Holy Lover. SHIVA.

This is a true story:

one time when I was around 12 we were at this beach cove -where many people had died over the years-where you weren’t allowed to swim in the water due to rip currents- and very large and erratic waves- and there were huge rocks that jutted out into the ocean that you could walk down- and there were tall and jagged cliffs-there were huge eucalyptus trees and caves with bats inside -and raccoons who would take food right from your hand- and the sea water was a dark bluish gray-always pounding and swallowing.

It was usually windy -and on this day the wind was fierce. The waves were extremely large and loud like thunder -beating the cliff walls- and the churning of the tide turned the waters white and silver.

Me and my friends were playing and decided to walk out into one of the huge rock and look for star fish and sea anemones. We had to be careful though -because on this day the waves were so big they were splashing and crashing over the rocks. So we would run out and when we saw a big wave coming we would run back in until the wave receded.

We did this for awhile and the winds were whipping sand and salt water into our hair and eyes.

At a certain point, I was bent over looking at a starfish -and and it seems my friends had gone back to the shore -and I wasn’t paying attention -and suddenly a huge wave came and knocked me over the side of the cliff- the ocean was at least 30 feet below -and there were massive sharp rocks- and funnels of raging white water and it was a very deadly situation.

Going down, I caught the side of a rock and just hung there- I couldn’t pull myself up because it was slippery with algae -and my fingers started slipping -and I was going to fall -and seriously- surely 100% die.

I was in total shock and panic when all of a sudden a force came up from beneath me and swiftly lifted me back up onto the rocks like I was weightless. An invisible hand just pushed me right back up. I was so overwhelmed -and still shocked -and my mind was unable to deal with who exactly it was that lifted me back up from falling to my final destruction.

It was a miracle.

This divine power knew and came and saved me because I was stupid and careless -but apparently I didn’t deserve to die.

So I walked back to the shore and I never told anybody -but I’m telling you now -because God -or whoever- does see -and watches -and is there -no matter how stupid we become.

People and circumstances come into our lives -because maybe we’re falling-maybe we’re hanging from a dangerous cliff -and maybe we’re slipping -and we need to be lifted back up, that’s all.

There is no such thing as a coincidence. Everything happens for a reason. My life flows into yours not by chance but by purpose.

The moments that led to now, didn’t make a mistake. Even the downward spirals have an upward capacity if we strive for understanding.

I can’t always stop you or me from punishing ourselves for imagined offenses- but I can offer you my hand in any way that will lift you up.

I will be your bridge over troubled waters.
I will be your anchor in the winds.
I will be your sail in the breeze.
I will be the force that moves you forward.

And I can’t say it’s all about me and what I can do. It’s what I aspire and intend. It’s the myth I choose to live. I will be a hero for you- because I love you -and that’s why I’m here -and that’s what I do.

I give love -after I strangle you and kill the pain that won’t stop growing-like a poisonous vine through out your sacred body.

A vine watered by this worlds undercurrents- and maybe you were just so pure and innocent that you got hit -and knocked down -and are still hanging- and about to fall -and I understand.

We all need the invisible hand of perfect love to remember us -especially when we’ve strayed out too far. And when we’re in danger-we are seen-and a helper is sent to you.

I will be your helper if you need me-and I will stop the angry voices in your head.

Because truly it doesn’t matter how loud you turn up the music to drown out the sound of unbearable silence -and what’s waiting in the silence is the noises you deny- the crying you won’t hear-the nobody you keep hating -because he’s nobody-

When I say it, I mean it.

Ok- so it turns out this is all about me -and I have a fan club -and receive letters of adoration-and I spend an hour almost daily writing to you -and my picture’s there- and I say I’m nobody -but all I do is talk about myself- yes I know- so technically I’m a liar just like everyone else –

but the only thing that makes me different and redeemable is that I really do care about you -more than my own self. It’s the vow I took.

Because I need somebody to love in this world-and you will be it. I need beauty all around me-because ugliness causes me pain -and you will be it. I need to stop the fear that stops you -and you will be it.

You will be it.

I need to make God -how I see God in you -and it’s you -and you will be it. I’m not someone that can accept a dirty house or plastic in the streets or tears running down your lonely, precious cheeks-

I’m not somebody that can live in this mundane and mechanical world without looking for something-someone -different and brighter and more alive- than this world’s gray version of surround sound- you will be it.

