just like a rainbow

(listen. everything fades. my words are just like a rainbow. and so am I.)

For all these years.

To all those faces.
With all your heart.
And now, here.
Facing, erasing,
opening to empty.
Where time is not a reminder,
nor a vessel of memory,
but just another body
to let wash away.
Floating, releasing,
nothing more to give.
Where there is no one.
Truly, all I know.
Is where I rest,
baffled and light.
All these words,
to all these outside people.
I tried to make them me,
but I couldn’t.
I tried to give them me,
because I found no one
for all those years I searched.
But they were not me.
They were not seeking as I was.
They were something else.
A distraction, a frustration,
a source of great helplessness.
Help yourself, whoever you are.
Then come back to me.
When you’ve been to battle,
and you’ve been betrayed, defeated,
undermined, tortured, abandoned.
Left to die in an unknown place.
Come back to me when you know
the truth about who your friends really are.
How death really hunts, how deep down your
hunger is buried.
Only then will you understand.
Where to look for your food.
God does live, but only sometimes upon this earth. Whatever you imagine must be provable.
God does die, usually within the first few years of life. Whatever you think is probably a thought that isn’t yours.
Children, self centered prayer pieces.
What began is not what ended.
Mutation is not transformation.
But who would know, out here.
Where the wild has become the electronic.
Where the spirit recedes into conformity.
Where you purchase food, and believe it is good.
I am not a cannibal. I am not a slave.
It was all lost to greed for power.
Stage power, screen power, face power.
I have been here, inside of it all.
The mechanisms, the generator,
the reason.
The reason isn’t you. You have proven that.
The reason isn’t me. I have changed.
The purpose is only my thumb on each letter.
My head has gone blank, my heart has grown secret wings. My eyes look up and away although I’ve been told that is wrong.
There is trash beneath the trees. There is evidence everywhere. Of what to do and what not to do.
“Don’t let this happen to you.”  That’s all I know.
When nobody loves what God actually is.
Even if God were real. Is when I step back inside and close the curtains. Because I was real.
And nobody was able to notice.
There is loss as there will be, here.
After the hardest war has been fought.
The warrior is left speechless.
You will know when you are me,
until then, we do not match.
The lack of symmetry is killing me.
Actually, inside where truth rages.
Like a wild, irreverent sage.
I will wear a mask when I need to,
to hide my face from yours.
Sharada Devi

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