help me jesus, this is fatal


crushed, the weight upon me, crushes. there are only so many words i can use. vocabulary fails me. even though i mean it, who can hear me. these words are on the inside, heavy heart. don’t talk so loud. i’ve written poems to the dead and dying, my father who didn’t ever write back. i’ve gazed into eyes I’d hoped would see me somehow but it’s useless. i’ve stopped saying so much. i’m not really looking back. i’m numb, scarred. and it’s not that i’m trying, i didn’t control a thing. there isn’t another way to heal the fragment i suppose but grow hard like a man. pretend you’re a woman flower, hold your head high sparkling and fragrant. hide the pain body, show the beauty. grind. dance like a swan on his body. who cares no one’s listening. it’s just one word eating another. yes, it’s love anyway. i get that that’s all we’ve got…this fatal beauty.


today was a blood bath. i felt like a serial killer. i just went insane. kept cutting, let it fall. let it fall. i didn’t say goodbye, not a thing. i felt that a possession had taken place, and it wasn’t me. it’s times like this i call out to god. god help us. keep the devil away. but no, i had to want it all and i just started chopping. i need something sharper, get the mirror. look inside. nothing matters but looks. i’ve killed you, i keep doing this. what have i done. i forgot to say goodbye. stillness prevailed. stillness and blood. fallen. he left without saying a word. there was a song on the radio later on in the car. but you never turn the radio on, this is a message i said to the replacement. you should listen. it means something to you. “i think it means something to you.” half way through the song and i said, “i know. and you should listen.” i keep one eye open. i have no idea who this is. i did it, yes. i am cursed. i said, “go! you don’t understand, i do it to everybody.” “you’re insane. you need help.”
“i feel like i’m having an affair.” why do i keep killing everyone. i don’t want new and exciting. i want the ones who’ve died. and now you’re gone, it’s too late. i was ruthless and i don’t know why. i am not familiar with the new inhabitant, this is a very dangerous day. into night i see that the moon is too bright to be real. i am uncomfortable, i let the dark in, if there are any stars left or not, it isn’t important. the empty vessel will be filled by whatever’s in the sky. i of course pretend to look up, searching the heavens for what looks like objects. can anyone confirm my prayers are heard out here, i didn’t think so. this is the blind love that kills, she doesn’t need any reason but your hand on her body, your eyes in her stomach reaching down. and where are you going, don’t think i don’t feel it, just because you’re someone else. the story remains the same. i will be taken by what i take. i call it a fatal beauty that’s a bit compulsive, a sharp needle without a point that lost all control. it seems this keeps happening to me, it’s not your fault. stay away from dark women. this is an issue that will not resolve itself. not without several forms of divine violence. i call it divine because it’s like a transmission that must come from another world, certainly not here. not like this, not the way possession happens elsewhere. no way, i’m not blind. i am simply in love. “i love you here, in this world.” when i heard that i was like, “wtf?” what world are we talking? the starless inside world or the world where i just murdered you? god, this is deep, looking up for somebody i don’t know. this curse has followed me in all directions. down, down like the thump of the cross with him hanging. he wasn’t dead after all, just keep reading…the expectations between us seem to be a problem. solid, did you solid as opposed to ephemeral…you’re so funny when your dying for a higher power…the power to destroy. the power that hunts or that redeems is probably quite similar. i want out of my haunted house. i’ve written back to everyone, they all know what’s going on…and yet the poor youtube people have no idea what’s going on. a wedding is about to take place. and i can’t stop the onslaught of god’s plan. a cherished god i suddenly believe in when nothing else matters and holy matrimony is the only thing that makes sense between death and dying. i’ll give you a new name. can i have one too. do you want to look in the mirror…


if you’re going to play the game, you should be on top. number one- looks are number one. look it, be it. see it, want it. walk on top. and i did what needed to be done to you. crowned eternal. off with your head of locks. bestow the vision on me. take off your ring. pull out your tongue. break me with your eyes. i am guilty of sin. wearing sunlight to bed. talking dirty to children, feeding the homeless my home. it’s called possession. i did it. wearing nothing but a cross and a desire for god without anything but an empty eternal erection. i was told i was in a dream carrying jesus on a cross. i was wearing a bloody white dress dragging the cross down these stairs. thump thump thump. that’s what i was told. then i dropped him and he came back to life with a gigantic erection and apparently i began fucking jesus like i was at some crazy party – both of us alive dancing on opposing corpses…according to the dream- which wasn’t mine. god is in my head ok. and i am in god’s head too. that’s how we get inside. the throne of night. the cold becomes the one we love. help me jesus, this is fatal. sharada devi

