🔻pagan anarchy🔺

The demonic forces are supercharged by the escapism of spiritual practice and the fragmentation of wholeness due to the fractured daily life of the so called aspirant. The addiction to mantra is an ego gratification all its own. There is no secure formula for peace or freedom. The scary path is the road to unification. There will be no validation or approval. You will not have proof that you are pure and good. Running around imagining that you’re saving others and being kind is an exceptionally mundane attempt to soothe one’s own fear of mediocrity. Not eating animals does not make you a better person at all. There are lots of snags here. There are obvious traps everywhere that make you just like everyone else. A candidate for the return. Back to the grooves that caused all this in the first place. The testing ground, not the proving ground is earth. You aren’t going to control the process. You aren’t going to help anyone but yourself. There is a deep reservoir of violence within each person. It poisons every action from subtle to gross. This is the essential nature of the world we were born into. There is no man and no book that will give you any answer you can count on. You can’t depend on anyone. Saying a mantra is useless until your presence becomes the meaning. It’s a meaning you can’t possibly comprehend until the darkness leaves you. There will be pain. Not pain that is caused or inflicted although it may seem. But pain that arises from the depths of your soul. The disowned fragments you push down with goodness. You suck down with food. You chew away with kind words. The secrets aren’t secrets. Not even the ones you hide from yourself. There is something very scary that the human must face and transform. This would be “Satan.” Satan is within. I know only one thing about finding our God. The way is through who I’ve seen with eyes too dark for you to yet know. From how it looks, this might take awhile. The curtain will fall, there will be no drum or singer. When the show is over, the shadow is heard. It’s all the show, even your righteousness.  I would plan ahead for the ending when all that remains is the truth. The truth which would be- for now, all that got pushed down and covered in yoga classes and kirtans. There is no point to my words. There never was. No one ever hears me. That is the test. I speak anyway. It’s who I am. Sharada Devi

a person holding religious beliefs other than those of the main world religions.
a state of disorder due to absence or nonrecognition of authority.

50 thoughts on “🔻pagan anarchy🔺”

  1. This is cool.
    Very powerful and potent. As you keep going, you blaze a path- effortless. The other option, the briars and circles of modern people, is very scary sinking into unknown oblivion. Where we don’t know that we aren’t what we do, think, etc. Where we forget what is truly important. That beauty burns and hell doesn’t cry.
    I love you, is the sight of my ashes, blown away.

    1. You’re right.

      Since I’ve been in hell I don’t cry anymore

      I just drain…the shadow I once was from my make believe disappearing face.

      I watch the moon come and go.
      I look for mirrors but there aren’t any.
      Everyone I’ve known is almost gone.
      There is only a flame dancing upon the sea.
      It’s hell. We are very little.

  2. Pagan and anarchy. It’s who we can be and embody, although there HAS to be a duality to every
    thought or concept that says something like: “once you emphasise something, anything all that is moving through your consciousness, you leave out the existing counter balance to that something, to that anything, that is there the same way there is a day without a night, a night without a day.” Of course, one does already know that, otherwise one would not recognise it.

    The blazed path of any of us so -called aspirants is blazed because there is somebody to blaze it and even share a path. Share it in ways that create that effed up and distorted thing called trust. “Trust us.” “No, no,” said “the other” of “the other:” I insist YOU go FIRST: YOU trust US.” What a game. What fear. What paranoia. And not without reason! No wonder there are demonic forces played with that that we sorcerer’s apprentices thought we could master. Sorta like when Marx called out capitalists as being sorcerer’s apprentices. And that was on Bourgeois Europe in the 19th century. Ok. That’s just a riff. Not gonna write a book on it.

    I like this blog because I can write freely and see freely written thoughts! Very nice. Very…uh: REAL, too.

