I have been worried. I don’t know what else to say. I think you should know. I received a letter. I had been looking online. I knew he had a gun. Anyway, I have been informed that Shane has killed himself. I am in shock and grief. He was a genius 38 year old man. Extremely unique and charismatic. Always honest and deeply loving. I know he was unhappy. I will always love him. He will live in my heart prayer beyond time a space. This is one of the last emails he sent me. From Shane. I hope I do him justice. His sweet blue eyes filled with fire will be how I remember HIS SPIRIT ETERNAL.

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FROM SHANE MOUNTAIN: ” I’m just laying here…stomach down on my bed to ice my back after a long walk…I like to walk through this nice quiet neighborhood at around sunset…there are big beautiful houses everywhere…and really tall trees on either side of the road I walk down…sometimes the wind blows and I look up at the tree tops and it seems like the trees are alive and aware of me being there…and they use their leaves and the wind to whisper things to me that I don’t understand…but that I feel..and I always think of you…because you are that mystical presence…you can wield it’s essence with your  little flowing hands…it’s peaceful…and earthy…cooling…and uplifting to my spirit…and there’s this corridor where there are these tall pine trees on the left…and a house way offset from the road with a huge yard on the right…and that house is like a one story…kind of white house with woods behind it…and it makes me very nostalgic…and I think it would be fun to have a shrine in that house and to do rituals there…like a gathering place at just before sunset…no lights…just natural light…and then I think what if I was rich…and I could buy any of these houses…and I think which ones I would pick…I would ask you which houses you like on this certain road…and I would wonder if you’d even be willing to live there with me…then I think she might…she might not…you are so lucky to be so free…I know I could just leave…I couldn’t pack much…but I could leave…and then I don’t know what would happen…I think I may really be fucked physically now…my foot burns when I walk…even on the medication that they give me for it…I don’t mean to dwell on it and I know it isn’t pleasant to think about…but you really are lucky to be so tall and to have good health…to have so much self discipline and to know the things that you know through the experiences that you’ve had…in India…with meeting Bhagavan Das 11 years ago or so…and I know that that’s when something significant in your spiritual evolution went down that you won’t talk about…so much you won’t talk about…it’s just so unusual…he’s 62 you’re 32…you never leave each others side unless you go to bed…he does worship you and he’s very nice to you and is very cooperative and patient with you…and I think sometimes he must have put a spell on her or something…then I think…no…no…look at how she tells him to do things all the time and he does them like not even thinking…he just obeys like a loyal dog…not calling him a dog just can’t think of another metaphor for loyalty…so maybe she put a spell on him…maybe she really is a woman reincarnated from Tibet…that met BD just before she died 44 years ago…maybe she really is a deity…you noticed that in the dim light her appearance seemed to change…she went from looking normal to gradually starting to look like a corpse…and all the other stuff that happened and continues to happen…yeah but she says you’re crazy…like imagining it all…well that’s not exactly what she said…she said you’re deeply disturbed and to get real…but she knows what I’m talking about….she talks about magic and mantras and praying over food and getting away from society and all this stuff…you think it’s for nothing….no…that’s how one gains clarity and peace of mind…and emotional health I guess…she’s with that other guy now so she has to get rid of you…plus you never do everything she tells you to do…because you don’t have faith…that’s right…it’s crazy to venture out as a cripple with no income at all…and she might leave you high and dry once you realize you’re running with no ground underneath your feet…but she was right about everything before…I know…but I don’t trust her…she doesn’t seem to care if you’re in pain or worried or gonna lose all your money…she hates you…(edit for the sake of old times)  no Shane, she loves you and she always did…she always will. She made you believe in God, feel God’s love. She wants you to be free. Because of her you don’t ever have to be alone or afraid again. Remember her forever…love, Shane

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Please pray for him to be free and at peace. For a prosperous new birth. Please pray he meets holy people and that his heart be opened once again by her mother light grace.  Sharada Devi



This was also song he loved:

Dear Shane, take refuge in Avalokateshvara. Om Mani Padme Hum. May Mahakala protect you.

please play all these for Shane and pray. He hears you. Like he always told me, “I’m always there.”


