Starry Starry Night

I was raised in a really bad religious cult- so I had all sorts of ideas of what God was going to do to me because I was no good- so when I was old enough I went my own way…and was technically godless as soon as I got away from my parents and their God.

That latest for a few years of reckless insanity, self destructive debauchery and subsequent immorality. Until one day I woke up and basically,
I was born again. It started the night before…

I was staying at a friends house and he had a night job and so he would leave at 7pm and didn’t get home until 7am. On this night, at about midnight, I went into this room where he had all these books on meditation, psychic protection, witchcraft etc… so I picked up this book on meditation and after reading it for awhile l decided to give it a try…so I laid down and closed my eyes, concentrating on the third eye.
After about 10 minutes I had this experience and I saw something inside my mind and I knew and I remembered who I was. It was very overwhelming and I started crying and went outside. I looked up to the stars with tears blurring my vision and said “I finally found you” and they heard me. And it was God.

I was born again. Truly, that quickly.

The next morning around 5 am a very calm woman’s voice woke me up saying “Michelle…Michelle…” and I laid there with my eyes open listening to her while she told me everything- what this is, why I’m here, what I have to do…and then she erased it all from my ordinary consciousness. Now I remember only my name being called, that she talked to me for about 20 minutes- and that she said in the end “this is going to be very hard on you”

She was from those stars- and I know they gave us everything. They gave us numbers and letters. They gave us God. When they come they often don’t want you to remember because it will be too hard to be here and we will miss them too much…but I remember you.

And for the 20 years since that night- I have no other focus but my devotion to that love and my commitment to this obscure mission that I’m on. And I brood and I go wild. I spend hours just staring at the wall and sometimes the door…both inside and out.

I’m attached to a string burning in a white fire. When I open my eyes I see you everywhere written on the wall, behind the door…and I want you to remember and I don’t know what to do…

Bhagavan Das says I have a death wish. He says I’m not into this world- I don’t want to eat- I don’t really like food- I barely sleep and I can’t look at people without suffering. I guess he’s right…I don’t get it at all- what it’s all for- except maybe it’s about this map that God holds…here’s why…

Not long ago, God burned a hole in my stomach and pulled out this map- he said, “Where are we going and why are you so angry?”

Well I thought God was smarter than that but I guess I was wrong. So I said, “You tell me God”

and that might not have been such a good idea…because then he disappeared and I’m still looking for the answer-

All I know is that I was dropped off here and I’m just not that into it-nobody cares and nobody sees. I don’t think it’s possible for (actual) humans to get “enlightened” so regardless, I’m supposed to “save the world” and feed all the homeless dogs- like I’m this big ship- right…I’m just an outcast -a butcher- a big question who likes to cause trouble….a sinking body in an endless sky…

And I see you falling as stars that were never here- the ones I call out to…seeming so bright- but then you land upon these dark water and disappear into the undertow- I was waiting but no one ever came…

and so I’m angry because I love you and I want to burn you and take you home with me.

And so what am I supposed to do here? How can I paint you the picture or write you the words…

and so I look at the canvas, and it’s just blank. I used to be a painter, I never learned, I just did it. I’d see faces and places out of nothing and I’d just trace what I saw in my mind  and paint it until it made sense, until I felt something living, until I felt I set something free.

I’m getting this out, what tortures me.

Maybe I’m exaggerating because I’m often a bit dramatic- but yes, it’s ok, I’ve pulled myself together and I can maintain- but I’m tormented by my otherworldly love, where shall I put her? I’ll give her to you but you’ll misunderstand and board her back up again-accusing her, containing her, tying her to you.

But then again, I’ve already done that- and until I found you in the prison of these pages I thought that maybe I was alone in my world of shadows and moods. My world with no ground, no bottom to sink into.

