sideways 8

I could have been the snow queen, I could have wrapped myself in ice. And maybe for a little while I could have been a cool, silvery blue mist that covers the mountain until the peak is white. I could have been even stranger still, hovering between the sky and the earth like the striking eyes of a genius or a madman. My sheer violet veins could have climbed all the way to the northern star and still the gaze of my freeze would stay, wicked cold and sharp like the beak of deep hunger. A love so full of forever that I destroy the fate of now into never. It’s not you, it’s me, remember my words and the softness of time said another way…

so if you are waiting for a sign that’s says “I’m here, I promise, come this way” with an arrow pointing up or down you might be mistaken, forgiven, or up for grabs, who’s to say “how low can you go?” who’s to say “how high is the sky?” who’s to say, “I know the way?”

Not me.

I am the meaningless one, on the way to that place where nobody looks… people keep acting like I’m not being spiritual, like there’s a force to be reckoned with on the other side of the bible’s belt. That belt has spikes that leave marks and when you’re bad you get beaten. People act like there’s something more important to do like save the world from animal eaters, like there’s a bloodless knife and a cleaner fork in a different drawer to be used for teeth less sharp than theirs. Well, if all that’s true then I’m a recovering liar and I’ll say whatever I want if it makes me more real than the person swiping my card…

corruption lies at the tips of my crystal fingers,ย while redemption follows the swan across the melting ice water…”come this way….” I’ll make it all happen no matter what, so that my last smileย left floating, drifting upon the water, will break your heart forever. That’s what I meant, love is broken and perfectly still.

I glow hot or cold in the pain of my heart and I’mย not looking for bliss, I’m looking for you.

I am a loner and words flip off of me like I made the letters, but I’m only the one who carries what’s lost, I bring the broken back together, not because love hurts but because love stays no matter how deep the snow or dark the matter. And the topic of love and hearts is so obscure I feel stupid, and I’m not looking for anything I don’t already have. Thinking is murder and like a perfect bird blown away by the wind, you’re wasting your time trying to fly.

If the heart could live, the head would die. And if you’re still walking around anyway looking for something regal and preserved in ice, you’re mistaken. Red lips sting when the kiss is tight.
The white swan never gets dirty. The holy water is filled with trash and still I glide upon this purgatory like I’m doing what I love…

getting hurt, facing pain, feeling heat, melting ice, floating on a trash filled swamp, emanating roses, giving away the madness that kept you still, believing in your crazy smile, going inside to find the blind, hearing the song of her death filling the sky going nowhere, lifting pieces of me out of nothing and returning to god’s love that is broken and sure of the outcome. I didn’t say all of this to hear myself talk, to be a writer or to make a point.

I said because I feel. I love because I am.ย I have no other faith than to find myself in every last trace of hello and goodbye.

And the snowflakes fall into the frosty water and the trees have lost their leaves. And everything is almost frozen and the animals seem to be gone. “Spiritual” is a word best used in the summer when it’s safe to say I love you. But the dark fire in the white ice doesn’t even have to say the words to make them felt. I love you forever is beyond construction…

“Destroy me once and for all” is beyond the realm of death’s grasp. And on a higher plane of revery lies a goat without a head, tirelessly shedding blood in all directions. I really meant it when I said your name. The crux of edgeless wisdom cuts through all invisible shame. It is the voice of God through thick and thin that told me where to go. And if you think I’m just recklessly spouting off random self indulgent rattle, you’re wrong. I make perfect the way of the word. And when the snow falls upon my moonlit crown as I sit all alone upon my ageless throne of ice, I never get cold or tired of you. And when my eyes burn in circles from the center of hell’s flame as I look at you from every angle I never get hot or bothered by the friction.

Suffice it to say, I know this is just another entry and you miss me in the meaning every time, and so I spin all alone on the ice tracing the great sideways 8…burning through an immoveable block of fire…

cracking the code.

