I am the light

She’s gonna fuck you up.

Oṃ jayantī mangala kālī bhadrakālī kapālinī. Durgā ksamā śivā dhātrī svāhā svadhā namō’stu‍tē

You can’t get away. She’s taking it all away. Faithful unto her, I stand alone. You will get nothing you want, no power to be had- strip you of your carnal filth and maggot filled mind- you wear the locks of hell, be thankful she noticed. She’s not the mother you hoped she would be, sexy and yet ugly, angry and yet wise. Cry, she’s not listening. She hears something else. Bled but not fed, eat shit and die. Kali is Kali and there’s nobody else. You want pretty and clean. You want comfort and nipples. You’re getting rocks down your throat, you’re getting drug to the bottom. Headless and paralyzed, starved and rejected. She’s not the one you imagined. She’s a celibate whore, she’s a virgin in white. She’s the hole in your ass, she knows everything. In and out. In and out. In and out. In and out. Shes going to spit you out in the sink. She’s going to split you open on your dime. She’s going to turn you inside out like you’re reversible. Take a look inside at the cunt who wears no underwear.
That’s right, it’s all about me and my curvy headless body. I’m not immune to nightime. A sinking moon doesn’t sing bedtime songs and a sharpened boomerang can’t stop itself from coming back to its impotent thrower. She’s not letting you off her hook, she’s not changing your dimensions. Sit and listen to what you’ve done, smell the foul mess you’ve made. Her face isn’t black, her tongue isn’t lusting, her letters are the message in between the lines you don’t see or hear. And I really don’t know, I’m just doing my thing….Kali is a widow because the man is always dead. Kali is a junkie because the knot is always aching. Kali is a wall because there is never a door without her.

You’re praying to her and you hope she hears. You want out. You want in. Make up your mind. A body with no head. A mind without a heart. Sucking dying fish, blank faced and squirmy. Stuck in her sticky blubber. Don’t call me Kali. Don’t call me goddess.
Stop whining and do it yourself.

From the floor of your pit, there hasn’t been sunlight in years, looking up but no one is coming. It’s all about leases and numbers and giants that make more. It’s about losers with halos frisking the visitors at the morgue. Useless flat footed child of Satan, good luck making ends meet when you get to my world.

Corruption and a long long time ago we met. Seduction and a long long rope with your name. You hung yourself because I let you. It’s me. It’s all me…two wrongs do make a right and that’s Kali…and so I never lift a finger. I never do a thing. I just spin the wheels of your fear with my miraculous mind, a mind mounted and golden. Her maya of your thoughts -thoughts you thought were yours-are her weapons against you. Mind is eternal and so sooner or later you’ll need to stop blaming me. I am not confined by your rules and ideas of me. I am not confined by pretense and the need for survival.
I’ll do it my way.

We came out of her mouth and her throat swallows the void. it’s hopeless without her stomach to stop it. Face the projection and scream into the light. Always pregnant, don’t go there alone. I am waiting, always waiting for a tap on my silver web, deadly as always, as bright and devouring as a less heavenly Venus. There is only one of Her.

Don’t lose sight of the wandering star. The blackness of darkness forever….

I am the light.

Sharada Devi

24 thoughts on “I am the light”

