kick the crutch in the crotch

spiritual thought for the day:

Kick the crutch in the crotch.

It was always me. Temples and churches are outdated wastelands for the weak, the toxic and the guilty. I am the only temple I need because it’s really all I’ve got. There is no way to make up for your transgressions or pay back for your sins just because you go to a man made spiritual center- find your own and be one, you loser. These places might help uplift the already strong but the weak seem to just stay weak and use temples and churches like crutches to hobble through their life with. Much like the 40 yr old guy who religiously watches demonic, self deprecating pornography while masturbating ritualistically in his mother upstairs bedroom and THEN afterwards watches a christian  preacher or hindu swami on YouTube to make up for what the “bad boy” did- or maybe he’ll even pray and “repent” for a few minutes afterward- sorry biggest loser, no loopholes. You want to be “deviant” and then be “pure” like a “good boy” what a jackass- get your act together and deal with your fear and get your own apartment- lose some weight by actually getting healthy- (not by eating gmo fruits and canned beans- or the smaller size hotdog minus the mayo and only a small mountain dew -at Wawa- sucking disgusting pork worms down your corn syrup coated throat- sick shit- ) you see how it goes  “as within so without?” -GET REAL-

kick the crutch in the crotch!

A temple is useless for this type of guy- who clearly has not taken responsibility for himself or his actions- and that’s what I’m saying- temples and churches aren’t there for you to get yourself off in- to carry you somewhere- to lift you up out of the hole you won’t stop digging- literally, Jesus could not die FOR you.  Don’t jack off on Jesus- is what I’m saying- You’ve got to get on your own cross and make it happen hard- and that’s just a fact and the rules do not change- if you think anyone can save you or get you off in some special savior-like way, you’re wrong- it’s not true. Get up and look in the god forsaken mirror- this is it- you’re in a bad place and it’s a long, dirty road-stop waiting, tomorrow isn’t real, now is.

My body is a temple and I listen, speak, look, touch, eat and defecate accordingly. There is no way around the way it is- and if you’re stupid enough to think saving money on food because you’re a cheapskate or maybe you just can’t “afford” it-is wise and prudent, don’t be an idiot- disease and ignorance is a worse curse than poverty. Wake up and stop leaning and making excuses- or calling yourself a doctor when you’re the one that needs to see “Dr. Kali”- anyone can fantasize from their bedroom including me- but I try not to be that cruel to myself because in the end, Gods in or Gods out.

And you know what? God isn’t in right now. We are all deluding ourselves. It’s much closer to home and because of this, we look up to “heaven” and pray as if this goodness of god blessing is light years away- it’s just all untrue. How many times can we hear it, think it or feel it until we turn around and see what we’ve done to ourselves – bodies and minds, emotions-the abuse, the hovels we hide in lurking and waiting for the divine mother- counting calories,
saying mantras, reciting prayers, going to India, ignoring everything we are really doing and keeping our eyes on that unattainable prize:
the dream woman in the black dress who has magical powers…such impotence, what more can I say?

Find your own way. Stop being a liar. Take the bull by the horn and shake it to death. God isn’t real. Only you are.

Sharada Devi

46 thoughts on “kick the crutch in the crotch”

  1. My name is Shane, I’m 37…ill be 38 in April…im counting calories using an app and I’ve lost about 4 pounds in 15 days…i struggle with overeating…and I’m addicted to pornography…the longest that I’ve ever been able to abstain from it is a month and a week…I get so lustful when I don’t look at it…and all I wanna do is fuck and suck sometimes…I hate doing this at home but I still do it…and I always pay a price for doing it…it’s hard for me to look people in the eye…I get really nervous when the mike is in my hand at the AA meetings…women think I’m creepy…men think I’m weird or a psycho…but I’m just afraid of people because I’m stupid and awkward socially……if I masturbate using my imagination…my lust grows…if I don’t masturbate at all…my lust is more manageable…but the fluid builds up inside of me and I need release from it…