Sharada Devi

37 thoughts on “sideways 8”

  1. Plug the hole, you just got to plug the hole, the water is flowing, hurry and plug the hole, stick it in, deeper and deeper can you feel me now? Where am I? Is this trash world the pure land of bliss? Are we just waiting in another shitty hotel room for the end of night and then the day slays the darkness. She sails us on ice, and we slide on mirror mind moon. she hangs like the edge of her blade kissing the morning star. We never knew her, she was always in the kitchen behind the stove, cooking up the bone to moan and her blood mixed in the soup of skull cup dancing. We flip for the hole, stick it in and then we did it, and how deep can we go to know the womb of light. This nowness is really all we got to go on, hungry ghosts drinking pee on the side of the road. Well golly gee someones got to feed them, at least I remember what the old man told me. You know the old man and the sea. I told the crazy boy “She holds all the cards, you can never win, she’s the queen of hearts and all I am is the two of diamonds” But we dance and sing and pass the time on the road driving the dogs around. So goes the spin and we’re caught in the web of her eyes, we feel the breeze as she comes in for the big bite.
    happy sidways 8,
    das soham

    1. This is funny. Mirror mirror I am a hole.
      Stuck in overdrive and going down faster
      than I had originally planned. Driving the dogs around the rim of the hole, discussing
      how we like tight asses and pretty smiles.
      This is funny. Drinking piss while some dogs
      eat shit, but we don’t care because we are who we are…I love the sharp edge of monotony less than I love the dull ache of a
      rotten mind. And since I know you give complements to the cook, I’ll feed you forever with the fork in my pants.
      Whoever thought they knew the whiter side of
      the princess was wrong and she doesn’t eat
      apples, she eats snakes. Love love love
      bites like my sexy dog Bodhi sattva…
      blood all over the mirror rubbed in ice
      and still, nobody remembers my birthday.
      Hahaha. It’s snake oil anyway…slippery
      and deep, born again in the soup.
      forever on the stovetop of IT.
      It is the 8 stirring me into you…
      in a sleazy hotel on the side of the road.
      hahaha. This is funny.

      1. “bites like my sexy dog bodhi sattva”

        your willful negligence allowing your dog to bite people that you have a problem with is vindictive and cruel…and you seem to get off on it…I’m glad someone does I guess…

        if he were a bigger dog it would be a crime…

        1. looks like you take things too literally also. You know the reason -and he’s only
          enforcing the law- the rules you agreed
          to and then didn’t follow- I said long ago
          there are no secrets that I don’t know- and my dog is only protecting his master. He sees everything too. So the answer would be not that I not be cruel, but that you not be thinking we can’t see where you’ve been when you come in or out of the door -the door that you still think separates you from others (even after all you’ve seen). And the answer would have been everything we told you. So why blame me or a dog? And I wasn’t talking about you or to you when I wrote it- it wasn’t literal- just like clearly the rest wasn’t literal- so why be offended? I keep saying it’s not ALWAYS
          about YOU and I mean it. But thank you for posting- it’s been a long time.

        2. PS- and also the complete phrase would be (from my reply to Bhagavan Das’s post)
          “love love love bites
          like my sexy dog Bodhi sattva”
          -very poetic- and if you experience love as cruel and vindictive that’s really the issue that you may not want to be willfully neglegent of…it’s obviously not about me at all.

  2. Ma,
    Don’t step on Freshly Fallen snow
    Like I don’t know..
    For sake, Step like I Am
    Covering you-r shoe!
    In this frozen moment,
    I’m melt, Sideways for You.. Hey Ma…
    -Kali, in glimmering Silence, as I stumble into, A white Christmas tree, surrounded by You, Black Mama๐Ÿ‘€๐Ÿ‘ฝ๐Ÿ”ฅ
    Ma, step my face in, as long as you, are met
    Under Your feet,
    With Freezing hot breath. Every time Now
    Thank Youโ„๏ธ๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ’ฅ
    Yours, without a word,

    1. Wayne the train,
      steep and deep
      climbing her hair
      to be the star
      on top.
      you’re very smart
      and clever-basically,
      the little engine
      who could.
      “I think I can.
      I think I can.”
      faster and faster
      until words become wind
      and love becomes fire.
      and so you are
      forever mine…
      burning the tracks
      with nothing left
      but the god fuel
      of her destination-
      obviously it’s more desire!
      I’m not saying you’re little,
      I’m saying you’re bigger than size!
      since “Hahaha” is even written on my halo,
      it’s ok for me to talk this way!
      โค๏ธโ˜€๏ธโค๏ธthe sunrise is you.