    Dear Sharada Devi,
    I regret how disappointing it is with individuals not owning up to their commitments as it junks up the entire thing for everyone and seeing how more and more how there is so much to clean up and how people are not even willing to be responsible for cleaning up their actions, energic messes, and keep going around junking up the delicate holy energies and it’s such a battlefield these days and yet people keep junking up the holiness and the purity and it’s lonely to witness this and the cycle goes on and on and yes tiresome for sure….
    dead dead dead meeting more of the same — my breath is caught in my chest like a knot of festering of others stuff and when I speak the truth I’m forever meet with others fear and I carry it and tell others something to sooth them and this knot is a great sloth of energy that is puke green snot and old and not mine and yet it is here right around my heart. A weighted thing and a huge weighted effort to carry it and I find myself wanting to go away away to sound and leave all this crazy thing and then it is so beyond whatever all the others who are so buried in their fear and their hearts are just like mine and it keeps going this weighted thing and we carry it till our death bed that final thing that cannot be put aside and there are no I’ll do that later. And she will come no matter what and she’ll take your head no matter what even if you offer it yourself on a jeweled tray she still make you surrender surrender to the fear and suffering and she will bring you to your knees begging at her feet for her to take your head and she’ll laugh and smile as she proceeds to pierce you to the core and remove that weighted fleshy emotional parasite you’ve covered your heart with since your first breath. And the surrender will kill you and it will burn every cell of your being and her heat and her blood will become a boil in your stagnant dead hungry ghost blood and this dead blood of yours will rot rot and stink your breath and then the blood will be a rage and it’s up to you how you want this rage to go — Are you a burning inferno of transmutation or are you a damp match barely able to function? And this blood is tainted tainted from histrionics that are other worldly and like the moon soft and everything within a living rainbow and we forget our angel wings and the crude blood is all a cosmic suffering and you need the heat to get it out and it’s an SOS kind situation and kind of world now. And so how how to break on through when there is no one here breaking through this misery and we let this blood filled with haunts and ghosts and we stay in a stupor thinking this is life and she stands there jingling a large ring with many keys and hands you a key from her ring ceremoniously and you and her have been here before, her playful anger is a love bite as she slaps the key with her hand hard against your whole being and you know just how to use it and you feel the vibration of cracking sound raging and burning all around you and which lock it goes to this time.

    And for what it’s worth, I hear your voice and feel your love all around and your smile and light brighten my steps as I walk along the heavy earth.
    Tara Devi

    1. tara devi has a really good attitude
      and that’s why she looks like an angel-
      the power is hers who is humble enough
      to be clear- and wise enough to be kind-
      Power flows like lightening from god to the one who gets over themselves thru devotion and surrender-
      The secret is- that the power is all hers because she gives it all away to the one she loves most- fearlessly and constantly.
      Tara Devi is a hero.
      Only god always.

  2. i’m sitting here trying to study…suddenly my mind is flooded with all of the things that i said to you while i was drunk off of rage…not drunk on alcohol…drunk from the emotion…like the memory of that man that i beat up when i was 18 and really drunk…the way i punched him and then kicked him really hard when he was kneeling from the beating that he had received from everyone else and then me…i hit him when he was down because I knew he wouldn’t fight back…I do that with women too because i think they are all my mother…it’s an issue for sure that i am not willing to deal with. and so i know that I don’t have a future…i know that i don’t deserve forgiveness…i don’t even want forgiveness it was so bad…just know that i will live with the torment and guilt and shame of what i said to you…it was cruel….vicious…mean…and hateful…and you didn’t deserve it at all…you are a beautiful person…you are a gift from God to this world…you make the world a better place…maybe you are perfect…I feel horrible…it was an act of violence…the kind of viciousness that i would have denied being capable of…i don’t even deserve for you to be reading this…you deserve love and respect…and appreciation…you didn’t deserve what i subjected you to…you didn’t deserve it…you’re a beautiful loving person…i’m so sorry for what i wrote to you…please don’t think or hang on to any of it because none of it is true….at all…it was just poison from inside me that i don’t know how to get rid of….and it haunts me…and it hurts me…and it will continue to hurt me whenever i think about it…and i will think about it often…please don’t think about me ever again…even though i say that secretly hoping you will see me as humble and then Kali won’t fuck me up…because i can feel it coming and i’m scared because i sometimes get the idea that i might be wrong, stupid even. all i care about is money and orgasms,
    and eating too…and sometimes it feels wasteful…like maybe there could be something more…? I don’t know.