All my love forever sweet beautiful boy♥️♥️♥️

43 thoughts on “HIS SPIRIT ETERNAL”

  1. When surface winds take us, where roads end, the reality that Sharada Devi embodies keeps going. Held by the great bottom that lifts up by its being. Not held by condition, we are all better for what she carries on. Because our roads meet and sometimes raise us above previous limitations, if we are lucky to find a way to see. Beyond death and endings. Where things of that nature are happenings, across a flow- movement itself, changing everything…

    Perhaps all leads to what is unchangeable, yet beckoning always. Louder to some. Especially when the echoes of a life taken reverberate through the seen. To the other side of a tragedy…

    God’s love. Stillness moved, into the heart of anyone who has heard. Goes on, because of what was given, through all this.

    1. The biggest love of all. Is within.
      Even when we can’t find a reason to go
      on, the light never dies but just listens.
      Love is there. Always in it all. The biggest bowl that holds us is her knowing that we are inside and she is within. Prayers of compassion for Shane’s mother too.

  2. I read the first line of this post – and my heart began beating so fast, since I have been thinking of Shane for a while now. His absence of writing here. I have been praying because I sensed that something was wrong, changed, missing… Last night, I heard it like a voice in my head, – Shane has died – It was an eerie premonition. Even though I have only known him by his words on this blog for the years that i have been reading, the loss of him was deeply felt.

    Sharada Devi, thank You for the photo, allowing us to finally put his face with his name.

    Shane’s soul is free.
    Dear God, please guide Shane gently towards a loving peace .
    Divine Mother, shine his way brightly along this journey back to endless light .

    1. Believe me, I knew. It was really eery how i found out too…it’s shocking and sad. He was truly one of a kind. A brilliant genius. He flew airplanes. There is a hole in my heart without him here. I am in shock and WHY????!!! He was such a soft hearted person…always searching for answers to the deepest questions. Always honest. Always bright like the sun. He loved the sun. Always dreamed of moving to the west coast. I’m so sad…I can’t take it.

      1. I’m really sorry to hear about his loss. I also was wondering what happened to him the other day as well. I don’t know if it was him or Wayne, but I could deeply relate to the pain he was experiencing. I’ve read his posts here and there and he was definitely a talented writer. Depression is very hard to shake. I was suicidal for a period, and yes I often think it would be easier if I left today. But I would never do it, cause I know the next life is often harder, but let’s hope he is able to catch the mother’s light and guru’s grace so that he can have a pleasant next birth. God, it is so crazy to think that one day you can be alive as an adult and the next be some where in the bardo and a baby again. Let’s pray for his soul.

  3. Dearest Sharada Devi so so sad and such a heavy hearted time all the grief and loss and the surrender and more loss and grief. Death and the death of his suffering and his incredible dedication of always returning to dharma — his blue eye and pure skin he was an angel of sorts living in hard cold world and he loves the sun and you and BD. It’s a deep chasm of heart ache of wishing to go back before it all changed before he ended his breath. Regrets and more grief 🌈

    Dear Shane may you be free and remain in God’s eternal and intimate and infinite love
    and may your vows protect you and bring auspicious life be it in heaven or earth ♥️ xoxo Tara Devi

    1. I know. It haunts me. The dark inescapable pain he felt. The annihilation. The contradiction. He always wanted in as deeply as possible with everything and everyone- and the at the same time he obsessed on externals that had no relevancy to his actual power. He always wanted power, and he had it already. He wanted me to “give him magical power.” I told him I can’t give or take power from anyone. That’s all in your hands- the power of life and death. It seems to me he couldn’t resist the urge to use the final power…he was so powerful, there was a backlash. He was always willing to go there, to the darkest most forbidden place.
      It was beyond him, the power I speak of.
      Don’t minsunderstand- I knew him. An enigma too mysterious to fathom. That’s why I liked him- so profound his embodiment of the most treacherous human struggle. Spirit over matter. House 2 and 8. He knows I told him.
      Over and over again…he made me feel powerless that I couldn’t help him…

