need me

The words we drug from
the sky and put upon the paper
will mean nothing in the end.

So I told myself I wasn’t going to write anything today. And I’m sitting in the car on this long ride from Salt Lake City to Cheyenne and I start to hear the words just playing like a song in my head and so I have to tell you, sometimes it isn’t our choice. When the force taps on your shoulder, you’re expected to deliver -uncensored…

I’m so tired of hearing myself, of seeing myself. I often wish I could be someone else and finally get some rest, someone who can sleep for more than 3 hours a night- because I can’t. Someone who doesn’t have a face or a stupid hindu name I can’t get rid of. Someone who isn’t filled with angst and restless discontent. Someone not susceptible to dead people and the astral world, hearing voices talking all the time…then I hear myself talking again- and I wonder- what’s worse-and I think, “God, why doesn’t she just shut up” BD says, “who put a quarter in you” I’m annoying- even to me. And also, I know everything- all you have to do is ask- and I’ll just start….there I go again. Stop! Quiet! No, not me.

Well, BD says I’m really scary when I’m quiet and that I give the dirtiest look he has ever seen when I don’t like or approve of something or someone- like I’m the only one who counts- I know- and when I’m quiet I’m just brooding or obsessing on death…the uselessness of everything and yet, I keep it going like I’m on some self proclaimed mission. You know, I’m very serious about what I say and write but I’m not hooked on any notion or theory or spaceship –I’m just bored and I know this isn’t it.
I know, this is supposed to be “it” but not for me, I’m not accepting, I’m never content – even though I know if you’re “spiritual” that’s like the main prerequisite -“contentment” – it’s a lie- it’s a nice idea- but whatever. Not right for me…because I know there’s more. And I’m going to find it in you- don’t be scared- More of everything. Less is only more when I’m in that mood. Sometimes more is more. A lot more. More intensity. More vivid and aliveness in the silence. It’s there looking for us…probing the depths of fearless love.

So that’s why I love you, so I can shut up if you’ll let me…a dark room, a dark face and no more me. Finally, a friend I can count on…

My ex boyfriend who I was with for 9 years before BD -recently told me that I was going to go broke because my blog is too defiant -and I’m not making myself a blank enough slate for you all to project upon me- or did he mean – jack off on me- because that’s what it sounds like to me-how insulting- good thing I don’t take it personally when my friend of 9 years basically calls me a lackluster prostitute -he sure has gone mad- that’s what happens to everyone I’m ever with- they snap and go mad- never to return to their former selves. I don’t know how or why this happens and that’s why I’m so very careful with who I get close to…I turn sane people into crazy people 100% guaranteed….it’s only a matter of time. And it’s worse for men than for women. I ruin men’s lives just by existing. They can’t go on after the fact… (just letting you know if you decide to come closer, beware)

And it’s because I carry a curse, I really do- and I’ve been dealing with it -but it’s a sharp and cruel double edged razor and I’ve got a lot of scars due to mismanagement of the slippery blade – if you know what I mean…she takes no prisoners. This is the real thing. So I told her I love her and I worship her as golden light and still she doesn’t make it easy on me and still she expects me to deliver- on death’s bed, at a gas station, in your heart- wherever you want to take this…

I’ve got to get over myself because she said so. And she doesn’t mince words and she’s an enigma, a contradiction and an oracle…and she’s a big talker too…

And she’s electrical and I have big electrical issues because of her- and being at this high elevation in Utah only makes things worse- and these flammable comforters on the bed spark all night when I move restlessly and my dogs are afraid of catching on fire because of me. I’ve been struck, electrocuted, my skin split open. Can you see yet why I’m so spun out? It’s all her and her ravaging love. I call it love because what else can I do? Totally horrid, oblique and up in the air with no trace of tomorrow I’m left pining for the wind to take me home. I left yesterday long ago and I have nowhere else to go…here I am just going off on you again…but I know you can take it because you’re real…you’re not just another straight line, you’re a five pointed star.

