Becoming the Mother Light


Becoming the Mother Light
Retreat with Sharada Devi
Mount Shasta, CA.

We come to the end of the road and we turn around, there’s nothing else we can do. These native americans shortly after asked me to be the flower for their homeless star. Apparently all roads lead somewhere…they said, “roads that are manmade are different than star roads.” Then an old hand reached for my heart through the darkness and said, “om mani padme hum.” This got the flower spinning. The light is all I heard and I knew that although I was down, I could get up because I was the one they chose for their homeless star. It all makes sense when you think of the future, the place we aren’t supposed to enter in our minds. I became panicked momentarily when the hand left my heart, then it was my hand. Then it was my star. I was it’s flower. That is all I can promise.


I know it’s not the same without him. But all things change as they grow. Transformation is what I can offer. I believe in overcoming self consciousness, self censoring and self inhibition. Those cages limit our freedom. I believe in creating the light with the shadow. I can offer you the space, act as the catalyst, provide the support to be born again. To see and approach yourself differently so that all suffering can be transformed into beauty and compassion. The real process of whatever you want to call it- tantra, alchemy- is this road for me. So healing means perspective and release. This retreat offers a sacred space for this unfolding. You can do and be whoever you want to be here. The only things I love in life are animals, flowers, rivers and the moon. I appreciate the warmth of the sun. The only thing I can get behind is freedom. Freedom from self imposed limitations that have become obsolete. Moving the spiral that is our life force means doing something creative with our bodies and minds as an offering to the heart flower. I do feel homeless without the sun. I do feel the star needs a home. I do feel the night is as deep as you are. I do feel the hand came from a place that’s eternal. The message to me is clear. I do not want to go on not being perfectly real to myself. I do not want the unreal to shroud me in false security. I want the haunting to be a picture or a song, the chaos to become enchantment. This is our land and we can do with it what we want. There is a secret flower growing inside because they told me. There is an ancient star wandering the skies listening for a home. There is om mani padme hum with every beat of the heart. The star is set inside the sky. The light is rising from the flower.


That is what I have in mind for the retreat. It is not abstract. How you shine is up to you. Sing, dance, read a poem, act out a scene from your dreams. I will do my best to inspire with the purest of my love. We are all in this together is the bottom line.

Becoming the Mother Light.
Sharada Devi

*$840 includes accommodation and food.

*$108 deposit is required to hold your space.

* balance is due by 5/18.

*deposit and balance are nonrefundable but can be applied to future retreats.

*retreat is in Mount Shasta, California June 19-24

*you can bring an instrument you know how to play or you don’t know how to play.

*you can bring whatever you want.

*email sharada devi at to sign up
and with questions.

om mani padme hum

28 thoughts on “Becoming the Mother Light”

  1. You standing like a star
    give out a way,
    a way for people to stand on their feet.
    And nothing else is like that flower.

    Fragile indestructible.

    I stumble and realize sleepwalking.
    I pause and feel that way,
    the way that has been bruised, broken and can’t be beaten..
    can give up anything but giving up. On you..

    star heart breaking sky…

    I sit as a bowl
    filled with light because of you.
    Bodiless except for me,
    the way, I need to be…
    a flower under your breaking light.

    1. This is beautiful,
      breaking hearts make light.
      Out loud, in silence.
      Because we must be free.
      This is beautiful,
      because you feel
      intently, intensely.
      My pain which is everywhere.
      In the spring, the flower
      is born while I’m crying
      for light, then the
      solstice at last.

      When my father died and I rose
      from his grave.
      A perfectly small hurting flower,
      singing to god,
      “Am I alive, am I alive.”

      …eventually I heard, rising from
      the bones under earth…

      “Om Mani Padme Hum.”

      free flower free light
      this means love.
      Karmapa father of God,
      think of me.

  2. Time keeps us in step. Each. Step.
    Breaking, receiving, dying and growing…
    “Timing is everything.”
    Break plans, make them, stay put until
    The time is right…you will see, quickly.

    Look around, Angel Flower,
    as if I’m talking to myself, I say,
    “Nothing lasts here.”
    Except the invisible, ever-changing.
    Let in, let go.

    Time is up, in a way.
    What can I say?
    Fallen like a ripened apple,
    risen like a tree.
    Connected in between places,
    you and me…holding myself,
    is like holding your hand.

    1. root, branch, fruit
      there is a star.
      seed, death, being born
      there is a heart.
      fallen to earth
      this angel,
      no one wanted.
      but the ground who heard
      her feet beneath the soil,
      no. no feet at all.
      I’ve seen her.
      broken one,
      the fruit has fallen.
      shining one,
      they could not see.
      me, hiding in your

      1. Little flower in the dark, from bones,
        wants to be seen. Give it light, it gives eternal.

        Give, create, change. It’s ok.
        To be seen by Darkness, waiting…
        because we’ve all overstepped
        where the flower gives way.
        In the sensitive place where things are seen as new, returns as bright shining you.

