every sweet and nasty dream

I guess you thought you knew me. Everybody always does. Since we’re all here together, what’s the point of pretending?

Don’t you get tired of pretending to be something you aren’t or something you are?

The backlash of denial is a whip with spikes and razors and She’ll beat your back and She’ll make you bleed and I’m not kidding.

There’s no one to separate yourself from, no one that you’ve risen above. I give every homeless person I see money and I bow. Because they are God -and God has had the mercy to show me the truth. That God too is a beggar, and God too is a harlot.

We seem to think we’re spiritual people but really we’re just people scraping up the sides of hell’s dirty walls looking for some deeper love that we can’t find. We aren’t spiritual and it’s a useless and stupid word. We’re organisms with a spirit and it’s a powerful enterprising spirit. So vast and worthwhile that God has his hand on us.

Yes She’s stripping us down in her dream world. Us, the virgins and sluts who can’t stop buying and lying. Us, the ones who want true love and are so pathetic we ignore the ringing telephone because we just don’t know what to say to the person on the other side.

But the line is corrupt. The line is dead. She lost her virtue when She stuck Her knife in you. And Her knife is freedom dripping from the blade. Because deeper is where we need to go into Her dream of annihilation.

Deeper into Her dream of yearning for the savior light.

On top of Her while She’s laughing the red light flashes and you’re the man She’s dreamed of. Beneath you, She’s a dream to pound and smash until you find your way.

And yes, she’ll have you over and over again. No need to ask.

He’s barely potty trained and headed for the streets to score a new conquest or a new high. And in the middle of the meltdown, a new secret seeps in. “This isn’t what it used to be.”

We’re here together for better or for worse and you shut out the vagrants and you disown the filth and perversion as if you were separate and pure. As if you never shit at all.

Well you thought you knew me and I let you believe that I believed in some God out there on a hilltop that keeps everything clean and smiling.
Some God that drops the sun in your lap and says, “remember your wedding vows”

Right. You know what you’re doing and thinking. All liars and frauds and I’m not excluded. I welcome the mess I’m in because I love you just the way that you are. We are here in this place not to exclude but to accept and to cherish every fetish and every rage. This is about completion and sex in the dark, not the light.

Why should you not love the one you sit upon? Why should you not turn and look at the devil that never gives up? Reading all his love letters written in scribe, should you not say he is a poet sent to release you?

It’s a trap. A pit fall. A conspiracy that something is wrong and that your completion is found in exclusion because it is not. And there are so many ways to grind the grim reaper. So many topless and headless women. But I love you anyway, no matter where you stray or how tight you fit. Because we’re here together and nobody is going anywhere until She’s satisfied that yes, Truly you are the One.

The One that doesn’t leave Her no matter if She’s a bad girl or not.
The One that doesn’t forsake him because His flesh is hotter than his heart right now.

And we’re all looking for an after hours remedy to the solitude and the nagging-knowing that something rare is missing.

She’s missing because you thought you had her in the bag. But She’s a cat whose out of the bag. She’s a hissing and purring wet dream. That’s who She is. And She’ll slip through your fingers as She runs her fingers through your hair.

“wake up and love me again” she whispers

In bed with black heat-ashes to ashes and the smell of burning flesh-the church of our smoldering souls-and that’s what we do here no matter who we are. It’s just that some of us are more sexy than others…sexy is on the inside turning you into pure quicksilver.

This is the world we came into-and we got hypnotized into accepting reality as half of an equation – to never belong- and it’s is a deceitful hell realm that never wants you to meet Her at all.

So then we belong here -because we’re afraid of our substance- which is Her and Her radiant black heat- which is the salve of liberation. The black heat that we pound and that pounds us back hard. Yes that’s right and I’m not lying.

Tantra turning both ways. Tantra ripping and twisting you inside and out. Can you make it through the night with Her?
I doubt it.

She’s a shapeshifter and a dreamweaver- and Her face and Her body will become whatever and whoever you need Her to be to make this dream real for you. So real that you melt and flow back into Her like hot lava.

Gone forever into the deep fire light.

The Forgiving Volcano. The Perfect Mother of us all -is everything you will ever need. So get in -because nobody gets out without feeding their soul back to someone. She’s the hungry One.