Speaking of pentagrams- driving through Salt Lake City, mormon cult central and baby capital of the world -reminds me -I’m a big topic amongst my billionaire mormon relatives (those not in the mafia in Italy that is) I have a lot of them because my mother has 11 brothers and sisters and they have a thousand missionary kids and I have hundreds of cousins I guess- I don’t know any of them but if I became a mormon I could be a billionaire too because they give each other money- but mormons are perverts and they wear these horrible big tight mummy underwear with a hole in them for fucking- (they are commissioned to breed) I’m serious, I’ve seen them hanging on the clothes line at my grandmas house as a child (and I’m sorry to insult any non- pervert mormons out there) and my mother says I’m the pervert. Ironic.

I only called her out on it, and apparently there are just some topics that shouldn’t be aired out-like sexual topics- and so I go there first like a blood hound- my nose is really strong – the scent of perversion is my trail. I’m trying to help myself, and love myself- like you say- oh, and remember God (I may be f’ing with you right now bird man) but it’s hard when I’m so hard up and vocal about the mess I’ve made. The mess is
the message wrapped in soliloquy and humor. I think it’s funny but I’m a bit sadistic. I think we all need to lighten up and get out the black crayons and draw a really scary picture of our
new found happiness. A happiness not dependent on retrieval or spice. A happiness not hoping for bedbugs to kill. A happiness that can’t always get it up. A happiness that’s failed so far.
A happiness that wears no underwear. A happiness that’s beyond the cord we keep pulling saying, “let me off, I’m ready now”

Do you even know the name of the street?

So I guess what I’m trying to say today is I’m slipping beneath you and you haven’t seen that your ground is actually gone. Your standing on me now- and I’m as white as a stone bleached by millions of years of sunlight. You can do whatever you want to me. I don’t change.
My tongue may not matter anymore.

I’m only speaking the slang of her man and what he prefers.

Don’t you see that I’m only a mockingbird?
Can’t you hear me in your head?

Give me back the reason I came here. Give me back my bodiless star. My blanket love is warm and quiet. My darkened eyes see only red.

Don’t stop reading now. I need to be needed. And that’s the story of my life…

need me.
Sharada Devi

52 thoughts on “need me”

  1. of course I hear you, and it’s ugly, but that is what we are given….not just you or me, but every body. Phenomena is maya, and it could not be any other way. Your ugly is my ugly because that’s the way it is. Yes, your blog will probably go broke because most people don’t want to hear this shit, even though yes, it is the truth. It just so happens that I deal in this crap all the time, and while you can quite easily call me on my shit, I’m like….”yawn…so what” because I see it too, in me and you and every other body. Of course I need you…and you need me….and that’s just the way it is….we need each other. We all just need love. Michelle need love. Red Crow need love. Old Man River need love.
    Listen, I was raised by Kali. I know who you are and aren’t, but don’t ask me to explain it any further because it is beyond words. You have your work and I have mine. It does not have to make any sense. But it does, (but it doesn’t) so please don’t stop writing……Love needs you. Write on, (whatever you call yourself) RAVE ON!!!! WHINE ON!!!

    (from 5/20/2011)

    someday but probably not
    because i am not good at figuring such things out
    i want to start a “save the boys” group…..
    a blog where boys and men can come
    and talk about their weird mothers and wives
    who in their making the world safe for girls wisdom,
    crushed the little flower-hearts
    of their young babes with an outy.
    They were just once little girls
    who got hurt by one time little boys
    who got hurt by one time little girls
    and the hurt goes on and on and on
    until Im afraid to see you, because
    you are afraid to look at me
    and Oh Geez…..
    we think we are enlightened people…..?

    There is a lot of talk about how mean men are
    and yeah, there are some mean men
    but because somebody screwed you over
    doesn’t make ME bad…ya know?
    But here you come with your scowl,
    and your pissed off stance;
    What are you afraid of?
    Doesn’t being afraid keep you the victim?