        Darkness, my heavy breath step, beat before my heart, flame under my eyes, whatever is the color that is you…take all my time, and I’ll take mine…

        I’ll stay here with the changing pain. The waves won’t change me. Deep in this, where you come up.

        1. -I’ll stay here with the changing pain, the waves won’t change me, deep in this, where you come up
          I meant to put that at the end.

        2. flowers come from seeds,
          from under this world.
          and over this world,
          the flower shines,
          from a star that is
          in both places
          at once.

          yes I mean starseed,
          which isn’t new age.
          it’s the new fallen fruit
          from god’s eye…

          ripe with love.

  3. She is the golden flower growing in my heart, we dance like the rain upon my roof this full moon. Like a white swan she glides over the lotus light lake of the mind. I will be there, you will hear the echo of my voice in the wind, you will see me in the snow white mountain of Alvalokiteswara. om mani padma hum hrih . The jewel of your pure clear light mind lives in the lotus of your precious human body. You are HOME when you breath in NOW……you are home….be happy. You are alive and the way of the white clouds is before you. i am here in an old Taoist Temple from a 900 year old tradition in China. I am doing the dance of Shiva and making the Merkaba light body. She is the rainbow body, her voice will take you to the pure land of your own mind. I water my golden flower with my tears of “I love you, thank you ” A little bird sang to me and said. “it’s spring,” all the green leaves were dancing in the wind coming off the colcano. She is the fire on the mountain overlooking the Lake where Padmasambhava sits floating in a lotus flower. His voice sings om mani padme hum. Come to Mount Shasta and be with the Holy Ghost.

    1. The holy mantra never stops.
      Body to body it goes,
      seeds of light to
      grow in another
      for the sake of others.

      You told me this morning,
      “We’ve all got karma.”

      I knew it was you but it was the Karmapa.
      Seeds of light. I panic in darkness
      only sometimes, then the hand came.
      Your hand. Then the voice, your voice.

      OM MANI PADME HUM I heard.
      And it went on like a wheel spun
      for hour and hours…
      until the dark became the light
      and I got up and wrote this.

      When you said, “When I’m dead, you’ll never hear my voice again.” You were wrong. I will
      always hear your voice. Golden light in my heart. Because of you, I remembered him.
      Or maybe he remembered me. Or maybe I saved my father from pitch black. I don’t know.
      But I love you as I love the Guru.
      That is eternal and all that is real…
      is the love that drops
      like a seed from his mouth.

      1. i come back again and again to re-read certain things that You have written.
        Because sometimes the full impact and implication is not throughly absorbed.
        Or on another day – personal receptivity is more enhanced.
        These are jewels that You have written.
        Words like diamonds, faceted and multi-dimensional.
        The reply may have been intended for Baba, but the truth is there for all.

        I read a portion of the book that you posted – and landed on this quote-

        “ So with fervent devotion, hearing all the many sounds of the universe as
        the reverberation of the mantra, recite the six syllables “

  4. the suffering weight of
    past present future
    and the ever present
    of now
    get why people take the big exit
    into own hands
    so easy to fall under ground
    so little light
    dead eyes
    from the dead
    so little respect
    for the holiest of holies
    where has
    sacred grace
    gone but
    to shadow underground
    howling lonely
    at moon
    it’s a big hoard
    of skeleton
    bone collection
    of hallow
    heart misunderstood

    Lost it all — no choice but to return to love,

    Tara Devi,_1662).jpg

    1. find the love, under the bed,
      from where she slithers at night.
      find her white light
      under black fingertips.
      goddess become what you lost,
      first of all. remember me,
      i love you secretly.
      inbetween the shadow forming
      monster and the mary dressed
      in naked white. just a feeling
      when you see the moon, just a
      whisper too quiet to hear…
      inside there is grief from before
      the corpse rose. dressed in another
      body, it isn’t you, it never was.

      Become me. Lose me. Forgive me. Forget me.
      Release me. Destroy me. Create me.

      be the subtle light that reaches into
      the heart of the past where i’m buried.
      haunting, my song is your echo.
      OM Tara dressed in gray. OM Tara,
      listen closely…i don’t get any closer
      than this🔻 Love me.

      1. these
        grief tears
        that fall into
        Your lotus
        flower hands
        is earthly longing for You
        beloved Mother
        of Light
        Om Mani Padme Om
        Beloved Jewel
        I look for You night and day
        Please forgive this closed
        Tara Devi

        1. such a dance hungry wolf.
          red lips and hair undone,
          I always laugh inside you.
          funny how the days slip by,
          not so funny anymore.
          I always cry inside you,
          face etched into the moon.
          We see and yet we turn…
          away from crystal tara.
          “I am only a sliver
          take the rest,” I say
          as I close my eyes again,
          promises, trying.
          ghosts wearing eyes…

          ghosts wearing us.

