Nyx Lux Crux ๐ŸŒ“

Sometimes it’s just too much so that even less is more. Meaning less is still too much. It’s like I climbed really hard to get to the top of this erection -and then without thinking kicked the ladder away and now I’m stuck all alone sitting on the top of this world- this phallus I’ve been working so hard to climb…

and this hard, man made world was all in my head and I knew it. There was no one answering my calls because no one existed and all the flowers I picked and I brought to this windy desolate peak ended up on the ground at the foot of my mountain bed. Like they do at every funeral. Flowers thrown at the dead preserved corpse as if it matters at all. But it doesn’t really bother me too much- like nothing’s going on – except that nobody knows I’m alive and everyone is doing this funeral thing around me and it’s just really leaving me with this spooky feeling like “Do I know you? Have I been here before? Did this already happen?”

And I’m asking these questions as I look off into the face of space. And they look right through me or maybe I’m looking right through them..and I’m not being heard because space is clearly deaf and I just don’t have time for this anymore…I’m not making sense. You aren’t real are you? You’re just an exhale aren’t you?ย So then I’ll never get you right…climbing, falling, turning -the mystery forever stumped…

I’ve stopped breathing several times before and for quite some time I was suspended, hanging from the side of forever and not even knowing that that’s what it was. So what’s the point or the peak if forever doesn’t even care enough to say hello? It was all just for nothing, that’s the catch…I bet you still don’t understand me…

and you go out and chase that goat, as if he’s the problem…funny.

People want lots of things they aren’t going to find inside an 8 foot hole. That’s my point. People want a lot of things they aren’t going to find sitting on the top of the world. I’ve been there and it’s just too windy really…so where can we really go to make amends and get some sleep- sleep free of slumber and amends free of guilt?

It’s a stupid question anyway. We’ve got nowhere to go and we just end up where we are – and where we are is just that thought of me that keeps getting stuck in the clouds and so I start looking for him- calling him all sorts of names from a lord to a wolf- seeing him in all sorts of places like behind my back or beneath my feet..
then I get bored with that approach and start calling myself all sorts of names like a cat or a she devilย -and seeing myself in all sorts of places like at the bottom of a well or in the arrow I just shot through your heart…

and all I’m really doing is moving forward and sideways and backwards because I have no choice -and we think we write poetry and prose but really it writes us- and all we can do is interpret the chaos that’s been unleashed. I look for order and clarity in the words and I say, “Yes, this is it, this is what’s happening…it’s true…”

and it’s true because I am the last remaining God who writes these rules about who I am, who I was, who I might be -and who I shall become- I do it for you too…

but most of all I write about who God is -and I would know because you’re looking at her. That’s right. I’m yours. Will you be mine Valentine? And you know the story of Valentine’s Day don’t you? Sure, it’s a little morbid, but what love story isn’t? So let’s remember this as we scrape and paw at each other. Lets ponder this as we prostrate and pray to each other…

Nyx Lux Crux –

and my interpretation is: the goddess of the dark IS the light and that’s your problem. Hysterical!

break the bow, my dark star.

Our love does not have to be blind even in the blackest bed…

our flowers don’t have to die. Our heart doesn’t need to wilt. Our feet don’t have to be bled and my words don’t have to be read…and actually you don’t even need your head!

My words are written on the walls of the milky way-on the floors of armageddon- and on the roof of eternity. I’m really just reading myself when I see you and it’s no big deal…every dark star has an oracle…

criss cross hangs the sister. Brother lock jaw slips a noose around my throat. “It’s all good,”ย as my dog would say…so while he goes Up, she goes Down. It’s all a perfect swivel and I’mย just sitting in the big hot chair. I can move.ย I can shoot lightning out my finger tips. I can blow smoke out my ears. I can rattle these chains louder than you can…inside the inside I’mย waiting for the ax to fall…and until then,

I’ll be here spooning the horny goat, holding heaven as his trophy head up into the headless sky. This is my bloody boyhood ransom. This is my father on my mother’s hook. I’ve got a handle on the horns of she who rides the tides inside the womb, of she who grinds the bone upon the tomb.