    Look into my eyes one time….
    listen to the beat beat of my little heart…
    you and I want the same thing
    we need the same thing
    we are the same
    everybody I know
    just wants to be loved.
    I am tired of biting…
    and regardless of what
    you decide to do next,
    I will now,
    knowing full well
    that I was the one
    who placed them there,
    remove your eye teeth
    from my heart

    1. He was wrong.
      Hundreds of people read the blog every day.
      And like my sweet Saturn, I’m richer than God. The yawn of the tantric weave isn’t ugly.
      Shit is God letting go- I think that’s Kali’s beauty. Why does everyone get so pissed and pretend they know and love her and yet their words don’t match her grace at all…

      1. My experience is that It is beautiful and it is ugly at the same time, and that is our salvation. we are and we aren’t. we can and we can’t, and it is all so perfect. Kali is here for all of us. So is Christ, and Shiva and Buddha, and etal;. You have your experience and I have mine, and words cannot capture that experience. At least, for me, that is the way it is. My understanding of truth changes. I have no idea what is true for other people. The only common denominator I choose to envision, is love. I choose to see that in all things and concepts and phenomena. That “choosing” is where I find a measure of freedom and sanity. It helps me to do that (to choose). You have your own trip, and I wish you well, pilgrim. Thank you for sharing in this way. peace, friend.
        In my heart your blog is a brilliant success. I am sure it is for many others as well.

        1. Dear Crow,
          I wonder if you always mean to sound so
          don’t you have your own blog?
          You should. You have a lot to say…

          1. well, I can’t say that’s the first time I’ve heard that comment. Yes, I have a blog, but I shut it down for a while…guess I got tired of hearing myself run on and on……clanging cymbal & gong. Much ado about nothing. I’ll just go sit…stare at the grease rack down at the Paradox Garage. Be well, pilgrim.

  2. So where are you and Baba going on this windshield dead bug collecting long drive?
    Ha! that’s funny “who put a quarter in you”
    just last night i asked my husband if he majored in annoyance in college.
    i call him mr. jibber-jabber.
    You have had so many Hindu names… what name would you choose?
    There sure was a whole lotta vivid intensity in the silence under the moon last night, Dawa.
    even my fingernails were glowing.
    That is me, a happiness that wears no underwear.
    Until we return to the stars,
    i will be here reading.

    1. I choose no name. Going to NY.
      My panties-less woman headed for the stars
      Yesterday was the eclipse. And it’s a raging soul fire that we just can’t put out…

      1. Oh shucks,
        you were in the closest location so far.
        i was day dreaming about the gathering of the tribe of pluto
        and had yet to partake of your cooking…
        Must be the will of the Moon.
        i am feeling the singe.

        ( ps: make that bra-less as well )

  3. This isn’t Macy’s, with a 100′ tree
    This is
    The crack, at the bottom of the door
    That distant look, I know is for me
    Purple Rain,
    Purple Rain

    1. I was just hearing that song in my head as I opened your post! We have some connection don’t we Wayne?
      I only want to see you laughing in the purple rain…

  4. Dear Mother Goddess,

    I can’t tell you how happy I am that you are feeling better. I was so worried about you. While you were in the hospital , I had this recurring dream that you were Jesus , being crucified, and I was crying at your feet and screaming at everyone that they were wrong about you, that you were the only one who understood, and you kept telling me it was ok , that you were happy, despite what was happening to you, so I had to be happy too. It was a comforting dream really…. I’ve always felt that you, if anybody, knew what it felt like to be Jesus.

    Now that I mention Jesus…. Have you and Baba ever considered recording your “I Surrender All” , and the sanctuary song, and the lighthouse song, or the song about being lonesome in the valley, I can remember the exact name(s). I think a lot of people would be glad you did, including myself, they are incredibly good the way that you guys sing them.

    And I have to tell you ….when you were describing yourself as a neurotic control freak who make people uncomfortable to be around you because of your compulsive need to have everything in order, driving Baba crazy ….. I started laughing and I had to show my husband what you wrote. Then, after where you said you become silent and will give dirty looks if anyone even dares to look at you…. Oh, and the arranging thing , don’t get me started on that! So I showed him again and he told me to write to “the woman” ( because I call you “the woman” out of great respect☺️) and tell her that you are the exact same way ( you should have seen the dead serious and actually kind of scared look on his face when he told me to write to you) and that he feels for your husband. 😂

    All my love , Autumnal Dakini dancing in skies of bright blue, ever since I met you I’ve been listening, and needing you🌺

