love child


I heard horns in the early morning, horns sounding from another world, entering this world. The kind of horns that you hear before a war begins. This kind of battle must happen, when what we need is suppressed and a rage to end all rage is released. To bring peace to the one who is captive. In this deep rage, sexually suppressed and repressed, god begins a war. A war to end all lesser wars.  The horns are heard to herald the mixing of lights. I mean both sides have a right and we shall fight to the death, until we are one. Did you see lord of the rings? It was that kind of war cry from beyond, yet not far, the same battle inside me, I know. You see, we are damned to know why we are damned, because love rules even when we don’t feel it…

Bodies hidden star bodies, dark plastic bodies. Bodies inside bodies. Those who look the other way. Warm aching bodies, taking her everywhere. Me and my love who sees deeply the wounded. Why would I say something to stop the delusion, only madness can end itself. Slow rising, the quickening moon that bears nothing, seeks all breath back into it. Desire vehement creature of earth spilling blood, tasting each other deep before sunrise. And these stars clash in the night sky, fires arise and explode, enemy bodies. Fast light, hardcore lover bodies. She is in every version of me destroying what these stars do to their gazers. Star struck and lost on the way to the floor. I love the rain on dead bodies, soft spoken. Something left behind. Lying silently waiting for each other. In the night sky. Stories about the wars we fought. All for love or god or because we couldn’t get out of her moonlight, and we struggled and hurt the ones watching. With gun light and hot fire light passion born of the coming of the sunlight that spreads over death valley. Shadows sworn into secrecy in a room without windows. Outside of nature’s lonely boxes, undressed.  Face down on the earth, moaning to the thump of her heartbreak. It hurts to break. The way day does to us all when it’s over. Something straight, nothing straight comes out of me. Only jagged, only crescent, only crooked, only broken. Little warm hugs, protect me from myself whoever’s watching her choke in this body. Sad child body alone in the dark light, baby moons without mothers who know. How to take light away from dark ghosts that drink children’s cool blood light. Do something to save me, sacrifice the tears that betray me. The little animals knew as they crouched under trees in this gray light. Her twilight where hiding is being. The preserving light of his body of dreams that can’t help but survive. Her cruel stroking called love in between light. In the black moon spectrum of small, born innocent raindrops. The wounded fall from her eyes making more down below. Where I lay perennially dying as an unnoticed flower blooms in the spring of water and sunlight. For nothing at all. Birth and beyond life. My eyes are filled with many ages of starlight. I come and go and leave myself behind in that place that takes us little by little back upstairs, unseen. Upward. Unspoken, unheard, death defying dying. As the perfection of surrender to the softness that surrounds the charnel grounds of these left behind bodies. Glowing mysteries that nobody ever really knew. White bones inside that no one ever really saw. A heart, eyes, that no one truly ever touched. But me, I did. And I loved the unloved like a mad rushing disease back to it’s sickness. Because she is blood light and I am inside the underside of the unspeakable, untouchable moon. Who hides, the shamed widow on the outskirts of time. I am in the way a star falls back to earth as a promise. In the suffering knowing this can’t last but inside us. In the falling of pain back into the dream of her murmuring, “let me hold you one more night in my darkness, let me make you the light that won’t go.” I was the sacrifice, I was the lamb, beaten and twisted. I was the one he saw when the sun rose, covered in death gods and the clear blood of heaven. I was the one, none came before me but you. The one I must release. Back to the wild earth, into the endless sky, deep in my heart aching bones that I’m still here. For you waiting for love to finally love me. The way I thought god came and took everyone who suffered back into his body of her. And I watch and I wait through the whispers as ghosts come and go wearing crosses, through the underworld, over the crossing currents, across the midnight sky as her lovers, all for me. The love child all alone for no reason…except that some sorrow is perfect as it is.

moving deeper the night keeps calling out words and so I tell you, there is alot going on…

