mind let go

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It was dark and windy and the sky was flashing.┬áThe arms of the trees were everywhere, reaching down for us, in this night. The wind decided where we went. In this moment, a hand in mine. Too many cruel secrets. The choice was never ours. The sky would flash like a strobe, one frame after another, pictures of us strung together somewhere. We think our moment is real, we think we’re counting each pulse with a mind that makes everything happen. We are somewhere back there, yes I think so. But the ones we see now as us, haven’t a clue where the flashes come from- especially when. It’s the WHEN that hurts us. When will you go? When will I be forced to know my loneliness and fear, when will these branches reach me once and for all? A sharp finger through my skull, a probe through my soul looking for what? What do they want? My roots. Lightening travels down their arms and lights us briefly. We belong here somehow even though we are as lost as a fallen leaf in this chaotic wind. We belong like this, together stunned and wondering. Desperately reaching up, like the branches reaching down. For us. We, for faith or anything that will ground us from these flashes. The honest truth is, it’s immediate. We know or we don’t. These roots, moving down like veins, spider veins crawling backwards in time. The wind really does howl tonight, warm wind, flashes of gold, dark arms reach down from the sky. We don’t really know the origin, we don’t see the stairway. We only see the shapes on the ground. Deeper than shadows even. We only read this writing, like the movement of a song. We only get the impression that someone is watching it all, but we aren’t sure. So I hold his hand and pretend not to notice how late it has gotten. Inside, I believe the winds rise in the east but I can’t be totally sure until I hear him breathing. We don’t talk, I have a lot to say. About the transient nature of this passing evening, about the spark in his eyes, about how nothing is by accident and we’re still here today. It’s a sign, a hidden message. A way to take hold of the dark branch and pull. Ourselves up into that flash in the sky. Once and for all. Stop the fear. Mind let go. We have nothing. Memories and body noise. We have love undisguised and raw like the moist earth. Waiting for the lost leaf to land and become one with it’s meaning. It’s all here for you, to escape, discover, dig, embody even. Skin, like eyes receives messages. I know this. This touch is deep. It’s a long night, filled with soul. My haunted soul who cannot find the words to hurt the pain back. I won’t do it, I’ll find a way out and we’ll be free.

Sharada Devi

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