    1. The return of the butterfly goddess!
      I was thinking about you since yesterday,
      I really was -you sexy vixen and then
      you flew back my way!
      I love the way we tell the truth and you can
      tell your sexy lion of a husband not to eat
      his butterfly before dinner anymore!
      And you, my sweetheart, keep that vacuum coming! Because I need you too and who can forget the sultry eyes of Elle, not me!
      I LOVE YOU🌺🌻🌼🌹🌸

    2. PS- this is hysterical about your husband
      I told you, I scare men!
      I do understand you sweet beloved Elle!
      Yes, those are beautiful songs and we should
      record them just for you!
      Scheduling a lot of east coast events – will be on website soon- we’ll see you soon I’m sure…dancing in the sky, my goddess elle,
      my butterfly…

  5. Aww, now I’m blushing!!! 🙈☺️
    ….the new improved Elle, since the solstice, has tamed the sexy lion husband lion into submission, and there is now a new respect in the home cave! Only tasty treats when Mama Butterfly says it’s ok. 😂And you are right … He’s scared of you! The standing joke is that one day I’m going to go off to see you and never come back….. He really believes this , btw! I’m happy that he thinks that…keep him guessing!

    Happy day! I’ll watch your schedule then. I can’t wait to see you again, I need a Kirtan fix badly….. Missing it sooo much! …. I’ll be the one dancing now…..just for you….because You , Soul Goddess of Dancing Mother Light Shakti , taught me how…. 🙌🏼✨
    Safe travels with your little monsters🐶💕
    Love you, Elle

    1. My God, you are a wise woman! I knew you could tame the beast and I’m sure you know how. Why doesn’t everyone listen to me?
      Definitely keep him guessing…perfection.
      The lion and the butterfly. 💥⭐️💥

  6. It is true!
    i am right there with you Elle Butterfly.
    Sharada Devi has the power to instigate intense transformation.
    It has happened in my home as well!
    Ever since my husband posted a message to Sharada Devi here on the motherlight blog while she was in the hospital and received a response back from her, he has been SOOO much more tamed / manageable / lovable / considerate…
    It’s as if by feeling Sharada’s pain, understanding it, empathizing with it and interacting with her – magical alchemy has gradually been put into action.

    He listens intently when i share the latest news about you, Sharada, and Baba too. And has great respect for what you share with me. He now gives me my silent space. He calls it my quiet time.
    He knows just how very much you mean to me. And how much love comes from that bond.

    Sharada Devi, your suffering, was an exquisite sacrifice for the healing and metamorphosis of us all.

    Unlike you Elle Butterfly, i have not as yet met Sharada face to face. only from afar. But i think that i have know her since the first cosmic breath.

    And like you Elle Butterfly, we are all assuming our rightful role of shaki / goddess in our holy home temples by listening to and heeding the wisdom of Sister Sri Sharada Devi.
    What a blessing to be awakened in this auspicious time!

    ps: we all seem to be in sync with cleanliness is next to godessness.
    ( my husband is well trained to do the vacuuming thought )

    1. I told you and I meant it…
      I love men and the real ones love me too!!!
      And Sri Radhe, you know I love you.
      And I will buy you a plane ticket and you can come and stay with us and we’ll howl at the honey moon! 🌙🌙🌙 it’s never too soon…

        1. coyote! I’ve been called a coyote-
          it’s some Native American thing-
          I guess they are trouble causers and tricksters…I didn’t find the notion
          at all romantic at the time- but whatever-
          me and the dogs…twisters and puppy love-
          Just heard there’s a tornado watch where we are right now! Coyotes are in the air…

      1. did you really mean it?
        it would be such a boon
        to howl we 2 together
        beneath that honey moon
        we could talk of things I never knew
        if this really did come true
        some evening in the future
        when the nights are warm and dry
        bright stars dancing in the sky
        just you and I
        I believed you when you said it
        so it couldn’t be a lie…
        🍑 💠 🍑 💠 🍑

  7. Sweet Radhe,

    “The Woman”( this being said with loving endearment and respect😊) has never told me anything that was not the truth, whether I wanted to hear it or not! Quite scary at times really how she knew what she knew. Like she was living my life….She just knew. Her lesson to me was that sexuality is spirituality, and that its ok for me to love me, and not to be afraid of being the strong woman I am…..And I get it now.