I was up all night listening to shadows on the wall. They don’t breathe they just move ever so slightly. I heard dead sounds up above me, I heard footprints. I’m not asleep even when I’m sleeping because they’re always awake, moving inside. I was up all night because I had no choice, it was noisy. The sounds that they make, only I hear. Red candles flicker like violence from the other room. Casting venomous flame shadows with tongues, on the wall. These fingers that know me, draw for me. All the dead come to life. This world that I slip inside like a snake leaves it’s skin, is my world, where I speak most of all. To the ones leaving, who’ve left. To all the phantoms and dreams long forgotten. Sleep buries the bones, but this night has no body. Skeleton. It’s all that’s left, cold dangling bones draped in gray making promises they’ll never keep. Prying at their ribcages, there was more, there was always more, now I’m empty. I have a flame inside that makes everything come true. This is not another scattered and woven dream story. I’ve never written anything scattered. Head trippers fall and crack open important mind centers eventually and all the words end that make so much sense and you finally become me, burning the garuda. Giving everyone what they want, secretly. You think you read something I’ve said. You read the invisible lines like the pixels on the tv that make no sense. I can say it all in one word but I don’t. I seduce and destroy the words on the outside. Unravel, decipher, your head is a box with nothing to offer but organized sentences and bad memories making us chase them. These skeletons in others as husbands, and ghosts who once loved us. We thought we had it all, her soft hand, her twilight. I thought he’d never leave. I prayed to god again and again, take me instead. Take me. God didn’t want me. Nobody does. Images, persona, projection. “Love” thrown through doorways, always a free kiss, a smile that gives anything you need. But no, I didn’t mean any of it, so I’m just as bad as you are. Psychotics, bowing to a clock. Feed me. Enchant me. Make me real. Dress me. Touch me. Look in my mirror. My eyes are as clear as glass. Why can’t you see what you’ve done. Never enough. I’m never enough. Me and my body of muscle and flesh. Nobody needs anything but their own reflection to lust for. Creepy, toe touching shadow walker. I’ve been in your darkness before. People do talk to me at night, it’s no joke. I fly all around this universe. I was just recalling today being up in the stars a couple days ago. I’m like, “Wtf?,” I was there with 3 or 4 other undressed shadows, and we were just doing our thing. It was very important btw. Don’t believe me. The truth is, I don’t make anything up. It’s not creativity, it’s my life. Or afterlife. It’s all of the above. It’s below. It’s inside you. You just don’t hear me wiggling. Funny, people are so stuck up and stuck tight in all the wrong places (if you know what I mean.) I can’t handle it, it’s pitiful juvenilism. And if juvenilism isn’t a word I don’t even care. I just made it one. No wonder I fly the skies looking for more…but really though, I do hear everything and so it kind of leaves me in a bind. The secret keeper works overtime (if you know what I mean.) Some want love poems because they take them personally. Some want recipes because they’re fat or toxic- some want stories because their life sucks. Some just want an excuse to write something someone else will read. What about me. Oh, I shouldn’t ask. Sad to the last sparkle. The song you didn’t hear. I never stopped, no one ever came. Not to my door. I know you think you did, but I don’t live here. I’m a replica of another day, a body dead and over. A lot of people look like me. Anyone can jump in for a ride you know. I’m an energetic distortion. An imposter pulling strings from the other side. Talking all sorts of madness to my sweet demons who think they’re all angels. I’m the worst of all, don’t be offended. Join the club, I was like, “well, did you ever see buffy the vampire slayer?” He was like, “no” I said, “of course not, you’re just a green child.” He said nothing. I said, “well, there were these ones who were evil vampires who became reformed and now they don’t drink human blood anymore, maybe like squirrel blood or stray dog blood instead and they help destroy the evil vampires to save the world even though those evil vampire were once their family and friends. It sucks. That’s my life. We can’t suck the blood of other humans. It’s just wrong. Nothing is free, you know that. Not rotten fruit, not rotten women, not even a rotten love. Nothing.” He again, said nothing. He’s silent most of the time. Well, just you wait until that stake goes through his little green heart, “big” whatever. Nobody fools me, darling fangs. Wait until the dawn and I pull you into the sunlight. Wait until that sky, once so dark turns bright and starts screaming. “Blood, death and blood!” Red we thought of him, red we died in him. Red, we’ve eaten him. Light. Light. Fuel on fire! “We want him, he’s everywhere shining!” Then I’ll say, “Yes, that’s you in the future.” I know everything. Nobody fools me, darling fangs. A stab is a stab (if you know what I mean.) That’s where the bending over part comes in. I mean whose fucking who? This is JAWS we’re talking about, you saw that movie right, who didn’t. Blood everywhere, shines the face of the mirror sea. Always knowing where the sharp tooth was. Innocence. We tried so hard to make her peaceful and chaste. No hope there, lost is lost. Did you see that show? It’s about slipping through a hole in the sky and what happens next. God, why doesn’t anyone listen to me, I predicted it all. But of course their all “afraid and shaken” to the core of their homeliness. Stop trying to fit where you don’t belong, as if anyone did. It’s all just a worm someone put in your head, and it wiggles. It wiggles with a vengeance. (if you know what I mean.) I’m all over the place. That’s what I’m saying, angel eyes. There’s more. A lot more after this. Sharada Devi, love child.