    Satan was the old name for Saturn for the old astrologers. Called the malefic. It no longer need be considered malefic. All forces co-exist. Saturn now is just discipline. Among other psychic descriptions of the psychic circuit Saturn embodies. The tester. A “father” energy in all us men and women. Saturn is about self-respect and self-discipline. We can open the door but we need to be very careful with energies. The pull of escapism can be reigned in by the healthy and self-evident aspect of self-discipline which goes beyond the fear created by an escape into the overly subjective — along with a running away from the objective worldly world by whatever spiritual path of practise is being emphasised and/or given meaning to.

    Ok. “Satan is within.” Hmmm.. Ok. Why not indeed. Why not! Is Satan Saturn? Depends on who you consult. Whatever. It need neither matter nor not matter, but just be observed. Or one can do anything one wants.

    Yes. The approval of the scary path is not just scary because it needs to be dark, but is scary because one proves stuff to one’s self and the need for validation is already there with the built-in self-respect.

    As the greeting goes in Jamaica: “RESPECT.” ❤ I need not look to you for what I THINK I lack in myself! But may I see you and empathise with you and may you do the same and may the world of 7.2 billion people start to do it more and more.

    1. You are right. Saturn is the Lord of Karma and Saturn is the master tester. Saturn is the materialist or the bodhisattva. Saturn is Shiva and targets your weakness.

      They say Saturn keeps his gaze averted.
      Because once he looks at you, he sees everything and it’s over. That’s why Saturn transits scare people. That’s why no one wants to know.

      Saturn’s Truth is so bright it is seen as the enemy.

      Saturn is gravity- and liberation is only through his doorway, tested tried and true…

      furthermore, Saturn rules boxes, bones and pain…

      Saturn and the lunar nodes tell all-
      your past-future and your debt.

      Thanks for mentioning this!

  3. You are welcome, Sharada Devi. Thank you for your wisdom on Saturn. I gleaned much from it. Especially the part about Saturn’s Truth being so bright that it is seen as being the enemy, the part about him averting his gaze, and finally the part about liberation happening through his doorway! This ain’t no time for slackers to think they got it made in the shade, and shxt… 😂

    1. I guess its in perception
      what constitutes slacking
      99% plus of everyone I have ever known
      ended up fooling themselves as far as I can tell- taking the low road…it’s sad.

      Time goes by and I see them….
      several shades of a darker gray
      year by year.

      It’s not outside. Money security position
      no one will give it up. They hold tight growing dim…the world drowns their memory of what aspiration has always been.

      Reach up. Stop lying to yourself. Find a way to let the space in…let the demons rise to the surface of your body and mind.

      Clear house before death.
      But no, fear is still God…

      1. Hey, you sometimes appear in my dreams every now and then. Before it was with bd, now it’s mostly you. I’m still around but am finding myself becoming overwhelmingly busy!
        Hope your retreat space is coming to fruition. Buying property is tricky with little capital, but not impossible. Was very near Guatemala a month ago. Was going to ask you if the lake is too polluted. I heard it was and ended up not going. So now I just have a cacao addiction after being in Mexico.

        Tired of being busy, but it feels like I’m being forced to. When i read this post i was channeling a violent rage and the words hit home. We have to be careful when we channel that.

        Was in Shasta last week. Love it there. Hope all is well!

  4. i like it when you counter the norm or even what has become the norm for those who think they are counter-culture.
    chasing an exotic carrot.
    Would chanting be less attractive if it wasn’t done in a foreign language.
    Would it lose all of it’s colorful stimulation and appeal ?
    Addiction to mantra / hatha yoga …mass conformity to the modernized ancient esoteric made fun and easy and entertaining…
    Easy (to me ) is not the same as simplicity.
    I heard someone once say “it’s just japa” . i took that as, – it’s not the answer- .
    But in it’s simplicity, an exercise to still the mind. A step on the way .
    There has also, always been a wondering in me about all the vegans who try to shame me
    for eating ghee ( and more ), but they all have pets. And the last time I looked, those feline and canine friends are all eating from the carnivorous food chain.
    In those very quiet, very , very still times of complete alone, and i don’t mean in meditation, but in just the being in eyes wide open silence, there comes an understanding that this is the preparation for what is to come.