I’m always looking for that special new version of God- and you will be it.

So I’m kind of an artist on the canvas of life.
Everything and everyone I see I think-what can I do with what I’ve found?
How bright can you possibly shine in my myth?

How can I love you so that you shine like the God who wins the battle against the fiery dragon and saves the beautiful girl in this story?

Because I know you’re a hero.

We just all need a battle to win and a girl to save don’t we?

Hero. You are my hero.

So I’m nobody because I’m a servant- no matter how self preoccupied I need to become to pull you into my heart. I’m Juliet. I’m Rapunzel. I’m Medusa- whoever- I’ll do it. I’m not picky.

Because I’m a ruthless and determined player-and I’m a master of winning any game -and so my sole objective is your absolute adoration. I hope to seduce you into such a state of drunken enchantment that you fall into me breathless -so that I can catch you there -and hold you -and carry you -and make you a star in my heart, forever shining.

So because it’s all about this beauty I found in you-that I’m only just trying to exalt you -maybe I hurt you and maybe I’m mean. It’s just a chisel my darling, I’m an artist at work on the object of my devotion.

(no, not my “project”)

You are my object of devotion. My God. My Deity. My fragrant flower. My honey moon.

my tantric rainbow bridge.

how I worship you is with x-ray eyes.

You are my freedom and my shackles. You are that invisible hand that lifts me up from the cliff of my own demise -and so that I can find meaning in this story- I search for it in you.

and my mystical romance has divine roots..

because you were there for me so long ago when I needed you -and I never forgot –
and I remember you.

I’m looking so deeply into myself -and so I’m sorry if I scare you. I reach so far into the dark- and I’m so sorry if you can’t see how I love you.

It’s strange, I know. This peculiar blindness that
vivifies the northern lights.

I just love you and want you to live inside of me.
The beauty that captures even the blind spot of where God never looks.

I will catch God’s eye -and he will want only me-for sure -and I will be the ONLY one he calls nobody-
because I’m so deep inside of his heart he forgot that I am his life -and I am the one who made Him God.

But because our love is perfect, I forget him too-as I dwell inside of him- being the same old me.

Perfectly looping and static. Being the Godhead. Knowing how to wipe away the other in the lover. Love leaves no trace. Its perfection actually.

So that’s why we’re here and I’m creating this new world and you’re my God who makes it real.

Beloved Master of my Peace.
Holy Lover. SHIVA.

I love you like a lion loves a deer
and so devours it all,

Sharada Devi

13 thoughts on “Holy Lover. SHIVA.”