          I’m lost again
          and it’s only a feeling
          I follow…

  5. 💫 star road traveler
    blue moon
    double panic
    mellow manic
    full lunar leaning
    softly careening
    into intense
    complete regeneration
    first blooming lily white
    phasing incrementally
    violet blue
    gliding forward
    indigo portal
    promises to keep
    otherworldly flower
    not out of reach
    Help me remember the rest of the alchemical recipe.
    the Power of playing off the energy of inspiration is utterly unparalleled.
    You the mystic muse
    the flaming fuse
    lighting up a spectrum of colors that have yet to know their own name
    long dormant
    then magnificently becoming a spontaneous burst of flame
    finding cosmic voice
    magically granted the boon
    to sing in unison each ones own rarified celestial tune

    ✨✨🔷 🌕 🔥 💜🌼 🌈 🔥 🌸 ✨✨

    I have heard it said that where and how you spend the summer solstice will determine the outcome
    of the rest of your year…

    1. Well that’s true. How you spend every second does too! How you breathe, how you see, how deeply you
      search for the love that lies buried…what it takes to get there is mysterious. The sacrifices aren’t sacrifices at all really…but we need them. When the fear of surrender isn’t as great as the pain of separation…that determines the outcome of it all.
      How we arrive at the gates of mystery….we show up somehow again and again. Then the light outways the dark. It’s spirit vs. matter and it’s a ride to rise and stay light longer than the dark can handle….
      then fear dies…then the death of death.
      beloved Radhe what are you waiting for?
      More money? HAHAHAHA!

      1. am i waiting for more money?
        well – yes!
        of course –
        How else would i be able to give some of it to You?
        to be present and ready for transformation
        under the Shasta skies of blue!
        🌌 🏔🌲

        1. I think we’re all waiting for more $.
          That’s life, never enough. More, never enough. That’s the unbreakable spoke in the wheel…grace is in the motivation that arises from sincere invincible intention-
          which is the magic of results. And since
          we ourselves are the doer…

  6. SHE is the ONE who sits on the throne of his heart. The essence of her voice touching spirit glides homeward bound. Long live the King whose rose carries the thorn as a sword! It was HER that guided him out of the darkness of the earth belly. Tireless and unafraid she finds her way, makes her path for others to find their path. Until we find ourselves in our own infinite mother light heart, we follow the prayer wheel of Om Mani Padme Hum.


    Ancient Mother is calling
    Flowers opening and blooming to the Light.
    Expressing and creating in and out of heartspace
    Weaves the way naturally.
    Let’s find out who we can be. Who we are.
    Watering seeds of Love that’s true.
    I want to break free!
    No place to “be” but “me” and “You”. Let it flow. Eruptions of Light.

  8. 🌼
    we dance
    whirling like the image of
    fire rimmed
    skirting the realm of so called reality
    stepping deftly into infinity
    venturing quick step on the brink
    letting go with bright light to that future place
    yet mindfully
    letting go
    The blue moon that reigns now
    will hide until time again allows
    another second lunar revolution.
    🐾 🌱🌙 💥 🔥 🌈 🌻☀️
    – make space for the moon that will soon come ahead.
    The solstice will reveal the mystery of that yet unsaid –

  9. OM MANI PADME HUM. Stop dovetailing concepts into meaning. Let life’s challenges beat you the fuck down, down, down. Until you have had enough, you will have not had enough. Let THAT be your marker. You’ll know when you are there, because you will have NO other choice but to find something else to hold on to. That’s nature, man. You have to die to your Self while you are still alive. The thought of who you are…not the name or the job, or the hobbies or your family/kids/grandkids, is not IT. It is SOOO fucking beyond that. You have to SEE in your own heart that what you were given (by “society”) was a bunch of crap! The ONLY way to overcome your “identity” that connects you to the past is TRANSFORMATION. And the only way to do this is to RE-create your mind…CREATE a new healthy future. Let your biology respond to a NEW mind. YOUR mind (thoughts) is the ONE thing that you can train and have power over. The one thing that you can do is to control your thoughts. Your thoughts create your feelings. This is why mantra is so fucking awesome. It gets us out of our head. Mantra leads me to meditation. Meditation connects me to the ONEness of all. I let go of judgment. I feel connected without judgment. Why does judgment suck? Because judgment causes polarity and divides energy. Energy is where it is AT. Energy of all-ness. Energy is the life force. When meditating, find, connect, and stay with that oneness…that WHOLEness. Then EVOLVE beyond that. Yes…that is what I am saying. There IS an opening beyond the opening and a connectedness to the past, present, future…where all our senses/beingness is there….beyond this plane. REALLY! There is a such-ness. A richness that even as I see my body being cremated, I am still here. SO….rub your eyes and as you yawn into consciousness do not forget the dream, for IT is what brought us here. There is nothing more to do, nothing more to create, nothing more to add to life. Allow nature’s warmth to remind us as we bow to her silent beauty. OM MANI PADME HUM.

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