I know I’m trying to part the Red Sea. But we have to rise from this inertia and despondency. We can’t go on pretending it’s ok because it isn’t. That’s why the Karmapa is here. That’s why Jesus died and Buddha grew roots under the tree. We came as the tear of Avalokateshvara. I take it upon myself to remember and be brave in the midst of this earth’s suffering. I need your help. I cannot do it alone is the truth. I have sacrificed and surrendered all that I could. I gave up my house, my dogs, my car. I gave up secure relationship, income. I gave up family prisons that are always a reliable net to fall in. I gave it all up for God. For faith. Put to the test. I was just meditating and praying to Avalokateshvara for help. I was told to ask for his help through you. You are the carrier of his light and one of his countless compassionate arms. I have faith. I have nothing but your arms to carry me- and I’m not just saying this, it’s true. I have left the USA in search of answers. There is a calling. I have been riding on the wave of annihilation for many years now and I’ve finally hit the shore. I am all alone in this basic way and yet am lifted by your love. I bow in reverence to you all for what you’ve already given. Time is limited. I am moving in a big way and it’s unknown but determined. I feel the big heart pulling us together as many pieces broken and yet filling that space of Mother Light on this earth. The feminine has been breeched. The systems- including “spiritual” are inevitably collapsing. I am not a savior or messiah so don’t get me wrong. I am simply a wounded woman at this time on earth, in this body, listening to the sound of the big song- behind, before and underneath us all. Rising, creating. Destroying, dancing. Breathing the breath of life versus death. I will do anything for you. Because I know you are me. I know I am the homeless crippled man I gave money to on the street corner. I know this and we all suffer equally without each other’s compassion. So I write this to say please help me in a very practical way. Please donate. I am on the way to India searching for a way. I have left Bhagavan Das in Guatemala and am financially supporting him. I am funding this cause on my own and I have virtually nothing. I am doing this because I have to- for myself and for any of you who resonate with the calling. I am not searching for gurus or learning about Hinduism. I am not preaching Buddhism or trying to be your teacher. I am your friend and I just need your help. It’s pretty simple. I am going to start holding retreats in India. Affordable, meaningful retreats. Personal, intimate gatherings that go deep into the warmth of the ash. I need funds to secure properties. I need funds to fund this mission. I will do anything for you. I will take your picture and float it in the tiny flame and flower boats that are released into the Ganges with a prayer. I will burn your picture to ashes and blow it into the Ganges in Varanasi. I will bury your picture under the Bodhi tree in Bodhgaya. I will cut out your head and give it to Kali. I will pray for you. I will offer your written prayers into the Ganges. I will make magic on your behalf. I will take your picture and prayers to the Monlam. I will seriously and earnestly, in person pray for you at the holiest of holy sites. If you send me a picture of yourself, a letter- anything. I will come through for us all. I need your help and financial support. Any offering large or small, all helps. Any donation given can be applied if you choose to the Sept 4-15 India retreat- or any retreat. One reason why I am doing this is because it goes against my nature to ask for anything as I have always felt myself to be an island- but life has taught me otherwise- and so I surrender at the mercy of your feet because I know the great white Guru is in you. And I pray you will receive my words with understanding and not be offended. Also, I will write daily from India on the blog posting pictures and letting you know how it’s going. I will put up videos made in India on YouTube. I know it’s all no big deal in a way but it’s all I can do. I really do need you- in the way a flower cannot grow without the sunlight. OM MANI PADME HUM.
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This will make my efforts possible and generate the compassion of the deity. This will help Bhagavan Das who needs you as he cannot travel anymore. This will help me do anything I can for you. Practically speaking everything takes funds to manifest, it’s just the facts. And heaven and earth are two arms on the same body. My heart you hold as his teaching to me. When the Karmapa looked into my eyes and blessed me my life forever changed. And I saw Avalokateshvara -and I knew women, even me- have been imprisoned and it’s not the fault of men. It’s just that we forgot each other and when I saw him on that day larger than any god could ever be- I remembered Him as Her. That is who we are. The tears of His love. Her body. We are not separate from anything or each other. I offer my tiny life to this boundless, mind boggling compassion. It makes no sense and I am crazy like the moon. I know we are made of a tangible dream. A wild dream inside a blazing light that we together created. The Mother Light of his shimmering tears on moon water is the path. Homeward bound back to the star is the flame. My devotion in your hands is the flower. Please help me. I am sincerely taking action and not advantage. I need your prayers, blessings and I really need literal donations – these offerings will make the impossible possible. The invincibility of compassion is that we all embody Her melting heart space and that is why we are One. I offer all that I am to this mystical fire.
India, ash, flame and flower. Be with me.