    I’m a liar…but I don’t own up to it. I try to tell the truth to the best of my knowledge even if it’s mean and nasty…I have a lot on my plate even though I’m
    also dieting…I’m ok with being my own worse enemy since no one else likes me anyway…I won’t surrender even though I want to and know that I need to…I do what I want to do a lot of the time because I still want to be young and it makes me feel
    like a rebellious teen, not a balding middle aged pervert…porn gives me a temporary high…and I can’t stop looking at it…it’s hard enough not drinking and dealing with the shame of being almost 40…unemployed…being fat and not very good looking…and also trying to fight to make something of myself again since I’m very invested in this world and I want a lot of money so I can feel better about myself – I call it a “blood lust for money”…I can’t even write creatively without alcohol… Sharada Devi is everything to me…mostly because she’s the first pretty woman to treat me kindly…but she is intent on progress and I refuse to stop hurting myself and others and so she wants me to move on because she can’t keep “changing my diapers”..I was at a temple today and I cried and cried…I haven’t been to the temple in 16 days I hope god forgives me for being bad…I had gotten used to not going and anything pure and true just reminds me of Sharada Devi and I still feel guilty and dirty and so the temple visit didn’t really work…she’s always right and I wish she would still let me lean on her but she won’t- she says my teacher must be the “consquences”of my actions because I need to learn the hard way. I also am grateful for Bhagavan Das…he’s such a powerful and holy father figure but since I hate my father I have a hard time with all men- I really believe that on some level I might be a good person at certain times …but I know that I rarely have anyone’s best interest at heart…and I will verbally assault and manipulate the hell out of my mother especially when she’s being a bitch- if you let me have it “Shane’s way” all is cool…Oh, beautiful and sacred -alluring, mysterious and wise Sri Sharada Devi…won’t you push my buttons and change my diapers for me again? I dreamed of posessing Sharada Devi and so I stalked her for years. She was so compassionate to acknowledge my existence after all the sick things I’ve done in her name, I believe she knows all about my fixation on the Kali Puja video and it’s embarrassing sometimes-because she makes herself so vulnerable i feel even more sleazy -and I don’t like obsessing over her…but I do anyway because she’s like my mother and my mother was pretty when she was young…im not attracted to my mom
    anymore though. I’m jealous because my goddess plays favorites and since she is my spiritual teacher I want approval but mostly I get criticism…like don’t look at the porn, abuse women, eat bad, those things. My life is so disgusting without her guidance I know need to surrender, I can’t even bare to look at my demonic face in the mirror- the pornography is very toxic to my soul and it shows in my eyes. sometimes I get pissed off about it and want to just slam my face into tnr bathroom mirror but since I’m afraid of blood, I can’t do it. I know that I’m a real sick pervert and I’ve said and done some really fucked up things…Sharada Devi is a very unique person and she’s extremely beautiful and unbelievably funny…as my teacher, she could always lift me up out of any depressive or worried moods…she’s very, very wise….and it’s tough because she wants transformation more than anything…and so does Bhagavan Das…and my rut is just so deep I’d rather probably just live in denial and die a soulless cripple in more ways than one. Sharada Devi has got mystical abilities that I experienced first hand and it’s because of her that I now believe that God is real…and she’s full of crazy enlightenened, divinely psychotic, levels of clarity and spiritual insight that overwhelm my dull intellect and leave my head just spinning…I think maybe this is because she never eats or sleeps and is always focused on the other worlds…only Bhagavan Das eats…they’re both really divine and I miss their love and innocent way of seeing life and people like me, they just welcomed me with warmth and trust but I turned on them like a rabid dog when I couldn’t get rid of those demons within because i suck and I’m a coward…and neither of them wants me to go to the hell
    realms when I die…Sharada Devi only does this blog and kirtans and astrology readings because she wants to help others as much as she wanted to help me. She sees what a person could be, and not what they are and she will do anything to awaken the love for god in your heart. She did me and now I see it’s true, the temple is nothing without her because she is the temple and she tried to turn me into a temple but I just want to remain a whorehouse or a back alley where transvestites get blow jobs….

    I wish I hadn’t fucked it up…there was a time when I could have chosen differently…and I don’t know how to write about this to really make my point heartfelt…I am truly in a bad place and it’s only getting worse. AA is a joke more than anything…toxic weak people in a group
    huddle looking for strength in numbers and nobody really gives a fuck at these meetings, they’re too stupid and they’re just toxic brain dead zombies…and this dream goddess sharada devi will fuck with me right up til the very end…and probably greet me st the gates of hell laughing. I am just cold and entitled and i can’t take responsibility, it’s always the other persons fault…and Baba is so humble and beautiful always nodding in agreement with whatever holy, inspired words flow from her sacred mouth no matter how wild it seems. God isn’t real for me without my teacher sharada Devi’s grace. All I’ve got now is the porn, my worthless body, ghosts of what was…and deep regret most of all. My name is Shane and I am a sinner rotting in grief and gmo foods.