48 thoughts on “help me jesus, this is fatal”

    1. the moon is always changing, intoxicating
      and going insane. you can’t trust her,
      you can only ahhihilate her. i was feeling
      at the brink of death, that memory…
      then the wave. sound and the skin dressed
      in black. because nobody can find the new moon, you see how she does it…little by little, then pound, in for the kill. full
      of that body that used to be his. moon, she’s too much to hold without letting her go, into you…wave after wave, then nothing…they can call it love just because the fears too great to ever want to look,
      at her I mean. in the real dark where your words still echo, skinless. under me.

  1. Gut wrenching, hair ripping, pimple popping, canyon belly burping and spraying smelly farts. Hairy moles, black heads and wart thriving beasts with really bad breath. Bunions a callouses, toe nails too long to ever wear shoes.
    Filth, dirt, and nasty underwear make way for cum stained sheets and ripped pillow cases don’t make for a restful night. A pollution of death sweeps the air with a stench of a mine worker’s 20 year old mattress.
    He bites his toenails because there is nothing else to eat. Soon, he will be gone.
    Counteract this with the sweetness of half remembered wet dreams after a spring rain. Long live the Angel of Death who whispers to us “not yet, my dear, not yet” and always wondering when…time takes it all or time never was to take…back to the day when dreams were the future not the past.
    Tombs are raided with picnickers eating their tuna fish sandwiches with too much mayonnaise dripping from white “wonder” bread. Pickles have their juice and we enjoy our meal on the buried bones of destruction. They left us with what we have now…why do we celebrate the dead? Cuz this really ain’t no picnic.
    Fire up, shed skin, and walk away tomb raider…my bones are not up for grabs…I will fight you to the end. Jingle jangle balls that dangle. Tight blue jeans suffocate this pussy. That cat just sits and waits for some of that tuna.

    1. OMG. I have no reply to this one!
      I think you said it all in at least a
      dozen XXX graphic ways. I can’t visually go
      here. I’m even holding my breath as I write…you’re INSANE! Moon lady.

  2. Insanity NOs Know other….
    When? One morning. Who? One mourning. We absorb ourselves in the wakefulness of thought. Tame that shrew that blew to you. Sorry to say, there was just that day. I have no one to pay who wants to stay. My ship’s going down to the deep dark brown. Shit hole and crystal bowl. Holy mother of everything what should I do, when all is so dark and I feel so blue? I try to cover these feelings of doubt, knowing deep down that I just want out. Dark are the hours before I shower for afterwards I feel like a flower! What do you ask that I can do for you? I master the art of asking it, too! Don’t look twice because that is only a vice. She knew better when I delivered the letter. Food for thought is never taught like the rope that one uses to balance or devour. Left right, right on left….is that correct? March to the beat of your own drum some say, for surely we know deep down, that’s the way. To freedom we march in the winds of time to bring us some peace when there is no rhyme. Out with the old, in with the knew. All along we did, didn’t we? No? ….. KNOW!

      1. Yes…and scars tell stories….. I have my share……

        No more tears because I’ve cried for years.
        All dried out, without a doubt.
        Butt really, that’s totally okay
        because I’m more at peace today!