(I’m not an artist is what I’m trying to say, I’m a gate keeper and I open the gate. I make our heartache more sacred. I seduce us into another world…our world. The world we really come from because it isn’t this one…)

So I melted through the floor. I spread myself out. I prayed to the flame. I painted a picture of the morning. “I know she’ll be back” I thought to myself…

I want to let you out. I want to let you in. I saw this shooting star last night that almost hit me and I really thought it was you. That they sent you back to get me…and so I would have been happy to die, shot by the sky…
it’s already electrocuted me once…and I’m here, wires and all – tearing my grave from this canvas.

And so I thought I saw death once but he turned the corner so fast…
I know it’s the man with his dark windows rolled up-
“I don’t want any of this.”
“Do you want to make a deal” he said.

“I can’t” I said and I just kept going…

and then I came to this big door that was open a crack and saw all this red light coming from inside…and a voice said, “Are you coming back for more?

I looked inside- and saw all these people tied to electric chairs. Then the voice said,
“Are you waiting for something to happen?”

“God? Is that you? Where are we?”

I’m crazy, I told you – but mostly I’m just bored…and Im rattling all these cages because her anger is righteous and her wrath is divine. And it doesn’t matter if I live or die because as God is my witness, I know I touched your heart.

And that’s what he meant.
And that’s where I am.
Inside the love ❤️

Sharada Devi

24 thoughts on “Starry Starry Night”

  1. last night i ran into an old friend who now has a lot of physical pain…i told him about my life and the promotion that i got recently and we laughed that if only they knew who i really was…then during the spiritual practice i thought of him and i felt really sympathetic toward him and started crying during the practice…i had to text him and tell him that i was sad that he was in pain…that i was glad that he said he was doing better…and that i was thinking and praying for him…and i did…hands together before the most sacred place i can go…then this little guy from California that i was working with today needed a little counseling…he commutes from California to the east coast to work at a company…the company i work for…thats shrinking…and he turned down a job at a west coast company thats growing…he was so timid and making so many mistakes…and im intimidating cause im his boss and i see him screwing up…but he was just this innocent little person trying so hard…making terrible decisions…and i took him aside…told him it was nice working with him…and encouraged him to call back the other company and ask if he can still work there…he said i was the second person to tell him that…he thanked me profusely with this look of desperation in his cute little face…im not always the helper…i take more than my fair share of the help…but its nice to think of other people and to love them in any way that you can…

    1. That’s the best side of Saturn conjunct your ascendant Shane- because it’s a hard aspect to live with especially in childhood.. (Bhagavan Das also has Saturn conjunct his ascendant)
      The best side is, at your best, when you spiritualize Saturn and express the highest and most beautiful Saturn qualities,
      you can be a father to this world….
      it takes time (Saturn rules time) but it’s really the goal with that aspect.
      A Divine Father. The world needs you.

    2. HI SHANE,
      Once upon a time when I was 21, I was sitting behind the temple in India with my Guru Neem Karolie Baba, He looked at me and threw his hands in the air and said ” You don’t have a father” then he said ” I am your Father” so that makes me the son of God. It’s a hard job in America to be the son of God. It’s really easy in India. everybody gets it because that have each other, they have family. We are a spiritual family……..coming from the same mold. It’s a Clan, a tribe of Pluto. The way is open hearted connection with another soul, after all we are in a very bad situation here on earth.
      Pure love and compassion leads the way, all else is just another power trip of the mad monkeys.
      You’ve got the banana, just eat it…….slowly. We live inside the Volcano. We know Her face all to well. She is the muse who writes these words to you my friend. We have come into the sacred circle in cyberspace………… you have awakened Bodhichitta, this is the bindu, the drop. Eat the world or the World eats you. She is a hungry Mother. love baba bhagavan das

        1. YEs. Pluto rules Scorpio. Some of us-
          BD, me, Shane, Tara Devi and also you-
          (as an example) have it more emphasized-
          Which would be 1)having planets in Scorpio
          2) having planets in the eighth house (house of scorpio) and 3) having Pluto aspect your personal planets or angles-

          This creates a very intense life- often with
          a lot of pain and loss- but we pull through for a reason- because we are STRONG- and
          we rise from the ashes like the Phoenix (ruled by scorpio)

          We should have a convergence- all PLUTO
          people come to our house for a revival
          of song and spirit. I can hear the eagle
          calling (also Scorpio)
          – the snake and Scorpion are the dark and destructive side of Scorpio- deadly- and they sting- and we should play safely and be
          careful with our tongue….