      1. You have always been so kind and loving to Shane and you continue to be such a love that he always sought. His pain body broken … you knew him. Your love for him is endless and steady … such a love is powerful without conditions or boundaries. You see him for who he is and you will continue to be his north star should he return to earth. Knowing that words are never right in a time like this, please Sharada Devi, I witnessed over and over your love for him and you did help him in the wordless and eternal way — you showed him love and attention and you carried forth the lineage and planted this seed deep into his eternal heart and eternal breath that is such a flower of pure love that he was tuned into your endless love for him. When reading his last email to you, it is so steeped in him -know how much you love him. His physical pain was such a suffering it was too much for him to carry on and he chose to become a spirit body, an angel who will forever know your powerful and unrelenting love that will always be there in the treetops and in the dancing leaves and in that quiet hush as the sun rises and sets. He knows you love him for always- and too, as he says in his email, he is free- knowing your never dying love and he knows he is never “alone or afraid again.”

        1. You are an angel. That one time after the kirtan I said to Shane, “didn’t Megan look like an angel?” And I thought he just ignored me…then he was just quiet staring off into space…then about an hour later he looked at me really seriously and said, “she did look like an angel.”

          He left that pink coffee cup you got him at my house- I have it, just used it. Remember
          CAT LADY- those conversations were hysterical. I found Shane SO FUNNY!
          I will miss his wicked ways! Maybe we should all wake up..that would be SHANE’S WAY!
          Hahaha. Thank you you’re so sweet and kind and helpful to me compassionate Tara Devi…
          so happy you’ll be here soon! Wish you could stay. Wish you were here. 🦋

  4. He beat us all to the punch! That fucker!! Go figure.. oh god I’m crying a river. Thank you Shane for every heart beat we’ve shared in communicating with one another. I wish I would have reached out more.

    I’ll always remember
    This hurt is from god for all of us
    To remember
    And be reborn
    In the balance of Dark and light
    Beyond the gray

    All my love and respects

    Om mani padme hum

  5. Short story is im spiritually lost and Mother light is dealing me serious lessons. God Shane is the tippy top of the iceberg – a good cry I needed, he helped me remeber today I’m so grateful for him and this lesson. I love you and Baba so much I just feel like I failed you guys as a friend and student and contributor to the pure light of life that you and Baba bring. Thank you for everything.

    God bless Shane and his family his mom loved him so much

      1. I’m just an insecure mess. Court dates deaths failing as a husband a father a student at the university an artist my depression from retraumatization of being arrested and processed has me shuttting down to god art family music practice education self help – I’m trying to get my name cleared in Nj to be able to drive again legally finally.. I need a reset in life like a vacation or something – I’ve been doing a bunch of solitude this week.. it helps me think clear but I still feel like the last 10 years of work on myself is all for nothing.. life is abundant and it’s lessons are rich.. god.. Shane killed himself and I’m bitching about court and marital problems.. there’s a time and a place for everything. This dosent feel right.. And I’m working on myself just things are difficult atm. Feeling super alone and I must have needed that..


        I used to be a really bad person and it’s limiting my caliber of output this far in the game.. weir talking 13 years later.. 10000$ in fines 8 Hours from where I live.. sorry I could go on and on – something someone is haunting me plaguing me with my past. I was a bad person people I turned on to heroin died i stole from credit cards and stores I lied a lot I treated my family and loved ones poorly – that got me into lots of trouble with the law and it still hangs over me it’s been 8 years since I’ve used an opiate 10 years since any heroin.. never had a felony or drug charge just crap surrounding my depressed shallow ill choices. I deserve it it’s just hard taking it all in.. so much darkness. Sorry. So many people have been dieing this is a hard one. Shane was much closer to my heart than I was aware.

        Jai Maa

        1. Shane helped us all by being 100% real and honest and fearless to go where others wouldn’t dare. I admire him for that.
          Like in awe of his raw grit.

