just a thought-
When everything becomes a rule- a painful discipline where you just aren’t measuring up- It’s something to look at and weigh the odds. There are a lot of traditional ways to “free” yourself. I am so F’ing tired of reading that book. That book in my head, that book in their eyes. The pain we get filled with is unnatural and unnecessary. But we got trapped. We are always quietly seething inside therefore due to imposed restrictions and the deep (mostly) unconscious sorrow that we are not measuring up, simply because we are flawed, defective and just all around impure. Because we’ve done something “sinful” in the past and so now we are paying the price. That’s why we just can’t “get it right” at least not for very long- until we’re self indulging, falling off some imaginary wagon, not doing “spiritual things” eating “spiritual food” being kind and forgiving… and the list goes on. This is the worst transgression of all that I see we are caught in. NOT the lack of “meditating as prescribed” to wash all that sin and badness away. NOT that our flesh is weak and we are not worthy of resurrection- from the dead of the back of the church (metaphorically speaking) but because we have moved away from the immaculate. We have left our actual truth and are attempting to recreate it based on another man’s rules – in a book somewhere that said we are all wrong – as we are. Our mind is SO FUCKED UP – even if we start now, it’s probably too late anyway. That’s HOW BAD OFF WE ARE. So we try to meditate to superimpose a better reality over this gloom but it doesn’t last long- why? Because our greed and lust and imperfection sets back in as it should since/ though they say we are “already the Buddha” it honestly, doesn’t last long. We re-enter the labyrinth and begin sucking on the breast of darkness once more. And we just come to secretly despise our weaknesses – growing to hate them in others because it’s too painful to know them in ourselves – because if we did we would once again be reminded of our strange and permanent inadequacies. This is not true. This will not work. Why? Because as humans we are meant to relate. This is a huge, sad loss- since we cannot know our natural truth. The truth of what immaculate actually means. The truth of wisdom. The truth of what will work. The truth of the indomitable creative spirit that is so far beyond sitting and staring at the space two feet in front of the eyes or watching the mind in a dark room as if there isn’t something much more colorful to do. I have been deeply contemplating what will actually help us all. What’s the only hope. If we put you in a huge field all alone with no internet and only trees and a stream. Only stars and the sky- I doubt you would remain lost for long without any rules. I doubt you need to sit and “do meditation.” I believe it would all occur spontaneously is my point. It is natural for us to be beautiful, pure, brave, wild, primal, sublime, killers, divine. It is important that we lose the fear of our animal nature and begin to see the innocence there. The natural truth that we were never sinful but warped by rules. We did not come to earth to get better, meditate more- as prescribed. The traditional way that is very harsh and exacting is too cruel somehow anymore. We just want the soft sway to return. The night moon swoon, the whisper to be written down and not ignored as nonsense. What if you could just be however you wanted and do whatever you wanted and trust yourself to find the way spontaneously? This would remove the middle man judge. But is it even possible now? Now- to just feel the beat of your heart and know – without the alarm clock. To just watch the rising sun and know it is rising in you- But rather we sit in a dark room with pictures of dead men we were told were holy- doing our prescription and praying for help. It’s creepy, it’s weird, it’s dark, it’s so so so sad. We have ourselves and we have now. There is so much we could be doing, creating, facilitating- There is so much we can be letting go of, embracing, retracing. The only thing we need to do is mend our broken soulful heart. Why is it broken? Because however you cut it- Buddha words or not- we keep trying to reach some place of purity because of the approach in this day and age- the approach that to me is CLEARLY not working.