  2. “he said, do you want to make a deal?”

    Well how does it feel…… to be on your own, with no direction home, a complete unknown, like a rolling stone?” Bod Dylan said that.

    Outside he lay down, that sadhu he lay down, on the cold hard ground. He looked up at the starry night ” Lucy in the Sky” He went home to the seven sisters, his true home, where he came from.

    “Oh Sirius I hear you call,” God said “tell me….. speak to me your words inside of shadow and light.”

    It’s your voice and nobody else’s that’s going to save you. From what? The cosmic merry-go round, do you see the gold ring? God lives behind the Sun, she told me that. So up we go. go. go. gone beyond the beyond why not?

    Into the stars, it’s right off the tip of the great dipper. The north star is in your belly button, the demon Rahu in your forehead, the flag on top your head.

    She just said “Heal, get back Jack…… don’t get ahead of yourself. Just make the spot and sit down and become the dot.”

    Open the door Kali, open the door. Shanti Prakash aka Bhagavan Das

  3. i don’t feel like i belong here.
    i never have.
    Even amongst some of the more unusual beings that i have met.
    i still feel separate in my being.
    Like i have yet to find a home
    or that no one speaks my language
    At least those that i come across
    in person in this world.
    i can interact. Meet on a common human level.
    But there is always a distinct difference.
    A not wholly fitting in…
    A not understanding what i am really saying.
    The side ling looks of miscommunication.
    People talk about aliens. People from other worlds.
    But in the end they just keep on watching the nightly news cast.
    Anchored to the lost ship of fools.

      1. Have also been having MORE frequent experiences of coincidences
        ( i know that you have said there are none )
        Or synchronistic activity.
        Does that MEAN anything?
        Some of it based around things that i am unaware of, then exposed to
        and then it shows up randomly.

  4. This suffering ……..
    is the common thread to our existence
    between you and everyone/everything else in phenomena
    It is our condition; the veil of ignorance, and no one can escape it
    and as you say, there is no enlightenment
    You are aware of this veil and it pisses you off, but you do not hide or turn away,
    because it is the truth of life.
    You rattle your cage;
    You jerk and tear at the veil;
    everywhere you look and everyone you see,
    you see the veil,
    and long to escape.

    This longing, love dog,
    is truth, goodness and beauty,
    and You are the blessed one.
    (you know that)

    here is one for you

    The time has come for me to be at home in my body. (That’s what I say, but who is this “I”?) “I” does not know how she got here, or why she is where he is, where she needs to go (or not go) but this is not where I is supposed to be, is it? Or is it to be? “I” has no idea where I came from, or where I’s home is, but I is ready to be here now now. Just be, puppy. The only alternative to this is that I is a crazy person. OK. My choice is made. (I will now just sit, but wait while I shit)
    1)- To allow myself to be vulnerable by opening to the mystery is an invitation for others to make that allowance for themselves. Unless we all go, none of us go. Often, instead of moving into the mystery, the “other” offers advice on how we can fix that broken-ness inside of us that they see (in them) instead of their beauty. For them, the availability of the awesome unknown is a fearful place that should be avoided. We have no control in that place. We are open to Spirit’s movement and presence. Let’s GO!!!
    1)- To open to the mystery, acknowledging the suffering, without allowing the related feelings to carry me gravitationally to the material place of despair….Let’s GO!!!!~
    1)-To remember that everyone is struggling, and no one knows. Suffering is turned away from as the burden is too much to carry. There is fear that looking at the suffering and the unknown will take us down. It is safer to hide in amusement, glitter or addiction. No Hiding, okay?
    1)- hold your power. Share your openness only with those who have given up control of their own.
    The rising and setting sun traveling on the silent river reflects “remember your gift”, and not give away your power to the machine of forgetfulness. The fire burns and does not ask forgiveness. Let’s GO!!~!~
    1)- I do not need to be wedded to loss. I want something to come towards me that is not addictive, too expensive, cancerous or will betray me. Not material, I guess. It comes now, Let’s GO!!!!!
    1)- I do not know why love tarries, but listen, the snow has angel wings.
    1)-just because nice guys finish last does not mean that I should not be a nice guy.
    1)-pray to be spared from the answer people.
    1)-let’s all moan and whine a little while we wait. okay?

