who is ON THE FENCE. And then there is this weird thing about not wanting anyone else to “have him.” Crazy, baby-ish thinking. Crap. I am so tired of thinking about this…
        Thanks for your support, too.

      2. I hear you about it being from the heart. And not having to talk myself into the whole boyfriend thing. The thing is, I feel it in my heart, the love for him….but then this fear thing kicks in…or he does something I do not like…or I think is stupid or I just look at him and think “Really?” I know it is a mind thing…and it usually stems from how I am feeling about myself. If I feel like crap, or am feeling insecure, I think I taking it out on him (mentally/internally). Nothing can be perfect all the time, I am aware of this….the only complications seem to be the ones that I create. OM MANI PADME HUM….one day at a time for me. Staying in my own business. And Radhe gave me some homework….for the week.

  8. I almost sent you a message, Sharada Devi, to NOT post this…then I thought…no….getting it “out there” in the open blog space will be good. Because by sharing, might help clear it…

    I woke up thinking I heard a rat again, and I see my cat walking around staring at corners. Does she hear/see something? I hope not. I think she might just be missing her little friend who kept her busy.

    I woke up thinking it’s all the mind….it’s THOUGHTS….and about taming them….
    I just pray that I can become free of desire, hatred and ignorance.

    “In the mind of a beginner
    There is clarity, but no stability;
    To stop it being consigned tot he winds of thoughts,
    Fasten it with the rope of mindfulness.”
    – Kharak Gomchung

    Om Mani Pame Hum….through it all….
    Thank you for this space to share, Sharada Devi…..

    1. I’m glad you posted it. No second guessing ourselves anymore. Follow your heart, walk the edge of the blade. Become the one who does not wobble- don’t sit on the fence looking over both sides. We are only born from destruction. No one likes that part and so they avoid it, deny what needs to happen and so they are gray. Everyone is a gray participant in the delusion of self importance and the need for their small details. It’s bigger than us, and yet we remain in isolation dreaming the mantra is enough- and it’s not. No matter what the book says. They aren’t us. We are here now on a new precipice never before seen by any man.

      *Women on the other hand, see like never before what to do- and so we must be the ones who tear down these obsolete walls-
      and that won’t be easy. It takes an army.

  9. From a concerned friend:
    Dear Sharada Devi,
    This maybe altogether inappropriate of me to mention.
    But I see that BD keeps adding more and more kirtan events and workshops.
    Now there are 11 scheduled for the next month or so…
    As well as going to Bhaktifest- i guess the allure of glamor
    was too shiny to pass up, because I know that You would never make an appearance at that event again… And then a retreat in Maui.
    So my point is, seeing as you are still legally married, aren’t you entitled to
    half of his earnings?
    I know you care about his well being. But is he equally willing to help care for you? I will admit that I was still upstairs, completely alone, packing to leave on the last day of the Shasta retreat. And I could hear BD telling you to give him money so that he could go to New York. The rest of the conversation sounded uncomfortable. And you headed out the back door of the dorm house and i saw you walking up to the sanctuary. I never mentioned this to anyone. I keep a lot to myself.
    I am glad that you posted the letter from Genevieve on the blog. It was a taste of reality that a lot of people needed to read. To hear from another source besides yourself….
    I am writing because I care about you. And it seems only right that your husband help take care of you. Regardless of the circumstances. I suppose with that in mind, he would be equally entitled to any money you might acquire…
    Money bugs me. And I will never be comfortable with the having to quibble over it. Or what it stirs up. I try to consider it as part of the illusion, not
    It feels like BD should at least offer you some start-up money so that you can establish yourself in a profitable situation that will give you some stability.
    I have a friend who’s husband writes for an online magazine called PATHEOS. It offers various views from different idealogical stand points. Regarding current events etc. It allows him to work from home. He takes the atheist approach – Hahaha. I know we are trying to let go of “religious” associations. But i was thinking of this as an idea of putting your writing talents to use. In a way that could also provide a source of money.
    You are such an excellent writer. Maybe this or something like this would be an income activity you could consider. A way to eventually set up what you truly want .
    Or maybe allow you to get started on your book…
    I am not trying to offer advise, just thinking of you with a caring, loving heart.