  1. Dear Sharada Devi:

    You, you you you love me you love me and this is love this love is real and holy and knows every cell and knows my heart and again and again, it’s like you’re in the room, in the house, in the car, in my heart and you hear and feel every moment and remind me to breathe and stand tall and be Her. And the unraveling is starting again and again and yes he’s at it again with this sex thing and tells me he’s got a babysitter tomorrow so we can try and be intimate — it feels creepy and these word land heavy and all the air is gone and can’t breath and feel scared and feel this panic and feel all pure energy all holy energy being sucked out of the room, my room, my holy room of pure light and he bumps around and pleads with me to try it and see and I look at him and he’s in his middle world suffering and I can’t even have compassion and can smell his lunch on his breath and now I grow queasy and reeling and the panic comes in and how can anyone be intimate in this day of disconnect and plastic lives where we trash it all with our instant gratification — there are wars going on 24/7 and the Earth and environment have no one willing to go to fierce battle cause we’d miss our Starbucks and condoms too much and the elephants weep and we hear their grief and are labeled freaks and we are in the Kali Yuga and I’m married to a lie to a man who cares for his own survival for his needs and what he can get … I’ve been away for five full days at a cosmic truth revealing training where we talk about real things about the spirit bodies and the importance of living life in the moment from a place of white magic where we go to the spiritual world to the Angels and pray to the higher beings to help feel safe to spread angel wings and be who we meant to be a sanctuary of God’s grace and do the real necessary work so needed today on Earth and not in the common black magic world filled with manipulations and cons and lies and dumb sand box games of lower living and he’s not the one he’s not the one after 10 years he’s not the one and we’ve hardly talked during the five day absence and when we have it’s about NOTHING but his boring suffering … Oh is your lunch too cold … Oh my oh my my skin’s on fire … This house has to burn down this lie this mirco cosmic house within the macro cosmic … He married the wrong woman and I’m not a prize something to own and be placed on a shelf when he wants to do with me at will — I don’t know why he’d ever think I’d agree with this babysitter who’s all mainstream and wears her very short shorts and didn’t even look me in the eye when we first met — no way no way this is not how it’s going to go down its a power struggle and I’m not going to play the game — he should have married a woman out of the 70s movie STEPFORD WIVES and I’ve told him over the years that this is not okay this mainstream living where there is little connection but oh let’s go to the sheets — it’s empty and now I see that all this time I’m saving myself for myself and for the pure holy one who is the true love who knows how to love Her that lives in me for I am Her and would rather die then lie in bed with the dusk collecting around the room where there is no love no Shakti or Shiva just that dead existence of nothing nothing to show for but empty empty living of feeding the lower senses and still we sing for the miracle and sing for the holy angels that stand ready to battle but need us to be ready and willing — it is a battle and we’re in training and await the herald and so here it is this heart that sings alone and yet doesn’t know the notes and in this moment I’m scared and need Her, the Cosmic Mommy of Divine Protection and guidance and even in writing all this here … there is this deep deep feeling of drowning and yes this is why you know me and get it ALL — this drowning and near drowning for so many of us nearly drowned as children and today it’s happening again and your words burn truth and Independence Day is nearing and there are no quotes and we need the protection and the love and white magic to lift us all up out of the whirling fierce waters and so can only say your love is the strong hand that lifts and as you say, “We all need the invisible hand of perfect love to remember us -especially when we’ve strayed out too far. And when we’re in danger-we are seen-and a helper is sent to you.” You are the white magic Holy Mother Light and you show the path to Her isn’t so out of reach (in fact She’s in the room in our breath) and the way to our broken hearts and I am forever grateful for your courage too no matter how bloody messy and chaotic and you pull up your sleeves and no task is too small nor too taunting.

    Jai Jai Ma ❤️

    1. Dear Tara Devi,
      You know how I feel about him and after the nipples and gore movie he made- and other indications- he’s a vampire and I’m sorry and very mad that you are still there
      You CANNOT HAVE SEX WITH A VAMPIRE.
      He instinctively senses your shakti increase
      and WANTS IT FOR HIMSELF- ITS SICK.
      You cannot be doing this with him and you don’t owe him- you shouldn’t be there and YOU KNOW IT- WHAT WILL IT TAKE?
      You are just doing your 10 days of guru mantra and SHOULD NOT LET HIM FUCK YOU.

      His breath stinks. He’s a pervert. Get out of his prison Megan. I’m serious.

      He’s a vampire and that’s just the way it is
      And it’s more obvious than ever due to his timing- right after the transmission

      DEMONIC. Get out. Sorry but I’m right and
      getting righter (I know it’s not a word)

      I LOVE YOU AND DO I NEED TO COME TO YOUR HOUSE? He’s Ravana.,He’s a demon.

      You’re WAY TOO GOOD FOR HIM.
      Stop putting yourself down.

      Girls wear slutty clothes and expose themselves for free AT LEAST I got paid for it-
      And MAYBE YOU SHOULD TOO-

      If you get my point.
      All love power to you. Leave. I told you
      and I won’t stop saying it. You are destroying yourself. He’s not your husband
      he’s your captor.
      And also, look at the prison you’re contributing to for every imprisoned
      woman. Stop being a hypocrite and help this world Tara Devi no matter what it takes.
      Otherwise you aren’t loving you or anybody.
      Ok

      1. And something else: that girl was tied up in
        the basement getting tortured in your house and her face looked just like yours lying there and it’s really weird Tara devi…

  2. Yes, our lives flowing in and out of each other like a river.
    Singing the river song of Love.
    I am grateful for your abiding Love.
    Offered so freely and with such genuine care and concern.
    Even when you sometimes give me a sharp dose of criticism ( if that is the right choice of words )
    and although i know that is done with Love and stings a bit at first.
    I am always appreciative because it pulls me out of my ego head tripping
    and causes me to see just where i need to work on fine-tuning my self.

    So that I can become less “smart” and more in the heart…

    You are helping me to crack open my heart with precision
    and continually learn how to walk the path with joy and courage.

