the summer is coming, the solstice is near. inside the pull of consciousness increases. the shadow has a voice in each and every head. this urge from the unconscious is mostly unknown to each and every person. it has been called the anima for men and the animus for women. people ignore the truth because they have no idea where to start, how deep these dark roots go into our minds. the dreamworld reveals many things. but that’s not the entire solution, it’s just evidence that there is another world inside us that is unseen and very powerful. It’s like looking at the ocean and not realizing what’s going on beneath the surface…way down toward the deep bottom…we will never swim down that far, we can only imagine how it affects us, or we can imagine that it doesn’t. but it does. i have nothing to teach except that you embody your fullness fearlessly- that you attempt to at least as a lifelong pursuit. i have no obligation or standard to uphold in anyones eyes. because i have learned to forgo the control tactics of any mode of thinking or ideal. it confines me and for what i am attempting to do, it’s obsolete. i do not subscribe to a “community” because that’s a clear trap. i have alliances but have learned to depend on myself most of all. what i am learning and offering as a person is what i have found and faced while finding and facing myself. i am going to do it my way. i am not obeying rules or standards of conduct. i will not tolerate being corralled. this is what my blog offers those that are aware that they have only themselves to blame for the chaos and tight places they find themselves in. it’s a mysterious initiation into the psyche and it is very complex. driven intensely by the childhood and the parent relationship- it’s not something you can go down a list with and check off what you’ve overcome with your father or mother- it’s in your roots. you project it onto others. it’s inescapable. to be whole is the idea. there is no time to meddle and gossip. there is no time to push anything onto anyone else- as if your interpretation is correct. we must assume our lens is blurred. we must internalize the self righteous finger pointing. for example, i do not wear a mask. i feel its gotten insane. i take the precautions i feel are needed and i then must deal with the dirty looks of all the “group” people just doing the “clearly righteous thing”- and so i am not a “good person.” judging what you do not understand makes you ignorant. judging is dangerous. it’s immature. and to use a virus to enforce your identity of “goodness, kindness and caring,” is crazy to me. going out to fight for the rights of black people by protesting is hurting more people. because everyone is looking outside and pointing. where’s the police inside of you killing the black/shadow man? that’s the true question. go point your flashlights to the sky and imagine you’re a part of something big, it’s so easy to go that “righteous” way. why not really start pointing it to the inside? not how you think- how you’ve been taught by the “good spiritual teachers” not the rogue and exiled teachers like myself. what i mean is that there is more to the integration of the psyche than what’s going around and what i am seeing and experiencing. ken wilbur is one of the first to overtly touch upon it- he has framed it -wake up, clean up, grow up and show up. it’s complex because there are so many ways we attempt to bypass and stay in these stuck “familiar and feel good” places- even when it’s clearly stagnant – even when we’ve hit an obvious wall. don’t expect me to accommodate any of it. don’t expect me to ask for “community feedback” don’t expect me to cover my mouth with a mask to save someone and to prove I care. because that’s likely the opposite of what i will do. in the end, those that resonate with one another will stay strong and the rest will fall away. life and relationships work like magnetism. as we change and grow- so do our alliances. sometimes we find ourselves feeling alone because maybe we are- those times test us- and refine us if we allow them to. most people have deep psychological issues that are running the show- no matter what the surface righteous appearance. particularly if you have not yet begun to understand yourself with all the tools available – i talk about astrology for a reason- it reveals everything about the psyche and karma. knowledge is power in this arena. i set an example of transmutation by my life and the actions i take. it is vital that we not be at odds with our shadow but that we befriend it- hear it- have open communication with the subconscious mind. that part of the mind prefers to stay hidden- running everything you do from the dark underbelly- however, through the ways i have demonstrated it is possible to speak to it, to hear its voice. first, stop thinking it’s out there because it isn’t. the transformation can be long and messy. inside that same time frame the transmutation can be mystical and heroic. it’s really up to each person as to how they’ll come to terms with what’s really going on below the surface…please don’t expect me to follow any criteria that you expect or assume. that’s not in the cards for me. and don’t forget to watch how you may be getting corralled into someone else’s program or group mindset – doubting yourself. hold your ground. face yourself- find out how to do that since it isn’t easy. it takes a lot of softness and bending in the winds of change. it also takes steel resolve. it takes mastery of invisible things i can’t write to you in words other than poetic images. to stand between the two worlds in confident command has nothing to do with mantras of the gods we pray to up there. it’s the realm that everyone instinctually fears because it’s inbetween the moments – the structure- the form- it’s neither day or night in this place. it’s at the precipice where shamans and the healers of soul reside. it’s dangerous and forbidden. in order to pave the way, it can’t be taught it can only be shown. that all i am willing to do. i have learned two important things in my life- 1) do not ever step into any cage for the sake of anyone’s comfort. 2) do not wait for the future, it never comes. so get real, get up, get over it. create while you still can. draw the doorway and walk through it. don’t let anyone draw your door and lock it- not in your being, not anywhere in your life. this returns us to the internalization of the shadow parents and the complexity of the psyche. the projection of the anima and animus onto others in the world outside. that’s not to say to use that against others to get back on top by saying, “i’m just your mirror.” no, i have seen that way too much and it’s the wrong attitude. “your attitude is your altitude,” as yogi bhajan always said. it just feels to me that there’s too much of that going on- too much self obsession in a way that only reinforces the bondage. my job isn’t easy- the job on myself or my job in the world. i have gotten the objective advice from expert after expert- astrologers and beyond- just to be sure i am not fooling myself as to my dharma – (as it is the trap to fool oneself) because i know it’s very hard to see the forest from inside the trees. and they have confirmed time and again that i am right on track – yet given that it’s nearly trackless- it’s not the easiest place to live in. that’s why i am so creative, it’s the only way the shadow will love you back. my dear friends, it’s not easy. i have loved and given to you all the best i can and i will continue to do so – but don’t be confused by me as i embody the task at hand. which is all any of us can do. which is reclamation.