    1. Hi Shane… Have you ever tried painting, or gardening? Or playing a musical instrument.. Expressing creativity through something healthy always helped me recycle that pent up energy. I think Sharada taught me that: moving the root chakra energy up to the mind.. you get super aware and creative. It makes me feel very alive. Safe journey friend.

      I don’t believe in miracles, i rely on them. – yogi bhajan

      1. sweet dear paul, that’s so kind to suggest a creative outlet to Shane – I also tried that but realized it’s not going to be enough-he’s cultivated a very serious and toxic situation for himself with ALOT of pornographic viewing and the activities that accompany that- to where he can no longer even relate to women with respect or without objectifying them- his condition is extremely debilitating and so a more serious intervention is needed. The ugliness of pornography is that the head creates a horrifying and isolating prison and this leaves the heart with no hope for a home- and its a long way to recovery for someone as seriously invested- it’s not “no big deal” and it’s not about “I can abstain for 30 days etc) It’s a whole change of perspective and lifestyle and it takes a serious commitment-
        Shane still thinks he “needs it” all we can do is pray that sexual violence to others and oneself find its remedy in the opening of the God heart. The body is a temple and should be respected- not beaten starved or whipped into orgasm or submission.
        This pertains a little bit to us all.

        1. I just know what really helps me in life when my mind strays is making music. All time stops.. when I was a kid I did a lot of art and eventually music took over.. creativity is a portal out of the monkey mind – in ways you can harness the energy unto a sacred space. If you focus the root chakra energy up to the third eye and crown chakra it’s a very powerful tool into awareness focus and creativity.. at least from my experiences – and of course you need to be sincere in all your doings. Vegan and (at least 75%) organic diet for a couple years will help your weight as well.. junk food is designed to make you addicted to it, and it also makes healthy food taste bad.. something I noticed when I became a quasi vegan almost 2 years ago now.. I will pray for Shane and everyone. Thanks for being so kind Sharada Maa, and as usual pushing us all into a state of transcending – and breaking out of the old blood.. thank you bodhisattva Sharada ma. And thank you great father baba das. Om mani padme hum

          1. you’re adorable. yes I’ve told him countless times- creative expression and his diet/health is extremely vital- he just wants to lose weight mostly and doesn’t see anything wrong with gmo food etc-he thinks it’s all a waste of money-and I’m foolish-
            and considering his spine health issues largely aggitated due to inflammation because of the food he eats as well as his negative mind/emotions- we all know diet is crucial and that what you eat also effects your consciousness-creativity- acidity in the body causes anger- (mental inflamatiom which creates physical inflamation) and tamasic mind-
            so diet is #1 in my opinion- basis of any
            spiritual oriented fruitful life- health in body mind and emotions – and I even got him drumming for a couple weeks-which he refused at first- and he even drummed for one kirtan- but most of all paul- you should pray for him- he can’t swing facing his issues honestly at this time- he’s angry and arrogant and his attitude is very rotten- he despises BD who was so kind to him you can’t imagine -and he objectifies and disrespects me- so nobody can do anything useful or get the right help Until they see who their true friends are -and realize transformation is painful and is willing to trust and surrender old modes of behavior come what may- everyone needs someone and you can’t obviously bite the hand that feeds- it’s really sad about Shane
            I edited out all his hateful comments in his post because it’s so awful and tragic that his demons have him in a stranglehold to the point of attacking his only real friends.
            For all of us, it’s going to take an understanding of where we’re (honestly) at-
            We MUST stop playing mind games with ourselves that enable us to stay stuck and we must find the purist association available and cling with all our might you anyone who mAkes us remember God and devotion is 100% everything- it’s an equation that conjures God’s grace because nobody is perfect – we are all catalysts for one another-and we have assigned roles and
            it’s karma and dharma and we all need to see
            that we we’re in a big confusing maze and the way out is thru- and we lighten our load- we don’t backtrack and go deeper due to fear- it’s never the way- EVER.