  3. It will burn. It’s all going to. Use your agni with doses of soma. Don’t let that flea fester in your skin. Crawl out of your own eyes. You know when your chanting it all goes away. You poke a hole in the sky. It’s take a minute or some sort of time to tell this story. Beloved swan your heart is in mine. And because I am thine I know there’s either a resolution, a revolution or this churning. This physical body is bringing me pain these days. I have told a healer who loves him more than me, and doesn’t see what I see. Something attached. I can’t be falling apart just because I put ahimsa into physical practice. I am still learning I know nothing. Why it’s gotten colder: I don’t know. But sit in the rays, and don’t be afraid. You are not alone ever. It’s not just a hologram or a dream. Atmans are all over the place. Once there was one there were many. And I will send you some light Mother Light Om

  4. The moon is a harsh mistress
    🌙 her artful glow
    bestowing luminosity
    upon the terrestrial trap below.
    Impartially turning tides
    blurring the fine lines that seek to multiply and divide
    discreetly keeping the peace
    between the devil and the deep blue sea
    Eve will have her dominion
    but will the dreamer fully learn to dominate the dream

  5. In the darkness of disaster you can find a light. when you get it hold on. if you lose it go back. you’re worth it. angel soul body scar pain thriver. walk in rhythm to the beat of my heart. I can’t feel anything but my heart. a deep longing of nothing but desire to love and heal. pain in my heart wanting to communicate with another aching heart we can heart beat on a drum until the days go by healing the earth with the vibes. the dense fog makes it hard to see so I just gotta remember to close my 2 eyes and use my 3rd. Im lost in love. im lost in the desire to heal,.. not just me, everyone. I won’t be a cog in this machine of sufferation anymore. at least not on this end conveyor belt. whip me beat me fine me put me in the jail house I can’t add to any more suffering in this life. I refuse. I mean I could get really literal but just don’t want to talk about anyone.. I need to help people, I wish I knew more about how to help. I want to be a radical revolutionary sonic sound world healer I want to heal the planet. We all have the opportunity to do something great. ill never give up on love. Have you guys seen wild wild country on Netflix??? welp its all about the Rajneesh in Oregon with Bhagwan back in the 80s n 90s I think?? so cool. we need to start a community like that just smaller.. even more evolved.. lower key ya know? I don’t know i’m just rambling – just check it out.. wild wild country, if you haven’t..

    if anybody wants to collaborate on some musical recordings I would luv luv luv that. I know a few think i’m a crappy cheesy musician, and in most cases I agree, but I think we could all learn and create beauty. Creating has always been super therapeutic for me, so maybe someone else can benefit also.

    Endless Love Paul


  6. Hey Sharada I found out about you guys after getting into Ram Dass’ stuff. I love Ram Dass. I gravitated more towards McKenna but after some intense LSD experiences I resonated more with Ram Dass. Is Baghavan still friends with Ram Dass? Do you guys ever go to the retreats in Hawaii? McKenna got disillusioned with the East after he went there to find a guru and found only charlatans so he settled with shamanic lineages more. McKenna was more interested in visiting these states of awareness whereas Ram Dass was more about I’ve seen the possibility so how can I become that. It’s incredible that Ram Dass went to India to find a being that knew what it was that he and other people were experiencing on LSD and such. I’m sure you know the stories of Maharaji taking LSD two times, with 900 and 1200 micrograms , respectively. It’s so far out.

    None of my friends care about this or are interested in spirituality. They take psychedelics but they don’t like to trip alone and as a sacred experience. They kind of do what McKenna talks about in the sense they take it to prove they can do it and for social approval. McKenna says most people who take these things never want to face a single moment where they have to put it on the line. He also said that if someone is trying to evade the mystery from the get go in can be done, to an extent. One of my friend, who is currently in law school and on antidepressants, is a post modernist materialist who has faked taken LSD with me two times and he plays it like I don’t know it. He spit out blotter the first time and the second time something happened also. He has also taken xanax during another trip when he felt he was getting anxious. He has a bitter sort of closed mindness about spirituality and taking psychedelics as a sacrament. Like he just trivializes the experience and yet he is scared shitless of it. His antidepressants also weaken the experience as well since they dull one’s capacity to feel emotions. I have tried to show him lectures by Ram Dass, McKenna, Watts, Chogyam Trungpa, etc but he said goes on his cell phone and reads or does something without even paying attention to it, like he’s blocking it out. I suggested he read the Gurdjieff book, In Search of the Miraculous, and it seems like he looks down upon all that as anti intellectual. He takes a lot of pride in being intellectual. When he got drunk the last time I saw him he was talking about how he and his mom have TMJ and it is correlated with a gene associated with higher intelligence. I told him to experience psychedelics in a more meaningful way he should try to meditate while on it and take it an enviorment without distractions so he can not be limited by his rational mind but he’s very aversive and trivializing. I have my best trips when I take psychedelics alone and I have been meditating for the past year about more intensively and I see this has an impact on my capacity to do deeper and retain more in my experiences with psychedelics.

