I have these dreams and we’re little people or maybe everything else is just really big, it’s hard to tell and we’re walking on the same beach in the same place where we always meet, in the night worlds, the astral lands, and the waves are gigantic, like a hundred feet high, like a wall crashing just next to us as we walk, these little bodies in no harm at all. The waves are crystal silvery blue and the sea gulls are giant too. Pure white wings at least 20 feet across and we’re just little and walking and I don’t even know where we’re going. It’s a beach that doesn’t end and it’s an ocean that’s misunderstood I would say. And in this dream, which it’s actually not because it’s really a place we meet, both the sun and moon are in the sky together and there’s no way to tell if it’s dusk or dawn, the twilight is where we are and the whales blow huge fountains of water into the sky almost high enough to touch the moon. But she’s only got eyes for the sun, whose shining to shine just for her. And what’s strange is I’m not sure whose in charge, where we all go, how it ends. The sky and the ocean rival for the inbetween, the inbetween is where the sun and moon finally get to stay together and the inbetween is where we meet almost every night and make promises to each other. It’s very mysterious plus we are not humans. I’ve been saying I’m not but you’re not either, so I hope you can deal with the implications of that, of the sea in the stars that we come from, of why we come at all and of where we will meet once it’s over. Well, it’s never over just like the waves never actually crash. But the reason is, nothing can keep us apart in the world where none of this matters, little fuzzy bodies we inhabit, like the sky, we’re completely unknown but to each other on nights like these.
This beach is covered in feelings and emotions are making the waves and fishes and lights leap in and out of the sky. The love keeps us together and what is love? It’s that nothing stops a magnet from pulling, it’s the force of the moon on the water, it’s the way you keep finding me and I say, come back, we don’t go here…this is just a hallway, a tunnel to touch pain. I think love is pain honestly. The greatest pain creates the most poignant beauty. I see that beauty as you, everything perfect pain could create. These little frail bodies of pain, so omniscient in our expression, when we’re real that is, when we’ve faced the naked mirror and loved her more than the righteous God. When we’ve abandoned rules and regulations for the sake of the poem. When we’ve set fire to books and clothes that create bondage. This is where I keep coming, this inbetween astral land generated by earth, the need is we feed back the light, we touch the light body, we open the pain of what this is. We are little and our hearts are too big. This is a curse and who knows why? I know why. We are supposed to be invisible and become wild like an unknown flower in an unseen field, we are supposed to use our bodies as waves of light, as hands that show this flower, to make the flower seen to humans. The heart flower, where we meet is in the sky. And don’t think I’m crazy. I’m living in all these special worlds at once and they’ve all got their own direction, way of facing the muse, who is this thing we can’t stop calling a mirror. She’s the mirror. And so you stare at her and tell her she’s mistaken? She’s the writing on the wave, the sun, the sky, she’s the drawing, the dancer, the love making divinity. And you break mirrors because they aren’t you, it’s true. They aren’t. Always should you know, I’ll be your mirror and that’s why we go there, to find out why we see at all. We see because colors are sounds and they make us feel, yes it’s the pain. Shapes separate us so we have someone to see, eyes that pull out sorrow and God light like poison from a snake bite. Pain is God.
When you understand this deeply enough then love is God, but it’s pointless to keep saying God is love when you’re numb and make love with a mask on. It’s all coming down to fear, fear of exposure of what’s revealed by the muse, the oracle body who knows you inside and out. I’m hung up on these hang ups, because of the pain of human bondage, because I love poison. So useless, the avoidance of suffering. Move into her I would say. Poison is God. I would know. Look at the light who never leaves, the stab in your heart when I tell you I love you, it’s pain, this love. Because our bodies are too little and my love is God and it’s just too much, this poison, this pain that makes me so big. Come let me love you, the place inbetween where secrets shine from the sky, stars with names and reasons. There is a reason for every lost tear, every weeping love song. God makes pain, breaks hearts, bleeds the lamb to death. It’s a big, deeper place, where we come and go, where we find each other when the curse has been lifted, when we know something else besides denial. I know death is the surface of the water, I know death is the surface of the blade. I know death is the beginning of the inhale. I know death is the seed in your eyes. You see what I mean? Where is the flower? We are nothing without the danger, we are dead without even learning to die. It’s not the same place, numb cold body parts gyrating. No, my idea is that we have too many concepts of what this all is and since it’s nothing, it could be anything. Especially the poison called love.
I know only one thing. Until I see death in your eyes on the endless beach, beneath deadly walls of wave, inside these fearless, flimsy bodies knowing we are limited but as big as God, only God in the death seed. Until I look at you and know this death, this invisible heart throb of nothing but sky pulsing poison and deep water throbbing, and I can live in the fear of this knowing of pain, raging against the beginning of noon and the ending of midnight, until I do this, I will cut myself open looking for answers, seeking endings to find you, killing my blood particles, writing words as if they are my body and I can be the destroyer. Until I can do all this and know it’s my only reason to be here, only then can I know God is pain and I love you. Poison hurts just like light is a killer. Truly without any mirror at all I can see you in this suffering dream water. Deep in the sapphire jewel of the ocean, deep in the death of the whales unheard song, I’ve been waiting for human love to find me. I’ve been waiting to walk hand in hand with death on the beach. There is a saying, maybe you have never heard it, but think wisely and know it’s all true. This song is for you like the bible is for christians. Let’s keep the love and pain the same way we keep smiling at the frown.
God upside down…and the hurt only knows how deep the song goes, poison love light god death hurt me pain.
she ate the poison, and I understood the apple was God and the snake was my body of light…
the real color of light.