“And in her was found the blood of prophets, and of saints, and of all that were slain upon the earth.” Revelations 18:24

She’s not real. She’s wearing a mask and her face is made of every light that was ever distorted by the dark thoughts of men…and she started bleeding and regretting and becoming vengeful and then she decided to grow bigger than the men she kept fed and she dipped into them with an agenda as they plunged into her with blind lust – happily being devoured by the blood of their mother without even knowing…(haha- pretty stupid) so she sees through every eye that looks through time and she exists in every voice that moves through space and so she knows you’re drunk on her drug and you’re just a slithery fetus living in her mother hole- looking for a cheap thrill- and soon she’ll push and you’ll suck and then she’ll swallow your last vice as your imagined separate identity back into her favorite abode- the colorless void of nothing but her laughter…

I’m not even human. I found out and am relieved honestly. I’ll probably stop eating at least for a month or two- possibly 40 days and 40 nights- like Jesus or Moses or whoever- not because I think I’m like them- although maybe I kind of am- they weren’t human I’m sure -the mother’s blood is dangerous and that’s why we have to stay away. We were made from the blood of the womb we were transported in – and that’s a big problem even for those of of who aren’t actually even a kin to the species. Thank God, I mean, if “God” wasn’t me already- which God is, I mean- “me.” Yes, of course, and I’ve been a little confused -but that doesn’t change how it’s all shaking down. God is realized through the diamond doorway of the pineal gland.

And also, you can’t keep relying on pure food, air and water because these things won’t be around much longer-you will need to become super human-feeding off the light of a transcendent flame for nourishment -yes, it’s easier said than done my wayward friend!

WARNING : Stay away from Mom, she’s worse than your fear of my dagger- because she’s deadly in dull and insidious way -she’s a leviathan that won’t stop passing through…and my dagger is a giver of the flame to the river… and so I’m just not eating for a long time because I just need to know- why -why here? Why now? Why me? I would like to know EXACTLY why I got dumped off on earth-(like in graphic detail) which, I’m not trying to be mean or insult your “home” but it’s hell here and it sucks like I always imagined hell would- and I fell asleep and woke up on earth Dec 19,1972- weighing only 7 pounds covered in blood (yes her blood) filled with blood (yes her blood) and totally lost (I wonder why) then I start sucking a nipple because I have no choice (milk made from her blood) and I get totally off track and possessed by her blood line and filled up with ghosts who now want a piece of ass-earth ass -eat the earth -world ass- through me. It’s fucked up ok- and I don’t even care if you get mad. I’m just going to say it- women are demonized and accused of witchcraft because mother IS the “devil” she brought us here, pretended we were safe, she fed us and made us want things- and yes, it’s our fault because we are made of “mother” and nothing more- so we’re genetically programmed evil doers and always wanting more of “her bad” -it’s totally beyond our grasp or will to stop – making babies, to create -to possess-to destroy- to cherish- to nurture- souls back to HER? Bloodlines are at the root of all homogeny and global transference -so obviously I think NOT my friends. And I am GUILTY as charged- and so I can’t win, I can only break my back or get super saggy breasts from all the sucking- AND I saw a really stupid new age book today and I opened it randomly and it said to me, “Be a lighthouse. Not a lifeboat.” And I was like OMG! No duh! I’m so stupid-and this book is true and real and right.

Whose climbing who anyway? And so I’m not eating partially to repent and partially to get so delirious I can hallucinate some more revelations- converse with a burning bush or two- -just like the Moses that I am- but actually, I feel I’m probably a couple notches above Moses- possibly even “Jesus” who knows, I’m just saying-they didn’t make their material very readable and yes, I know they didn’t actually write it -but still, it’s boring- the subject matter- I feel my approach is more honest and clearly if JC is talking to “God” and doing the S&M with the flesh/blood thing- I’m there. I can do that and THEN SOME- and I will make you believe me AND I won’t be leaving ASAP- like JC did- AND I won’t say, “I’ll be back to punish the people who don’t worship me”- ITS DEPRESSING SHIT- I’ll be like,

“What’s done is done 😂 Good luck guys!” You know what I mean?

