I used to try to be really good which made me think I was really bad which made me feel I was really hopeless because I was useless and I knew it. The dilemma kept me snagged and lying, twisting and cringing at the thought of me. Oh not the me, with my cute little practiced porcelain smile, the me with all my secret dripping poisonous fangs. Stop lying to yourself ok? It only makes things worse. He’s a biter because we all are, not because he’s a little dog with a lot to prove.
And I bet you wonder how I did it, how I became so perfect without even losing a tooth. Perfectly sanctimonious and sound, totally drinkable, as hot as any ass could be and as cold as a Queen. Hahaha! I’m not even kidding this time. I’m only laughing because the truth is so awesome and I can do anything AND you know the saying, “It’s never as good as the first time “Well, I am the living testimony that- THAT is a fallacy. I am better EVERY time. Trust me. Hahaha! (don’t you wish you could) AND I always make a lot of food so no one is ever hungry for more of my delicious poisoned love. I’ll fuse you to me like a wire to a battery. I would have said, “Look before you leap” but it’s more fun this way…squirming with desire, as confused as hell, whitewashed under heavens bake- all cooked up and worried…beaten by the best, bruised with red lines across your butt, sparked in the worst way, with no outlet but a brighter way to commiserate. Hell hath no fury like my love for you! HAHAHA! I was like BAD but then I was GOOD and then I was like FUCKED UP and then I was FUCKED both ways AND from every direction and position -and believe me there are ALOT of ways to say, “Thank you Your Majesty” (that’s all you need to know right now) and so anyway, after a bunch of awkward borderline creepy and mutually sadistic scenes- something just popped like the Virgin Mary when Jesus was conceived- and I knew exactly which way to turn or bend -like some saintly jockey hellraiser whose mastered the master- she’s an expert- I AM- and you know what they say, “The GURU IS WITHIN” ain’t that the truth! (if they only knew what that really means! DUH- sometimes these sayings are literal-people are so stupid…)
So I did what I needed to do and sucked up to whoever and put it all out there- exposed to the world. “Are you a slut?” Funny you should ask…
what do you mean when you say, “How did you get there? ” It’s a fairly easy equation for anyone with half a seeing brain- head full and shockingly
absorbent- you gotta be the One. And it’s almost like being in the circus- like an acrobat and yes of course being flexible helps, I mean, can you touch your toes? Does it hurt to bend over? Can you do the splits? How long can you hold your breath? This sort of expertise goes A LONG WAY
in the right direction- and with nothing left to spare or expose for that matter- everyone knows already if your packing something large or small- if you can swallow the truth or are you just a big spitter? Are you a bear hugger or do you paw like a puppy? Do you ask for a Kleenex? (because that’s utterly pathetic)
So this is how I got enlightened. I mean, if you even care…like I told my friend with that naughty cat, it’s tantra on the HOTWIRE. I’m hot and wired is the point- and there is someone who can fix you, I know it. Hahaha! You’re driving too slow, you’re afraid, you’re not having sex with God (with a capital G if you didn’t notice) because you’re too intimidated-it’s obvious, so why don’t you just admit it so we can move forward into this wild progression of obsession becoming perfection? I know everything about that which lies beneath your rusty hood- get your foot off the break and stop watching other’s wriggle and squeal- be the ONE. Ok? I can tell you God moves fast- like for example, first base gets totally skipped- holding hands? Whatever. I don’t think so- stop being a BABY! Do you need to feel understood? Too BAD! Maybe you’re hoping for some prolonged eye contact- just to get that reassurance that we’re going down on each other now -and everything’s going to be ok- please 🍼
It’s now or never BIG BOY. And you can’t pretend you know the ins and outs no matter how vicious the technique-I love God (capital G- pay attention!) and you should too. And girls get in the way of their own toes, I know that- I’ve been there, honestly it took me about 6 weeks to get with the program…and the winner does take all again and again- and every TIME.
And the perfection achieved through a hit and run union is that you get hit and thought you could run…and the goodness of a one night stand is that the night goes on forever and I still don’t know his f’ing name. And the bad bad girl I have become is that I suck the daylight out of the sun. And I’m not even worried about being easy or intrepid or anything! I’m not even worried if you love me or Ohhh “Respect me in the morning” there IS NO MORNING! HAHAHA!
I’m so funny and sexy and deep and understanding I could FUCK myself FOREVER with no problem. Lips on the mirror and holding tight to the image of dry prickly skin and strange fat deposits- I’m sorry, did you think sexy meant looking at smooth shaven valleys and shiny lumpless slopes? No thank you! Not me! God is in the wind and he pushes the sky and the sky is eternally masturbating heaven into hell and the bliss of the rain that falls is that I accept the forbidden like a jewel accepts the shell it’s buried in. EAT ME. Love in the shell is hollow and burdensome. GET OUT. Love beyond the sea is where I’ll take you if you’re good so you can be worse than you were before you knew me, as if that were possible. LOVE IS BLIND. God, I throw all the dice, I make the first move, I take off my clothes, I come on and I come off and STILL you’re reading this going,
“OMG, Is she crazy? Does she really FUCK strangers? What does she mean? Is she evil? I really hate her. I wonder if she’ll FUCK me?”
YES I WILL!
HAHAHA and the lists of requests goes on and on and I try to answer every prayer, I really do and I try to be nice so you won’t be afraid…
but like that sign in the temple beneath His Holiness’s picture that reads, ” IT IS WHAT IT IS”
ain’t that just the truth sweetheart?”
“What is IT?”
I knew you were going to say that…