i’ll make a believer out of you

I attract desert nomads…

I attract spiders and serpents and scorpions -I hypnotize them somehow -and they just can’t resist the thrill of what I might do -of what might happen next I suppose…

I was standing in the desert just staring at the sun. What am I supposed to believe? Ive been told so many things. I guess I don’t believe anything. I pretend I agree and I pretend that I don’t. I pretend that I believe you and I pretend that I won’t but truthfully, I’m just standing in the desert and staring at the sun and also,

You’re my inspiration.

The desert is a harsh place to take your clothes off. The desert is bare and deserted, just like you when you live there. It’s not easy to be stranded and alone, isolated in the heat and dry as a bone.

“Didn’t anyone ever love you?” That’s another stupid question- because I know that they did not. Desert dwellers take a lot of risks and break only one heart, their own.

“I never really loved you.”
“Oh? And I never really cared.”

Everyone just keeps saying the same thing to each other as they crack and they smolder. How many ways will we adjust ourselves so the burning doesn’t hurt so bad?

Can’t you just say, “I’m alone and I don’t know what to do.”

I always knew I was alone. I always knew I was an island stranded in the sea. Everyone forgot me-and so I had to believe in God. And this wasn’t for any reason other than survival. You know,
all the creatures find ways to adapt to life on earth until they perish- ashes into the wind, guts down the vultures throat, rotting limbs buried in earth.

And I know you won’t believe me because how could you and everyone lies. But I love you and I know that your island is sinking. Jump onto mine is all I’m saying. And I don’t know how we got here and I don’t know what to do. I can only say one thing, I know how to love you. Because many don’t know this but me, the desert has a lot of mirrors and I’ve stared into them all.

And the desert and the island -seem as far apart as night and day- as far apart as me and you- and only a breath away from total completion. Consummation of what the heat means. Consumption of two islands that meet because they must. Somebody is always sinking. It’s going to be either me or you. So since we’ve lost the battle, shouldn’t we win the war?

what’s losing the battle: trying to stop me.
what’s winning the war: I’ll let you decide.

I’ve known so many scorpions, I’ve had two in my bedroom already. Arizona bark scorpions and they’re deadly. Bhagavan Das said, “there are no scorpions in your room” and I said, “yes there are” (he used to never believe me) and I found him one day slip by me and I caught him out the corner of my eye. They’re transparent you know and they almost look like an hallucination or a kink in time-

the way that they move- it’s something so real.

And the reason for our meeting:
it was either him or me. And I’ve already told you I was a killer, so don’t judge me by what I’m about to say-

But I got that hammer out and I slammed him and I slammed him and I slammed him HARD. -and he just wouldn’t die -and I slammed him again -and he curled up his tail at me and came charging (they’re very aggressive) and I slammed him again -and just NOTHING would happen -and then I backed him into a corner- and so like any good scorpion he turned upon himself -and started striking his back with the stinger on his tail.

Because with a scorpion, they’ll kill themselves before they let you do it-

Even they can’t surrender to my love right away.

Death’s blow is the way that I make you mine.

And the truth is, I just played along like I always do -and let him waste his time in the timeless desert battle between me and him- because you must hone your skills right?
It’s survival of the fittest and most ferocious- is it not? And he was probably thinking he should have just stayed under his rock and never wandered into my bedroom- But now that he had moved toward the light of my underworld, what he was doing before now-had to go. Really, he had to go- because…

his old ways just wouldn’t save him anymore.

I know that you’re hungry.
Scorpions are always hungry.

But in this case, out of my love for the game, I crushed his entire body with one final blow- and the thing is, I know he was grateful. I looked at this scorpion and I knew that I’d sent Him straight to scorpion heaven.

Finally. Release from bondage.

Let death come in the way that She finds you- and don’t bother fighting back -when love starts beating you with Her hammer -She’s going to win. Is the moral of this story.

So become a nail and just push through.

Because if you don’t -you just run around paranoid -charging at life. Numb. Biting and stinging yourself. And because you are smart, you know that you don’t really count –
until She finds you in Her bedroom…

I still think about Him. He was shiny and brave.

And I’m in the desert standing staring at the sun.
I think I see water- waiting for you- another oasis of lies and distraction. I KNOW what the desert is. I know there is no water. I know where to find you. And I know how you think. Because aren’t all scorpions the same? They never come into the light- and they hide under rocks, in crevices,
deep in the shadows – just waiting for the night- to come out- when they think that I won’t see them.

But I see in the dark, is the thing.

And who’s hunting who? Are you eating? Is she the hungry one hunting you?
Be careful when you think you found a crack.

Trust me, you didn’t.