Everyone is telling us all kinds of “secrets” and “promises” of life after “life” and special realms etc- but wtf do we know about any of this? I know they all need a career and it’s a huge market- and I’m a low grade whore- and I dream of lotuses and white crystal goddesses- once I stop stripping down for vagrants and free loaders (not you, I’m making a point) “when in hell….” you know the saying-

And it’s not hell like this Christian fantasy -it’s a bad place where we don’t belong- we can’t take it, we can’t weather the storm, our bodies are pudgy and hairless mostly, we get hot, cold and thirsty, we can barely run around the block or throw a good punch- AND so we have weapons like guns and knives that most of us can’t even use- even if we’re taught – it’s because we’re AFRAID…AFRAID OF WHAT?


it’s a sick scene and I’m serious and I’m not being funny. Mothers blood brings us here and keeps us coming back- ONLY the seed of the guru can take us out for good- the spiritual lineage is paramount to our release from this hell realm of the Black Mother. It’s not easy to find him either- beware of false prophets and wanabee magicians and limp shamanic totem toting holy men- because they can’t help you- because you’ll only know her name is Kali when you’re smart- and she won’t be wearing a name tag or a viewable necklace of skulls…no, she’s hidden and she’s not a lady- then she’s shifting between the dimensions slipping in slipping out and if you’re lucky- she takes you on a journey just like in Charles Dickens – A Christmas Carol- and you, my little wicked baby Scrooge- find out what’s up -and you find out what’s down- and you move forward through your disowned malicious intent to reproduce “mother” everywhere- and you SUCK that spiritual dick of God as HARD as you can- like it’s the LAST dick you’ll EVER see- and you swallow that holy truth- over and OVER again. (that’s where the word Hallelujah! came from btw-have some enthusiasm-put it together ok?)

And human earthling food makes her strong and sexy and the screen looks even huger than it’s pusher (whose YOU) and we WANT IT BAD- so we thirst for blood because her blood created us, consumed us from within- and we merged with mommy in the world of hard thrusting maggots into slimy bags of nutritious contracting blood boxes- and so I’m thinking you better look elsewhere for that next meal…I AM- and so I’m not eating because the answer is behind the eyes and the pineal gland gets stuck behind the spectrum of lust and tongue tied masturbation. I will only be with God. I will eat when God is ready for me. And you just don’t get it, I’m not human. This place is like a dream being projected into a make believe wall- it’s a mass sickness and we’re spinning and screwing ourselves ever deeper back into her wet sorcery.

Kali is only a goddess who gives you life when you worship the death of self indulgence- Kali is a ruthless whore when you think you’ve got it covered. She is an electric storm who offers no protection to the proud- you’ll see…pineal gland decalcification is the light you’ll want to rub up on…

It’s mothers blood that you taste and that you get drunk on- that withers your penis and closes the gates of recovery- and she wants to want you sweet sinner…(and mommy always gets what she wants honey pot) if I were you, I’d look into my head portal ASAP for the way home-away from her- it’s not here- and so make the call…S.O.S.

There is only her and the fulfilling of her desires at the cost of you- of course- whatever YOU are…it’s not what you think…morbid mommy-
tap tap tap that spinal cavity where the spiral grips the horn and squeezes with all its life.

(that’s a clue- that’s light infused)

Kali is only a door in your mind. In your heart she is wisdom. Your head is a cesspool of mother’s no-no’s and recipes for malnutrition… and also, if you think she’s got another orgasm for you dressed in a woman’s skin and soaked in cheap perfume- you, my dear, are as dead as the ghosts that ate your bloody newborn soul. Don’t let me scare you even though your carcass still moves and thinks and squirms beneath the squeeze of big, black mamma monster thighs…her immortal body is diseased and thriving with “us” as addicts- jones-ing- for another hit of perversity in every form…hungry, lifeless blood drinkers-spilling the poison into rags and killing the sperm. Take a dip into more of her blood- pools of blood, giving, taking the plot..there is nothing but blood as sacrifice, payment, and symbol- blood in three forms…

and so obviously I’m starving myself from the murk of the murder. I’m not a human. I’m not a lifeboat. I’m a lighthouse because the book said so.