    1. He gets paid in cash so it can’t be traced.
      He ignores all communications regarding me-he has erased me and nobody cares about me-
      Without him I’m obsolete – I have nothing- no car, no nothing. I gave everything to him and it’s all just gone- he always said
      “You’re nothing without a man.” And I guess it’s true- I see 99% of all the women I know act on that reality as well.
      My life is useless and the wall is too big this time to climb. I came to the end of a harsh reality check- and have nothing left to do- I have nothing but grief and light.
      Thank you for your letter❤️

      1. P.s. That’s not true. I am filled with a rage so huge I’m about to explode at any moment but I don’t- what’s the use. And so I am a walking talking mostly silent time bomb- volatile and resigned to mediocrity. Biding my time…I’ll find a way to end this lie. Even if it’s just my own. 🙀🐾🦋

      2. ERASE HIM. Really. Let go and walk away.
        You are EVERYTHING
        WITHOUT a man.
        Don’t focus on those words. STOP those thoughts NOW.
        They will grow larger. Be strong, start something simple and sweet. Know that you don’t NEED him.

        You have a book to write.

          1. Sorry. I am sure.
            Jeez.
            Sending love and prayers your way…
            I am really sorry that he is not at least communicating with you……

    2. Also thanks for the advice- I’ve been looking on Craigslist for a job- it’s sad.
      All I worked for all the experience came to nothing because it’s about others not me. There is no need for me apparently but maybe at Starbucks there is…it’s hard to face this…but truth is truth and facts don’t lie- faces do

      1. Seriously, you are SO f’ng talented! You are so organized and a leader! Start your own thing…grow it….your writing is over the top fabulous! Start a loving pet sitting business like me…and then do your other deeper stuff, too. I love animals (and I know you do, too). DO what FILLS your heart!!!! Yuck to Starbucks! (except their Italian Roast beans).

        If you want help getting a pet sitting business up and running….I have helped three others start their own. I’d love to help.

        Never rely on ANY man. (however, you are still married…so legally there must be something that he owes you) (if not…just walk away…..is fighting worth it?)
        Love, Charada Devi

        1. Thanks but I’d need things for my own business- like a car- which I do not have -Everything was his- Thank you for your ideas though! ❤️ Much appreciated☀️

  10. YOU have been THE organizer (from what I have seen) of the retreats. Running everything. He just shows up, tunes his instruments and does his singing and talks (which I love), but YOU have both…you are a manager/leader/singer/writer/organizer/cook………YOU….yes YOU.

  11. Sitting upon a lofty chair
    a throne that he devised
    👑
    the charlatan waxed poetic
    but deceit was in his eyes.
    👀 📿
    “You’re nothing without a man.”
    said he
    implying – only I can unravel the mystery
    Just watch how I razzle dazzle em out in Joshua Tree
    🎭
    Ignore you, neglect you, leave you in poverty
    It’s become so very plain to see
    utilizing women has all along been his vain history
    🌞
    The sun does shine, the sun does rise
    there will at last be an end to the throne of lies
    A women’s truth shall not be compromised
    💣

  12. I have also noticed all the events. I am part of the Hanuman Chalisa chant group on FB. He was blocked from anyone posting his kirtans there because of his actions. However, I know people that are still going to chant with him in person for a multitude of excuses. It’s hard for me to even listen to recordings of him now. I’m trying to take back his version of Hanuman Chalisa by still chanting on my own. My saving grace is that I never considered him my Guru. Jesus is my Guru. Hanuman is my Guru. This isn’t the first time my faith has been tested. I was baptized and born again at 4 years old, the youngest in my church. I remember thinking how I had it all figured out at that young age. My parents sold our house (we were poor but saved enough to buy in a bad neighborhood) and bought a travel trailer to go on the road to preach the gospel. Just as we were on the road to go, we stayed but in a little desolate trailer park in Indiantown, Florida. A few years later we learned the priest was arrested for molesting little boys. Luckily, I wasn’t molested because my parents were very overprotective and I was never alone with him. It affected my whole family’s faith, my brother is atheist. But I know Jesus was my first Guru and Hanuman is the same as Jesus. That’s all I need to know. And I try to do whatever job that I do, as service. Someone has to cook the food, take out the garbage and wash the dishes. I’m single and live alone, so I work and do everything for myself. I try to also do other things in service for others. When it’s service then it doesn’t matter what the job is (of course exceptions to every rule). I hope that you can find the monetary flow that matches your talent, skills and standards. The Phoenix always rises again. 🔥