And I’m standing here and the sun is starting to sink in the sky. I’ll be here for you. Jump onto my light. And the moon is rising like any other day and he’s starting to stir again, I can hear him.
And I’m ready for war, don’t worry my friend.
I’ll take you wherever you want to go- because your heart called to mine and said it was time-
to burn and to bite and to die into the Moon.

The Moon.
The Silver Gray Moon.
The intoxication of Her maddening ways has my
heart lost in the sound of Her footsteps getting closer –

She’s about to make the final blow.

Because I always knew you were there even though he said you weren’t. I was born a Scorpion and I became a snake and then a bird and then I became a fire that filled the desert sky and then I burned and I burned and I sent my ashes and smoke far and wide to cover you so that I would know who you are.

The chosen one.
The one smeared in my ashes.
The one with my smoke in your eyes.

It’s me. I put you here. I did this to you.

And after all the fires died down- I rose from the wasteland I’d created -and I made a home inside the summer moon. So that I could watch the desert and wait for you.

Ashes always return to ashes.
love obliterates and smashes.
so don’t think you’ve found another way.

because I will make a believer out of you,
Sharada Devi

7 thoughts on “i’ll make a believer out of you”

  1. Sun door, breath of RAM. It is a flight from the alone to the alone. They told me it was Lucy in the sky and then you die and the moon eats you. The dark sun will set you free if you can see and not be blind to the sign. Moon mama black snake hiding under the table, I know we need your power to go between the friction of the dance of life and death. Bones up straight, look at the Sun you are the flame, you alone are the dear one. Was there anybody out there but you? It,s all sentient beings feeding on us. Smile at fear the old Lama said, as he looked into his pocket mirror to find the road to Shambala. You are the nail and She holds the hammer.
    Tara is the green leaf eating the sunlight, It,s all in the kiss of the Yogini and the last laugh before we wake up dead.
    old man bhagavan das

  2. A blind man recognizes beauty how it is.
    A deaf man can hear the music in his bones.
    The hidden vibes are where god is.
    The music.
    The grace.
    Always there in full completion.
    Abundant completion all around.

    I will let you know something about myself since all you know is i like being a father, dying , and playing music. The first time I ever got with a girl I lied and lied and said I wasn’t a virgin because she told me that she wasn’t and I wanted her to think i was experienced or whatever (15 years old and “experienced” geez who was fooling who?!?)… Either way I had my glorious 2 minutes in the embrace of her; my goddess of summer. She cried when I told her the truth; that I was a virgin. She said it meant so much more to her, and she thanked me for telling the truth. I will never forget how she forgave me. It was one of the earliest times in my life where I realized how powerful the truth can be. Now that I look back on it it wasn’t truth that was powerful; It was the forgiveness. Ill never forget how she loved me, before we became lost in her fathers death and drugs.. Ive since had a few girlfriends, Im not really one to talk about people, but so many are suffering and I know letting people know about myself may help.. Everyone I meet is suffering Its been a long time since I’ve ran into some with like minded views or a giver. The pregnant girls, the drug addicts, the drug pushers, rich people, poor people, politicians, police officers, my lawyer..everyone has no problem dishing out there dilemmas to me.. What if everyone was happy for a day. or not happy, not content, but complete. When you complete your life your dead, so if you can attain completion here on earth your living in the void. The now. Gotta simplify the life to get there. More tapas japas mantras mudras postures and intention.. but where theres intention theres incompletion. Gratitude.. gratitude instead of intention.. yes. the forgiveness and gratitude is soon crucial.

    What I’m getting at is the scorpion story.. Nature in its completion. The killers all right where they need to be – to be themselves. Being in the right place at the right time is beautiful.

    Om Mani Padme Hum

    All of my love


    1. Also Paul thank you so much for taking the time and consideration to write your beautiful posts. I know you do it out of fearlessness and compassion and you’re helping a lot of people out there- because ALOT of people read it but most don’t post-
      but some email me and say that the comments help them so much to not feel alone- and it’s that what it’s for?
      No more lonely hearts. So thank you.

      1. no more lonely hearts! thanks for creating a space for all of us to inter web satsang. I used to look at a bunch of crappy stuff on the internet and this space diverts me, helps remind me to stay in the realms of the ritual magic. The last post was a little scattered, especially “the blind MAN, the deaf MAN” i could have totally omitted the MAN.. Its probably all the bible stuff I’ve been reading lately(the bible isn’t all bad it just is super MAN EGO DOMINATED, so I pick the meat from the bones) yeshua is in everyones heart..
        The earth is starting to chill out now; that full moon solstice had a lot of shakti..

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