I keep talking about surrender and defiance, about caving in and fighting back. Against fate, against bad habits, against consumerism, against conformity, against complacency, against interia, against fear…
What will our lives be for? What are we feeding our souls? We know to eat healthy and exercise- because the negligence is obvious and we can see it in the mirror. What about when our soul is unhealthy and malnourished? What about when we stopped letting our light shine and began fading out? At what point did the scales tip and what can be done? Everything we look at in this world is there to fill the empty hole. To buy it, to get it, to add to ourselves something prestigious.
But the soul is both delicate and unruly. The soul wants what’s warm and raw, not what’s packaged and controlled. Not even in your “sadhana” not even in your “meditation.” It gets so perfect in your head and you get so self righteous and dry. Something is missing, what is missing? We get stuck in a sort of stagnation that is comfortable even- but when the house is quiet and dark -we feel the emptiness that is a true hunger.  We tell ourselves, “It is God I am feeling, my yearning…I’ll cover this loss with a thought or a mantra…” But it isn’t God that is lost, it is God that is calling – from your soul who is starving for something more than the stale reality that surrounds you. We are MORE than our temporary roles as husband wife mother office worker yoga teacher – and because we are more we can’t be nourished by pretending and doing as we were taught anymore. We cannot let it be enough. There is a wild raging beauty inside that roars and paces and needs to be heard and freed. But how can we do that? Where does the edge of stability and functionality meet genius and brilliant nonconformity? I keep saying- “Do it your way,”  but what does that mean when after all these years we lost our TRUE way because of the roles expectations and responsibilities?
You will need to know at this crucial crossroads what is happening to your life. Look around you and all the people. This world, this TV, this schedule, the car ride to the same old place will SUCK YOUR SOUL DRY. You will be dead soon, it WASNT WORTH IT. Our eyes maybe can see the flowers and birds but to feel and to be one with the flowers and birds is a soul moving, not a mind thinking. To go out into the backyard and give nature a quick five minutes ISNT ENOUGH. Not when it’s YOU, you ARE NATURE. YOU ARE WHATS MISSING! It’s evident in the quiet voice, the turned back, the soft sigh. It’s clear in the lonely eyes, the lackluster reply. ITS OBVIOUS to the WILD AND TRUE. But no longer obvious to you? Or would you not know what to do if you faced this primordial pain?
There is an edge to being alive. There is risk, there is a gamble. There is a crazy trust that just rides the waves of your beating heart. “I KNOW this could BE so much more!”
The flower bigger and brighter, the bird higher and on fire! The wolf rages, the mad woman doesn’t slip on your rationality! She opens the moon and steps inside and she interprets the howling into soul stirring movement. She is the fortune teller and she knows. She is not a female, she is a force of nature. Mother Night as I called the upcoming retreat is the reason- she mothers the night. She is the soul womb where all of us glow like embers.
I can’t say it enough. It’s a gradient, it’s relative. What are you REALLY capable of? What can you really create? How high can he truly climb to the the peak of God’s Mountain?
Because I understand, I get it. My cat thinks he’s a dog and won’t jump higher than my dogs can jump. He has no idea who he is. I say “Squiggle jump!” And he has to do little baby hops to his food bowl. This is what happened to us.
The cat thinks he’s a dog because he’s sympathetic and impressionable due to association. Even his instincts have been usurped due to domestication, and this is bewildering when we imagine what may have happened to us! They say you have to “See it to be it.” And it’s so TRUE! I say, “You have to do it to get it.” And I’m RIGHT!
So JUMP! Remember! Let your soul be fed. Be crafty like the fox and maneuver and finagle your way back to a place where you resemble the raw, pristine beautiful creature that you are- OUTSIDE THAT BOX IN YOUR HEAD.
The soulful path is the most mystical loop hole there is! I offer all I have done, and have become. I offer where I’m going and where I’ll be! And I strive for freedom from a mostly invisible captivity. A captivity that dries out the soul and deadens the primal heart. There is NO MEMORIZED PRAYER OR MANTRA that will make this all go away- this muffled suffering, this implosion.
It is ACTION! You must do it to be it!
I am so happy for all of you that have already vowed to come to Mount Shasta in August to the Mother Night Retreat! The support of the group intention is imperative and is the most profound catalyst for a breakthrough. There is POWER IN NUMBERS that is why wolves stay in packs. Many voices are louder than one voice. What I understand is I do what I do not just for me- but for everyone I know, have ever known and will ever know. Relatives, friends. All beings. I take responsibility within myself for these self imposed ridiculous restrictions and boundaries that destroy so many exquisite potentials in the people I know and love. It’s the only way to make a difference. We do what we do for all of those who are stuck and trapped and beaten down. And honestly, that’s just about everyone whether they recognize it or not. Those that don’t are the saddest of all. Yes, some try to rationalize it and cover it with a “spiritual comment” like-
I do my best.
Life is a dream.
It is what it is.
I accept, I surrender.
I can find meaning.
I have to resolve my karma.
It’s all “Lila.”
And on and on. Where’s your spirit? Where’s your spunk? There’s nothing impressive about resignation! FIGHT BACK! It creates character and strength. I don’t advocate complacency and excuses, why? It’s boring. STIR THINGS UP WITH A SMILE AND A PURPOSE. What are you so afraid of? I know people that claim undying devotion to the “Divine Mother” and then tell me that if they leave an abusive marriage they’ll “end up on the streets homeless” such lip service and such a lie. Practice what you preach. Who do you trust?
All the great ones we know throughout history have always said -basically-
“Stop being a scared baby- put the truth first, have trust, be brave, stand up for something and you’ll be fine!”
So yes, Jesus was hung on the cross for it. Do you HEAR ME?! He followed through NO MATTER WHAT. And so must you if you ever want to GLOW WITH SOUL.
It’s a beauty no word can form. It’s a human filled with everything that’s been missing from this picture, this life so far- a virile, fertile, life giving, GOD with style!
Be an individual and be smart. Don’t give up, GET UP. In the end, it’s the only way. Otherwise basically, life gets spent waiting on you to finally howl out- I AM HERE!