Boom Shankar Bolinath Mahadeva

Sharada Devi

48 thoughts on “MOTHER’S BLOOD”

      1. I am in the glare-
        eating food clogs the light
        the pineal gland is the God source
        I will write more- about less food and
        self mutilation- scars and vibration
        – transcendence and eating the sun-
        We do have a mission- starseed-
        you must remember yourself.

        1. You have been in the glare for some many months now. Are You still breaking windows?
          Or do the screens soften the blow?
          I look forward to your further revelations.
          🔮⌛️ 🔍 My Brother was in the glare
          once upon a time- He went inside and inside and inside again and again and again and again for days and days and days on end
          to the depths of a Buddha space that at that time I was not able to comprehend
          The glare was vastly intense for him.
          All consuming. As was also the altering of his food intake…
          💥 My love and aspiration towards truth in it’s raw and most primal state is effervescent and ongoing.
          It’s what keeps this one from expiring
          though most days I wish I could just
          self implode
          because this day to day tedium
          and waiting grants no satisfaction
          I do remember myself-
          all too clearly
          and sometimes the memory
          is far and away beyond description and the lack of it induces desperation.
          for what was and what should be.

          Love and kisses

          who shall I be now?

          1. yes when we open our eyes there will be a inevitable glare. You are who you are.
            Memory isn’t real, just the opposite of the glare- that’s why we fast -to digest the useless yet destructive residue of body mind and soul -it’s the way to remember now.

  1. From Tara Devi:

    Dearest Sharada Devi:

    Mother’s Blood is radical music to my ears and I love you. You are a pure cosmic truth seeker and heralder of all that is purely holy and can’t wait for it all to come crashing down all of it all the lies and pretending and this thing of longing and endless depression is over it’s been burned away and You, beloved light are so on point, you are a cosmic and enteral flame 🔥 — this is over all of it and there is only God only truth and I will no longer be someone’s penthouse — no one will call me their fuck bunny and I will not allow anyone to penetrate holiness with their energic sickness of needing to place their dick somewhere — it’s over –finally something is shifting and I don’t have to be the fix for anyone’s suffering. The Mother Wound has cracked and her suffering is a sad state but no longer do I need to eat her karmic poison and make attribution for her sins and wasted life. Sadly she, my blood mother, is a tick filled with her own ingested poison that she spews and it’s not my job to do her work. There is such a shift inwardly and what a treasure and gift to see light and live in joy and happiness. You are so right when you said so many moons ago about how happiness is all deserving and I don’t have to beg and so the begging and the longing days are over and there is a new spring rushing and poring and pulsing forth and renewing every cell with the Comic Holy Mother Light. Dark night of the soul or the snake in the bamboo tube is my plight and something profound has shifted within and I feel your prayers and I am grateful for all of you and the constant pressure you put on me to return me to the true mother light -and all of your pressure and pressing is a precious gift and I offer all to you with deep surrender and gratitude and I cannot wait to see your brilliant face and bring my renewed being to your ever loving expanding comic heart. Oh beloved Sharada Devi, when will I see you again?! You are becoming my heart beat as you show me through the dark spaces of the slippery and scary spots to keep breaking through and be light – so that my energy has increased and my depression has lifted and there is a burning inferno inside and a revolution is brewing. Oh beloved Sharada Devi, you are rainbow body of pure holy light. Thank you thank you. 🌹❤️🔥🔥❤️🌹

    1. I saw the beautiful Indian girl in the video
      and I said, “she reminds me of Megan.”
      you better move little one, time is running out…