A wise woman was contemplating wisdom because she was writing a book on the “wise old woman” archetype and she read and she read and still didn’t feel she had a true grasp on the essence of wisdom. Then one night she had a dream and a voice from the invisible spoke to her and said, “wisdom is what works.” Do you hear what I’m saying? We have to do what works. Back to the wild of nature both inside and out. Trust in the purity of the primal. Of course it got twisted but it doesn’t mean it’s wrong. It’s the greatest power in your body. It’s what will set your spirit free and inspire the magic of life. The essence of art in all its forms is everything we’ve been told to deny or oppress in the name of God and being good. We are fine the way we are. That’s the basis. It’s a road back to what is simple and pristine. It’s completely a practice that just is up to your moment to moment entering of self into self- and then deeper and warmer and even more true. To be in the immaculate truth you only need to watch nature until you can merge. We are not above or separate. Heavenly is not outside of the earthworm- and the devil is not outside of the clergy. We need to only live in our soul- dig our feet into the earth’s dirt, open our ears to the bird’s song, gaze with new eyes at the flower’s dew drop. Create, be creative, be innovative. Be alive. Wild like the shimmering wolf. The wolf has no choice but to be free. If the wolf can’t be free, the wolf would rather be dead. You see the ghost, you know the zombie. The rules, the program, the air sucked out of the same old room….No, we are going to change that. We will be free for all sentient beings. How to be free? Drop the pretense and all you think that makes you safe among the “pure and spiritual-” I’m so tired of hearing people say “I’ve been meditating again-” As if now they may be approaching the “good zone” yet once more. I’ve been there – don’t pretend you haven’t. It’s some sort of curse of chronic spiritual infection! There is no striving to get to the “pure.” Aside from being caught in the culture, civilization, rules, regulations, churches, buildings with climate control, screens, artificial lighting— and the list goes on. We are fine and perfect. Exquisite wild and divine beings who have the power of creative immortality beyond any limitation whatsoever. My idea and inspiration is to awaken the primal and pure wild animal within you. This magnificent creature is currently caged and buried in lies. When this part of you gives up is when you feel broken, lethargic, hopeless, angry and confused. It’s a rage so deep it’s without words. It’s a frustration so complete- you do know hopelessness. We do not need to stay here as if it’s our rational destination and spend the rest of our lives pep talking ourselves to make it ok…somehow…but if never is. “Oh it’s my fault.” “Oh I’ll meditate more.” “Oh I’ll be quieter, kinder, more selfless even…”. “Oh, I’ll fast and purify my wicked mind.” “Oh, I’ll pray to so and so.” FUCK IT. Stop being stupid. It hasn’t worked and it NEVER will. It’s a roll a coaster ride just like any other ride here. Spontaneously you can be free. You will know what to do when your primal and divine beast guides you out of your prison. It’s been so long and yet effortlessly we remember the ease of just being true- NOT to them, or the rules. Nothing to prove or defend. Forget it. Let go. Go back to the tree and the moonlight. The mountain shadow and the sun that sparkles after the rain. Seeds grow from darkness into and toward the light and back. That’s how ideas work too. Your craziness isn’t wrong, it is a beckoning toward authentic enlightenment- which is so unique, so bazaar- so eccentric, so asymmetrical – you have to find your tribe and collaborate. You aren’t alone unless you think you are- and then that’s only the poison talking….don’t buy what anyone said. Because you know on an atomic level what you must grow on this earth- in this lifetime. There is a way to know what to do- if there’s no energy in it, it’s not for you. Listen to the calling, not rules or expectations. Not out of fear you’ll go to some sort of hell due to non compliance. My suggestion is, let there be grace by opening to your full primal self. Let the wholeness of holiness guide you. It will work. Stay near to the immaculate. Not immaculate as you have been taught, but as you know in your blood and bones where rules and regulations are obsolete. Because nature has taken over and she is wild, exciting and unpredictable! Let there be light from the dark seed. Let the animal out of the yard.
My dog barks too much at the neighbor and it’s a problem. Not her, the neighborhood with houses too tight. And I can’t stop her or train her because she isn’t wrong. The situation is not natural. But we do our best and she has to wear a special collar now that beeps and buzzes and scares her when she’s “wrong” but she isn’t. I’m doing my best. We take her to the beach and she runs and runs and runs. Then, my spirit soars and my anxiety ends because it’s right. We must try daily to be more right (in this way) than wrong. Because she is a wolf and can’t be controlled or it also kills me a little bit and I snap into what society would have me be and do…do you understand? Daily we do our best to see what we’re doing, supporting, oppressing- moving away from or toward. Yes we will feel suffering because it’s sad how long it’s been and what we’ve done to her. But today is a new day. And everything else is gone but now. It has been said that the earth people are made up of tribes and only those of the same tribe understand each other. I imagine our tribe is smaller but also brighter. So let us practice our immaculate truth as close as we can starting now. There is so much creativity at your command when you stand between the two worlds and are at peace with what is… because of the love you made…and because of the freedom you stood for!