7 thoughts on “love child”

  1. Today, the earth lost her gravity. She lost her strength, because the people were becoming so evil, the mama earth needed to LET GO of humanity. It was taking too much energy to hold on to the toxicity, and She did not even have the strength to pick and choose who should be let go. She knew she had to make that choice, otherwise she, herself might cease to exist. One must protect oneself at all cost. So…there I was floating up to the heavenly star seeds in the sky. I was not afraid. In some ways it felt like a relief, in other ways, I knew I would see NOTHING that was familiar to me. I wondered if I would still be able to breathe. I seemed to continue to do so, so I let go of that thought. I ended up landing somewhere…in a strange kind of field. The air was not like the air on earth, but rather a kind of clear gelatinous space. I could see trails when I moved my arm in front of me. My breathing felt the same, but much much slower and with no sound. I wondered if the gelatin air was in my ears. I felt sun, but it was not hot. It was clear and bright when I saw You. You were smiling because you knew that I would come. Perhaps you called me….I did not hear with my ears…my heart heard but I did not know that at the time. You looked at me and when You opened your mouth, I heard nothing, but noticed things growing out of Your mouth, long stems with buds…they must have been coming from way deep down inside of You….long stemmed flowers before blooming. I could not take my eyes off of You. You put your head back and the flowers began to bloom and grow outward and upward…I could not hear a thing, but I could smell the sweetness in the gelatinous air….it was almost more than I could bear. You then began to ascend. The flowers had small specks that popped out and sprinkled all over the ground…they landed on me, too, and I breathed them in….I then felt an outpouring of love in my heart. Like seedlings taking root deep within my heart and spreading through every part of my body, inside…all my cells, down to the most minute space….taking shape….they traveled through my blood ocean into my brain and eyeballs. I could see everything now. ALL was clear. NOTHING was hidden. NO secrets, but total exposure. I became transparent. Everything was transparent. Every atom was connected without barrier, blending together. Colors were not divided but became one…as ALL was together…in complete harmony. Lightness and darkness were all together. Remember. Take nothing. Leave it all.


  2. I was meant to dance with you who come through
    As a servant
    She moves me
    As I am
    In control.

    Now that I have her ear
    I will unleash the throat
    Of full confidence.
    That all slips away
    And love is inside the flame.

    I should say I have your ear.
    And she has me,
    Ghost shrinking
    As an angel spirals to hell
    Into the laughing mouth of God

    Nothing left for me.
    Scraps of bones
    Break through your mind
    Where I’ve been alone
    channeling god
    Timeless and placeless wind

    If that. She must think my squirming is very funny. Thank God no one else cares.
    She likes to see me laugh

    Im silently waiting like a white elephant in a dark room
    On the edge, unafraid of earthquake.
    Thank you for the wrath
    And starlight turn. Away
    I run and light
    Comes out again.
    As another one learns how to breathe in this place.

    1. I did hear you, through the wind.
      where someone called god
      made a joke about dying
      and being pretty
      on the inside
      where only I count…

  3. This
    Quickening, before you even said it
    Makes me breathe heavy
    To keep up.
    The load will drop this way.

    We are speaking the same language.
    when the one it comes from starts.
    taking it back.
    Before the holy war.
    Has begun

    The victor turns her head from dead men.
    Beckoning the warrior
    To step onto the ancient battlefield and not stop to kneel too long. To stand up before the sun. Lover’s call, this is God, Blood, Water, fall.

    I don’t have to tell you where I am. But I tell you that I am, coming, in your knight light,
    Because your laugh, stronger than the cage I was under, and is still believed as sure as this day

    1. The warrior’s island
      All victorious
      no thing to conquer
      Renounces experiences
      to remove barriers
      Feels the sad and tender heart
      Raw and naked
      within her own truth
      love affair and
      complete loneliness
      in the greater universe.

    2. I don’t totally get this…honestly.
      If you elaborate and don’t use “load”
      I might see through the curse of Chiron.
      Who wounds before healing, just so you
      have to- so I say, please try again.
      And those who think I’m hard on you, have no idea how hard you are on me…

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