It’s only the light that hurts vampires

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It’s sad no one can open their heart these days to even say thank you and mean it, to stop taking. Feeding off other’s pain, hiding in the shadows. Lurking. Taking a ride on me. Pouting. Lying to themselves on how tomorrow is coming or on how much devotion to some high ideal you think you have. It’s so sad how weak you are. Maybe I’m weak too but not too weak to at least open my mouth, fearlessly. Own my feelings, the darkness the light- whoever is in front of me. Whoever is there gets it all, everything I am. I give and it’s sad you’ve got nothing. Just a shadow for eyes that don’t even count. It’s not personal, about me or anything I say. It’s not the same sob story. It’s just that you must not be too bright. You maybe can’t find your own anger or passion inside anywhere because you’re numb. You can’t even talk to me. Huddle in your dark little living room churning the housewife lie, on the computer screen imagining what a big man you’ll be someday. It’s pitiful. Way more pitiful than me. I have courage. I don’t mask my past, censor my heart, disown my lust, project my negativity. Maybe you think I do. But again, you’re wrong. I love to be wrong. I don’t mind being dysfunctional, codependent, none of it. I revel in my being who I am now and you- you aren’t me. You can’t be me. You’re too desperate basically. And weak. Weak because you are trying to compromise the truth. Dull the obvious. Teach children perhaps- how to what? Invest in your mental cowardice and buy into man in a better way? What happened to you- you think you’re all grown up because you fucked someone or because you have a bank account? Basically it’s one or the other because you didn’t move out from mom like you think, oh no. She’s there right under the blankets with you. And you’re also a hypocrite and a user. You wanted something from me like a pervert. Power. Recognition. What do you, did you want? You probably don’t even know. It’s just one time after another. Obsession. Fatal attraction. Who cares if I’m real. All I give to you, the nutritional value of my existence. You are so confused as to what this is. Oh, I’m wrong. No. You’re lost. You’re lost in your neurosis so much so that self image is everything. It doesn’t matter what. Martyr. So you can tell yourself whatever you want about me, why you came in the first place. Just a whim, a novelty, a passing spiritual rebel phase, a punish mommy phase. Whatever, you can’t even get enough of a grip on your underlying drive to see clearly anything. God, you barely get by, you’re getting so old and you still want to pretend there’s a way to avoid yourself. Like truly madly deeply. You can’t let go of this world. Materialism. And it’s not getting you far. The masturbation even loses its charm. The dolls on the screen. The fantasy of how your husband makes you more of a complete woman. Your sex life is a horror show. You’re shackled to shame and body hatred. You push black off on people like me once the thrill ends and you just can’t work an angle on me. It’s so indescribable. My disappointment. You didn’t hear me say compassion. I said disappointment. You’re letting the entire morbid world down because you are weak and can’t stand up on your own without sagging and grasping at a Buddha, a religion, a movie, food, a man, tits. Whatever it is. You know it’s over. You know and you look in that dirty mirror every morning and you lie. And you get in that stupid car and drive the highways with the lost drones of humanity and you head off to worship your loathsome self image and money. Green paper and a number that buys more shit and temporary security – and barely. And you sold your soul to nothing but more of the numbness and treachery of samsara. There isn’t an angle. There’s a line. Direct. I’ll face my lie. Give it to me. But no. You put on your lipstick and lie to a shadow. You whisper the hate inside and it kills you slowly and that’s why you’re so tired, achy and getting too fat. It’s not like I’m magical or a genius. God. Put the pieces together it’s not exactly hard anymore is it? Not at this point. NO. It’s dry and it’s limp. That’s not even close to being alive. And so I give and I give. I support your soul. I put out. I see how it is. That’s a human right and necessity. To slip into the human warmth while you’re here with other humans means to stop being so cold and creepy like a scared fish with puckered lips that suck. I don’t have anything for you but light. Light as I see it. And as I say it. It doesn’t matter what you think about me. I care. I speak up. I am HAPPY to be incorrect in my assessment of you. But cowards can’t engage. They censor. They disown. They bury the toxin and it becomes a legion of demons that they serve. You can’t live with a pervert in your own house and not be one yourself. There isn’t two. There is one. You and who you’re dragging through your sight every day and night. What you allow is a testament to your greatness. Your “Kali-ness” like I’ve taken something from you. You want to be “Kali.” Sexy. A man eater. Right. Haha. So fucking delusional that there is even such a thing as Kali. Some hard core oversoul goddess of the deep dark and sexy destroyers! Haha! You want to be strong and virile like “Shiva.” OM NAMAH SHIVAYA.” Please. Ok. It’s really sad (not even worthy of a laugh)….and then have command over women and their desires- for you of course…big erect man in charge. Haha that time! But it’s a stale joke. Directed at you all. All of the mediocre, tasteless, dulling stench of old shit. It’s just not funny to be so unreal anymore. Clean off your heart. Time is short no matter who you are. This world is a pile of corpses humping nothing but rot. It’s all set up to fool you. It’s all new age sterility and harmony. Spiritual bubble rooms with little fountains and flute music. Giving moms. Hard working dads. Good kids. Solid bank accounts. A nice neighborhood. Whole Foods. Everything will be alright once I believe in this a little harder. Get a little more numb. Bare down on samsara with a desperate vengeance. A vengeance upon myself who hurts and I bite. I never did anything to you. I held your hand. I told the truth. You cover yourself in darkness and pretend it’s me so you can keep lying. Stop being a coward. Can anyone hear me. Am I the last person alive? Please don’t go down without a fight.
Rage against the machine.