        2. yeah he a bad person…don’t nobody like him…not even mani too…cause he have a bad attitude…and he be bein mean on peepa who just tryna hepp him…

          1. a defensive mind is like a rock beating
            against another rock. You only hurt yourself more than you already are. You’ve really taken a dive Shane. I warned you about becoming your mother’s husband- and the violent pornography and the bad discount foods -and all the sick obese chain smoking relatives -you are a product of your ancestors- and now you’re imprisoned by their demons and can’t even see anymore-you’re so far from anything we gave you- everything I warned you about is coming true. Stop bringing your anger to the comment section of the blog- its boring,
            non productive and redundant. Thanks

    2. I am the results of my actions and so are you-so please stop sending me creepy pictures of yourself- they make me cringe
      the energy of what you are isn’t hidden by appearances-only enhanced -and I can see why you’re avoided- it’s sick shit. You are becoming what you’re doing and who you’re with-
      seriously? you can’t sue me, unless you want to be sued or arrested- you’ve been stalking, harrasssing and verbally assaulting me for years -and you also threatened violence/sexual assault 2-4 times- I have records of it all -I don’t delete anything-and we know the best lawyers- you can’t spew filth on my blog about the only two people who ever did anything meaningful for you in your entire god forsaken life-isn’t slandering us regularly enough for you?- and expect it to be ok and permissible to harrass me with your inner filth -you can’t hide what you’re cultivating by your actions- and you asked for it. Go crawl back under mommy’s bed.

  2. What about angels? Are they real?
    Do i still have my magnificent wings that you once told me that you have seen?

    What about the realm of the hungry ghosts and the dakinis and Devas and Devi’s etc?

    Has there been some sort of cosmic coup?

    1. They are all as real as you are!

      more like a cosmic joke that turned into
      a cosmic conspiracy that turned into a hungry cosmic mind warp conveyor belt….
      that’s just my theory.

      1. Now ain’t that a soothing song of leeway
        What a welcome relief!
        I sure do love a good cosmic joke 🙃
        Pure unadulterated sunshine on a rainy day ☀️
        Pour on!
        Hey wait a minute – the rain just stopped!
        see what a little new found freedom can do!
        I got the power.
        ps: I like your conspiracy theory, i can see it
        playing out as a series of colorful moving images in my minds eye
        like a cartoon complete with whimsical music.

  3. So, is every image and projection of illusion
    a conjuring of what we need in the moment
    to sustain and keep moving forward toward
    whatever it takes to be in the light…?
    i have always been on and on with the 5 W’s
    always had a need to know
    not just with mind – thinking
    but intrinsically understanding and assimilating the knowing
    to become one with it
    the path has been wide and narrow
    blunt and fully open
    and still
    i remain a seeker
    searching low and high
    if there is no god
    and i am god
    then i am eternally
    creating and re-creating
    my own reality
    kindergarten looking
    into the face of eternity

    1. I always told you to stop thinking-
      Neem Karoli Baba always said,
      “It is better just to love god than to try to figure it out”

      and we create with mind everything we experience- and we don’t own “mind” its bottomless topless and eternal- we have consciousness that allows us the clarity to manage the mind stream that we both inherit,
      attract and tend toward -perspective- and and it’s those subconscious thoughts lurking that are doing the most creating-without mind training and the understanding of surrender, devotion and overall trust in existence -we live in fear- becoming ultimately the demons we made with our veery own mind- and succumbing to fear is devil worship at its finest- fearlessly harness the wild monkey mind and be Arjuna-
      Face your greatest fear like swami Arjuna said and let the devil in your head take a hike-come what may! We make god, god doesn’t make us…the heart is all knowing true wisdom and divine intelligent- the mind is a computer taking in and spitting out-it actually doesn’t (itself) “know” anything
      how could it?
      Stop thinking. Follow your heart. Stop thinking and sing to your love.

      1. I have got to get back to that heart space where i was sitting quiet and alone for 2hours a day. Like back in the summer time. Don’t know how it slipped away and became what is happening now. Rain, rain and more rain makes for a crowed house with no place to get away and be alone. It also feels like i got lost when the opportunity to come and experience the retreat did not happen. I know that I can sing on my own and create my own puja’s but the actual finally being in your’s and Baba’s presence – not just sitting in kirtan those 2 times – but sharing many hours of time together – had filled me with a lot of joy.
        And like I have said before – i don’t WANT to think so much. And even try to stop myself when it starts to happen. But i guess it doesn’t seem like it is happening when i write. I can be oh so very light but have become way too heavy. Environment seems to playing a big role in the problem. And not being surrounded my kindred hearted beings.
        I suppose i am thinking again… Thank is why i asked if projecting god would surround me with light. I read the article about Arjuna. Immersing myself with Krishna regardless of the situation.