I’m immaculately bound to both ends.
I’m a perfect sideways 8.
And it was all my idea๐ŸŒ“
Sharada Devi



47 thoughts on “Nyx Lux Crux ๐ŸŒ“”

  1. Just at the beach, staring sideways ,at the ocean, “can’t have one without the other”

    My toes are in your
    Bath water

    I breathe out, you breathe in

    two worlds, burn
    Jesus walks
    Mary, the real Saint

    1. went out last night to my neighbors and made a fire
      in a glass jar,
      she was sprawled out, hopeless and said to me, “my arm is cold and my other arm is warm and im content.”
      Stale air is consumed in the black fire

      When you and Bhagavan Das came to town, they said we could write questions and I wanted to ask “how are you?”.
      I was told by my assigned yoga mentor that it was not a good question to ask.

      How are you?

          1. if the answer isn’t important-
            then why did you ask the question?
            that would be called insincere-

        1. it wasnt redundant it was in response to you calling me creepy and now im raising my voice
          because you obviously dont know me dont know
          what i feel

          where is it,
          your head?
          do you feel any pain?
          this is not desperate. meaning I can breathe under water,

          1. can’t hear you,
            maybe because you’re underwater
            like a cold fish

            don’t be insincere.
            arent you a therapist?
            how are you?

  2. Living a struggle of the lower selves.
    I go with the flow.

    I embody truth and integrity
    You see me as false, and evil

    Asking, for a response
    I have it everywhere

    touches all that I see,
    But I am the one, who sees Time pass away.

    Maturation, coming into fullness
    How can I become what I already am?

    How can I learn to see Truth when I have created a veil of illusion that runs so deep…
    All I see is myself, what I have become.

    Becoming…the illusion…

    seeing if there is something else….
    does it feel right?
    Do I hold influence?
    Does surrender guarantee unification?

    I shower myself with
    so I can see what is being created in my wake.

    1. I don’t see you as false and evil.
      I see you as perfume free- and as fragrant
      as the summer’s favorite wild rose…
      naturally and effortless divine
      pricks and all…beautiful friend๐ŸŒน

      1. This summer’s wild rose is grateful for water.
        The roots are always thirsty…

        I bow before you
        Cut off my head
        Put it to rest
        Dip this body-creature in the lake of it’s own life and wisdom
        and let it be free of my meddling.

        1. Into The Lake of Fire
          a body without a head
          the goddess is burning
          a dancing light
          for the dead
          blow on the flame
          licking tongue
          lips of red
          you are the ashes
          I smear on my forehead
          OM NAMAH SHIVAYA๐Ÿ”ฅ

  3. Thanks for making this blog!
    I like putting energy into words with people who have some good stuff.
    Thank you for taking on the madness, although I’m not sure if you really had a choice.
    I wonder if anyone has a choice, once they see deep enough into what is going on here.

    1. I love where you’re putting your energy! because I think we’re onto something BIG and DARK and SCARY!
      Deep Deep Deep where we go to know…
      love on a dime

  4. xโ€™s and zโ€™s
    elevens and 3โ€™s
    red letters that please
    numbers that seize and
    coax me towards
    the heart of the matter
    I feel you out there
    dear infinite sky pilot of diffused dark night
    Dancing close to the bright light edge of forever
    in a half-lit trance between what and wonder
    Box-stepping from star to star
    is this deja-vu destiny
    or chaos & confusion
    dangled as cautious bait
    a reverse image figure 8
    luring me softly into inevitable
    catch and release
    your words spill
    into me
    like moonlight
    on the window-sill
    of a low-hanging
    my tinder to your flame
    Shall we stop making sense?
    said Nobody to no-one
    attempting to explain the inexplicable
    I hear you out there
    amidst the deafening silence
    no name
    no rhyme
    no reason
    floating like a vapor…
    will you wonโ€™t you
    will you wonโ€™t you
    wonโ€™t you join the dance?

