i’m speaking in tongues

I was once a girl. A blue eyed girl.

Until I slipped into the sun.

The burning sun- ravaged me and held me captive. One red reindeer is all I saw. Sleep beside me timid snake. Slip into my underwear. Make me bleed red dripping sun, hot like fire unbridled. Shafts of wedded light.

I was no longer unknown to him.

Please take me back, your bride to be, into the sun-one more time with you -blistered and reborn. Scabs everywhere sacred.

I wasn’t wearing any- and this trip’s too blind to see she’s got my number playing it inside of me.

“Oh I love you dreamer in the woods and I always knew you dreamed me. Oh I love you and I don’t even know your name.”

Then the birds began to chirp and then I saw the meaning- her lips were blue and closed to me. His eyes were fish film covered white. The fish had hooks in both sides of his cheeks. The fish that swim into her. The fish swim sideways and she’s all a blur. Just a bubble in the water.

Hold my hand -walk with me -back into the quiet places where we lost our heart. Slowly swaying while we’re dying. I never meant to wither. The old men sat there laughing at me. cackles in the silence- I have my shoes on the wrong feet. “These are the shoes God wears” One of them said, pointing at his feet-but his feet were bare and cracking.

I slipped into the sun. Her eyes hook jagged holes into my face. Warm red dream where did you go? Soft dream. Soft touches. Now only I melt, like snow in the sun- back into ice -and I’m slippery and black like a worm in the wet deep dirt. Hold me in your hand.

Squirming naked alabaster woman.

I took her shoes off and she screamed. Her toes
fell off one by one. Little rocks rolling away from me -and I pick her up and carry her down into the hold I dug. The hole I dug to bury her in.
The hole I’m about to dig again.

“Dig in” she said.

“Love me one more time I said.”

Flip me on my back and take a sip of the sacrament wine. Honey flames lapping up my thighs. Two black diamonds and nobody knows they shine. My vessel is opening slowly to you. And I didn’t get back in. It’s a long ride. Skin in my teeth. Prayers flung over my head. Useless from behind the screen. Scribbling like crazy. I’ve got something to say.
Where have you gone? Last I saw you were hanging from the chipped and peeling moon. She’s yellowed after all-and Her teeth are old and crooked.

She’s not who you think she is. Stay alert.

The Sun’s a liar when the moon is full. I see he is afraid to hold her. Sand swirls between her toeless feet and the tide is coming in. I planted her in the shore -down by the water -for the Ocean to take her away.
It’s what I dug, her water grave. She’s what I grew without any roots at all. Filled with seed, heavy-and sinking-back to the bottom of what I never could remember- back to the bottom of the world.

The headless groom is searching every scar

“Don’t you remember me?”

And I’m without a sister and without a mother and without a daughter.

So I can leave me-combust in the bastard sun- only a flash of heat and I’m gone.

Sparks scattered upon the sea -down by the water- where I left her-twinkling like her eyes forever -a dream of what love might be- flash upon the ocean top -and only a head goes bobbing.

“I love you looking backwards like that, I said”

Bride without a body where will you go?

And it doesn’t matter how you got there. And her wedding dress washes in with the tide. Red and white flimsy promises lost in the water.

It’s death before love all over again.

I never cared if he saw me cry. I was the eyes on his calico face. I never thought about you at all after that.

Streams of silver run down this face as I look up and see the white sky god spreading his golden wings.

I knew she understood me.

I knew his love was true.

The ocean was belching and burping up the scum of a million years of bad food.

“Don’t throw your bride into me. Don’t forget your mother. Don’t whore out your daughter. Grandma needs a rest and a bible to read before bed.”

Oceans talk between the tides.

And now we say thank you Jesus and Mary. And now we turn over in a bed of thistles and thorns-because she always leaves him hanging and spotted

dripping the morning light.

Holy Mother Light and Her Parade of Sluts and Savages. Holy Mother Light and Her Big Open
Mouth. Red. Hot. Eating.

Don’t tell me what to think or who to love.
Don’t tell me what to do or say.

Don’t smother me in your sex goats- headless bony and receding. I’m simple. I’m in trouble.

i’m speaking in tongues.

Hold out your little red hand and tell me if you’re lying. Tell me if your true. Hold out your hand and reach into me, feed my ringing back into you…

dead ringer announced he’s back for seconds.

Hand through the heart and a hole in the head. Hungry monsters bouncing the ball…It’s the ocean and the shells and the long empty hummmmm.

