Look what you made me do. My big strange daddy…
Late last night He came into my room and He unscrewed all the lightbulbs so that I could never see again. He was moving in the dark and I only knew where He was because I could hear His breath and because I am a cat. The black figure loomed over me and I hissed. My eyes were white triangles flecked with gold and my claws came out and were sharp and clean. I was shiny and black. I hissed and my tongue was a red fork reaching for His throat.
On this night the moon was just a sliver, sitting like horns in the sky.
Horns before halos. Because we all know the way back…
And it’s called the killing moon in case you didn’t know.
(He isn’t smarter than me just because He got in. I left the door open because I always knew He’d be back for more)
And I’ll get into your head and into your throat and into your stomach and I’ll pull everything loose. You won’t know a thing but the spell that I feed you. I make ice burn. I dry up the rain. I don’t ever get tired. I’ll get inside of you and I’ll start wringing and twisting and meowing until the dawn.
Until the Dead can dance.
I’ll unscrew your lightbulb and you won’t see a thing. I’ll leave you groping and groveling behind me begging for more.
I’m a very special cat and I’m also His pet.
When I was a kitten He found me one night in the bottom of the well where I’d fallen while I was looking for my mother. She was down there, but she was already dead lying face up in the stagnant water.
I used my mother’s body as a raft so I too wouldn’t drown and I sat there wet and cold and I cried and I cried. My mother wasn’t with me anymore but since her eyes never closed, I would stare into them pretending that I wasn’t alone. Death was my first companion and kept me company until He found me -and then I was with Him.
He seemed strange and big. I hissed and bit and scratched and was as violent as any kitten could be but He never let go and so I learned to love Him. My captor and my savior.
Time went by and I always avoided Him. He would feed me and I would only eat while He slept. He couldn’t get close because I was wild and vicious. He tried and He tried but kitty would never come to “daddy” even though He was the only one she had.
As I got older I became very seductive, as any savage feline could be-and I knew that He loved me -but it was My Jungle, not His, and I only needed him for food.
He put blankets out for me in the cold and would watch through His bedroom window to make sure I was eating the food He put out. I knew everything about Him, everything He did. I am a shiny black cat and nothing is hidden from me. I get into all the places I shouldn’t go and I make my home there.
But I’m all grown up now and He’s determined to bring me inside and so He leaves the door open and I go inside just to see what He’ll do…this is my game, not His. I’m a feline and He’s something else…
So He came in that night and I knew that He would. And He unscrewed the lightbulbs. This was a very deep longing for God. Cats have special ways of knowing all secret desires. And by now, I do love Him because He saved me and He feeds me and I’m His pet. So I hissed and I threatened Him and my eyes pulsed black fire and still His hand came toward me. And I let Him touch me and I started to purrrr and purrrr and roll all over in the bed….purrrring for daddy like a good kitty cat….suddenly when I had Him hooked and excited- I jumped up and started rubbing against His leg- back and forth- back and forth-rubbing against His leg…
“Come with me Daddy. Come with me big strange daddy”
….and I started walking very slowly and swaying and my tail was dancing just for Him- and He followed me totally blinded by my bewitching movement- and we left the house and we zig zagged through the tall juniper trees and the wind was howling…and we we climbed over the little mound where His dead dog was buried and we stepped rock by rock across the
murmuring creek and the moon was only a sliver, like horns sitting in the midnight sky.
As we got closer I started purring loudly and my tail was dancing, hypnotizing Him to follow…
follow me daddy…..follow me home…..
and I arched my back in a promise of ecstasy’s to come- and I looked right at Him with my deadly triangle eyes and just as He bent over to rub me in the dark I edged over the side of the well…
(it wasn’t high, it was more like a hole in the earth. It was a very old well. My mother died there)
And I pretended to fall -and I pretended to cry out in fear- and He pretended that He didn’t want to lose me… “daddy help me!”
and the well was very very deep and it was a dark and forbidden hole.
AND HE FELL FOR ME like a Good daddy.
And I brought Him here. Down to the bottom with me. Me and my captor. My savior. My big strange daddy- alone in the secret well of death and forbidden desire….where I was born.
I’d always come back and He never knew that I had always lived in the bottom of the well.
My home was with Her.
And She wanted Him. And I got Him.
This was a very deep longing for God.
And the horned moon hung low listening…hissing…purring…meowing
splashing in Her Death Waters and dying until the dawn.
And we spent that night and every night alone in the dark embrace of doom -together on top of Her floating immortal corpse…the forbidden deeply seen…
and I loved Him there just like He had always wanted….like any good pet would do…
On top of Her with the smell of Death everywhere.