blinded by the latest god

I feel like I know you so well I can practically put words in your mouth at this point…isn’t the purpose always accidentally swallowed like a pill we thought would help us but instead becomes a toxin that we can’t feel? In the center of the chaos the eye gripped the socket- and the appearance of things went blind long enough for me to finally see the one who shines…she wasn’t right for you anyway- it’s been too long and parts break, things get rusty…

and so I’ve seen that the way I float on top of you- is actually sinking us both -because the hole between us is too big -and the distance is seeping in from the bottom -and it’s almost too late… the isolation is rising from such a small hole- it only goes to become- become the writing on the wall- the prophecy of 1 plus 1 and what should we do to get inside of the thing we intend- the way that little words matter and become the raft that saves us from the need to get saved. It’s dangerous and you should know it. “I love you” is sharp and slippery  and so we usually drop it -and it breaks -and then these deadly words become lethal slivers of accountability- be careful if you don’t want to bleed everywhere alright? It’s like a dissection -and we don’t know what organ we’re supposed to remove so we just take it all? I don’t think so- the cadaver lays there spread open and panting -and all you can do is sharpen your stupid knife? Don’t be so dull- his roots are rotten to the core- she’s missing her lungs, she’s missing an eye, he’s missing a tooth- and either way- I’m missing you- because you aren’t here anymore- and it’s just a euthanasia of what was targeted suffering-and the prognosis was poor and the diagnosis were my medicine words that you didn’t hear -or you just simply erased from your memory- my breath on the page of your eyes – my very own soul into your mouth -you could have said it out loud and remembered, but you didn’t- and the web that holds all this lying and flirting -is just outside my door- hanging as my sister fury – she’s taking inventory – listening to old recordings of you- the spiders that weave the threads of our vessels are domain wary intrepid creatures- creative writers and alluring dancers. Did you know that these same spiders come to me and follow me around like my dogs do when they’re hungry? I’m telling you the truth- and I used to fear my spiders and this was a real relationship breakthrough- my spiders come while I sit meditating and they crawl in my lap- and yes, this makes it hard to feel spiritual- in the upright sense of the words -and I always have to keep one eye open- and I’m always waiting in a sort of devotional ambush for the next lusting spider to approach my lap and get on- this is my reference point- I think you know what I’m trying to say…

and last night I was all alone- and it was late -and I heard someone in the hallway outside my door. I didn’t open the door- I only held my ear to it so that I could hear the rush- the truest words are always hidden behind the pounding- and I love you is something we don’t need to say if it’s on our breath like strong whiskey- if we’ve been drinking what we believe in- I mean, love stings your throat and intoxicates your body- and doesn’t ever leave your door -even if you don’t answer- and I believe my love for you is a spider- and that spider wants you badly enough to spin that sticky web- just to catch you and consume you -or wrap you up for later when I feel like eating again…Posession is the entire law in my rule book⚡️

Personally though, I’ve always dreaded the idea of being eaten alive. I mean I’ve thought about it- and I’d rather be shot than drowned or burned upon the stake (again) and I’d rather have my neck slit than be suffocated and I’d rather starve myself to death than be eaten alive- how about you?

I think about these things- just in case they ever come up- I would like to be prepared- and  Bhagavan Das is always talking about what our tombstones should read- he once said mine should simply say, “WHY?” and maybe he’s right. I’ve driven him insane-always asking why- why? Because nothing makes sense -and I’d like to know why you love me -and why I should be eaten alive by the mouth of gravity -and why I’m here floating in trashed out space – and why we have clocks that break- and why you can’t make your bed like a big boy?

So if the shoe fits wear it -and when you say OM do you even know that if you just put a fan in your room on high (best setting for Om tones)
you wouldn’t even have to say it anymore- and it’s an efficient saint’s way to enliven the dulling humdrum monotony- or to lull a bleating sheep, or to tune up a bloated pig-they’re all inside after all singing our lives away- reminding us to keep the bag closed tightly- things get stale quickly when we’re not paying attention to the things we open-and lathering it up with hot soul butter – hoping she’ll be sucking you off in a sexless hurry- won’t stop her wrath -not even a little bit- she’s not seeking your pleasure – she’s seeking your treasure- and you just don’t know the difference- so “I love you” doesn’t count- plus you get what you’re looking for when you don’t aspire for much, like really low standards- and it’s kind of like a bad tatoo- you think it looks cool but no one else does- you don’t need to know why I’m saying all this –

“You just need to do what I say” and I’m a #1 hypocrite because I never give a why or a reason for anything I say or do- I change my mind instantly -if it doesn’t rhyme -and I hold my breath until you obey my command- even as I psychotically change directions- like a windstorm- because obedience as well as rebellion are ways for you to prove that you love me- and I’m not going to say which one fits where…let me have it my way- which is both ways in a nut shell. Like a crazy love song that gets written and never sung by the right person and so the desire never gets resolved or the union consummated -but you better just keep begging anyway…so be it. Haha⚡️

And I’m not cruel I’m just vicious. And I’m not unkind- just blood thirsty- there is a difference but don’t ask why- or what- because you’re not ready to know that designer fangs come in different shades of desire and a variety of methods to ease the pain. I do it all for you. My mouth is a vacuum and my hand is a noose.
These riddles are not meaningful to you are they? Too bad you delete my messages -and don’t take my basket of words to your real mother. Too bad you pulled out the arrow and didn’t say no fast enough- too bad you aren’t a faster talker and better with that gun…