      1. https://youtu.be/-Gpm7Hgi1ME

        If I’m measured, as I drink the blood
        from your chalice, like a rite-
        It is not from fear. but from a tender
        place. I hold it up
        And catch the glimmer
        To become
        A swimmer
        In your timeless night,
        Your simple, floating friend
        So much
        Less๐Ÿ’ฅ
        ๐Ÿ’€

        1. i love your videos.
          charm is alive, adorably fearless!
          unusually unadorned like the
          raw power of the shining sun
          โ˜€๏ธโ˜€๏ธโ˜€๏ธโ˜€๏ธโ˜€๏ธโ˜€๏ธโ˜€๏ธโ˜€๏ธโ˜€๏ธโ˜€๏ธโ˜€๏ธโ˜€๏ธ

          1. I hope everyone listens to Wayne’s soulful depths right here:

            the tracks https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e799yhOV-Vc

            Ok. Wayne is perfect. He makes me love him.
            He makes me happy. He could not be more adorable if he tried. He is everything that
            means anything- /and I was right, you are
            a fearless leader- and you show others what
            the sun looks like when he smilesโ˜€๏ธ
            creative and so bright and warm.
            Thank you!

          2. i listen 2 all of brother Wayne’s offerings
            with much love and gratitude, always
            this most recent one is so heart touching
            the last one so banjo soulful and endearing
            and i wanted to remark yesterday
            but did not have the right words to say
            how i love that deep heart music
            could not find proper words
            so went un- said
            I love you Wayne, “You make my heart sanng”
            Can’t wait 2 meet U
            Of course we all love U
            perhaps
            some times
            soliloquies to Sharada Devi
            r better left
            untouched
            and so
            stand back
            and let it flow
            but
            we
            any-way
            i
            see
            and hear
            the
            intrinsic
            real
            of the letting
            go
            and so
            love you
            even
            mo…

            ๐ŸŒน ๐Ÿ•‰ โค๏ธ

  3. So looks like it is going to be bone soup all around
    everybody supping deep
    Just how much of a coyote trickster are you?
    i asked
    you said – hey 19
    but that is days aways
    were u play’n with me?
    again

  4. i did not come on here now to glorify Wanye…. witch i do with God and all the angels
    praise you dearest soul, and so happy and glorified to meet you again!!!!
    In this cyber space..
    So you see Baba… flowers do come to fruition in this cyber space
    but what do i know….
    i really just came here tonight to say
    Thank you
    because you have given me the space to be free
    and the opportunity to speak free
    out in the “other world”
    where it is not so easy
    it is hard to find a true reality to BE
    and when it comes
    it feels so freeing
    like touching souls
    like finding a kindred spirit in a shopping place and
    sending the message on and on and on
    i saw it today…
    Messangers
    that is what we must BE
    angels
    messangers
    are Bhodisattvas
    And Shane…
    we kiss much more than we bite…

    i love you all so much
    so ecstatically happy to be in touch…
    (i am subject to scrutiny…)
    but just had to say it !

    no second guessing
    and …
    u tell me dear one…?

  5. Complex
    Accomplice
    Scared to hurt
    Scarred from her
    Sacred lessons
    Searing with awareness
    Waiting for a hum
    Pink glow from within
    Light down the hall
    Ferocious swell
    Moon landing
    Baiting for a gun
    Milk flow of my mind
    Sight around the wall
    Hopeless pastel
    Scented lasting
    Where’s the beam?
    Prayers for leme
    Shares’ of dreams
    Dinner with llamas
    My rainbow cards have been dealt
    Fire and love felt
    Blessings
    Blessings
    Blessings
    Driving into the heart of the sun
    Blinding the smart and the dumb
    Grinding into chert
    Siding with the dirt
    Nonetheless the best
    What is this?
    When can I go home?
    MOTHER!
    Om

    I would love to collaborate with Wayne and make some recordings. Beautiful music and writings – thanks for sharing your soulful resonance and passion. Respects and love.

  6. Hi, Paul. You’re welcome. Your turn. I want something from Mars, hard and fast. And since I know you’re not going to do it, I’ll see you later.
    Venus breath

    1. Wayne is the way.
      poignant. touching. profound.
      soul stirring. freedom found.
      to be you is the way.
      Thank you!๐ŸŒน

  7. Wayne,
    Was I too literal?
    Did you want to sing on it, or me?
    Maybe it’s crap..
    Yet it seems to sparkle in sequence when I watch and feel her music flow..

    Thank you Sharada

    1. Howling at the moon.
      Wayne of Soul.
      Warm wolf glow.
      Tracks in the snow,
      Follow me home.
      Beautiful and haunting.
      primal and instinctive.
      heartfelt all the way…

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