    1. (After 1000 free conversations and a hundred hours on how “Shane can get rid of his poison and unwanted pounds”)

      So lately he’s been in Woodstock, but when things get rough -he’s always running back to his medicated elderly mommy in VA whom he refers to as a “dying sucking carp with jelly rolls” (Kali curses for mother abuse) he’s also called her a “fucking cunt” (yes his own mother) and he slanders me and BD- poisons anyone who will listen really- with his incessant unsolvable problems/addictions-because it’s the only way he can be important because he doesn’t feel his looks are “hot enough” to get a “hot girl” to fuck him (hot like the “10’s” in the screen porn he enjoys) *which would most definitely make him important.

      The 2 most important things in his life-
      his appearance and his money-
      because he is absolutely nothing without
      a desirable body and cash –

      He wants me to give him “THE POWER”

      So he’s a very disturbed and angry 38 yr old man -he doesn’t have these things-he can’t get what he wants- which is really just unconditional love and total self acceptance – he thinks that I want all of his money because I’m a “white trash whore” (even though he doesn’t really have any $ and he is currently unemployed) -and too, when I rub him the wrong way- as I often do- he verbally assaults me -it’s always objectification- regarding his opinion of my appearance and level of “hotness”-and nothing matters to him but receiving the darshan of my ass-(which he’s concerned it could be flabby or just plain weird looking- which means he may have wasted a lot of time and energy on nothing) because ALL women are only objects to him -who want all his $$$ riches- unattainable screen porn sluts graphically revealing all -while he angrily abuses his dick and wonders why he’s “unloveable”

      I do not feel sorry for him-he’s weak enough already…my compassion is boundless it seems…

      stop being pathetic and take your impotency to another forum. Money isn’t God, but because you think it is, you’re gonna pay.

  3. I’m already convinced, White Lilly Dakini-
    Just sitting back watching the storm brew.
    Static energy arousing hair to stand on end,
    It’s only been you now, as it was then.
    You are the thunder that scares me
    Yet I’m quietly listening,
    You are the dark silence echoing
    Inside of my screaming brain.
    You are the electrifying brightness
    Of white lightning veins,
    Pulsating through dark , pregnant clouds
    Dripping of ink-stained rain…
    Into the velvety black, slick, love hole
    The heaven where all rain wants to go…
    Draining and straining down.

    Kamala Devi

  4. hey…i’m not worth stooping for…you know? don’t make it a public thing when it doesn’t need to be…i don’t want anyone judging you just so you can get back at me…i’m not worth it…

  5. do you have a nice crocodile dundee hunting knife? do you have weapons stashed everywhere?…i didn’t know i was that threatening…ha…ha…

        1. HAHAHA!!!yes there is long kinky story…and it’s always a demented and chaotic mess… he’s watching our 2 chihuahuas- right now while we’re out of town -and he threatened me that he was going to get naked with them in the shower this morning- and try to “bath them” because he decided they “smell bad” i do hope someone didn’t die or get scratched to death- my dogs are vicious little cockroaches and they mean business….no news is good news!…
          and we’re going to have a reality show and the theme song is going to be Om Mani Padme Hum (Shane’s idea) https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=r6v2-Q8JdOM….its so funny you’d have to
          be there. A little background: Shane is a stalker borderline groupie and I’m a psychopath borderline sado masochist- and Bhagavan Das is a crazy guru borderline referee -leading us all straight to the pure land or hell…it’s hard to say just yet so stay tuned!…and it’s SO funny…after the fact I mean- Shane is so awful it’s mesmerizing. He knows I love him…every dollar of him-Hahaha!!! but really though, gods love conquers all- (that- and the perfect ass plus $$$) haha⚡️

  6. She spoke to me, her lips quivering in the bliss of the fire, all around her naked body was the sky of deep dark blue.

    She said ” You sure like to use me. Well, you can keep it up but I will kill you. If you stop and worship me, I will free you from me.”