My dogs seem to be the only ones who know when the sherrifs back in town- but BD thinks  I’m more like a lawyer or wonder woman- he actually prefers when I become the Wrathful Goddess of Death -after desire has eaten the fire- and I slam him up against the wall and put my hands tightly around his throat and I stare- my face really close to his face- my eyes like daggers -into his eyes- and I quietly say, “Do it now or I’ll kill you”  and his eyes get all watery with devotion and he smiles like he’s just seen God (me) and he just starts mumbling prayers- WELL, maybe next time he’ll wash his own dishes right?’ That’s all I was asking- too bad he makes me get rugged on him…

and that’s a true story. We have a lot of morbid and perverse fun around here and I love to tell you because I’ve got nothing to hide- nothing -but everything that’s still hidden from you -then I say nothing- and I wait for you to come touch my spider- and I’m even a mystery to myself- I just said to BD yesterday that the light is too bright in my eyes for me to even see anything – I’m just overtaken with this bright light- and I can’t see it because it’s too close and too deep -too bright to sleep- too bright to feel spiritual -or like I’m even doing something right or wrong- it’s hard to find the words to describe it- so I just keep talking- until Bhagavan Das says “That’s ok…”
and he got the vajra yogini statue out of the garage and gave it to me last night -because I said I became her in the temple- and was drinking blood out of the skull cup- I’m a heavy astral tripper without any psychedelics at all- and Bhagavan Das is my greatest fan (get it, OMMMM)

And then I spontaneously played that song and I don’t know why-what if God was one of us- by a prince who died-he was so sensual and recklessly divine -the perfection of a dying spider is the closest lover I’ve ever found…who knew me or saw me at all. So maybe you’re the bright light and now that you’re so close I’m blinded by the latest god…

because nobody else seems to be anywhere but here…

Sharada Devi

18 thoughts on “blinded by the latest god”

  1. you almost got me on the making my bed
    What ever I read comes true in the past
    I put my food away on time today
    Wouldn’t want to die a batchlors death
    I’d rather die standing up in an empty room
    Than be eaten alive
    I told my real mother to throw my body in the woods
    Speaking of spiders I’m still trying to figure out
    What the hell those spiders from Mars are doing in my closet
    This is hell on earth most of the time
    I don’t miss you
    Hard to miss what you never had
    Or you always will have
    I told her that I loved her
    And because I’m a coward
    I told her her god does too
    I remember every word
    Every time I saw her
    It’s worse than a fan
    And fans are pretty bad
    Seeing as how demons
    ride on air

    1. Oh no! You told her God loves her too?!
      like a good Christian! I can’t believe it!
      You’re so funny. I think you can certainly miss what you never had- and you can miss it with a vengeance!!! I’m right.
      Demons seem to ride on words also…

      1. I’ve never
        Heard that prince song
        And I miss
        Him- “just a slave like one of us”

        I want you – to hear
        That I look forward to carrying the name with you who know the song

        I feel Sad enough
        Until then.. .
        (Breathing it in) the white period blood.

  2. I really only wanted to tell her that I loved her. At one point I was even going to propose. Ended up stumbling over myself and offering to make her a toe ring. Unfortunately, I didn’t think about the fact that you can’t get toe rings through metal detectors

  3. oh no !
    he escaped again?
    I thought that I had him so well trained by now
    Mischievous little 8 legged varmint
    I like to call him Boris 🕷
    but since I have yet to master spider-ese
    I don’t really know what he calls himself
    He must have made a mad dash for it
    while the blades were whirring
    and I was captivated by OOOMMM
    maybe he was high- tailing it back
    home to you
    the high pitched astral calling must have been too fierce to resist
    seeing as we only have the 9/10th rule ‘round here
    easing into the grand demise
    by way of starvation… hmmm
    might have it’s advantages
    everyone in viewing attendance would remark
    “My my, she certainly did leave a good looking corpse”
    but i think i would prefer drifting into the dead zone while sleeping.
    Awaken and say “This is not a dream , this is really happening”
    I actually like a good riddle
    what the @#%&* is She up to today?!?
    just you TRY to figure her out…
    easy on the enigma
    and heavy on the allusion
    with just a dash of chicanery
    And “why is a raven like a writing desk?”
    Nothing to hide
    no where to run
    (except smack into that hidden wall of wonder)
    all seriousness aside
    it’s really all
    just fun fun fun
    But i best wear my polarized sunglasses
    because it sounds like the glare is getting pretty intense
    in your neck of the woods
    And your greatest fan… hahaha… GOT IT!!!
    Got it good!
    OM-ing in agin
    right between the eyes
    ps: i remember this song being sung by Joan Osbourne
    She sang the line as-
    “What if God was one of us
    Just a slob like one of us”
    But who am i to disagree…

  4. and
    just walked into
    and out of-
    so kudos 2 u
    for the blatant sharing of slamming up against the wall
    cuz i was just there
    and been there oh so many times before
    and it is so true…
    kudos 2 U
    Get the holy point across.
    Get it
    Got it
    Drinking from the skull cup
    have you supped enough
    and some times i do need to know why you are saying all of this…
    in a nut shell
    hidden inside
    of half crazed
    and eternal bliss
    just another hiss
    and strike

    1. and I know u ain’t real
      And I’m walkin straight up
      It’s a cold hard line
      Its a cold hard line and I’m runnin up
      this world will not distract
      Come around come

        1. It’s real, realer than dullusion,
          wow And I’m a ancient tree
          The Milky Way all around me

          (For real this is first night on sailboat (home) and everything makes quiet truth)
          I … Keep pullin me through and I will effortlessly fall-o.

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