    ๐ŸŒŸ ๐ŸŒŸโ˜๏ธ ๐ŸŒŸโ˜๏ธ ๐ŸŒŸโ˜๏ธ ๐ŸŒŸ๐ŸŒŸ

    1. Sacred Mother Moonlight
      spins yet another silver web..

      I’m just a thread of your creation…
      drawing lines between the stars.

  5. I will dress in your skin and sing, I will dream in your arms and feed them chicken noodle soup for the soul
    Raccoon bandit dancing in the night
    The only light on is the moon
    That creature wearing the mask is searching for the river
    It wants to play with its tiny human hands
    Splash around, get clean before it hits the garbage
    We have all heard the bump in the night
    Run away laughing hyena, kick up the dust, cloud the moon
    Bring blackness
    Float through the woods, find the carcass infested with maggots
    Guess you won’t eat tonight and this is where the physical body brought you
    So disconnected, the dead can’t see you, you can’t see them
    Read them that new book about slut shaming and the richest people
    Read it loud, they won’t hear you, they won’t see you
    You’re not playing the right game, your not even on the right field
    Go back into the woods, find the holy cave
    Maybe they will let you in, bathe in the blue water and wait
    Come out when you can hear her sweet song calling
    Come out when your limbs turn to roots
    Come out when you hear the crow cawing
    Then follow him until your feet bleed
    She will be waiting

    1. Are you coming out now…
      you are the song.
      Are you walking towards me…
      I thought I saw a trail of new blood.
      Are you growing deep and flying high…
      I heard the birds and saw roots twisting.

      Did you follow the man with the gap and the

      waiting, waiting for you with your secret.

  6. for ras paul…i miss you so much…

    soft baby black magic sheep…

    summers sonic atmosphere ring expanse has thinned cooled and pulled back…

    we now enter winters endless trial…

    my old red skinned one legged grand dad liked to sit outside the garage and drink…he loved the western carolina stars with the beer more than life itself…

    after only 2 hours of intense morbid introspection…the black light of the soul expands and envelopes the minds blurry desperate attempt at eclipse…

    things ain’t always what they seem…no matter which side of the fence you’re ridin’…

    God only knows the black magic they heard spoken through the cracks of those uneven bedroom doors…

    what curses your thoughts and leaves your words disconnected…what leaves you realms behind where you were sure you thought you could be…

    the hologram eyes of the leaves draping in those sleepy autumn trees…moon half alive…accentuated by the clear open sky…

    the devil knew death was the muse and everything about me as we talked for hours…he was funny as hell…i never laughed so hard in my life…Jesus Christ…

    confined to this dimension…to the mind prison…to these slow death rules…

    whoever’s gonna release the dead heads from that violent California prison…

    whoever’s gonna let em drop and shroom and trip the face off their souls again…a rightful place…my ruler…my lord and savior…

    there’s an old dead 12 foot white with death and age tree stump beside my car with a trapped spirit…it revealed itself to me just now…he has a human face and a bridged nose…he’s ugly and slightly beligerant but peaceful…he just wanted me to know…indigo…

    to stare at his white top is to see…the open side of time in the night sky…where i always thought i would be…

    1. What words can I say
      they took you away…
      deep into the mountain snow.
      light like a diamond
      piercing white lightening
      through the black cloud of me-
      still looking for words…
      What face can I see
      that isn’t you?

      It’s just a billow of the fire’s smoke
      making shadows in the heat of flame
      it’s just the cold new morning
      all over again…

      My Eyes are burdened by light.
      To see again inside…

    2. Nothing to miss
      Nothing else matters
      There was only her eyes
      cutting our soul
      with a crystal stare
      sharpened to kill –
      rendered useless
      the patterns endure..
      blankets –
      tourmaline shape orgy
      yellow beryl light..
      Access granted
      Send my love
      send my love
      send them my..

      thanks for the vibes shane.
      luff n light
      were all free on the inside..