    And my mind snapped and a great fear came upon me, the fear of the lord. All the world was stopped and I got off the ball. Now now now just drop the blade and feel the blood dripping down your arm. It hurt so good this world of fantasy and fame, they are all dead, dead I tell you.

    Oh mad mother, I see you dancing naked in the wind, inside the thunder and the rain cooking soft brain inside hard skull. She is in the darkness hiding and she will eat you.

    Om Namo Guru, make me a dot like you did up in the sky room when I picked up the lighter and lit your cigarette. You looked at me and our minds melted into the pure land. The gesture of devotion is the end all of her being, she comes for you to receive the red rose and then she lets you fall into the center of the SUN.

    Remember she is your mother death, she waits for you to come back around and of course you will.

    Come back to her lotus feet, just die in the now and be free of the sea of becoming.

    ma yogashakti das

  7. Holy holy holy holy Krishna Kali Krishna Kali ! 🏔 Faith can move mountains and sometimes when you move to the mountains the faith moves you into a higher place. I always loved building stuff and tearing it down when I was a kid – legos lincoln logs kenex. It still do it all the time with things in life. You both help me remember what’s worth tearing down and rebuilding(my self my environment my desires). Thank you. This is important work so I can be of service tohelp others.. Everyone has been super healthy up here in maine for a little while now and I’ve been really focused on being with my daughter Talia – she had surgery and I was with her the whole time she recovered well and we’re all closer than ever – I know you pray for all of us, thank you. Om mani padme hum 🌈

      1. my brother is schizophrenic and locked up by the county
        much to my dismay …
        Sharada, would you please give Him my deepest regards?

  8. we could all move to Utah…way out in the country…and I could drive a semitruck to Phoenix and Los Angeles and be gone all the time…you could stay at home…and swing on the front porch with the dogs…I’ll be gone all the time…you can stop sweeping the floor and walk outside to rebuke me from the porch as I’m walking to the truck to go to work…I can eat healthy and sit all the time…and fart a lot like mommy’s little baby piggy does…and you can worship your crystals…and we could trip when I get a day off…and everything will be vast and wide open…like the 80s again…and there will always be enough…and we will be very happy…like the 80s again…

    1. Better yet, why don’t we move to Miami and you can finally be “yourself”… sure would love to see you dancing under the disco lights of your new found freedom in some tight black stretch pants, freshly applied shiny pink lipstick, a delicate yellow headband with little pussycat ears sticking up…and wearing a see-through stretchy t-shirt that says BUCKFUNNY . 🐰🐰🐰
      who doesn’t love “Shanee” or even “Shawna”
      HOT HOT HOT ASS -on the late night back streets of Miami’S “fun” part of town…
      I SURE WOULD! because I’m not really a “butch dike” like you said, I’m more of
      a “one size fits all” funfriend…💋💄👠👅❤️💲

  9. mommy wants to give her little baby piggy a kissy…

    and it’s bull dyke…i’m a flannel wearing bull dyke…smoking winstons and drinking bud ice…talkin all deep…puffin my jacked arms out…

    i’m so fat and dull from eating beans and rice straight out of the pan and never walking anywhere…i really need to get my emotional eating under control…

    do you wanna fuck me….i’d fuck me…

      ITS PORNO.

      When guys talk about “feeling fat” and “feeling swollen” and needing “beauty sleep”
      believe me, they’re NOT a guy. Ok?

      HOW DID YOU GET SO GROSS AND WHY DO YOU CULTIVATE IT? It’s PERVERSE- like once there was a guy who put a lawn chair in the bottom
      of a high traffic outhouse and brought a bag lunch everyday..this went on for months in my hometown at the local beach- until a woman looked down one day after she went to the bathroom and saw him sitting there eating his lunch…they had to hoist him out, and spray him with this high pressure hose and deodorizers…he was covered in shit and smiling. I think of you…

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