I keep talking about surrender and defiance, about caving in and fighting back. Against fate, against bad habits, against consumerism, against conformity, against complacency, against interia, against fear…
What will our lives be for? What are we feeding our souls? We know to eat healthy and exercise- because the negligence is obvious and we can see it in the mirror. What about when our soul is unhealthy and malnourished? What about when we stopped letting our light shine and began fading out? At what point did the scales tip and what can be done? Everything we look at in this world is there to fill the empty hole. To buy it, to get it, to add to ourselves something prestigious.
But the soul is both delicate and unruly. The soul wants what’s warm and raw, not what’s packaged and controlled. Not even in your “sadhana” not even in your “meditation.” It gets so perfect in your head and you get so self righteous and dry. Something is missing, what is missing? We get stuck in a sort of stagnation that is comfortable even- but when the house is quiet and dark -we feel the emptiness that is a true hunger. We tell ourselves, “It is God I am feeling, my yearning…I’ll cover this loss with a thought or a mantra…” But it isn’t God that is lost, it is God that is calling – from your soul who is starving for something more than the stale reality that surrounds you. We are MORE than our temporary roles as husband wife mother office worker yoga teacher – and because we are more we can’t be nourished by pretending and doing as we were taught anymore. We cannot let it be enough. There is a wild raging beauty inside that roars and paces and needs to be heard and freed. But how can we do that? Where does the edge of stability and functionality meet genius and brilliant nonconformity? I keep saying- “Do it your way,” but what does that mean when after all these years we lost our TRUE way because of the roles expectations and responsibilities?
You will need to know at this crucial crossroads what is happening to your life. Look around you and all the people. This world, this TV, this schedule, the car ride to the same old place will SUCK YOUR SOUL DRY. You will be dead soon, it WASNT WORTH IT. Our eyes maybe can see the flowers and birds but to feel and to be one with the flowers and birds is a soul moving, not a mind thinking. To go out into the backyard and give nature a quick five minutes ISNT ENOUGH. Not when it’s YOU, you ARE NATURE. YOU ARE WHATS MISSING! It’s evident in the quiet voice, the turned back, the soft sigh. It’s clear in the lonely eyes, the lackluster reply. ITS OBVIOUS to the WILD AND TRUE. But no longer obvious to you? Or would you not know what to do if you faced this primordial pain?
There is an edge to being alive. There is risk, there is a gamble. There is a crazy trust that just rides the waves of your beating heart. “I KNOW this could BE so much more!”
The flower bigger and brighter, the bird higher and on fire! The wolf rages, the mad woman doesn’t slip on your rationality! She opens the moon and steps inside and she interprets the howling into soul stirring movement. She is the fortune teller and she knows. She is not a female, she is a force of nature. Mother Night as I called the upcoming retreat is the reason- she mothers the night. She is the soul womb where all of us glow like embers.
I can’t say it enough. It’s a gradient, it’s relative. What are you REALLY capable of? What can you really create? How high can he truly climb to the the peak of God’s Mountain?
Because I understand, I get it. My cat thinks he’s a dog and won’t jump higher than my dogs can jump. He has no idea who he is. I say “Squiggle jump!” And he has to do little baby hops to his food bowl. This is what happened to us.
The cat thinks he’s a dog because he’s sympathetic and impressionable due to association. Even his instincts have been usurped due to domestication, and this is bewildering when we imagine what may have happened to us! They say you have to “See it to be it.” And it’s so TRUE! I say, “You have to do it to get it.” And I’m RIGHT!
So JUMP! Remember! Let your soul be fed. Be crafty like the fox and maneuver and finagle your way back to a place where you resemble the raw, pristine beautiful creature that you are- OUTSIDE THAT BOX IN YOUR HEAD.
No one can stop you but you. NO MAN, NO CAGE. NO RULE, NO QUARANTINE. NO THOUGHT, NO CONDITION, NO WEAKNESS, NO FEAR. NOTHING.
The soulful path is the most mystical loop hole there is! I offer all I have done, and have become. I offer where I’m going and where I’ll be! And I strive for freedom from a mostly invisible captivity. A captivity that dries out the soul and deadens the primal heart. There is NO MEMORIZED PRAYER OR MANTRA that will make this all go away- this muffled suffering, this implosion.
It is ACTION! You must do it to be it!
I am so happy for all of you that have already vowed to come to Mount Shasta in August to the Mother Night Retreat! The support of the group intention is imperative and is the most profound catalyst for a breakthrough. There is POWER IN NUMBERS that is why wolves stay in packs. Many voices are louder than one voice. What I understand is I do what I do not just for me- but for everyone I know, have ever known and will ever know. Relatives, friends. All beings. I take responsibility within myself for these self imposed ridiculous restrictions and boundaries that destroy so many exquisite potentials in the people I know and love. It’s the only way to make a difference. We do what we do for all of those who are stuck and trapped and beaten down. And honestly, that’s just about everyone whether they recognize it or not. Those that don’t are the saddest of all. Yes, some try to rationalize it and cover it with a “spiritual comment” like-
I do my best.
Life is a dream.
It is what it is.
I accept, I surrender.
I can find meaning.
I have to resolve my karma.
It’s all “Lila.”
And on and on. Where’s your spirit? Where’s your spunk? There’s nothing impressive about resignation! FIGHT BACK! It creates character and strength. I don’t advocate complacency and excuses, why? It’s boring. STIR THINGS UP WITH A SMILE AND A PURPOSE. What are you so afraid of? I know people that claim undying devotion to the “Divine Mother” and then tell me that if they leave an abusive marriage they’ll “end up on the streets homeless” such lip service and such a lie. Practice what you preach. Who do you trust?
All the great ones we know throughout history have always said -basically-
“Stop being a scared baby- put the truth first, have trust, be brave, stand up for something and you’ll be fine!”
So yes, Jesus was hung on the cross for it. Do you HEAR ME?! He followed through NO MATTER WHAT. And so must you if you ever want to GLOW WITH SOUL.
It’s a beauty no word can form. It’s a human filled with everything that’s been missing from this picture, this life so far- a virile, fertile, life giving, GOD with style!
Be an individual and be smart. Don’t give up, GET UP. In the end, it’s the only way. Otherwise basically, life gets spent waiting on you to finally howl out- I AM HERE!
“I gotta thank God, cause he gave me the strength to rock hard.”