    1. I grew up without any religion. I was never baptized as a baby/child as both my older brothers were. I could never figure out why they chose not to baptize me. But when I was older, after many “knocks on the door” being asked if I have heard “the good news?” I accepted the Lord as my personal savior at age 21 (in the Navy at Patuxent River, MD). I became one of the door knockers after that, spreading the “good word.” Then…a year later, “back slid.” Since that day I was “saved,” I have never been asked, again, if I have heard the good word. I find that interesting.
      I discovered Kirtan in 2007 and fell in love with the blissful way it made me feel….I have always been a seeker and a lover of something that is grander than my senses can hold…. I was very into Buddhism (and still am) and see the correlation of Buddha and Jesus….
      Just the other day, however, I realized that Jesus has never left my heart…deep inside…I will always have a personal relationship with him. Not connected with any “church” or “religion,” just plain and simple, miraculous, Jesus. I feel that his “coming” will be more of a collective Christ “consciousness” as opposed to some “being” returning.
      The one song that we always sang at three Mount Shasta Motherlight retreats that spoke to me the most was (and I sing it every single morning as a part of my devotionals) “Lord prepare me to be a sanctuary, pure and holy, tried and true, and with thanksgiving, I will be a living sanctuary for you….”
      Amen, Om Mani Padme Hum.

      1. Hanuman Heart
        Jesus Heart
        Buddha Heart

        All are the same. I really love Sanctuary, as well. All we can do is practice and prepare. Thank you for sharing.
        ~ Andrew 😊🙏

  13. 💞 sweet suffering is
    longing for the beloved
    revealed as the indwelling source of my constant joy
    yearning for the sound of your silver throated flute
    causes me to hear you everywhere
    especially within my heart
    where You have made Your eternal abode
    for this, my gratitude is boundless
    your rapturous melodic strains
    pierce the illusional veil of
    separation between thee from me
    synchronistically uniting us as we
    full is the realization
    unparalleled is my pursuit 💞

  14. Sharada Devi, do you think you might make another video again soon?
    It would be so fine to see your face and hear your voice.
    like sunshine on a cloudy day…
    🌿🌼 🌹 🌸 ☀️ ❤️

  15. So why don’t you begin charging $1 ?
    if there are hundreds reading here, that would be a start, $$ wise.
    It would seem likely that 95% reading here have a steady income.
    What I don’t understand is why all these people are so reticent to come out of hiding.
    This has been an excellent forum in which to express oneself, without even being seen.
    I don’t mean whining or rehashing something from the past,
    but using their love of god to flow as art.
    There really is no other place quite like here.
    It’s helped me tremendously to take steps outside my conditioned mind.
    And when suggestions are made in response. To actually heed them,
    not be offended by truth and disappear to lick my imagined wounds.
    But that’s me. I for one would deeply miss this blog.
    It’s really the only place in this meaningless world that I feel like I can really be myself.
    And be understood in the process.
    Of course, first and foremost, to come here to read the poetic words of wisdom that you, Sharada Devi take the time to write for us all to hopefully heed.
    Not just as a source of momentary entertainment with pretty pictures.
    Then go back to singing the same old song over and over again, praying for enlightenment.
    Reality is harsh. It may ‘look’ beautiful – the reflection of the illusion. The colors
    and shapes. But the existing in it. in a truly raw way, Is not for the faint of heart.
    Please don’t fade away.
    ♥️

    1. I was being sarcastic saying $1 to make a point on how little it’s being valued. The people suggesting I charge were saying more like $30 a month/ which would include videos, blog and whatever else I wanted-

      1$ is worse than free- and an insult to myself obviously- but thanks anyway for the rest. It would take time energy and $ to set that up as well. Starting the blog cost me $1100.00- nobody thinks about that though…
      and I have never made that money back in almost 3 years….

      1. There was no insult intended.
        Was just using what you wrote to agree with you.
        But what you wrote is no longer there…
        I realize that you have invested a lot – above and beyond you time and words.
        So I do think of that.

        1. I suppose I am the last person who should be offering my 2 cents worth about $$’s
          I’m still trying to figure out how to pay the rent this month.

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