  4. Shane it SEEMS like you are very honest & that is virtuous. This is very personal stuff & i don’t know you, how ever I would like to tell you a short story.

    About the time I was no longer a boy but not yet a man, my martial arts teacher took me in front of the class wished me happy birthday. He then began to explain that class would not be over till a glass of my blood was spilled on the floor. As the realization began to set in I felt a fear I had never felt before, my whole body was shaking, I was holding back the tears of fear. These other men I was about to fight were not the fat KARATE men in the white jump suits these were the fighting men who were comfortable with violence. At the end of this class I had 3 teeth missing, I had to get stiches in my head and my left arm was pulled out of socket. In those moments before the violence there was sooooo much fear. For weeks after so many people kept telling me “there is some thing different about you” that the fear I had carried was gone.

    There is nothing easy about the path that awaits you Shane. You must do what I did and put your back up against the wall and take on all that comes. ALL PORN WATCHERS ARE WEAK AND GETTING WEAKER. DON’T BE WEAK!!!! BE ARJUNA!

    1. Thanks…Sharada Devi censors most of what i write so its not totally me coming through but im doing the best i can…porn is an old habit and i believe Sharada Devi is right when she says that porn has ruined my life…im just taking it one day a time…i dont know what else to do…your brain gets rewired if you use it for too long and the withdrawal from it sucks…maybe you know about it first-hand…or maybe you dont…i dont consider people stuck in an addiction to be weak though…maybe theyre just missing something…and honesty doesnt help me…if anything being honest has hurt me…id be better off if i just kept my mouth shut or lied a lot of the time…what i say honestly is often used as a reason to hate me…as sad as that is…

      1. Yes you’re right something is missing-
        courage -and facing fear – just like the swami said- excuses don’t mean a thing and self pity is even more treacherous – and “one day at a time” can last forever unless we change the protocol…
        change the environment -break the chain-
        falling into old familiar comforts because it’s less painful ATM- only causes one to lose more self love self faith and self trust. Employees don’t have a “real job”
        is what I mean- it’s just surrender to the “man” who is Satan always wearing a different suit. Stop excusing weakness.
        You weren’t being “honest” what you wrote in the blog-you were being ugly, vindictive and
        basically telling lies as if they were truth (about me and BD) because you remember what you want to remember and you tell false stories to your “new crutches/helpers” to get support and validation for giving up and not putting you genuine spiritual progress first- you cannot lie about us as if it’s truth and expect it to be posted- we gave you everything you needed to be everything you could be and you ran to mommy (who you also slander when it suits you)- and blamed your “health condition” it’s a lie -you lie to yourself and it’s ended you right back in
        the realms of Satan and his minions and I warned you…so stop feeling sorry for yourself and grow up-this time FOR REAL.

  5. All you know how to do is aggravate a situation…your influence doesnt make anything better…you just rub salt in the wound…out of spite…

    1. out of kindness-actually, salt disinfects and you’re infected and that’s why you attack any light
      that shines upon you and you run to others who hide under rocks to get reassurance that it’s “ok to stay infected hiding under rocks” you’re infected with astral demonic parasites that are eating you from the inside out and you can tell your makeshift
      AA GURUS all about me and “what I did” from your warped and disturbed perspective so they can validate your actions but believe me dude, you’re possessed right now by so something bad and you serve those perverts
      who make $ off of you everytime you look at their filth on the screen eat their filth foods in any form your lustful panicked mouth can suck in- you can’t win hiding in the dark- I just shine the light so you can heal and my love is always real and I don’t lie or mislead SO keep lying to yourself but the hole is only getting deeper…and you’re only getting weaker…and it’s a tragedy and I carry a huge bag of salt and put the crystals and daggers in salt water after useage because salt traps demons didn’t you know? All those demons I pulled from you squirming “oh stop you’re hurting me…” All witches use salt.