    1. Vegans have tried to enforce veganism on pets it’s true – cats go blind.

      If I were vegan (which I think cannot be sustained without eventual problems) I would keep it to myself. It’s a bad religion.

      You’re right about everything. I have not seen these popular practices solve anything without other major changes occurring as well (practical lifestyle changes)

      What I see for example -is people masking bad marriages with meditation and mantra-
      the fear. The lack of trust.

      “I’ll end up on the streets.” The next breath- “The divine mother is within me.”

      It’s disturbing. They say it’s their karma-
      To “endure it” but really they’re just digging deeper holes most likely

      I only have my opinion I know that.

  5. It’s totally about perception. Who or what image do we have of what the low road or high road is? I think I see your perception of it. But I am not you nor are you me _because all of us egos are separate at the level of our individual right to our own perceptions it goes without saying!). Is it that we are indeed drowning in this material world? Yet here it is. This continued insistence on infrastructure…on cars with premium sound systems. The latest app. Enough toxic man-made industrial *stuff* to continue to do g-d knows what. I play music. We all do our thing and we all are aware or not aware of how the *big picture* –what is– nature, karma, etc is “running” things.


      actions that add to ignorance
      actions that reduce ignorance

      Slow or fast. Adding or subtracting
      How much selfishness is involved…

      like for children family etc- is really just weakness and selfishness- meaning karma-
      Adds to ignorance.

      It always hurts to tear a bandaid off and see what’s going on.

      That’s my take – however I’m
      No philosopher- those days came and went.
      Now I DIG DITCHES….

      looking for the golden worm root.
      There is a door out of space and time.
      I believe.
      It might be in the sky….
      but I’m thinking it may also be
      underground. Way down low-
      where the sun rises….

  6. But you are right: it’s not outside. Yet the inner has to ultimately be the outer, Sharada Devi. One man’s opinion.

  7. The other night i saw a movie ( Silent Runnings ) there was a scene where the protagonist is in flight
    in his space craft stealing away with what is left of the only existing of earth’s forest.
    He is compelled to make his way through the rings of saturn.
    This is dramatically shown as catastrophic, but it struck me as amazing.
    The symbolic metaphor of what we go through just to come out on the other side.
    Plus visually it looked way cool…hahaha.

    in the process of becoming awakened,
    it would seem that the act of moving away from
    is just as intrinsically vital as the moving toward.

  8. Way down low at dawn. Where the sun rises. Silently running…… as all the various cycles in the multiverse do their thing. From the earth turning to “let” the sun rise, to the beginning life of an incredibly short lived subatomic particle (we are talking an INCREDIBLY short amount of time of its existence) to the time of galactic beginning and ending — and beyond THAT. Oh. And we needn’t forget our own birth, either: life: and eventually death : it’s all part of the damn cosmos… –n- shxt.

    1. the existential exploding
      of inevitable art

      that’s all I found
      tilting stars
      dust and eyes

      pagan anarchy

      nothing is there.

  9. something to consider: mantra is a thing. So is: okay notes on a musical instrument. Both of those things, for example, are simply methods to a state of being. What is the state of being? It’s always just the state of being and what “being” or presence is in there to be uncovered by removing all the karma. I mean I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about but..whatever. I guess my point is that we confuse the method to get to a state of being with the state of being itself. Talkin about japa and mantra. For example. Methods.

    1. I think you do know.
      It’s true.
      It’s just a natural thing,
      to be.

      And the presence of that is
      Incomparible to anything

      the dog.

  10. Nice: incomparable to anything but god. Yeah. You sure you left philosophy? I mean I believe you when you basically say you did leave it. On the other hand — you got some wiadom. Just sayin.