    I feel like I belonged in the 60s generation more than I do with my current generation. I don’t feel like I really fit in with my friends. I recently got some pictures of Maharaji, Sri Yuktewar, Babaji, Yogananda, Padmasambhava, Anandamayi Ma to make a puja when I take LSD next. Ram Dass said a true guru is not in the body so having pictures when you trip aids in having these great beings look out for one as they traverse these realms of consciousness. I have also been reading the Castaneda books. Don Juan is incredible. Especially in the first several books. There is a lot of profound truth in it. What do you guys think of Don Juan? I know in the 70s Ram Dass and Chogyam Trungpa did some lectures at Naropa about the correlations with Don Juan’s teachings and Tibetan Buddhism. Don Juan is like a mahasiddha in how he is depicted. I don’t know how factual everything is but I don’t know if Carlos Castaneda could come up with that on just his own. Don Juan’s abilities would be called siddhis in the east. It’s really far out. Was Baghavan at Naropa when Chogyam and Ram Dass spoke about this? I was watching some of the lectures of this online but I can’t find it anymore for some reason. Sorry that was kind of scrambled, Namaste.

    1. Hi Pete
      I approved your comments just because you obviously don’t know- how I feel or why I do
      what I do. This blog is written BY ME. It’s not a “you guys…what do you guys think…”
      BD isn’t here/ I am NOT into Ram Das- or ANY
      DAS- and acid trips etc are just not what this is about. And my blog is not to ask questions about BD or discuss BD – it’s not a groupie discussion forum. It sounds like
      you’re looking for something I am not offfering or supporting here. Ok. Sharada Devi

      1. What don’t you like about Ram Dass? I’m not trying to tell you what to feel or do. I felt like sharing that because Baghavan Das has a connection with Ram Dass, Ram Dass is the reason I found out about you guys, Chogyam Trungpa, Maharaji, etc. I’m not name dropping to make it a groupie discussion. These are things that I can’t talk about to most people, obviously. And you guys have been on the path for more than I have, I assume. You emphasize in your videos that value on being real. These are far out things that I blow my mind. I had to get it out of my system.