“I gotta thank God, cause he gave me the strength to rock hard.”

Sharada Devi


  1. “Love ya so much — tear yer liver out!!”- old Irish sayin

    “Give reason a chance.” – Professorial answer to John and Oko. It’s there to be spat at.

  2. Yes! Live it up! I remember taking the BOLD step of quitting my job and leaving the east coast…to move to California. I was scared as shit…but I new if I stayed any longer…I would get even MORE stuck. Gave up a really great job that was bringing in a lot of money…and left without a plan with a whacky nut from California. THAT only lasted six months….but I DID NOT GO BACK and I NEVER GOT ANOTHER JOB working for THE MAN. I created my own work…doing what I loved. Everyone in the family SWORE I would be back in a year or so…NOPE…Been here since 2006. I felt BOLD doing it…but I did not even question it. I Just KNEW I HAD to go. For my own sanity.
    Fast forward….
    THEN after meeting a guy and being with him for eight years…I posted something on this blog that was talking myself into not leaving him….even though I KNEW it was over (for a few years actually). It was something YOU said Sharada Devi….”sounds like you are trying to talk yourself into buy a used car” or something along those lines. IT JUST HIT ME …BAM….YUCK. I was settling. John was NOT a bad guy AT ALL, quite the contrary – but… it was as stagnant as still pond in the middle of the summer heat… SO….not long after that…I LEFT THE RELATIONSHIP. I was scared of leaving. OMG…what will I do? I have had this partner for so long. Who will be with me when I get old? But, once I took the step and left…it was SO freeing. I felt like I could BREATHE again.
    All these choices we make that are hard and scary make us so much stronger…I have had some people tell me “Oh boy, I wish “I” could do that, you’re so brave.” IF you are stuck…you can UNSTICK yourself. It might take some planning, depending on your situation…I have a friend back east that stuck in not so happy marriage for the longest time…she said she could not leave because of her kid. I asked “but what do you think your kid is picking up (energy) from your ongoing unhappy marriage…and you are staying just for your kid. It kind of puts a lot on that kid, too. THEY KNOW even if you think they don’t know. Well, my friend left about a year after this conversation and is living a much happier life. She even gets along better with her ex than when they were married. Her daughter is happier too… You are only trapped if you THINK you are trapped. It’s just the mind playing tricks on the mind. People were aghast when I moved to CA …”how can you move now when your parents are elderly?” People play the guilt card, a lot. Don’t buy into it. Do what FEELS right to YOU. It will save you from a lot of resentment later. AND the more you do it, the more you align with YOUR OWN TRUTH, the easier it gets…(stop worrying about what others think – people are gonna judge you no matter what you do…so do what is best for YOU). LET’S KICK SOME ASS NOW!


      It’s always a new sunrise though it feels the same. Let’s make TODAY the DAY!🔥

      ANYTHING is possible with the right backup!