    The presence of being behind all being behind all behind all being. And on and on to that infinite regress they still call the unmoved mover. Which was the old man in the sky. But I digress, and you know what? All us peeps can just look to the indefinable and that unnameable we keep naming (!!)😂 as a male and female thing. You know, on facebook awhile back, some female friend of mine and of a whole bunch of other peeps said that (and the scholars have goodxreadon to believe this apparently) that God – YHVH – in the Old Testament used to have a Mrs. God, which is basically just a not so humorous way (I mean whoever heard of a “Mr and Mrs God”) of saying that it wasn’t just the FATHER that counted as God but the MOTHER too. 🙂 ❤

  11. We get saved by what’s already in ALL OF US!! If any of us wanna temporarily look at it in Christian terms, we could say (obviously without getting caught in any religion or ism or anything resembling those constructs of intellectualism) that the Christ energy is in all of us, WITHOUT the need for the tribal separation intellectual TRAP that makes it about the bullshit of who gets saved and who does not. Karma I have the feeling, is WAY bigger than that. Cause and effect operate at the level of where “we” find “ourselves” in any given present moment. Ok
    I have RAMbled enough. Ram ram ram. 😑😂

  12. “Mrs. God is not property.”

    Quote is attributed to:
    Alfred E. “Mr. God” Newman — of Mad Magazine.

    Source verification is pending.

  13. Is the hell one speaks of this Hindu practise called tapas? Or is the hell one speaks of something else? It’s a real question, NOT a rhetorical one. Please share. Thanks.

    1. I’m not sure what you mean by Hindu practice. They say there are all sorts of hell realms.

      Tapas is suffering consciously.
      If it’s unconscious suffering it’s not tapas.

      Tapas create a human diamond.

  14. Have I underestimated the amount of strength that it takes to pick your soul up off the ground, with dirty hands and carry it around after it being hurt. Never setting it down. To protect it? The days get straighter and the path is no plainer. There is no one to trust. Most of the time it feels like a heavy burden. Wishing it were as light and as pure as a swan downy. As the imagination of it. Am I being weak? Or is it only honesty poking through the tiredness. Mama said I never cried as a baby, she said I just seemed happy to be here, without want to cry. Will I find that place again? As I grow closer to dying? The dust of memory fails. I have a mantra, and not one given to me, but one I made for myself. I’ve said it silently for as long as I can remember, to speak them will be misunderstood. Desperately so I try to make intention reality. I want to go home. No words to say, I breathe them. There is no home within me anymore. Did I lose it somewhere on purpose? Maybe home is an illusion too. Am I broken, or am I a soldier? There’s no way to tell. If soul pieces were threads I would sew my fingers bloody and wear my slick, bright red overcoat as armor against this black hole idea of life, straight out of it’s bondage.

    1. Dear Kamala Devi,
      It is my opinion that you have underestimated. By now I think you much know what I feel is required for real spiritual progress. Nobody is doing any of it so don’t feel alone. It will take facing all of your fears. Accessing those fears isn’t easy. They hide and disguise themselves so that we become their servant rather than the master of our own dark mind.

      With Neptune conjunct your ascendant (which you have) its likely that you prefer to see what you wish it was- rather than what it actually is.

      Love Sharada Devi

  15. Hey Sharada Devi!

    I guess I thought tapas was a Hindu practise, that the word itself came from Hindu culture. Just explaining myself. Thank you for the really explanation on tapas, in any event. Suffering consciously. That is YUGE. No joke.

    Yeah, many traditions talk about hell realms, albeit in different ways. The Christian culture developed “hell” I feel as a fear mechanism and a preventative mechanism over the centuries, after it had gone from being an offshoot of Judaism to something quite different, as it also then began replacing paganism. Heaven or hell. Either/or. That certainly contrasts greatly with the idea of how one can oscillate in mood swings, or altered states; one can feel like one is in heaven for a stretch of time and then in hell, coming off the high. Many ways to describe states of being. Language is great, but it can also be an impediment to deeper levels of understanding, of preverbal or even transverbal understandings.