      1. Shane is the deepest of the deep…
        and he is free to go deeper…
        blessed by his curse,
        he’s got the mark
        that’s hidden from view…
        he’s got the word
        that was left unsaid.
        Ommmmm Maaaaaa

  7. Dog days and cat nights looking at me out the window of the car. Eyes meet and mother light wins again.
    It’s only make believe and you thought it was real. We see who we are, will we grow up before we die? Little Joe showed me the way, he said, “Find your own way, don’t take our way.”
    But that’s O.K. we just keep feeding the demons of duality and black dust fills the skull cup.
    “Blow it out baby, last chance to get off the road to hell before the tunnel of death. Stupid is as stupid does”
    grandma das

  8. Take it
    It’s yours
    Have it
    I don’t need it
    This head
    It just gets me in trouble..
    Naked neck bone
    Black and red
    Down my chest
    Onto the floor
    White light
    Here it comes
    I can smell the fire
    Flesh melting off my body
    Amber bones
    Ash in space
    Harvest comet
    Corners of the multiverse
    Diamond mines
    Smoke lines
    Black forests
    Quartz mountains
    Lions breath
    From the coldest pole
    From the deepest ocean
    Bioluminescent angel
    Abalone conch
    Sing me home
    Into the end
    Behind her eyes
    To be


    1. you’re in the smoke
      you’ve become it’s reason
      with nothing to look at
      but another
      black or gray forever
      thinking the thought
      but it’s all wrong
      rising ceaselessly
      right into everything
      you might have left-
      so give her another
      chance to hurt you
      because tomorrow
      never comes anyway…
      blue ray sorcerer
      open up to the fire
      you’re caught in
      becauee it’s not over
      until you turn to smoke
      then ashes…

  9. Beyond the smoke and ash
    With another heart
    Hanging from the locket
    Breath against lips
    Closing her eyes
    With everything in sight
    The end of forever
    Toe to toe with heaven
    Burning down
    Fractal love
    Crazy fate
    Electric fury
    Sparse rations
    Yet never thirsty
    Why me
    Why not
    Rinse and repeat

    No ones ever died one time..
    Unless it’s really important.
    Like that one time..



    1. No one ever died one time…hahaha
      or even lived one time either!

      rinse and repeat..
      I’ve heard that beforeโ˜„โšก๏ธโ˜„

  10. This is a heart jewel
    It used to be mine
    I’m giving it to you
    In this maze of a mind
    Tripping over my old heart.
    Lost in between
    Severed dimensions
    Leaking its goo
    Found around
    Morning dew
    The levee leaks
    Finger on the button
    The next minute isn’t promised..
    Don’t get sucked in
    The weathers just starting to get good
    Snow and rain to transform all
    Earth heart tune me to your song
    bring it to all
    So we can sing along –
    Eternal goddess fill us up
    Light and dark fill the cup
    Opal eyes crying stop
    Portal gates open
    Sit and garden
    Sapling dancer
    Heartspace warden
    Yesterday’s skimmer
    Today’s glimmer


    I don’t know where it comes from
    It’s an expression from the abyss of my unknowing
    Conscious fishing into the sea of amour and divine inspiration
    Loving every heart beat
    Oneness keeping us close
    Thank you ๐Ÿ“ฟ

    Om mani padme hum

  11. Listen listen dear dear friends
    for I not be a liar
    One must first let silence silence be your guide
    before you find your heart of fire
    Deeply deeply go inside
    where love + love will taken your higher
    for you cannot know the sweet sweet rose
    unless first you know the briar
    ๐ŸŒน โค๏ธ ๐ŸŒน

    1. Tick tock
      Drip drop
      Severed head
      Bed spread
      Red on the ceilings
      Red on the walls
      Red in the halls
      Wait in the fall
      Of colors forever
      I can feel her near
      I will find the deer
      That doe is a killer
      Black liver
      Crystal seer
      Light bearer
      Force weilder
      So don’t waste
      The time
      Tomorrow never came
      For anyone holding the knife
      Just impassable decore
      Tractor beam harmony
      Jesus Christ alarming me
      of course
      It’s here
      And again

  12. Ha ha ha ha ha!
    so much for spontaneous waxing poetic
    that was meant to read ” hasten you higher ”
    -not that it even matters
    -no second guessing
    just typo messing
    โ™จ๏ธ ๐Ÿ’ญ ๐ŸŒ€
    Om Namah Shivaya !!!

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