    My husband has gone through stages of accepting our beloved Sharada Devi. Just like you, I have him read what she writes….and he has a great respect for her, and Baba as well. But in his case, it’s hard to make sense of all the colorful contradictions she brings forward, because he can only see in black and white. But still, that being said…he always encourages me to see her/them as often I possibly can. And just like your husband , sweet Radhe, he knows what she means to me, and sees how I am after being with her, and how I carry that feeling with me. Since I listened to “the woman “😃, and changed myself, he changed too …all for the better . He too , listened about how I need my own space. I love that we have all these things in common!!

    The things I love about our sexy goddess / coyote mother is that she gives us unconditional love , which is a rare thing among women interacting among themselves these days… And how she shakes things up , you never know what she will say next … But you better know that whatever it is ….its just what you need to hear right at this moment..and listen, because she has paid the price for that knowledge. I have loved her since the moment I saw her, and I’ve never seen a more beautiful woman, ever. And she bakes damn good cookies! 🍪😍🍪

    I hope that one day soon you will get to see her, sweet Radhe. The time I spent with the both of them at one of their basement retreats , its still a highlight in my life . I also hope that we meet too , one day, and can dance hand in hand with our loving mama Dakini goddess, and tremble as the Shakti runs in our veins.

    Vacuuming huh….must train my lion soon ! 😂🦁
    Love, Elle

    For my lovely Alpha She-Wolf Sharada Devi, A poem for your travels…

    Painful the need , playful the pleasure,
    Dangerous is the game of loving a wolf.
    Predator or prey, what have I become?
    With glowing amber eyes you paralyze,
    Black fur smelling of musky maleness ,
    Capture and dominate, shall you or I?
    Nipping and biting ,the primal dance begins,
    White fur,blue eyes, mine contrasts of yours,
    Distraction well played, I am alpha too.
    Lumbering around , you gather your wits,
    Nose to ground circling , deceptively cool.
    The fire takes you over, jumping on my back,
    Twisting in my skin, when you bite my neck.
    My claws are deft, I swipe at your face,
    Drawing blood over your eye, I go too far.
    Desire-fueled adrenaline rushing, I submit,
    Breathing in instinctual love of one another.
    While sensual needs are being fulfilled,
    Creation takes over, life meets beautiful life.
    While we are one, we create many lives,
    Our souls are the same, prejudices of fur aside.

    Howling for you forever,
    🐺🐾❤️, Elle

    1. My God, I sound awesome!
      I love you so much. I remember how mad you were when I made you sing. You really needed
      to “take it off! Take it all off!” I know what sexy secrets lie beneath the surface and I want to hear them all! And when my Butterfly Goddess Elle sitting next to me
      as I whisper in her ear (louder!) opens her wings and finally sings- I knew I stuck GOLD. You all make me what I am to you.
      And I remember the dirty looks you gave me when I kept pushing your heart buttons-
      and I remember how hot you were!
      Sexy sexy singing butterfly who flashed
      us all and struck my heart.
      I love you my darling dancer in the sky❤️

    2. What a sublime poem!
      Except, I don’t think you went too far!!!
      Love forever sparking the rod…
      let’s get this thing moving!
      YES!!!!! (and you know what I mean)

    3. Dear Elle,
      Thank you for all your tender-hearted and kind words.
      i hear everything that you are saying.
      The exact wisdom just when it is needed.
      Not scary but more anticipated.
      Blunt or dulcet, always right on.
      ( we will talk about “The Woman ” as if she were not here )
      i had my first encounter with Sharada Devi in 2010 when She & BD were singing
      at bhaktifest. it was after midnight under the milky way.
      The first time i saw her, i knew that i knew her and that one day i would know her more fully.
      An instant affinity.
      And it has blossomed from there…
      In past years, when i was foot lose and fancy free
      i found it much easier to relate to and be friends with males.
      Women somehow found me threatening.
      Only strong females became close to me.
      i thrive on the nourishment of Women who know their wilder nature and embrace it.
      Who are trustworthy, bold, sincere and are there to water you when you are wilting.
      🐺 💓
      One day i hope to meet you too.
      Common connection must be a karmic gift.
      i may not be able write poetry as deftly as you
      but i will sing at the drop of a hat.
      ps: the vacuuming was not trained. It came from a loving heart
      and began years ago.