It’s only the light that hurts vampires.
Sharada Devi

15 thoughts on “It’s only the light that hurts vampires”

  1. Thank you.
    Thunderbolt mama.
    Keep me on track.
    Off track marks.
    Livity and love.
    Share the hurt.
    Learning.
    Growing.
    Prayer..

    I have been sending astral messages to you.
    I thought you were getting them, but maybe I’m mistaken.
    Sometimes I’ll type a bunch of stuff to you and then delete it, cause I know you already know. I obviously wasn’t being thoughtful enough. I can change. Ive died 3 times since the last full moon. Ttys

    Empty brain bleeding heart beating for you.

    1. I know. You’re an angel. And thank you for the donation. You’re 1 in a billion!
      Sweet friend of the rainbow light🌈
      Sending my endless rainbow love…
      in case there is no other side,
      just this bridge. Between us
      or maybe made of us.
      I like the second one better
      bright❤️

    1. Thank you. I hope life is good.
      For you and everywhere you’re going.
      I wish you always all the best
      May Tara the Seer guide you forward.
      As the future goes, we need her light.
      Sending you my love from far away…❤️
      like an echo from long ago,
      the thread nearly torn. Come home,
      the heart is inside. Only then will
      we know. Real tears of love.

        1. Yes. Too bad life is so short.
          And we miss the tears that matter most.
          Truth like rain from her eyes.
          Looking closer at knowing.
          Doing the pain that makes light.
          Shine. Dull is the surface of
          any world way. We know where we go.
          We go where we know, into surrender.
          With a courage that sees.
          What to do. Inside of you.
          Mother Moon🌙

  2. I went to my father’s grave last week. I only told my priest and a few people close to me. I took the trip because ive had a couple folks tell me that i would know when it was time. Fuck! I had never even been to the town where he grew up. I told the ancestors i couldn`t be the one for them. That i hoped they`d found their way. And i thought i understood their message to be` why?` and i still dont want to answer

    1. I don’t blame you. Why seems redundant.
      It’s all over now, buried in stone.
      You can’t be the one for them. It’s too
      important that you be the one for us all.
      And deep in the earth we rise from his bones. Understood and knowing we’re next.
      And what will you do but go home…
      where you were born, from the sun.
      Of God beyond graves and dead flesh.
      ❤️❤️❤️thank you my friend for your words.

        1. Jesse you’re so deep and beautiful. And intensely real. Like a cat scratch in my heart❤️

          Song is Cat power. The reason is, I don’t blame you.

          the lyrics are: “I Don’t Blame You”

          Last time I saw you, you were on stage
          Your hair was wild, your eyes were bright
          And you were in a rage
          You were swinging your guitar around
          Cuz they wanted to hear that sound
          But you didn’t want to play
          And I don’t blame you

          I don’t blame you

          Been around the world, in many situations
          Been inside many heads in different positions
          But you never wanted them that way
          What a cruel price you thought that you had to pay
          Them back for all that shit on stage
          But it never made sense to them anyway
          Could you imagine when they turned their backs
          They were only scratching their heads
          Cuz you simply deserve the best
          And I don’t blame you

          I don’t blame you

          They said you were the best
          But then they were only kids
          Then you would recall the deadly houses you grew up in
          Just because they knew your name
          Doesn’t mean they know from where you came
          What a sad trick you thought that you had to play
          But I don’t blame you

          They never owned it
          And you never owed it to them anyway

          I don’t blame you”

  3. I told you that you see through
    And I see you
    And the cold blanket
    Of me…
    I want to say thank you. I want to endure the rage of God
    “It’s funny and I don’t know why” I said. I’m not mad enough.
    Peace keeper drowning
    I feel your heart. I feel mine. Yours is warm and embodied. Mine is breaking
    Not enough. It never was, you said. I am asking this to be the beginning of something happening. Breathing. I can feel, but not enough. Ending for real
    Just the beginning
    Not enough
    💔

    1. More more more more more more more more
      not enough not enough not enough not enough
      This is it this is it this is it
      You you you you you you you you you you
      shell shell shell shell shell shell shell
      want want want want want want want want
      give give give give give give give me
      God guru god guru god guru god guru god guru
      thunder lightning stop getting under
      go down go down go down below my thunder
      the lightening rod. This is my god.
      Forget about this time. There’s more.
      the door the door the door the door
      spin me spin me spin me spin me spin me
      I’ll be your prayer. ⚡️
      https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WM1OrskD4p4

        1. eye. fire.
          soul. smoke.
          hot. haze.
          hypnotic.
          vision.
          before the rain.
          after the pain.
          before this.
          we were snakes.
          mystical
          mouth filled with tail.
          that’s how we get
          and we give
          each other
          the spell of light.
          where darkness rises
          like a dream
          made of this. God.
          remember the smoke.
          ok.

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