  6. OM Mani Padme Hum.
    Prayers to Shane, and his family…..
    I have a friend who chose to leave three years ago…and I was not surprised, perhaps you will meet his spirit…his name was Dave …and he was brilliant, too. A sensitive soul with a genius mind.
    I, too, have been on that ledge, that “edge” two times myself, in this lifetime.
    My heart beats a little faster when thinking about this pain again….
    Shane, I will miss your posts here…for that is all I really had to know of you…..may you be at peace now.
    Love ChandrMaMaMaManiPadmeHum

      1. Dear Sharada Devi, If you say so. I always tried to connect to him….because I know the dark side…I have been there. I felt his shyness, too. I was once there, too. My heart aches for the pain and loneliness he felt. I am so happy that he felt so comfortable with you sharing so much. Thank you for YOUR love, too….C-mama

    1. Let’s say Shane went there- btw-
      HE IS talking a lot to everyone –
      so you’re not imagining
      He’s powerful in the afterlife
      and his shine is like the sun.8

  7. Dear Shane,
    I’m with you buddy. I know what it’s like to be a freak, a powerful person not of this world, a true outsider, a stranger in a strange land. Somewhere beyond the rainbow Shane Mountain walks the rugged hills like an old tibetan hermit yogi. What a great soul and his suffering was all of our suffering. The top of the trees did speak to him like they do to me all the time. I call it tree top reality. This human life is so precious because we have this little boat call a body of flesh and blood that our mother gave us so we could cross the great ocean of samsara birth and death and the waves. The white sail is the Guru who shows us the trackless track out of the woods of our desire. We carry the three jewels on our boat and we hold the rudder to the north star. I love you Shane Mountain, my tears are like a river for you and my heart beats om mani padme hum for you. I remember the moment when i gave you that mantra, there was so much love and light in your beautiful blue eyes that now have to see your way out of the terrifying darkness of the bardo. Mahakala is on the job, he is my protector and has been with me ever since we met a long time ago in the cremation ground outside bodhgaya call the cool grove. I sat up all night on LSD playing a big deep drum for him. I know you would like that story you old yak herder. Om Shane Mountain Yogi long may you run on feet of light. Your in the light body now as we all will be, thank you for helping us to see how every thought, word and deed we good imprints karma that will inherit. Mahakala is very loyal to the dharma and he vows to protect those in the bardo of becoming, that’s why he is the top head on the 1000 armes Alvalokiteawara. My lama kalu is a mahakala specialist and I have a Jesus candle going for the Mountain Man who will never die who will live in my heart forever. Shane Mountain.
    All glory to sri neem karolie baba
    baba and his loyal love dog Bodhi

    1. Baba this is so acutely beautiful
      Remember his white winged shawl?’
      His tearfilled blue eyes…
      how he said the mantra all night long
      while we sat underneath Kali whispering…
      I can’t stand his gone-ness. He keeps
      talking to me from beyond…
      OM Mani Padme Hum

  8. Shane, I am a lot, like you. Like you I have had dreams of freedom. I will try to remember to be thankful that I’m in a healthy body. I did a master cleanse when I read that you started one. “I thought if this guy is doing one why can’t I? I mean he’s doing something.” I started a real cleanse. I’m trying. Fear.. fear.. scared minds.. trying to clean mine. Mine isn’t very nice to myself either.
    That story about you on a plane going to visit your Dad is really sweet, and of all things makes me tear up. Maybe I do have a heart like the other Paul. Childhood memories are precious and so, so bittersweet.
    I liked that you felt apprehensive approaching them. I related to that. That one post where you just busted out sharing with SD just all the random things in your life bouncing around in your head was great. I’m sorry you went all the way that way. Maybe in a another universe you and I are friends and we all live on that street you were gonna buy with your lottery money. We’ll live there and Sharada Devi will be Sharada Devi and you and I will get it.

  9. Glimpses. Lightning bolt flashes of “seeing” truth. Speaking up the truth is something I admired about You, Shane. I hope You follow the Mother Light into forever 💖⚡🌸💙
    Sharada Devi, I am so glad also, that You included a picture of Shane and wrote so beautifully. Praying for him to his picture, I swore I was looking at a picture of Buddha. He has a serious face and still a soft smile.

    Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu

    1. You give me faith Bhakti Devi. I miss your crystal blue heart eyes. I am so happy to see you soon in mount shasta- how are you,
      I am not far away…but I said that before.
      Bhakti Devi you are important. 🌸

      1. I love You and miss You first came to heart. I really didn’t want to leave the last Mount Shasta retreat, so I am definitely looking forward to being there! 💖🗻 Please know how important you are to all of us. Everything You say is a golden arrow through the bullseye.