      Love, Radhe

      1. You will sing?!
        You have to come.
        This will be so fun!!!!….❤️💋

        I feel like I need to ask you two out
        on a date or something…..hahahaha💋💥⚡️

        1. And I have another idea that we can add to the retreat/
          We will wait until midnight on the full moon- and then we will all go outside under the moon and stars (men welcome also)
          and we will take off all our clothes and we will howl at the moon and roll around in the mud squeeling and then we will run through the sprinklers and then we will form a circle around Tara Devi/Megan and I will point a really bright flashlight on her and we will make her dance in the center for us naked while she screams Hallelujah!!! over and over again -and then we will pour ice water over her while she screams “Here I am come and get me!” And then we will all jump on top of her like they do in football games

          Tara Devi likes to be quiet and hidden and so I like to torture her whenever and wherever I can in the name of FREEDOM- come out Megan, and give me a wink/ I know you’re you want mommy to spank you?!
          Hahahaha love you.

          1. Dear Sharada Devi:

            Yes I need a spanking from you and you need to come and get me and you can do whatever you want with me once you have me all to yourself and all that you said in your email the mud, the howling, the dog pile, the hallelujah and come and get me — you’re the only one who totally gets it and I am forever yours and your blog is cracking me up and the synchronistically chaotic stuff it is just amazingly in dial with whatever it is that synchronistic thing and I weep and long for you and I need to be with you!

            Very profound full moon — when outside at 3:15 am and let Her shine on my naked soul and laid down I the cold wet grass and let it all go and didn’t worry about it anything that is right or wrong just said your words over and over and the moon She knows and could feel this shift where in utero was a starseed and make the contract of being sacrificed and helping the bigger picture and being the wounded healer and yet in utero there was this surrender of okay I’ll do the work but it wasn’t juicy and alive but okay show me what I need to do and let’s get it done and I felt how I was all head in utero and how caught in the bones of the neck and how I can’t get down into the heart and be an open heart fully free and how much I long and pine for you and how you’ve just landed into my life like a Divine prayer deep within my heart song and I just want to be near you and how I’ve wanted to share the Vincent starry night song long ago and so many other things and you read it all and how recently I’ve said good bye to people who have polls up their asses and then you write about it in your blog — and that red crow guy — grrr he made me want to vomit with all his crap long winded poetry from years ago — nostalgia is death — — embracing chaos more and more and more and more and the heart is broken into tiny tiny pieces and who will ever love me — there’s no man and I’m not into drugs or dicks or women or food there is nothing that will ever fill the desire for God and yet I feel God is nowhere and yet never completely pressed into my breath that I’ve forever longed for and I need grace like a blood line and I’m concerned for you and your lack of sleep and lack of eating and I’m bound here with working non stop with little to show and I’ve got to figure a way to make money and get out of the way of it all and yes, you’re right, I have mommy issues BIG time and what’s so funny is that I didn’t think so as I’ve been on my own since 18 and then there is this heart ache that is so distant and faded for the mother who abandoned me and she hasn’t since see my daughter since she had just turned four and I need you to need me and I need you like the stars need the sky and I need you like ice needs water and I need you like the rose needs the color red and I need you to tear off the bandage so the wounds are forever freed and I will stand naked and dance only for you.

            And please ever don’t take the silence personal, I think I’m just in shock and broken heartedness and this world keeps breaking my heart and maybe it’s a good thing but it feels like hell and it been a dark night of the soul for over centuries and you fight to stay here and I need you to show me how.

            When can we do a sacred gathering soon?! And yes howl at the moon and bring radical shifts that shine the pure holy mother light and bring in the healing glory of the highest of the holies — the broken angels need healing ❤️

            We are almost home ⭐️

            Love love,

            Tara Devi, one who dances naked under the sliver light of the moon and sings, “I am here come and get me! Hallelujah!”