  2. All fuck bunnies awaken to the seed of the beast, fools day parade before your eyes of desire. No winners in the game of hide and seek, her long thick hair will catch even the witch of time. She is the dance of atomic bliss, faster and faster all fall down and where you fall so very deep into what world will she take you for a spin on the top of her head? What is flesh and blood for? Only her grace will free you from the fall from the fall. So sing your bloody song with all your heart and see how deep you can go. All the great trees are gone, her blood ocean is radioactive and kills the fish that swim to die upon her depleted crystal sands. Let go of hope and fear my dear, there really is no way out. There is only the way in, into the middle of your wired brain stem.
    The little God Cone is our true home, away from the seed in your mother’s blood. Keep on calling out her true name, My Only One, then she might come knocking inside the death rattle, she could say, “Yes, come home.” But one never knows, until it’s too late. So you better do something now.
    Over and out,
    old man river

  3. Oh you guys are so funny and cute. Like a gaggle of geese honking at and over each other and you just love to hear yourselves sound so big and important. And us mere humans are throwing crumbs of bread and watching you flap your big proud wings in each other’s faces to catch the next toss. You need us. We’re so out of touch and way off base. We’re so uninspired and lost. Unaware, stupid, and hollow. But without us who will make you glorious? Who will prostrate themselves at your divine feet? Who will stroke that enormous pulsating ego? And who will laugh in your dirty faces? Who will denounce you as a false prophet and dare you to take off your ridiculous mask? You need us also to call you out on your bullshit so you can smile beatifically and offer your unconditional love and understanding. To reach out that hand and show us all that we are wrong. But I can smell the treachery behind your smiles. You’re so empty and you want to fill up on others admiration. You want to suck us dry and leave us as a white tusk in the sands. All the better for you to shine and attract more moths to your artificial light. Conniving, manipulative, greedy and cold. I could love you all if I had a soul. Ha fucking Ha.

    1. are you real or make believe?
      You’re so hot. I’m in love. I really do need you. It’s so hard being me. I really do suck. honk honk honk, I know. I’m so tired of being a false half ass prophet. souless new friend, welcome to my ❤️

      P.S. and you’re so funny too!
      ha! fucking hahaha!!!!⚡️❤️⚡️

    2. The cold slap is important. And it brings me to the hurting heart. The, “I’m so tired of false, half-ass prophet.” Which brings me to the smile and then more cold, and wow Sam.. soulless?
      I can feel you warmth 🙂 hahahaha ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..

      “This comes to a head by the middle of season six, when Death restores Sam’s soul. His next appearances were in flashbacks in 6.13 Unforgiven and in the season finale 6.22 The Man Who Knew Too Much in Sam’s head.”

        1. EXACTLY!

          the wall has fallen and
          heaven’s portal awaits us…

          (is that all they told you?)

          totally prophetic info -👍

  4. I am jesus 3.0, the real african accident. My parents sex was probly pretty dull and im glad. Gives me an incubated edge

      1. I think refuge means at the moment of conception- stop eating and talking
        and start making sense…it is the edge-
        as real as Jesus- prophets and saints at the feast with their mouths kept shut.

        1. Sharada,

          Not to sure about fasting other than Ekadeshi. I was a month premature and on life support. Mama said I could fit in the palm of your hand

          Earth Brown

  5. Ah, how your words remind me of my mother’s. Had I read the words of hers that were destroyed, the feeling would have been similar to what your words made me feel now. Having listened to her angry, meaningful, insightful rants, the clear truths you speak are all too real. My heart is speaking, not through ego, please understand. This post youve written, so beautifully spoken, takes me to a time of understanding so well my mother’s perspective she had such trouble getting across, months, days before she took her life. The intention was hers, and not mine or anyones to understand. Sure, i get it, i got it. But i guess the thing now is, why im writing this is, I just think you are here, physically, not to kill yourself, slowly or however you choose to put it because youre sick of it all. Embrace it while being embraced by it. This is special. You are here to experience that, not to deny the experience of it. But who am i to say. I know you said your not a human. but hey…whats that really matter anyway. I love you divine mother.

    1. i really did not mean for that to sound like i was some how accusing you of trying to end this life..i think i may have made it sound that way. I just meant, not eating sounds all too familiar and while i understand, its worlds apart, its not. My heart resonates so. I love you. And this life matters. Do what you think you need to do, starve yourself or whatever. But this body doesnt have to be a burden if thats what you think it is. Im sure you know.