We came and we sank. We came and we sucked. We came and we popped. Red all over again.

Corks. Bottles filled with nothing but us. You. Me. Laughter- and an ocean of slime.

Nothing left but the light that drips from places higher than we could ever climb.

Goodbye to the ground of the mountain side. That cliff had me worried. falling falling falling-down to find her feet- floating way down below –

cracks in the earth and it’s where we belong.

Forever we lay perfectly plaid and adjusted.

I imagined you just like I imagine everything else.

Summer Moon the Virgin Daughter is blindfolded and her arms are tied behind her back…

It all makes sense though when you smile.
Wake up, it was only a dream.
Blue throated wonder.
Sharada Devi


5 thoughts on “i’m speaking in tongues”

  1. Dear Sharada Devi:

    I lived in the south for awhile and went to this small liberal arts school in the middle of nowhere Arkansas and some how She lead me to this church — I confess at first I went for the singing and the music and to hear about their Jesus cause growing up I always wanted to know about Jesus and could feel the Christ alive and living in my heart. My parents were too busy in their Trungpa trip to even offer a sliver of grace and tell me my longing for Her and for Christ is good and I continued to fall through the invisible cracks of longing that lingers for decades and here I was in this church that was a charismatic church where they talked in tongues and the music was powerful and alive and I’d sing with them about Mary and Christ. And got baptized in that church and shortly after that the truth started to crack through … We did a long 3 day juice fast and then after that we were going to go as a spiritual cleansing after the juice fast to visit a sister church where the sister church worshipped with snakes … I was the only one in the church who did the juice fast and wanted to dance with snakes and it never happened and I never went back out of seeing how the church was not the real deal and was more talk and little action. I’ve always had a fear of snakes and so in someway guess was willing to face this fear even as a college student living in the south — now the snakes are all around and I see them worming in people and how shadowy and asleep we really are and by God’s grace She brings us our inner longing and swan song and She led me to you and I’m forever grateful and don’t know why I’m sharing all this with you but so many spiritual memories are coming back since getting the transmission with AnandiMa and I’ve been so so hot lately since the Shaktipat that the soles of my feet are burning and wake me up in the night and I know how much you and the Holy Mother Light love me and it cools me down a bit knowing how true and pure and real this love is and it brings me closer to my heart where I’m tender and raw and I hear you and Her tell me it’s okay go go go in — it’s safe and this is real and good and beautiful and true and yet I keep knocking or looking for an opening and can’t get in fully but keep trying …

    I love you and your blog and your mind and although I don’t comment there much or the videos, you (and Baba) seem to be right there writing and sharing the inner workings of dharmic truth that are so synchronistically spot on and for you I am forever grateful.

    One of the assignments that I need to work on this weekend for this training I’m in, is to find a quote and write it out in calligraphy and since I’m in the get real, be original and stop the addiction to quotes … Is there a quote you suggest that doesn’t break my vow of ending the quote addiction?

    Love love love

    1. I love you like the flower loves the bee, sweet tara devi.

      yes, all talk and no do becomes- just stuck and no breakthough

      so everyone’s just broken up and there are hearts trashed out
      all over the sidewalks…yet no one forgets their iphone..

      sweet drinker of the flower, god didn’t make love for nothing.

      so lets do it. everywhere buzzing and intoxicated with her scent.


    2. Tara Devi,
      How about for your quote: (and to heal your addiction:)

      “Once a quote, always a quote.
      Words without hands are useless.”

  2. Magical Dakini of Love and Light,
    With blood trickling down your beautiful face,

    I could blame it on the whiskey
    But then I would be a liar….
    Lying here with the spell casting 
    Warmth of your voice in my head. 
    Words whispered by your lips 
    Kissed by the divine nectar 
    Of a blood soul poets tongue. 
    Shimmering waves of amber bliss
    Pour raw into my exposed heart
    Full of gaping wounds and scars.
    Quivering shivering from the snake
    Sliding into the hole of my soul.
    You fill my darkness with your wand 
    Spilling stardust and love in my womb. 
    Only you know how to make me
    Taste the truth I don’t want to hear.
    I wrap my hands around your neck
    And beg for more before you vaporize 
    Like alcohol back into the universe, 
    Satisfied that I dared to take the drink. 

    Humbly intoxicated,
    The Butterfly Goddess
    Elle 💗

    1. Butterfly Goddess
      Take off your wings
      You are SO HOT
      Raw and sexy and
      all mine.
      HOT on FIRE
      WE GO…

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