      1. Dear Sharada Davi
        If I am speaking out of turn please forgive me. It seems you & Shane have a Guru student relationship.If it is ok with you I would like to do some waterfasting for Shane that along with some JAPA may help him ( some people think I am superstitious) If you don’t think this is the time for that no worries I understand.

        1. Dear Swami Arjuna,
          You are a beautiful bodhisattva. Bhagavan Das has been doing such practices for Shane off and on over the past couple of years -and any help Shane can get is a very good thing. He has a tough road. I deeply appreciate your selfless love and service to the Arjuna crying out from Shane’s heart. Shane has a VERY big heart that feels too uncontrollable for him to manage- and so he seeks refuge in his head- and he means well- but as we all know, being with the relatives only drives us deeper into the anscestral
          ghosts and curses disguised as addiction etc- and so any help is appreciated beyond words and I love your love and you are such a kind and wise role model ☀️Father Sun

    You are right in the sense that while in this body I can’t understand were you are coming from.
    I have never met Baba or Sharada Davi I know them through their chanting & there videos on youtube, the videos on youtube -if you put them into practice will make you a TIGER AMONGST MEN.
    I have no magic wand. There is however a book by Sami Sivananda called the practice of brahmacharya I payed 3.00 for my copy.It has some info that if used in the right way could be helpful. I think you said you are unemployed I think I may have a solution for that issue if you are interested let me know.
    The only hope is practice like your soul is at stake because it is. Get a mala and JAPA JAPA JAPA your way out of HELL!!!!!!!!!!
    If you don’t have the money for the book let me know I will mail you a copy.

    1. I know…all the experts giving advice on overcoming porn addiction have never experienced it themselves…I can sense this when they communicate…in the future I’ll just lie and deny like everybody else…thank you for the feedback and I will look into buying the book that you recommended…I appreciate your concern and I wish you all the best Swami Arjuna!!!

      1. Yes you’re the only one whose has ever suffered Shane. Seems narcissism is as big an issue as the porn…if you only had a better attitude, the light might lift you still. Wake up Shane- Swami Arjuna is going to stop eating for you as an act of bodhisattva compassion -your own mother couldn’t and wouldn’t even do that for you to help purge demons- you should read essene gospel of peace- and cast Satan out of your body heart and mind- to save your soul.

        1. you’re an idiot…thanks…
          and i love how crazy Arjuna proclaims that all porn watchers are weak…when he has never looked at it…that would be like me telling someone trying to quit smoking that all smokers are weak…or someone trying to kick heroin…your followers are idiots…birds of a feather i guess…

          1. You know NOTHING about swami Arjuna. He’s had a very challenging life and his pure love and strong heart saved him every time/
            He has much wisdom to offer based on experience and overcoming tremendous odds to become who he is today. How can you be so
            unkind? You need to wake up Shane.

          1. no Shane he is doing tapas in your name to alleviate your suffering- bearing the burden of your karma and dedicating the merit to your peace of heart. Fasting is an extremely powerful spiritual practice.

          2. From Tara DevI TO Shane:

            For Shane …

            …. and so it goes … round and round and round … it’s the same conversation … wasn’t this how the same conversation went about a year ago … how many hours have faded away as a slave to the loveless screen? … yes porn is one of those addictions that is multilayered … depression is one of them and so where to start?

            Guess nowhere as it seems everyone here is wrong and doesn’t know what they’re talking about … your victimhood and your justification to your addiction … what a pro … and the circling around of “what does Shane need?”

            Truth be told …it’s tiring this Shane and his addiction thing. I’ve seen first hand how Sharada has dropped everything to help you and meet you in your struggles. And so it’s crashing down and how low will it go? What do you gain by creating this thing of justification? If your so into your AA meetings, why. Or find a real sponsor, one that’s willing to go there with you. The thing with takers is they never give in and in the end die walked up in addiction. The addiction to the addiction and the anger and the lies. If you have such a black belt in 12-step, then fucking use it … oh, right, first step is wanting to get help …

            And then here it is this grace of a stranger willing to fast and pray … and here is this unknown bodhisattva fasting in the name of all is true and pure the essence of your truth being and the justification of why there’s the addiction is your party line? … it’s just another distraction to the lies on top of lies.