  10. I did not have the pleasure of knowing your friend, but I have prayed for him as if I did. To me, with his act of despair , he drew much attention upon God. So I think Shane gave us all a tremendous , selfless gift. He got us all back to God. In a way maybe God is reminding us through Shane , that He will never waste the pain we struggle through in this life, but He will turn it around for good somehow and use it to strengthen us and to help others. Thank you, Shane. 🌺 Om Mani Padme Hum 💎

    1. Dear soft lotus eyes,
      Butterfly Devi,
      You’re such an orchid and I love you and think about you every day. You have changed so much and you’re so beautiful. A lot has happened besides death being all around me.
      I am doing this on my own butterfly, breaking out of yet another cocoon. Will you come to mount shasta in June? I hope my world doesn’t abandon me, I am doing it on my own -this is the announcement. I am my own person and my wings are for and because of you. It’s a whole new light being spread angel, how you knew. How you hear from within me. Where is the lotus, how deep is the dark. Shane is with me. He said he’d never leave. Nothing leaves is why. That’s what I’m saying my divine butterfly lotus,
      Be mine.♥️🦋

  11. God like a moth

    Sharada Devi, I wanted to tell you “I love you and I’ll be your friend!” Because of the way I was feeling. But I didn’t and let the excitement settle into a more mature, refined, and grounded place. That being the heart, of course… with its gritty integration- “what you can do in this life is accept suffering.” One of us said. “There’s a lot of suffering to accept.” I said… you said nothing. Move on, the motto I established yesterday that brought you to me in vision- the only thing that matters, in this life or any, as far as I can see.
    Devotion is what you called it but I don’t think you would if I asked you. Pain, acceptance as the only way like getting back up is the only way after you skin your knee. Your God, religion, or bigger things that cause pain. Yearning is the other thing you said. Suffering, yearning, devotion. “We have to bridge the gap.” Accept suffering, all around……. yearning, if you are alive, and devotion…… if I can speak that far…of Sharada Devi, moving my pain with her mysteriously attractive light, she is moved. Keep it, moving…-your feathered friend to the end and back to the fire of you in me, God like a moth.

    1. I said to him, we have suffering and we have devotion. inbetween them is the yearning.
      I said to him, we create beauty that’s what we do and we become the devotion from the suffering…because the yearning IS god, can’t you see. she’s everywhere, divine throbbing pain light. my love enters another. birth death and the gap who is

      motherlight the only god between us.

      it’s not like i didn’t already say it and even paint you a picture…feathers fall from the bird, on the way down to me, a new life is born from the descent into chaos. ascension means you made me smile by painting the wall of your prison body with tears, a song to me.beloved still, we never leave our heart.not alone, not without anything fertile. we have the ink and the light, the sound and the blood, the flesh and the bone, the sky for the bird…thank you and I really do mean it. thank you, i cannot live with you, fallen feather, upon me. We rise. ✨

      1. I have to go. The door is open. I closed it.

        The music is still playing and the rain is falling, on this place. My song of surrender and victory, plays for me. My armor that no one sees. Protects me that I will get to her, in my sight, she won’t leave. Not me, not where I’m headed. She smiles, knowing where I’ve been, and cries, knowing me.

        “You’re a bird.”

  12. There has never been any doubt in my mind , lovely sky dancer, that your wings could take you higher than an eagle flying high on a zephyr wind. No boundaries, no limitations, no fear. Dakini rising out of her cocoon made from ashes, purified and glowing. I will follow. Forever your butterfly ride. I’ll see you soon at Mt. Shasta. 📿❤️🌹

    1. Who could be more loveable than you?
      Softer than a kitten wrapped in a dove,
      you are the Devi of the lotus flower.
      I’m so happy you’re coming! We all need
      your sweet heart smile! 🌸🦋☀️

  13. I know you Shane.
    I’m with you on this.
    Burning to give light
    Burning to give light
    Give light
    Give light
    I’ll burn for you Shane
    I won’t give up.

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