tears on my pillow

I swim with the sharks, naked and frail- omniscient and dangerous is my my fragrant tongue. I rule the low waters, down below the trembling, at the very bottom of someone I become, receding into the invisibility of the black mirrored sea, being fed into the rumbling swallow, funneling into me at the peak of her madness, stirring inside my mouth, tasting you, bleeding onto the eminence of my sharp teeth- don’t be afraid, I haven’t bitten you yet…swarming with a swimming death, your mind can’t think alone, so I keep circling for you…to give me something that I don’t have…

consumed before arrival, take off your clothes before you get inside. There is red in the water and you aren’t alone…

I am shocked by the things we both knew and tried to avoid, like how to stay above the body we left..I already have you, deep in my tender womb, pretending it’s over and there’s something to mull…over me, in my bed, rising above you, the water has turned into air…

breathing and pushing pain into emptiness. I am practically a shark, hungry, different than a fish, everyone knows no one could ever be with me…because I’m a little bit of nothing and the combination is frightening…someone has given me your soul, do you know him? breathless and still warm- you are mine, I know…your wet skin, your sinking bones…white terror filled with love for me, I see the truth in every glance, you can’t stop now- I’ll move over your corpse like a storm with no eyes and I’ll lift you and put you back inside of me before I die too…it’s no problem at all…I do it all the time…lapsing and panting and wildly perfect…

of course with me it can never be too late…I know death doesn’t feel like a friend, but unfortunately, I’m the only one you’ve got…you should love me more…look inside me when I see you, naked and frail with blood on your lips, reach inside me when I touch you, ageless and alone with tears all over your pillow…

pray to only me, the one who holds you and strokes your hair and never forgets what you need…bow to the one who takes your feet. Never stop staring at my beauty. Your head is just a hole in my heart…an aching and forgetful hole. So don’t look the other way as I undress, you know I only disappear as the clothes fall to the floor. Remember me inside the dark as you groan and turn the nightmare over…I was always in your bed, night after night….taking you anytime I felt good. The pleasure is all mine.

I’ve always been the one you wanted and the one you left. I’ve always been the lust in your shadow and the god in your sky. I’ve always been always- so I get what I want…you, as the morning sun, you, as my blanket. I would get beneath you if I could…and that’s what this is, above and below…and it holds every time…it’s an honor to eat you, to love you and to tear you apart…

I wouldn’t have it any other way, gravity fed me the soul of the world and I turned dark, wearing this body just to seduce you to death…

that’s how much I care.
Sharada Devi