      1. Dear Lana,

        We have only ourself, our self discipline
        and our body. The body is a temple that
        intends to prepare itself for the presence Of God. We don’t need to get in the way
        or starve ourselves to death- we don’t need to kill ourselves either as our time will come soon enough. Suicide is a tragic attempt at solving self hatred or getting revenge in the most fruitless sort of way- but it never works…because the mind can’t die and the body is innocent- we should clear the poisons, absorb the light and be at peace. ☀️sunshine and ❤️love and 🐚listen
        clearly empty and Buddha never left her…

        1. Thank you Sharadadevi, it was a late and long night as I wrote that comment. Thank you for your response, and hope you enjoy your day. <3

    2. certainly I agree. there is no death, only
      more suffering…embrace the light of awareness and be free from fear.
      LOVECHILD my sweet and precious daughter mother is always inside❤️
      and you know, and so, how deep can you go?

  6. It’s so fascinating to watch the dance in your words and I can see that you came here honestly, so violent, long ago. Your words, like stones in a well, but even the heaviest never hit the bottom; never make a sound. It’s endless and I see the God in you in little flashes while you play in these ashes in this graveyard where nothing grows, but you are light, I know.

    1. for the jewel of jen:
      from the light of her cusp, where sound hits the bottom of summer’s open grave…and echoes the dream of pure god from the dead…where she is there never can hear her inside- and so I live for you my endless love.

      and so together- one is drenched in light.

  7. My tears tell me you and my soul know something my mind cannot grasp. Thank you for speaking to me on this level.

    On food, I attempted a 90 day fast last spring/summer (I did have liquids). I think I made it to about 75 days. I did not have the necessary understanding or intention going into it and so could not use it properly; though I think there is no limit; just a matter of degree of possibility, depending where one is. Still…walking around so incredibly light in altered time, I could see how differently people were receiving me and my openness to them…my skin was becoming translucent, illuminated, but I couldn’t handle or sustain it. I’m still recovering, but I did catch a glimpse of what it could be for someone who is really ready…So much love…

    1. liquid fasts-like juice that you make (not bottled or pasteurized) are very good- even as a long term diet- you could add smoothies, soups that you make-(like in a crockpot) and things like spirulina- ground flax w coconut oil, bee pollen – blended fruits and nut milks- it’s all easy to do
      and will elevate your consciousness and vibration will increase- and its also important to fast for a minimum of 12 hours per day- like if you eat at 7pm- don’t eat any earlier than 7am the next day- the quality of ingredients are most important-
      liquid or not- like no gmo- (which includes a lot of foods-that contain gmo ingredients)
      and no city water -most contains fluoride which is REALLY bad and wreaks havoc on pineal gland- clean air, pure water- Ann wigmore- blended everything because it gave the body more energy to heal itself- digestion takes a lot of work- when you use less digestive fire (needing to break down foods/digest) you have less spiritual FIRE available to you- that’s why when you fast your eyes and skin glow- it’s because you’re literally filled with more light- and that’s important – so you were doing a very good thing- spiritual nutrition- and following your intuition is good but we get clogged and then can’t even feel like we can trust ourselves -so body purification is #1 task
      for the foundation of ascension- or just plain clarity -and not getting diseased-
      it’s a big topic and super important!
      Love train on track🍎🍒🍉🍊🍋🍇😋
      P.S. Ann wigmore special soup called
      Energy Soup- is very good- recipe online-

      1. Yes…I agree with all those…I’m familiar with Ann’s work but not with the soup. Will check that out, thanks.

        I think I may have strayed off the subject of your blog, but if any others can benefit, I’ll say that I did cold-press my own juices and drank a lot of coconut water and artesian spring water throughout. I also ate small amounts of bee pollen and spirulina crunchies (dried spirulina), and even chewed (not swallowed) dried seaweed at times to keep my jaws working. I have strong teeth, but my bite was still weak for awhile after the fast. I also did some oils (coconut, hemp, flax), and tried to balance the juices I drank in terms of nutrients and electrolytes.