  7. I’m 27 and a lot of people in my generation seem to be turned onto people like McKenna, Ram Dass, Watts, etc from the Joe Rogan Podcast or Duncan Trussell’s podcast. McKenna has more appeal to people who trip for kicks more it seems whereas Ram Dass attracts a different crowd at times apparently. There is something about Ram Dass’ presence, and so many people say this. Duncan Trussell claims this also and like everyone who goes to the retreats in Hawaii that something incredible and truly sincere comes through Ram Dass. I can feel this also just from his youtube lectures on the Be Here Now Network channel. Baghavan has an incredible story also. He found Maharaji before everyone one else did and he was the one who showed Ram Dass this amazing being. It’s incredible this is even real. I grew up dissolutioned and repulsed by Christianity and this lasted for a good part of my life until a few years ago I had ego death trips with LSD that completely blew my mind and to quote Ram Dass, I found out I wasn’t who I thought I was. It is crazy that some people have this experience and they relegate it to a mental category that doesn’t shake up the apple cart. For example, Hunter S Thompson said LSD was spirtually useless. It’s far out for me because I don’t force my experiences of to be “sacred”. I cannot help it whatsoever it just it overwhelmingly profound and sacred when I take psychedelics, especially when I take them by myself. It’s such grace that beings like Maharaji exist. I find myself oscillating and fluctuating in how “awake” I am. This is like the Gurdjieff sleep/mechanicality thing he speaks about that is like our default state. It’s like we are in some far out hide and seek game where God/Atman/whatever one calls it has manifested in some descent into matter and it’s giant Lila of a biological and spiritual evolution where we go “back home” eventually. Before I did not notice my unconsciousness and oscillations but now it is like I am painfully aware of it relative to my old self. And it isn’t stopping, everyday is an ineffable ordeal and stuggle. I don’t want to over speak about siddhis because I know they are considered a distraction from the real point of the Path. But it’s so far out. When Maharaji first took LSD, he asked Ram Dass is they give you siddhis. Ram Dass didn’t understand him at the time but later came to find out what he had asked. Apparently, drugs like LSD, mescaline, mushrooms, DMT, give a person uncontrolled temporary, somewhat eratic, access to the energies of siddhis. Is this correct? When I had my first LSD ego death there was a moment when I felt I could find out what would happen in the future. I just got this sense that I could tap into that if I wanted to and it scared the shit out of me. Like I would not do that voluntarily because I don’t have the being to support such an ability in a healthy and equanimous way. It was like how when Gurdjieff granted Ouspensky “objective consciousness” for some time and initially Ouspenky found it intriguing and fascinating since it had been what he was waiting to experience. However, soon he became uncomfortable with this “objective consciousness” and asked Gurdjieff to take it away because it was becoming unbearable. Gurdjieff replied that this is why one must develop the being and purity to sustain these states of consciousness. I have heard of many siddhis performed by the 16th Karmapa also. Like there is a picture of him becoming invisible I believe? Gurdjieff also spoke telepathically to Ouspensky and there were several witnessed to confirm it I believe. There are shamans who have such abilities also apparently. Why do siddhis exist? Like is it a possible distraction/pitfall placed in our reality to filter out beings on the Path who don’t have the proper purity? Milarepa was said to fly around Tibet and I heard the Dalai Lama being asked if any Tibetans still have these powers and he replied not too my knowledge.

    In the book Zig Zag Zen Buddhism and Psychedelics there is a section where one of Chogyam Trungpa’s students asks Trungpa if he should take peyote because he had read the Don Juan books and Don Juan said peyote teaches one the right way to live. Trungpa said if you are going to do it, do it right. This student of Trungpa said on peyote and other times on LSD he would run into Trungpa in hyperspace, like on other realms. This blew my mind when I heard this. This person said that the learned the meaning of how the guru is always with you. People had experiences with Maharaji and hyperspace also from what I remember hearing from Ram Dass. Ram Dass says that many high/enlightened beings are not on the physical plane but they reside on astral/subtle planes. This also blew my mind. In the case of Trungpa, I know Baghavan was a student of his and cited him being a mahasiddah, has Baghavan had experiences of meeting Trungpa or other masters in hyperspace? Trungpa had his drinking thing like Gurdjieff did and this seems to turn some people off and trigger them to call them frauds. It’s crazy that they use alcohol, which is not a beneficial drug in my experience but they seem to be the real deal also. The contradictions are really far out.

  8. I saw the Armageddon documentary where that guy gets pissed off at Baghavan for messing with him. Baghavan in that time period seemed to have gotten caught in his ego and wasn’t in a good place. Ram Dass called him out on that also. I watched your guys’ Youtube videos and Baghavan really seems to have turned around. He seems to come from a more compassionate and sincere place more recently. Which awesome because Baghavan and you Sharadi are great souls and you guys are doing great things for people on the path. It’s a blessing that there are people like you guys out there. I really hope Baghavan and Ram Dass are still friends and if they are not that they make up and bond again. We need all you guys together. Namaste.

  9. lord jesus christ son of god have mercy upon me
    lord jesus christ son of god have mercy upon me
    lord jesus christ son of god have mercy upon me
    lord jesus christ son of god have mercy upon me
    lord jesus christ son of god have mercy upon me
    lord jesus christ son of god have mercy upon me
    lord jesus christ son of god have mercy upon me
    lord jesus christ son of god have mercy upon me
    lord jesus christ son of god have mercy upon me

    1. Baba!!
      You’re already forgiven!! Mercy!! Grace!!! Saved!! Thriving!!! Loved!!!!
      Amen! It’s in the wind and the trees and streams. Easter around the corner can’t ignore the new life vibe. It’s mighty and refreshing. New Life!!!