  16. don’t tell me about my voice
    or my painting or my writing
    don’t support that part of me I am practicing to
    rid myself of
    Ego fly away!

    chanting mantra alone…
    connecting to ancient ones,
    spirits of wisdom and knowledge

    No one HERE knows the way ahead, or behind
    so stop asking and stop explaining

    always moving away
    from the worldly ways
    expectations others have of me are GONE
    losing people (and things) is a gift, really

    Find your tribe, someone said to me…
    I turn away from tribes
    not for me

    Family misunderstandings and confusions
    everyone trying to please everyone, being “nice”

    sometimes I am mean….and snotty
    and oh so bored of sweet fucking nice-ness
    and so it is
    don’t be “nice” to me….
    it feels a lot better.


  17. There is a “no one” always here beyond all our personas, nice, not nice, all our inner demons, all our inner hells — that is just watching. It’s watching me watch so therefore it isn’t “me.” Self inquiry à la Ramana Maharshi type stuff. Free everything. Free. Me myself and I are just being here pretending it’s all about “them,” and yes I am them, except who is behind that? There’s a door. I hear that the Sat Guru is the door. The Sat Guru must be way beyond the person and must be the door. The gate. Who is that “I” door. That “I” gate. What’s it all about. Who will I be “when” I “get it.”

    1. I love Ramana Maharish! Plain and simple (yeah, right). WHO AM I?
      Let the fire roar…let my suffering begin, so I can see myself. I am stuck on this comfort field with a banana and a cup o’ coffee and I can’t make heads or tails! Where am I going? To get it, I guess.

      WHAT IS “IT?”

  18. If I ever seem to make light of suffering — THAT nicey nice thing reflects my own suffering. Still. Will I be ever more aware. Will I.

    I, I, captain no name. Aye.

  19. I love Ramana Maharish! Plain and simple (yeah, right). WHO AM I?
    Let the fire roar…let my suffering begin, so I can see myself. I am stuck on this comfort field with a banana and a cup o’ coffee and I can’t make heads or tails! Where am I going? To get it, I guess.
    WHAT IS “IT?”

  20. I am guessing suffering ends when one does not give a shit anymore.
    As long as we are alive, suffering continues. We can kid ourselves, though. Sometimes this works.
    BUT, there is always something lurking around the corner.

    I was not happy (and I was not unhappy) in my relationship…. EIGHT years… I coasted…in a bland plateau of nothingness. TOO fooking comfortable. I didn’t want drama and there was none. There was not much of anything.. BUT comfort.

    Some were shocked, when I left. They thought we were the model couple. Sure…if you want to just coast…and not grow….and stay numb. Walking away was not easy.

    Perhaps I needed a little “suffering.” I needed the fire. I needed to burn and not know.

    This man I left hid his sadness of my leaving. I am 100 percent sure of this. After I left, he was sick for weeks and then even got into a serious accident on his bicycle.

    Shake it up.
    Shake it up.
    Shake it up!

    Don’t stay too comfortable for too long (I say as I sit in my favorite chair drinking my whiskey sour)….

    FUCK…I wake up sweating sometimes and start to cry “what did I do? I am alone….I am all alone….” He is dating. I cry and cry….and think I am crazy, and then… i am okay.

    I am alone.
    It’s okay.
    I’m good. I am okay.

    the SUN rises…
    I am LOVED

    (i AM love)

  21. Chandra Ma: yes. Ramana Maharshi – excuse me…but he: ROCKS. LET that fire roar. Let the infinity of space of who you are be there for you to disappear into. Let all the experiences just be experiences. As opposed to one giant experiencing, which I am currently trying to imagine but having trouble doing.

    I mean you can take that ie leave that!!