          2. There she is! Hot hot hot. I love you and
            I’m getting out the love belt and ice cubes
            right now…we’re REALLY going to do this and I’m serious about the mud and everything…and we’re going to take you down my smokin’ fire goddess…💥🔥⚡️☀️❤️

            PS- thank you for the beautiful and divine flowers- I’m looking at them right now!
            You are so adorable and thoughtful😋

  8. Ha!!! I’m dying !!!! Yes🙈I was petrified singing! But you got me through it!! 😍Do you remember me hiding from you the next time …so you wouldn’t call on me to sing…. But you saw me I know it… I can’t hide from you! And the looks I gave you 😂😂😂You make me feel like a little girl ! I needed all those buttons pushed, and still have a few more waiting ! That’s when you started cracking open my cocoon! I hope there’s a chance of doing it again one day, but next time I will be much louder , just for you, my love!

    Hmmm , get this moving , ok ! …… let’s turn this big , bad wolf into a vampire , just for the sake of naughtiness…

    Outward boldly brazen, but inward quite scared,
    Inhibitions now hidden, I do what none dared.
    Sensually feeling, your sharp teeth upon my skin,
    Behind me, you press hard, the deep fire begins.

    Hazy and delirious, on delicious lust I soon become,
    Turning me to face you, tracing veins with your tongue.
    Your hands around my neck, blood roaring in my ears,
    Once have you thought, dear Vampire, it’s me you should fear?

    Smiling into your icy eyes, my body wrapped around yours,
    Unblinking, I lick your face, holding back no more.
    Albeit pleasing, this human form, to you it may be,
    Now soft and yielding, could I be more than what’s seen?

    But Ohhh,…Mmmmm….., you are burning me good,
    Even wicked as you are, pleasure is understood.
    Spasming and twitching, our bodies drained of lust,
    Now business to attend to, finish this I must.

    Under me you lay, dreaming, lost in sweet oblivion,
    Into a viper I transform, ready to complete my mission.
    Fangs long in length, to your heart they will sink,
    My poison acts quickly, of death you now reek.

    Proud demon you were, walking in the forest that day,
    Stepped on me you did, viciously, and painful I lay.
    Thinking I should forgive you… oh, quite the contrary,
    Revenge has now been served, by this shape-shifting fairy. 😈

    Butterfly kisses,

    1. I like this wicked fairy poem! A lot!
      Yes how could I forget- you were vibing
      me hard and heavy! The air was thick with Elle. The looks you gave! I was like,
      “Well let’s do this …Elle are you ready?”
      And you slammed me again with your glare.
      But I made it easy didn’t I? And we ARE
      going to do it again soon! You’re so
      naughty and nice…
      what are little girls made of?
      “Sugar and spice and everything nice.
      That’s what little girls are made of.”

  9. Dear Sharada Devi, Radhe, Tara Devi ,( hmmmm….I need a Hindi name🤔….)
    I’m seriously enjoying this conversation…I never get to talk to amazing , intelligent , like minded women…….like you Radhe, ( and “the woman” too😜) women find me threatening, which is so funny to me, if they only knew what a non-threat I am! So this is very refreshing to me. I can’t wait to hear you sing! I would trade my writing ability for a singing ability. 😂 I remember coming out of the basement at Sharada Devi’s house after one of “the basement sessions” , walking out into a the yard and looking up at the inky black sky to see more stars than I’ve ever seen at one time in my life…..and the glorious Milky Way , like it had guided me home. 💛

