I have been worried. I don’t know what else to say. I think you should know. I received a letter. I had been looking online. I knew he had a gun. Anyway, I have been informed that Shane has killed himself. I am in shock and grief. He was a genius 38 year old man. Extremely unique and charismatic. Always honest and deeply loving. I know he was unhappy. I will always love him. He will live in my heart prayer beyond time a space. This is one of the last emails he sent me. From Shane. I hope I do him justice. His sweet blue eyes filled with fire will be how I remember HIS SPIRIT ETERNAL.
FROM SHANE MOUNTAIN: ” I’m just laying here…stomach down on my bed to ice my back after a long walk…I like to walk through this nice quiet neighborhood at around sunset…there are big beautiful houses everywhere…and really tall trees on either side of the road I walk down…sometimes the wind blows and I look up at the tree tops and it seems like the trees are alive and aware of me being there…and they use their leaves and the wind to whisper things to me that I don’t understand…but that I feel..and I always think of you…because you are that mystical presence…you can wield it’s essence with your little flowing hands…it’s peaceful…and earthy…cooling…and uplifting to my spirit…and there’s this corridor where there are these tall pine trees on the left…and a house way offset from the road with a huge yard on the right…and that house is like a one story…kind of white house with woods behind it…and it makes me very nostalgic…and I think it would be fun to have a shrine in that house and to do rituals there…like a gathering place at just before sunset…no lights…just natural light…and then I think what if I was rich…and I could buy any of these houses…and I think which ones I would pick…I would ask you which houses you like on this certain road…and I would wonder if you’d even be willing to live there with me…then I think she might…she might not…you are so lucky to be so free…I know I could just leave…I couldn’t pack much…but I could leave…and then I don’t know what would happen…I think I may really be fucked physically now…my foot burns when I walk…even on the medication that they give me for it…I don’t mean to dwell on it and I know it isn’t pleasant to think about…but you really are lucky to be so tall and to have good health…to have so much self discipline and to know the things that you know through the experiences that you’ve had…in India…with meeting Bhagavan Das 11 years ago or so…and I know that that’s when something significant in your spiritual evolution went down that you won’t talk about…so much you won’t talk about…it’s just so unusual…he’s 62 you’re 32…you never leave each others side unless you go to bed…he does worship you and he’s very nice to you and is very cooperative and patient with you…and I think sometimes he must have put a spell on her or something…then I think…no…no…look at how she tells him to do things all the time and he does them like not even thinking…he just obeys like a loyal dog…not calling him a dog just can’t think of another metaphor for loyalty…so maybe she put a spell on him…maybe she really is a woman reincarnated from Tibet…that met BD just before she died 44 years ago…maybe she really is a deity…you noticed that in the dim light her appearance seemed to change…she went from looking normal to gradually starting to look like a corpse…and all the other stuff that happened and continues to happen…yeah but she says you’re crazy…like imagining it all…well that’s not exactly what she said…she said you’re deeply disturbed and to get real…but she knows what I’m talking about….she talks about magic and mantras and praying over food and getting away from society and all this stuff…you think it’s for nothing….no…that’s how one gains clarity and peace of mind…and emotional health I guess…she’s with that other guy now so she has to get rid of you…plus you never do everything she tells you to do…because you don’t have faith…that’s right…it’s crazy to venture out as a cripple with no income at all…and she might leave you high and dry once you realize you’re running with no ground underneath your feet…but she was right about everything before…I know…but I don’t trust her…she doesn’t seem to care if you’re in pain or worried or gonna lose all your money…she hates you…(edit for the sake of old times) no Shane, she loves you and she always did…she always will. She made you believe in God, feel God’s love. She wants you to be free. Because of her you don’t ever have to be alone or afraid again. Remember her forever…love, Shane
Please pray for him to be free and at peace. For a prosperous new birth. Please pray he meets holy people and that his heart be opened once again by her mother light grace. Sharada Devi
This was also song he loved:
Dear Shane, take refuge in Avalokateshvara. Om Mani Padme Hum. May Mahakala protect you.
please play all these for Shane and pray. He hears you. Like he always told me, “I’m always there.”
OM MANI PADME HUM SHANE MOUNTAIN. Sharada Devi
All my love forever sweet beautiful boy♥️♥️♥️