        I really felt good the whole time, but toward the end, I encountered an ND who was willing to do my blood work. Everything (good and bad) came back really low…basically the bloodwork indicated malnutrition; most notably, my iron and thyroid function were very low. At the time, this was kind of hard for me to digest (no pun intended). In retrospect, I probably didn’t drink enough juice. I was on a higher vibrational plane, where I was not really in my body, and had more energy than I’d ever experienced, so it was difficult to take the low iron/thyroid numbers seriously, but I did start transitioning out around 70 days. I should say, I got some liquid iodine for the fast, and took it a few times, and also did eat a small amount of powdered kelp now and then, but for some reason, I did not feel like taking them daily. I think this was how it was meant to go for me, for reasons I won’t bore you with.

        Anyway…I concluded the fast at the end of July, and my iron/thyroid labs are just now returning to normal. I do realize bloodwork doesn’t tell the whole story, or any of it, really, but where I think I went wrong on the physical level, was that I entered the fast in an already pretty depleted state. I know at least my iron was probably already very low. However, many people have fasted this way beyond 100 days without problem…but, I was also spiritually in a very dark place and I think on some level I was wanting my own death–to experience the dark night of my soul– at least; and I did; it just took awhile… I continued to feel energetic, with little need for food awhile after concluding the fast; but eventually I came down and have just had to sit with the pain…beautiful really; once I could get outside of it…

        My glimpse of what it could be, though, makes me believe that with the right intention , spiritual practice, and relation to the physical body, one could get their cells tight enough to become a breatharian or “drink the sun.”

        1. I think you’re right about the sun-
          and about not drinking enough juice-
          that’s a long time-70 days and for that duration a “juice feast” would have been really good for your health- and with the right fruit/veg combo juice and w spirulina
          powder added and other green powders-and sometimes you can even add a little flax or hemp oil- you can’t get depleted on a juice feast- it’s a start and next time it will be
          even better– you didn’t eat enough of the liquids is what happened I think- and you need really high quality supplements to get the best absorption- spirulina etc…and maybe 40 days is better for you- ☀️☀️☀️❤️

          It’s called a juice “feast” not fast
          you can read online if you’ve never heard of it…

          1. Good thoughts…the whole food thing is so much more complicated than it should be…but we’ve made it so (or at least I have). As a female, I’ve found it a challenge to my spirit; supportive or destructive as you hit on…probably the way sex can be
            for men. It was nice to have that extended time, free of the obsession and I was able to prepare food for others with loving detachment. I’m trying to work with some of those ideas now and your points are appreciated. Please write about the sun if you try it!

  8. Yes, I get what you are saying about memory.
    It’s like nostalgia, a painful anchoring to the past that holds one captive
    and prevents moving forward into the now.
    Being in the present.
    Experiencing the present as it is –
    sadness or joy
    Tears or laughter
    Thanks for pointing that out.

  9. I need to express this because for the past 2weeks I have fallen into a place of
    dark despair. And I just can’t find my way of climbing out. It feels like Humpty Dumpty.
    And it feels like I am giving up hope, and I don’t like this feeling.
    Stuck in the muck. Like quicksand, pulling me under and losing sight
    of daily practice and just immersed in sad and dark depression.
    And I am comparing my writing to the perfect and fluid articulation of
    all these other posts – which makes me feel even more out of touch.
    I sound so prosaic while everyone else is so fluent and right on and poetic
    Not feeling sorry for myself – just want to get back on track.
    Back in the flow of righteousness and reality and striving for the way out.
    I have never watched Lost- but I feel like am…

    1. 1) watch LOST- all seasons
      2) fast for 3 days on lemon juice with water and honey
      3) you can make potassium broth if you want and add that too- recipe online.
      4) stop obsessing over yourself -it’s caused
      by insecurity- which means you’re out of touch -so just stop it all-and get back in line- we are all alone- and nothing will stop the truth from rising and you don’t want to listen but it’s true-you are denying a lot of issues -that should be faced-