      Jai Shiva Omkara

  3. Align, align! Make truth now and forever in the present moment which never begins and therefore logically CANNOT end, despite your upcoming appointment you gotta be on time for. Live in the real, follow the royal path that is ever always here. The word is out that in the simplest way, “you” are already enlightened. But you can’t get there by wanting what is super deeply in you — that ALREADY is (this refers to this weird “time” thing I think, that ever eludes the deepest connection y3o the present. Damn, I dunno. I’m just always searching.) I hear that you FIND it (God). Or maybe S(he) finds you. Anyway….”What are ya lookin’ for God for, He’s not lost.”). So listen, like Sharada Devi says. And listen to the Kermit song too. It’s good. “Samadhi begins as a gap and never ends.” – quote by some weird controversial mystic.

    I just added it here because it rocked.

    1. Yes! Align with the Truth! There is a place, and only YOU know where it is. A place that you know is right for you. A place where you can Honor yourself and are Honored by those who surround you.

      Many of us are fortunate to not be actual captives in a concentration camp, or jail (although it sometimes may feel that way). When we live in ways that don’t align with our truth and goodness, when we accept the unacceptable, and make excuses and point blame, we dishonor God/Universe.

      If you marry or live with someone who is deceitful or unkind in any way, your auras are joined, and will only end up in conflict which in turn creates DISharmony (Karma)…the law of the universe. Deceit and arrogance are death to a partnership. If you stay, you only create more. ONLY unconditional love can hold a couple/family together and keep children safe. BOTH partners MUST BE in that same truth. It HAS to come from both sides. I am convinced of this. The mingling of thoughts in a partnership can either uplift the relationship or completely damage it. If two people aren’t sharing from that eternal source within (limitless Divine energy), they’ll end up siphoning energy from each other weakening the relationship. And with children involved, it perpetuates. If at least ONE parent is strong enough to see this Truth and stand firm in the way of that Truth, there is hope. Children learn from their parents. If you are taking abuse or treated unkindly, chances are, your child will follow in your footsteps. Not only are you being unkind to yourself, but to the other person(s) involved, too. And that energy goes out into the world from you, and from them.

      I have many friends and have had many loving relationships with men with children and heard their stories and witnessed the results. The longer one stays in an unfit, unhealthy environment, the worse it gets and harder it gets to leave. ONLY YOU know, in your gut, in your heart what is the right thing to do. Don’t resist, and don’t submit to deceit, either. Be still, be quiet, be calm and remove yourself from the circumstance. Think the thing through…how to take the steps, then… Trust in God.


      the same thing goes for friendships, work/job choices…if not aligned with grace…you fall.

      BECOME A RAINBOW WARRIOR CHARGING STATION…. heart of love…butterfly waterfalls……

      1. This is VERY important what you wrote!
        TRUE- I know so many who would rather avoid me then just STOP living a LIE!

        And they say they are doing it FOR the children even- SO TRAGIC.

        It causes me great pain to see what is becoming of people as the years go by and they refuse to FACE THE TRUTH AND TURN OVET THE CART!

        Thanks Chandra Ma for spreading light and truth in such dark suffering and bondage

        1. Om Mani Padme Hum!!

          Thank you Sharadadevi! Passing it on…as you helped me back to the light… a couple of years ago.

          16 years ago, I was with a man back east (LOML really) who was so in love with his daughter (not sexual) that it kept him in the marriage for 15 years. The acts of unkindness during their marriage was so bad, that poor daughter had to live in the middle of incredible anger and hate… and it kept growing. My ex put so much into loving his daughter, thinking that THAT would make it okay. It did not. He did eventually divorce….but boy oh boy, that daughter has paid the price. It was like SHE was responsible for the hate…because SHE was the reason they were staying together! I am sorry to say that his daughter has been battling Lupus for the past five years. I am CONVINCED that her illness came about because of the DIS harmony that was with her from toddler age onward. It is just SO sad…and it kills me to see people NOT thinking the thing through. Being with a person who is unkind or subtly tears you down can make you sick…mentally if not physically. I have seen whole personalities change…my friend used to be bubbly and fun (like me!) and she stayed in a marriage where she was put down (oh so subtly…almost unnoticeable…but there just the same) told to be quiet or settle down or get with the program….her feelings were denounced….she is worn…and hardly smiles…and if she does, it’s a kind of numb smile…almost like she is afraid to relax, at all. My heart beats faster as I write this…because to me…it is scary shit. That someone can have that much control over a person.