    We’re only really ever talking to an image that has come from ourselves on to another. Projection. As opposed to being with. I suppose. I mean I know that I maybe don’t knoe what I’m talking about. Or I don’t know that maybe I know. Whatevs. It neither makes a difference, nor doesnt, nor either of those two.

    Unless like Neem Karoli Baba we are literally there in the psychic space of the person. Sat Guru Neem Karoli Baba. That’s THAT level.

      I am the living prayer wheel…..
      only that matters….
      I don’t know…..
      I just try to do my best every day….whatever that is….in any given situation.
      Expansion, evolution….
      I just don’t want to get STUCK in a revolving door.
      but maybe
      I don’t have a choice.
      who knows?
      from here to eternity

  22. Someone once said that choice is bondage, and that choicelessness is freedom. In that sense maybe we’re free all the damn time, so that decisions need to come from this higher place. Free. Not “free of [fill in the blank]” although “free of” that which is imprisoning one can completely rock. All those inner demons. And it usually does “rock,” for a time when we feel a letting go or a purging. It can hurt bad, too, just as rock or any excessively amplified sound can hurt us.

    Just being free within the given space is something. That concept is appealing despite its seeming contradiction to the idea of choice and freedom in the usual sense: the one that says: I choose my life. I make my own decisions in this interdependent world. Yet can any decision on our path ever be unambiguously correct in the decision making stream? Hard to see that as being so. Hindsight is 20/20. Foresight, not so much. But I’m thinking that choicelessness being freedom may only be true when the “chooser”(and who is the chooser of anything? It’s a real question. Gets back to “who am I?”) is in the space of total flow with life. The chooser disappears into the being-action. Without resistance the chooser acts and connects to the particular karmic meeting. It’s got to be known and felt AUTHENTICALLY. Painful or pleasurable. Maybe it just comes down to the simplicity of BEING PRESENT.

    1. There is ONLY the PRESENCE.
      Easier said than done,
      to become it-
      is not a mental choice-
      or a little rebellion-
      it’s an overhaul of
      the entire being.

      You will need to be in the PRESENCE
      to become the presence.

      Prepare therefore and give everything away.
      Go to a deep place. Find a spiritual guide.
      You will need a living guide. They will represent the PRESENCE. You must see it to be it. But can you really see? Most people go by others opinions and marketing.
      Purify and surrender.
      Let go of your name.
      Don’t expect to feel holy.
      Don’t expect anything.
      Do the right thing.

      Don’t just talk and speculate.
      Enter the chaos of the dark mind.

  23. No expectations. No non expectations, because those are the other side of the same coin. Just pure witnessing without the witness.

  24. You. Your own being. It’s its own thing without being anything AT ALL. Nothing happens to a nothingness while all around there is this unbelievable thing called life. How could it be otherwise? Nothing is pretty much all you need. At least that’s true when it seems true. It’s all in the moment.

    Who are you? Who are you not. What is a “you,” anyway. Haha!!!

    Blah blah. And so on and so forth.

  25. Just gonna “sort of” riff here: To see that thought itself is ALWAYS an “I” thought? Thoughts are just thoughts and so is the “I” then just a very mysterious big *thought*, a wondrous creation, one that is constantly self-identifying as existing within this so called sky of mind? How incredibly strange it might all be. What an ordeal — to go within. What if you never came back from that trip within. Yeah I’m speculating, all right! You are right!!

    Years of trying. For: something. Of not trying. For: something. Of surrender. Of seeing the trap of desire. Of seeing how saying desire is a trap is also a trap. Of saying “yep this is all there is.”

    “And? Now how about that divine discontent!!” It’s all so kind of tiring. Isn’t it? Because of the inner conflict. The effort. The albatross of being. Being the beast of burden through all the trials. I’ll read that Bailey thing. Looks good.

    Ok. Gotta get my day on; the day on that includes more than just sharing in writing. Peace love and music. ❤ Music music music music.

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