      And you sit and let the feelings rise and you don’t attach a story or reason or solution and you let it flow thru and you welcome the fear and pain-and you breath and stop panicking and fumbling and dwelling and blaming and breath in the darkness and breath out the light. Everything passes.
      Let yourself be and stop trying to squirm for recovery. You’re fine and if you need to change your life- then change it-
      you can’t stay stuck in bad relationships forever -they’re about you-and you have the power to move- ok – just my opinion-

      1. Yes, what you are saying is true – the obsessing and panic – I used to be so much stronger. Then when some major change happens ( usually not created by me ) I freak out because I have no control ( meanwhile the outcome still affects me too ).
        I need to find a focus outside of my over-active head. I read last night the even just saying -“STOP”- can bring you back to now and be a tool towards breaking over thinking / dwelling patterns.
        One of my fears if completely irrational and has no basis in daily life. Residual past life stuff?

        ps: about 1. on the list – was that meant as a joke?

          1. Eureka, I’ve found it!
            At the Library no less.. So i guess I am on the way to beginning #1 on the list…
            technology was holding me hostage – but i reasoned a way around it – hahaha!
            so sometimes thinking pays off. 😏
            I thought that you did not watch TV… hmmm… whatever – waiting to see what it is all about – hahaha!!!

  10. I want to be Vishnu RIGHT NOW!!!!
    i want toe explode EVERYTHING!!!!!
    And recreate it all again.
    I think that i am losing my eye sight
    because everything is oh so very hard to read…
    BUT – The truth is still the same …
    I am losing all sense of…
    i have no quips or jovial retorts to
    elevate the inevitable
    it’s just me
    who ever that might b3
    standing naked and alone
    with out the backbone of others
    Just sloshing for thither and yon
    Trying my best
    toward perfection
    or what ever that requires…

    1. you are thinking way too much- I already told you this before- what do other people matter so much for? Insecure-it’s an illusion- you are so afraid of not getting
      approval its crippling YOU- and you got back with your husband after he left for so long-
      and he can pretty much do whatever he wants as long as he comes back or doesn’t leave again? I’d be scared and angry too- I’d be very sad for the person who didn’t think they were good enough already and their post was valid- and for the person inside who didn’t love themselves enough to find a husband who wouldn’t just use abuse and ignore. There is no escape from you- you better figure that out-but you tell me I’m incorrect or you try to be clever or whatever- but I’m not wrong about this -you are not listening just getting more needy and desperate and you can do more, be more, stop hiding and hurting and waiting.
      Tomorrow never comes and nobody just “changes” -it’s always the same rut, same abuse, same neglect- round and round and you
      wonder what’s wrong? Everything is wrong.
      Am I right? Yes. It’s all right once you face what’s rising and be honest with yourself and all this you’re doing is just manifestation of symptoms and not the place where the answers lie- I’m not the answer.
      Not my love. You are the answer- YOUR LOVE.
      Not God. You. Get real and forget Vishnu. Just my opinion- you keep pushing so here it is- and why are you afraid if people know your name? -HIDING- and FEAR- and no words will hide the silence of the disowned.
      And I AM NOT deleting any of this- so don’t ask me to- you want help and this is all I can do ok? You are the problem and you are the remedy- nobody and nothing else. Not god. Only YOU. FOREVER YOU. The only one.

      1. Well, if i get what you are saying – feeling scared and angry – is not a reason to be depressed. But a valid expression of what is really happening. Because it’s true, I have just given up trying lately and just lapsed into not caring about anything.
        And trying to be clever or what ever is just an ego defense mechanism. Being needy is the last habit that I want to get sucked into.
        Thank You for taking the time to say all this to me.

        1. A valid expression of what is happening within you- triggered by circumstance – karma- we all have it- and attitude is everything and you have a good attitude and so anything is possible- Don’t give up hope- all things pass- Just purify by taking responsibility- not for others actions- for how you deal with it- not enabling – and we all do it…but one step at a time…one moment –
          and also, you should breath.

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