          Om mani padme hum….I pray for all those out there to believe in yourself…be it leaving an unhappy relationship, an underpaying unhappy work environment, a blase’ friendship, whatever it is….I pray that you see that goodness and strength within yourself. YOU KNOW YOU ARE SMART….start telling your self that every morning when you wake up and before you go to sleep at night. YOUR LIFE IS AT STAKE. NO JOKE. I can’t waste anymore time on unhappy, meaningless things….ESPECIALLY NOW with all that is going on around us…people are freaking out….don’t let yourself be one of them. WE MUST ALL BECOME RAINBOW WARRIORS. Love to anyone reading this that it might help…… OM OM OM

  4. …just an add on…to my last post. It IS possible (all things are, aren’t they?) that something could turn around…but it takes change within oneself. I think I commented in a previous one of Sharada Devi’s blog posts about my mother going to Al-Anon a month before my father went to AA and quit drinking. I was one of the “fortunate” persons to see two people go through hell and come out on the other side. Shit…I was in hell with them…but whatever. The point is…if there is a WILL there IS a a way. But be damn certain it’s for real…and not a game. I just needed to add this because not everything is so cut and dry. Miracles do happen…I think they did with my parents. Part miracle and mostly hard solid work and commitment to each other. Was it ideal? As best as it could be after all that transpired for 20 years. The best part was that I saw how a couple CAN work through the hardest situations….and come out on the other side. Perfect? No. My mother still put up with a lot. Actually, my father did, too. But, I see in ALL intimate relationships. when there is true love for one another and total commitment to the RELATIONSHIP, it CAN work. It means looking DEEP and one usually KNOWS the truth.

  5. LOVE that. Chandra Ma: look DEEP.

    Right now I’m just looking deep and not stopping looking. I’m writing this, of course, too. Before I crash out and go to bed. Looking beyond, Gate, Gate. Not “at,” just looking. Looking. Looking. Looking is being and not being aware of something. But just looking as though there is absolutely nothing at all to look at. Defocusing. Yet there is focus in a small kind of way which also feels good in addition to the defocusing. Nice balance. Those somethings in the mind pop in and out of awareness. But beyond them is just nobody being aware. Awareness “of” is “I am aware…” Nobody is doing anything for little moments in time, little peeks beyond the clouds and into the sky. But doing sure happens and it feels good. Being happens too.

    Do Be…Ok?


    And it’s just all disappearing into experience and out of experience and all of it is breathing in and out into a steady solid flow of sky meditation. Or whatever it is. If it’s BS and my own schlocky version, what do I care?

    You guys all are connected to your skies of mind. There’s only one sky anyway. Despite those pesky and innumerable dualities along the way. There’s still always only one sky. We are all sky. With innocent human faces peering out. Some with real smiles. Some are dad. Crying. Despairing. We have all the emotions.
    No foolish bliss; just embracing of the bliss. And the dark. The deep emotions. Be them. You are them. You are ancient spiritual DNA.

    Om, Maha Lakshmi
    Om 🙏❤🎶

    1. YOU ARE very DEEP, Patrick. I have to read and reread what you write. I love it. It makes me think. And then I have to just stop and let go…..SKY MIND….OPEN. I love that defocusing you mentioned. I love that feeling when my eyes let go of trying….that defocusing when it is borderline blur…sometimes almost a cross eyed feeling. Or maybe not for you. It’s been happening recently. Perhaps it’s because I have been reading so much. Maybe I need to go to the eye doctor.

      “Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves.”
      ~ Nisargadatta Maharaj

  6. ❤ Love the totally apt Nisargadatta quote, Chandra Ma. Love this one. Well, if I’m really deep and I appreciate (my ego appreciates it for sure anyways!) that you say this, then know that it takes one to know one! ❤✨🐅

  7. Chandra Ma: I think I hear you regarding “maybe I need to go to the eye doctor.”

    Yeah. Borderline blur. I guess it not only could be actual sight through the actual eyes that is defocusing, but a defocusing in the mind that gives relief from the constant narrowing of focus that distracts us from an underlying essence of being and love. Sure we get the necessary distraction when we see how the cop murder of George Floyd is getting solidarity protest worldwide now. We see how everything is connected, where it is connected and where it is disconnected. Both /and. So I need to focus. But I also need to defocus.

    It’s all Lila. But surely Lila is not just shrugging off something that is not in my focus and calling it Lila. The dance of life is the life AND the destruction. The excitement AND the boredom. The ego AND the ego. The oneness AND the disillusionment. Life is always bigger than you and me, and yet without you and me, whoever we care, life just wouldn’t be the same.

    Participante how YOU participate. Because YOU are part of US.

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