I haven’t had much to say. It doesn’t matter anyway. I’ve been alone. I boil herbs, I stare at all my twisting shadows on the wall. Waiting for someone to make their last move. No one does. It’s a game, a conjuring of another dimension. No one wins this way. Sometimes a hole opens and I see, through this reality. Into a world that knows me, differently. With other faces, familiar voices. Memories of the ones I’ve held. Near to me, inside of me. All alone. I have nothing but my laser eyes and this useless wall of shadow- where all my secrets watch me “trying” -twisting into nothing but noise…that’s how this all started. Bhagavan Das went on a two week meditation retreat and when he left he said, “Pretend I’m dead.” He was serious. And so I did. Things didn’t go well at first, then I heard one of his songs…listening as if he were dead-bad idea. Bad, unbearable idea- holding onto this fantasy of fate. He’s going to die. Me too. Who first? Where will I take it? Memory hell perhaps? How will I move beyond this torture of the clinging needy pain seeking shadow, twisting perpetually into me-without any purpose that moves from the suffocating walls that enclose me? Mostly, I am not unaware, thank the god’s that war and sing within me… this is an issue of sentimentality, how to come to terms with attachment. Awareness and equanimity. That’s what he came back saying and I knew. I’ve been saying all week, for more reasons than one. It’s a physical thing. Precision is human perfection, not the other way around. People mostly don’t understand what this transformation is all about. They want to come around, profess all kinds of loves, devote their lives entirely to the cause. The cause of becoming the one who is one. But in no time at all the underlying sabotaging unconscious motivation is revealed that really they just want to either- be me, be BD, have an orgy, be granted power- that’s it. And it’s quite tragic, yet the facts remain. Self sabotage is always present until the presence is present instead. The Being. I ask, could I be that Being? The gods are smaller than your potential. They live, love, war inside the Being. The Being. Human being- being of light. The mother who cares beyond her own body, Mother Light is the Being. Neither male or female, neither religion or philosophy, beyond our choices of who God is, beyond beliefs of their being a choice that fragments that being- whether we call this the great vessel of light- Avalokateshvara, God, Neem Karoli Baba-whoever- it’s all the same essence. We play with the gods inside, circulate their essential elemental proclivities- and churn these forces for and against each other until we reach the peace that surpasses all conflict. Until we become the Being. Human body, being of light.
The true living Mother, beyond man or woman. Guru, God, Creator. The one and only reachable relief from the striving within the realm of choices, mistakes, decisions, alliances- it’s just how it becomes- what it ultimately is, is that we, above and beyond it all. Are this Being. And no name is needed. However, we chant the names given by the embodied who have received the divine code- to encode our sound stream in alignment with the way the energy flows- the energy of sound- the current that begins and ends the war. The sexual equation of enlightenment. Kundalini shakti, the rainbow ribboned serpent, the victorious one rides into true Being, this godhood, the one creative two headed serpent that rides only one wave, the Mother Light wave of sound body, Being God, the one that won the war of all wars, the merging of dusk and dawn. This is the way it is. It’s a physical thing and it absolutely can and will be accomplished. ALL steps, meaning every thought and word; every dim lit action, lead to Her. All phenomena is made of the warring gods, it’s only a matter of clarity and precision- how well we understand the game and why we’re here to ride the snake of man into the rainbow of the serpent Being- We call it the one true God, but it’s the other way. The One true God, bows to the Being who understood the wrath and did something peaceful in a state of violence. It’s called self liberation, very simple once the absolute decision has been made. We continue and we never look back or even sideways, only forward at the flame of the Eye, Her Eye that watches and mimics, Her Eye that is the sight the Being sees through to beyond space and time. This is the Bodhisattva I am describing. It will not happen overnight, over time. It only happens in the gap, and I can tell you why and how. Because She cares, and that’s all you need to know. The matter is what you actually do, what attachments you let Her rip from you, determine the new self you create. You don’t allow the new space, you get nothing. No Being, only the same face of the lesser you. I cannot surrender to the lesser in anybody or any pursuit. I do my best to create this everywhere I look, her most sublime and perfected form. It’s about vision and potential. Individual uniqueness becoming the personality’s specified dharma. And we do this, against all seeming odds. We start that fire. We’re doing it here now, everyday….I will help anybody that helps themselves. I will do anything for you in the name of the great white snake. I will move anything for Her cause by pulling it toward me or pushing it away from me. Magnetism is the power created by the perfection of friction. It goes both ways. Let’s rub ourselves raw in the sound of the name. True essence, our Being. God embodied as sound. Let’s not get confused by echoes or afraid of deep rumbling. To adjust to the discomfort of transformation, to embody awareness and equanimity- just remember my only message written in a million ways- MORE PAIN MORE GAIN. Rub, rub, RUB your duality together. Tapas burns the disease of smallness away until you rest in the cool flames, aware of one. Untouched and humming the Being of Her light into the disappearance of perfect union for the benefit of all sentient beings. As sound we enter and depart. That is the path. The resonance of Being in between.