    1. You are so sweet and so gentle and sensitive.
      I’m sorry for hurting your feelings🌼
      its a heart trip and a head hunt
      Sri Radhe. Beloved🌹

  3. My heart will never be closed off to you. No matter what. I will never throw you out. The love I see in you and feel from you is the love that resides within myself. I just lose sight of that fact, and when I do, you catch me and bring me back.

    If you ever lose sight of it, and only see the source outside of yourself- know that it is just a reflection of your true Self. That’s why I desire to be with you. That is why I cry out for you. You make me see that I am love. And all I want is to be that mirror for you, to reflect it back to you stronger and brighter than you ever thought possible. To have you know that all of my love is inspired by and multiplied by yours and vice versa.

    You remind me of my true nature, and that is love. My purpose is to be that for you.

    This post rattled me to the core. Thank you Sharada Devi, thank you. I have taken this vow as well.

    “Be attached to him who has no attachment, only then can you leave all other attachments.”

    Om Namah Shivaya!! Om Durgaye Namaha!!

    1. Dear Colin,
      Do I know you?
      Such heartfelt and soul stirring words.
      Such a beautiful way to say
      Only God is real -and that we are God- and that this is the love that remembers…
      Thank you. Om NAMAH Shivaya

      1. Ma,
        We do not know each other, at least not personally.

        At first I just saw a picture of you with BD, so i wanted to find out who you were. I watched a video of you and BD yesterday, and stumbled upon your blog. In the video your fire captivated me, perhaps even intimidated me. But i saw that it was just passion, and like Kali, it’s root is in Love. And you spoke truths. But, as you said in a previous post- our paths did not cross by chance.

        To be honest, my original post was a message to a woman I love. In her I found the courage and desire to open myself to love, and to offer it freely without reservations. Without fear of rejection. Unfortunately, she has been hurt many times in the past and love scares her, perhaps she has even lost the knowledge of how it should be. Even so, a week ago she began a road trip to where I reside so we could be together, but had a change of heart/mind before she reached me :/ It hurts, but I could sense it coming. There was too much silence. She eventually called and told me what I already knew… But she also said that I opened her to love and changed everything. I don’t say this out of ego, for she was the one that inspired me to do/be so, she enabled me to find this in me. To be the man I need to be and desire to be in my heart.

        Your writings about being a man eater frustrated and scared me, until I realized of whom you were speaking about. I am a Cancer, raised by my mom, so I have always been a sensitive soul. More in tune with the feminine divine than most men. This has been a challenge tho, because we live in a world of sweet-talking abusers, so my genuineness can be hard to trust for many. Also, I haven’t been hurt badly by anyone but myself, so i do feel virgin in that sense. But I refuse to let pain and suffering change my outlook for the worse, to lessen my ability and desire to be and give Love.

        I love her very much, and I want to be that wave that lifts her gently back on the rocks (even tho it’s her doing, despite not seeing it). She is the Shakti to my Shiva. So whenever you speak of the divine mother while subsequently discussing the human relationships of Radhe and Tara Devi, I wonder how I should go about loving someone who can’t seem to accept it in their life yet… Despite her being the inspiration for mine.

        That got long fast…. Yeesh. Anyway, thank you for responding even once. You are LOVE!

        1. you are very sincere. you can’t make anybody
          appreciate the love you have for them.
          You cannot ever lose what you are meant to have. Fate brings people together and also pulls them apart. Will our paths cross and will we walk on together or not?
          Just become a better person everyday and know that love conquers all- even rejection.
          if the love between you is true- then the magnetic force of that love will pull the two of you together despite all odds-
          So just go on and let her be- if she comes around that’s great and if not, someone else will that’s for sure. You’re young and life is on your side. So trust and release.
          Have faith and be your own man!
          I know you already are and you deserve to be appreciated and desires by whatever woman that you love- and you will be.
          Don’t fear me- I’m like a kitten that just wants to play…outside the cage that is…

          1. You are awesome. And she’s powerful like you.

            I was certainly looking outside myself for answers even bringing this up, but your answer was exactly what I already knew inside. Sometimes we just feel the need for someone to confirm it for us.

            I wish you and Baghavan Das happiness and health (i know you were sick not long ago and hope all is well). Jai Ma.

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