      Pete!! Email me anytime I would love to reason about ram das and McKenna and Don Juan Matus and maharaji and Bhagavandas – I also vision quest often and I think people who venture those landscapes should be in communication with others who do so please get in touch and I will share some of my experiences.

      This blog isn’t about what happened in the past it’s more of a creative space where everyone can talk freely about what’s going on in their soul space dream space subtle body energies health and healing we get in tune with our shadow self as a companion beyond teaching. Sharada is a blessed guide and resource into these realms of creation

      Endless Love Paul 🖤

        1. Beloved. You are the tantric dakini of the shadows weird and inspiring beyond comprehension. You are the one. Om mani pad me hum. 🙏

      1. Hey Paul,

        Thanks for replying man. I like speaking on these sorts of matters. Always good to share and compare experiences, journeys, etc. I see this blog isn’t necessarily built for these talks. I respect what Sharada does. Namaste,Pete

    2. Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum Om Mani Padme Hum!!!

    3. Baba!! You’re forgiven!! Love! Mercy! Grace! Blessings!! Yeshua Christos!! Is with you..

      Pete I would love to reason about your vision quests.. I dig McKenna and Don Juan Matus.. I would love to reason about maharaji – I actually heard the lsd story was made up? I forget where.. but yea.. not sure. From my overstanding this blog is more for creativity song poetry prose and healing diving into your heart space soul space tapping into the subtle body energies and working with your shadow as a companion beyond the teacher role. Sharada Devi is a tantric dakini guide of that deep dimension of creation. Sharing with us otherworldly transmissions of dark love shadow passion that will cut you off at the head so you can only hear the heart.

      Please reach out whenever you’d like Pete I quest after and I think sharing our stories from that landscape of the crystal caves is critical in finding deeper meaning and understanding through our journey. Anything written by stalislov graph (incorrect spelling) is really informative when using lsd for ceremony or sacred or shamanic ritual..


      my email is your more than welcome to hmu

      1. Paul,
        Thanks for the heads up lol. Yeah I can see there is a poetic sort style to this forum. Which is beneficial since that takes you out of the intellect/rational mind that makes everything an object. Looking for a physical culprit is probably short sighted but we can’t comprehend much more concretely so long as we are stuck in our narratives/Gurdjieffian prisons.

  10. Hahahahahahaha! I’m obviously seeming a bit bipolar since the other day when our friend transformed into the god bird, but it’s by the grace of the fleeting moment do I feel connectedness and clarity and purpose and passion. We must all go to the dark to find the light shining bright current of pure rainbow laser beams into your heart. It’s out there.. Love to Chandra Ma and Garuda and Pete and all sentient beings I know u all are scarred up and trying to heal just like me and I appreciate you and your creative spiritual energies. Thank you – in my darkest hours I would read the blog and melt and relate and hate and laugh and love. Thank you thank you 🙏

    I love the sharada carrying Jesus on a cross motif .. Epic visual .. The story should be at least animated maybe? I don’t know I’m weird and lost now.. Nothing left to say. Gonna go play some music until someone interrupts or I lose interest or maybe I’ll keel over and die.. I don’t know we could all get nuked at this point.. I heard God is controlling everything from a joy stick somewhere out there beyond the universe.

    Without a big fire..
    you won’t see Jesus
    Burning bush
    Breath of life
    Window pane
    Hallowed planet
    Deep space
    Touch the heavens

    1. Paul,

      Everybody can see…at their own vantage point/level in the sense that the times they grew the most was when they went through the hardest of times. While you’re in it, it’s always harder if not impossible to see this. Maybe in flickering glimpses but for the vast majority its an intellectual knowing but experentially it’s otherwise. Most people do not want to be alone with their thoughts and they do whatever they can do keep the house of cards from collapsing. Everyone can see this in themselves at some time or another. There are times when its unbearable to sit with how it is. The universality of such phenomenon implies, or maybe demonstrates, that these manifested potentialities of our predicament are wired into/built into this realm we have incarnated in. Purity and sincerity are of primary essence and value in all things but I think it’s important to examine the layout of the game/predicament. Suffering is clearly built into this realm. The eastern notion of it all goes together gives some adhesion here but it’s still basically completely incomprehensible to the rational mind why we are in the predicament we are in. The people that supposedly “know”, enlightened beings, do not really give away the show. It’s common to hear a sort of you know when you will get there kind of take on this question on the layout of the predicament we have incarnated into. Is this the only way the game could be? It’s fairly easy to see how people can drift into materialism, atheism, nihilism, etc if they have never had a direct experience of the Other/the sacred/whatever name as designation. It seems the way out of the predicament is realizing you are not who you thought you were. A collective feature of our shared predicament is the construction of everyone’s ego of a narrative. This narrative substitutes for, buffers, and hides the present moment/how it is. Don Juan emphasizes the need to silence one’s internal dialogue.