    1. Simultaneous rattling of cages
      in a jangle of alchemical fluidity
      creating an ethereal symphony
      prompting the angels to sing
      in harmonic tones
      that teach our ears
      to hear in new
      and magfiicent
      ways of understanding
      songs of starlight

  5. news from the S U N of god. Just go outside, it,s always better than inside. Look at the Blue Sky robe that mother KALI wears, here come the chemtrails rainning down posion upon us. They worship the demon king but to no avail. Rama won, his arrow of truth is our pure heart. Mother Nature is god and will tell you which way to go to find the water hole. What to do? Go into the center of the Sun every morning and breath in the rays. remember it,s all a dream says love dog. She sings to me in silvery waves of wind-song. Be still and know that we are here to connect with the light behind the Sun. Throw your arms up over your head, breath in OM feel the light go deep down to the belly-button, hold it as AH…….
    that,s it….. breath out HUUUUUUUMMMMMM from the heart. Be a living prayer wheel, just keep spinning. it,s what love dogs do and then we run free. bdas

  6. Zen Dog
    (7/02/2010)

    Love Dog is no Buddhist, but
    she knows the suffering is real;
    at least for now.
    she’d smell anybody’s butt,
    lookin’ for the scent of truth.

    It’s easy enough to hide
    behind the cloak of enlightenment.
    Any yogi can sit;
    but not every yogi
    can sit with suffering in
    all its gross smelling truth;
    take off their white robe;
    wipe the pus from your behind;
    and then kiss your lips the way a lover needs;
    No way.

    “Why aren’t you up there on the mountain”
    they ask.

    It’s no Secret.

    When suffering comes knocking on their door and
    lets itself in regardless of “no reply”,
    their reality suddenly changes,
    and there is nothing to hide behind.
    Then Love Dog will be the First Responder;
    lickin’ away…..
    and all she wants
    is a little lovin,
    even tho’ she knows
    that when they’re feelin’ better,
    they’ll hide again,
    and probably kick her in the ass.

    Love Dog knows that it’s ALL yoga.
    Posted by red crow at 12:54 AM

  7. This is not a reply to red crow.
    ————————————————————————–
    i did not listen to Sharada Devi’s above posted video before now.
    thinking that i had heard it before,
    But upon listening again, it took on new meaning.
    And i applied it to two distinct individuals.
    Two lovers, past and present.
    one who could not be enduring, and was intense.
    And one who is present and cannot be intense or endure the present me.
    Both taught me of art.
    in differing ways.
    and yet in their distinct palates
    which are of differing hues
    i am still not imbued
    with a substantial quality of presence or endurance.

    i am a lone tonal presence
    a specter of infinite color spectrum
    expanded out into the universe
    in diversity and spatial quality
    unknown in any color palette
    a hue yet to be declared
    a rarified tone
    clarified
    and lead
    only by the eternal wandering and song
    of Narada Muni
    in His ever longing quest of
    praising the name
    of Narayana
    i remain
    in the present
    a searching soul
    trying to find my way home

    1. As yogi Bhajan would say,
      “May the long time sun shine upon you.
      All love surround you.
      And the pure love within you
      guide your way home.”

      You’re not lost. You’re on your way…
      and the road is rugged and treacherous teraine- through the valley of our aching hearts.
      That’s all it is, an aching heart
      beloved Radhe.

  8. Let me tell you how simple this all is….it is all inside you…every star, all the gods and goddess, there is nothing separate from you…every breath every expression is only that …
    Words only point at best…I am so all is..and you are that my Dear!

    Big Love,
    Richard

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