    Count me in on the naked dancing, inhibition purging , spankfest/mudbath firepuja!!!🌕🌳🔥 I’ll do it in a heartbeat!!! Sounds like blissful freedom to me! I remember Megan/Tara Devi….. I thought she was sweet and demure, and very interesting to talk to…I also thought she needed to break out of her cocoon as much as I did. I love her rendition of Om Namah Shivavya as well… was the best ! ( and btw , I don’t spank hard!😛)
    And afterwards we can come in and let Sharada Devi beat us at poker! Talk about being more than what’s seen! Wow, Mama Goddess, you tripped me out on that! But , the funny thing is …I can see you doing it, and very effortlessly, they never stood a chance😂)
    I hope you don’t have nosy neighbors that would call the police on us , Sharada Devi, but then again , if they came they would just watch…and then leave forgetting why they were called out in the first place! 😎
    Waiting patiently for a date to dance with the coven of lovely nature goddesses,
    🌿💃🏻🍁 Elle

    ps…loving the word “rapscallion”, it’s delicious on the tongue. 👅

    1. Dear Butterfly Goddess,
      We’ll call you Kamala Devi-
      because your eyes are like lotus flowers…
      now you love me even more don’t you?
      I’ve got all the right moves-
      too bad I’m not a guy- women would be
      hanging all over me, offering their bodies
      up to me day and night….xxx
      Oh wait! They already are!!!hahaha!!

  10. Oh yes, I certainly do! Thank you so much for the lovely name. I am sincerely happy to receive it from you. 🙏🏼 I have been wanting one for a very long time really. Enjoy the curse , it wouldn’t be nearly as much fun if you were a dude, I bet Baba would agree ! 😉

    Thank you again, my Rainbow Dakini,
    🌺 Kamala Devi ❤️

    1. You’re welcome- now we can all be fake wannabe Hindus together- with nowhere left to go but sideways…kidding.
      It’s pronounced Kamala – ka sounds
      like ma- not cat.
      means: lotus flower.

  11. 😂true! But still, I’m humbled just because of it coming from you, whom I respect, and there aren’t many people I do. I told my husband the name…..and he said you nailed it. I love it, and flowers are my passion, btw. You did good. Happiness and gratitude overload right now! Om Mani Padme Hum.

    1. I’m so happy to make you happy
      soft lotus in the morning dew…
      resting upon the translucent waters
      I knew it had to be you….

      It didn’t even take me one second to
      know the name…❤️🌼

  12. Dear Kamala Devi,
    i am loving your new name!
    ( aka Butterfly Goddess )
    Don’t wish to trade your writing ability, that’s an innate gift.
    Be both writer AND singer, you can do it!

    Sharada Devi may have a run for her money in a game of poker
    ( my big bro taught me to play cards when we were kids. )
    i propose that instead of betting money, each Devi wager the letting go
    of one personal obstacle for each hand lost.

    1. Mother Devi sorry to butt in-
      but there are no obstacles only opportunities/ remember? Didn’t you teach me that…???
      Anyway, I thought you meant article- as in clothing. Strip poker!
      that’s more fun Mom of the Light!

      1. i stand corrected.
        Perhaps i should have said let go of one hang-up
        or maybe just let go
        let it ALL go
        Strip it all away!
        ok, let’s play!
        It’s time for levity
        Let’s all forget about our sorrows and get happy!
        i truly think we are all into owning that road right now
        Any takers?

  13. Dear Tara Devi,
    At last you have returned!
    28 line sentence and all.
    Plenty of pent-up thoughts and emotions to share, purge and let go of
    just like the leaves in autumn.
    Welcome back!
    But i did notice that you said “ I will stand naked and dance only for you “.
    Sharada Devi clearly stated that ” we will make her dance in the center for us naked while she screams Hallelujah!!! over and over again “.
    So no getting possessive now.
    Just as Kamala Devi said this is “ the coven of lovely nature goddesses “
    🌳 👣👣👣👣🌿
    Then you can tear off your own bandage and we will all shout “HOORAY!!!”
    And collectively howl under the healing rays of the moon.
    Radhe 💚

    1. You know what Radhe, you’re right, she is possessive. And because of that I will now need to blindfold her (after the dance but before the pile up) and put her on a leash and walk her around the circle naked on all fours while she licks goddess feet and you all pat her on the head (don’t worry she’s really into this sort of thing- that’s how our whole relationship started) and say “nice kitty” while she purrs ….isn’t that right Tara Devi? No Hissing. Don’t make mommy spank you again…(she even is bad on purpose- just so ill notice her- it’s sadistic- then when no ones looking and she looks like a forlorn little girl she looks at me and winks! Seriously. It was awesome to behold!) so shocking and Funny!

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