      A common feature of the way out is to realize that whatever one’s narrative is, that isn’t it. The game is to keep purifying and removing samskaras. At some point after how every many years or births one has become so clear and purified in a sustainable way that in some sense of the word we become the possibility that to some degree we become the possibility that we may glimpse on psychedelics supposedly. However when it really happens all the planes are balanced. The humanity and divinity and all between are brought into experience and the balance is maintained. But I do not know. Anything just speculation. Everything is hypothetical still…this is one reason why psychedelic experiences are basically impossible to remember sufficiently. We get flashes of memory of fragmented parts of it generally. This seems to be because the intellect/rational mind is not the culprit. The intuitive higher orders of our consciousness are responsible for access to such experiences and this appears to be out of reach of the apparatus of mind we are accustomed to.

  11. tangled up in maya’s invisible spiderweb… spinning out pieces of random memory –
    comfort zone ego cling trying to make sense of that which is incomprehensible
    let go and so become lighter – our true ether being.
    drift more easily back into the place where we were right before birth.
    When we knew everything and then forgot it all with our first gasping breath.
    From then on spending our lifetime learning to breath rightly – to get back…get back to beyond
    turn the wheel backwards to that endless moment of having it all –
    when we simply existed in the light –
    the nothingness.

      1. Thank You for you kind words ChandraMa!
        ❤️💠 ❤️ 💠 ❤️💠 ❤️💠 ❤️💠 ❤️💠 ❤️
        I thought i had weened myself from second guessing … was aiming for humor with the 2nd comment.
        Guess i forgot to include the LOL’s and smiley faces…. hahaha!

  12. I had a dream a while ago where i was jesus, or he merged with me. And in that state every negative thought brought me into a state of hell. It required intense will power to not allow one negative thought. On this earth plane we are blessed with not having negative thoughts manifest immediately. However, thoughts good and bad are becoming more manifest and the veils are gettingvthinner.possession is real and so is god. Lately i see crosses every whete. Telephones, boards. One time i was in oaxaca mecico in an old church mass. Everyone was chanting hail mary to a statue in spanish. She became alive and full of light. Take thy faith a sword and as a talisman against the darkness. You will prevail.

    1. Ian, After I was baptized at age 21 and accepted the Lord as my savior, I had so many dreams where I was Jesus. I recall right after I had been out canoeing, in Maryland, I was sitting on the dock with my arms up on the wooded ledges and my head was hanging forward and it was as though I could feel the nails through my wrists. I immediately began sobbing…I thought of the pain that he took on for us. He gave his life for us. He has lived in me ever since that time….I forgot about him and his love for a long time, but since the first retreat in Mount Shasta last June, he is awake in me again. “Lord prepare me, to be a sanctuary, pure and holy, tried and true. And with thanksgiving, I will be a living sanctuary, for ….You.”

  13. Well, I have to say, when Sharadadevi wrote, “I can’t take it”, I lost it. Can’t say how long it will take me to stop the internal laughter. External laughter took quite a few minutes. I use to sit with Baba Radhacharindas in Vrindavan until his passing in 2007. He was big on listening to folks and at the end he’d often say “Too much mind”, and leave it at that. Bhagavan Das appears the same soul as he was in 1976 as my music teacher, with prayer and mantra ever on his lips. God Bless You Sharadadevi. What an amazing forum!

    1. I know what you’re talking about!
      Thanks! That’s funny!!! That you understand…makes me happy somehow☀️

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