And if you’re still in denial, that’s ok. Because your time is coming. And She’s undressing herself through every word and gesture, through every taste and smell…

through every sweet and nasty dream of me…

plus we all know that you’re standing there erect and naked already…

naked and afraid of the the plunge.
Sharada Devi


10 thoughts on “every sweet and nasty dream”

  1. i never know what to expect next from you sweet sister moon.
    each new post revealing yet another aspect of the myriad facets of your being.
    you never cease to engage and amaze me.
    like the dance of the seven veils
    getting down to the raw root of the root.

    i see myself being many different things to many different people
    because most of the time, people don’t WANT to see the real me.
    but without truth
    i am nothing

    i was driving out of a shopping center parking lot last week
    and as i was about to leave, there was this forlorn young girl sitting in ragged clothing by the side
    of the exit.
    i motioned for her to come over and gave her what i could. And my heart melted when i saw the look in her
    eyes that it was only one dollar. And i wished that i had so much more to offer.
    She only about 22 and her face was dirty and her face was so exquisitely beautiful. Her eyes a vivid peacock blue.
    And my heart was beating in frustration and sorrow that she had fallen so hard.
    And i realized how fortunate i truly am.
    And allowed the luxury of creating something wonderful with this life everyday.
    And not to take this gift for granted.

    i see you God / Love / Motherlight
    i see you in all things in all being at all times
    and in me the sacred hum keeps bringing me back again and again
    without truth
    what is the point?
    there is so much beauty and so much sadness
    and so much opportunity for life altering change
    a balancing act
    between the shadows and the bright

    1. Life is excrutiating pain and that’s love.
      I’m not sure what we can do about any of it.
      Find light in the grief and truth in the sorrow…and it’s precious.

  2. Beautiful Sister Devi,

    Your soul shines like a million suns.
    Your eyes are fire and a heart larger than life.
    Thank you. 🙏🏼

    I always remember life was so much easier when I was a homeless junkie. Lonely and simple.. I hurt but it was easy. Ignorant bliss is a real thing. The friction I caused helped and hurt. Hurting is helping because it can teach, getting hurt has taught me more than anything, maybe not as much as my daughter; but that’s a different kind of teaching other end of the spectrum. Both very powerful; love and hurt.

    It’s all love. Pain is awareness – the awareness of something greater (yearning). The verbal abuse is just another way of screaming “I care” or “I love”.

    I want to be your victim.
    I want to be your bliss.
    in all.
    As above
    so below.
    since the beginning
    until the end.
    all yours.
    love and death.
    The Devils pitchfork deep in my hungry belly..
    Gods lightning bolt through my soul..
    It’s all love.
    The golden sequence flowing through everything.
    I’m in the fire, and I better just dance.
    there’s no escape.
    I love you.

    “Broken heart don’t feel so bad, you ain’t got half what you thought you had” – robert hunter/jerry garcia

    Om mani padme hum

    You seem to have little boundaries when it comes to music, I recognize that and appreciate it very much thank you 👼🏿


    1. Dear Brother,
      You are so creating and I love you.
      Boundaries come and boundaries go….
      but he who does the will of God remains forever.

  3. Are you a Tantric practitioner, dear Sarada Devi? Or there is no path to your Divine frenzy?
    Why I ask this is because I come across so many contradictory approaches to sex.
    Some say it is a waste of vital energy which should be transmuted into spiritual ‘ojas’/power.
    Some say it is the sacred energy of the Divine Mother herself and it should be celebrated.
    Some say it increases when Ma Kundalini starts stirring.
    Nonetheless, after having sexual thoughts I cannot accept it entirely and feel as if I do not have the courage and chastity and purity of mind to be a seeker of the Divine…


    1. Dear Raj,
      How could there be no path? Everyone is on a path. If you mean do I have a rules and regulations book – that’s another story.
      Learning to trust oneself is the most essential beginning on any path so that you
      do not walk in fear and self doubt allowing others to control your mind and actions.
      Trust yourself and do not fear your sexuality because that is a dangerous path leading to dark places. You can’t control it all but you can move with greater ease when self acceptance is based on self compassion. The mind gets uptight. Best to let go
      and find the spark – that you have every right to carry and to cherish. Much Love in the dance! Make your move⚡️

    2. And I never implied wasting sexual energy
      through hedonism or extremes. I never said anything literally actually as its not my place. Everyone has a different and appropriate way of expressing their sexuality depending on development and karmic propensity. I never said not to be
      celibate. I said don’t push.

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