            What a talent this thing of holding people hostage! A master to the shadow … to justification. Boy it must be a prize place to be — a palace of hungry ghosts living a lie!? … addiction is addiction is addiction … it’s switching and slinging all around us — taking refuge in something that is bigger and holier than our little primitive human brains and being in association that is pure and not trashed out is key especially more so these days when living as people of the lie — living as a disillusioned being is the latest and greatest thing. It huge this trend. It’s all for free this suffering and keep feeding every hole with trash and be filled with shadow and squeeze out all the good and all the blessings … and it’s an endless buffet of samsara and what are any of us willing to give up? And why would we, for sleep is so easy … and being awake is considered wild and crazy … GMO’s are seen as natural as well as addictions … addictions keep people consuming … living life on life’s terms without addiction … now there’s a real counterculture thing …how un-American … Can standing up, growing up and facing the truth happen for one moment … and then the next and the next moment? To go against the grain and become a real stand for something pure … or at least die for something worth dying for that is not of this world … an inner death happens when fasting … be it fasting to any addiction.

            A round of applause to you, Shane, master justification manipulator and … you win and get to cash in and go back to sleep to the little screen playing your lullaby porn song. Bust out all your addictions and go to sleep … baby boy … and here it is again and again … round and round … how the story goes … You’ve been handed it all on a golden tray … your beautiful soul will win and shine through once you’ve had enough … the Holy Mother Light seeps through the cracks and is found in every breath — you are precious and with grace you will break through … what a team of spiritual warriors you have (Sharada Devi, Baba, and now Swami Arjuna) … some even willing to fast and do Japa in your name. If I were a betting one, I’d put all my money down on the three to one and as you’ll pull through cause you keep coming back for more. Maybe you’ll get one of them to shave their head and tattoo the 12-steps on it and sign your name with their blood. Keep on doing what you’re doing as it looks like you’ve got everyone around you doing your inner work. How do you do it? You could start a training and teach others your method and make bank.

          3. yes right. he has to want it more than we want it for him. He’s been playing the AA game for years. Om Namah Shivaya.

          4. From Tara Devi

            Dearest beloved Sharada Devi:

            In the light of all that is happening all around and what continues to fall away all the crumpling lame structures built on lies and untruths, there’s a fire deep with in that is crackling and raging and wants to burn all things down that do not serve the light.

            Adversarial forces have encreased 10 fold and there is such a wave of pitting one against the other in the name of fear and so in this fire I committed to burning burning and burning it all down and stripping to what is true. And so embracing more of what is and want to throw everything into the fire myself included till there is only the skeleton that becomes pure tempered of what the divine needs and I will eat suffering like it’s breakfast and will not allow the darkness to win and will forever throw it all into the holy flames of Mother Light and breathe in every moment Her name and feel Her beautiful embrace protect and guide and people will do what they do and justify their actions and in the end die in fear during their transition (and see that it’s okay to be a witness and a mirror and no try and save them for they have to really want it) and I will eat fire and in the end meet you in the forever rainbow crystal pure realm land of truth and no it’s not a walk in the park to get there but staying in the hell realm is and so through it all the baffling battle is on and will not stupor and long for what the world never offered in the first place.

            All the things from long ago whatever the horrors lie in this childhood or past lives is forever gone as it’s being burned to ash by Her holy fire and so what it comes back to is the constant return to mother light in body, speech and mind and by grace the path has brought us together and no matter what circumstances or the distance I will stand forever in the flame with you–fire dancer ❤️🔥☄️🔥❤️

        2. Thanks for the kind words.
          It’s just a hunch but I think you & BABA would be amazing gardeners. There is a form of gardening called vegan gardening or maybe it’s veganic something like that.

  7. Shane, so I have reread this conversation it sounds like you have lost hope is that right??
    When I use the word faith I mean trust. Trust is to me faith although I know not everyone sees it that way.It sounds like you don’t trust your self or Sharada Davi YOU MUST TRUST THAT GOD WILL GIVE YOU THE GRACE & FOCUS.

    SO this is what will happen tonight at mid night I will start a fast & say 10 malas a day that you are given the trust (faith) you need.I have not decided how long this will last.


    1. Absolutely 100% correct.
      NO TRUST whatsoever and
      that makes it impossible
      to connect in a genuine way…
      You’re a Saint. Thank you and
      YES ON the gardening!!!!oM

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