🍩 until I am both of me


🌭 All people really want to do is fuck. That’s your problem. You can’t figure how to make it happen, to be ok with it when it does, to enter your own skin like a champ and stop trying to control life and death by either 1) fucking recklessly 2) fucking responsibly and keeping tidy 3) contracting the jesus syndrome 4) “healing” the other because you’re channeling divinity and therefore not “caught in the act” 5) eating instead of fucking- which is perverse- food fucking by mouth really. The “safe sex.” Still pretty “spiritual,” this delightful eating plus nobody gets hurt, just a little fat and greasy. You! Stop looking for a coward’s loophole, jump on the saddle and figure it out. And I don’t mean like an idiot. Like this isn’t a promotion of materialism resulting in orgasm. My promo is as real, raw and gory as it gets. Enter yourself, get in touch, that’s right- touch it- WTF are you really doing with all your worn out attempts to face it? Dogs hump. Humans generate. So what I’m saying is that human development is really hinged on fucking with awareness. The philosophy and history of fucking goes back a long way, but nobody really truly knows why or when it became “bad, naughty, forbidden if you love God.” Well yes we do know- big fat greedy church men taught the followers- FEAR “Fear God when that devil starts tempting you between your legs -and if you slip up, PAY.” Pay for sin. Confess. Eat to push the truth back down. Get so emotionally toxic on your puritanical food kick, you start believing the mucous is from “gluten” instead of your slimy shadow crawling up your constricted throat. Religion is sadistic, bred into us just like eye color…but why is fucking so bad again? Exactly? Do we lose control or get control? It depends doesn’t it? All we know is that despite your claims of otherwise, we’ve been programmed to find the “dirty deed” shameful- to be done quickly in the dark, behind locked doors, in a casket with Satan once it’s too late…you’ve got the picture…hell is for “heathen pagan condemned fuckers” and heaven is for polite contributing “eaters” who “pray and give thanks first.” Please. We already know the mormons strap on mummy underwear so tight they can barely walk or breath -and yet, with a decent sized fucking hole built in – just in case they need to make another baby thus “freeing another soul from heaven” (plus church $$ per member) but you’ve got to wonder why would you leave heaven for earth anyway? OH, I KNOW- TO FUCK. Yes, the big bad F WORD. This is sinister. Angels obviously WANT to fuck. Eat. Whatever they can scrounge up once they arrive. Use a hole basically. So they’re angels right? As close to “God” as it gets and still the urge to merge, chew, suck and swallow…sounds like angels are falling  to me. Angels clearly turn to “lost soul devils” once the pants come down properly. Wake up, because even if you can’t see it, you’re reacting to it all somehow and it’s unhealthy, worse than gmo corn or hormone laden steak. This wormhole of propaganda, like terrorism or “women’s rights” is redundant, monotonous, one sided, delusional mind masturbation. The leaky lies we buy into, embed ourselves in, commit to, fear blindly, allow to subliminally control and haunt our every thought and action- become our self imposed devouring prison. Fear of nasty private, places…bad bad places…where we lose control over death…and life gets too bright to look at, and “maybe they won’t love me tomorrow.” FUCK IT. Grow up. Make some better choices, deal with sin. You created it ALL. Imagined it up, they fed you poison. Body mind and soul filth you made tangible just because you could. The mind is all powerful and will destroy or create you at the drop of a word.

🍒 As some, probably most of my readers know, we don’t need another person around to fuck anyway, you’ve got a hand, I’ve got a hand right? Much less messy, more economical and no children making involved….but then we’ve got to get “emotional and clingy” and start tossing around “I love you’s” like, WTF? It’s insanity. I wish it were true, j really do. This romance with you, with I. But no. It’s a mind fuck on someone else’s mirror. Wake up. And also, listen up. This is a teaching. Fucking like it matters at all. It DOES NOT. It’s not bad, it’s not good. It’s fucking FUCKING. Get it. Get over it. Do it, don’t do it. Stop trying to mount and control everyone. Get your mouth under control, stop obsessing over dicks, breasts, food and the place food inevitably leaves from. The leaving and entering of food, mouth and ass. Sexy. The leaving and entering of life. FUCKING. So although I say it’s not a big deal, it really is. And no one is doing it right and do you know why, you’re with the wrong person and you know it. There really is no excuse or justification for lackluster fucking. It’s GODFORCE. So how can you be “spiritual” without accessing and mastering the equipment? Just asking, makes sense. Then, if you do find a proper fucking mate (sorry to the more sensitive- love making mate) you then have to deal with their inevitable projections and distortions of you. This flesh is fucked. It’s like good luck getting it right…even though truly, nothing else matters but the mastery of sexuality – due to the fact it’s driving our karma, masking all addictions and holds the key to our ultimate freedom. Dark sexuality. Your shadow wants me and stalks me like you’ve finally found your birthday cake. Yes the one who sees the one who’s been darkened by shame, guilt, perverted parents, weak society, limp libido due to hopeless pursuits of somebody-hood. You should fuck like nothing else matters. Like nothing is real. “Only this here and now and how I lie and hide and keep clicking and eating is real. I’m in charge. Brush your teeth, trim your pubic hair, floss, don’t get semen everywhere.” Obey your fucking head. Mind fuck someone else. Eat someone else. You’re missing the point. I don’t believe in gods, all their names, spiritual people. I don’t care about mantras, yantras, tantras. Diagrams leading to heaven. I don’t send anyone to hell or beneath me. I don’t promote toe touching or learning the holy prayers. It’s all fucking STUPID. I promote authentic growth, not baby religious paddling wearing floaties with peace signs -called faith and p.c. rule following. I believe in no beliefs the best I can. Face your fucking problems. Literally. They won’t go away. Stop packaging yourself like dead meat at the grocery store. Stop either avoiding your sex organs or obsessing over them, it’s pathetic. Master something besides how to open a bag of chips or type www.com, or pretend you’re not dying. Stop being insane thinking anything simply goes away by ignoring it. Stop pushing shit down. Stop being a pervert because you’ve been a pervert for so many lives due to sexual limitation, celibacy gone awry. Find a way to accept, embody and cherish whoever and whatever “crazy whore” you find lurking within. I didn’t say act out, I said integrate. There is a huge difference, AWARENESS. How you “get aware” is the scary part. Not a movie either where someone else is the killer, really your life.

🍌 So my friends, there is no answer but to go there with fearless grace and learn how to GRIND. And THAT is my lesson for today. It’s every lesson there ever was. There is only one fucking lesson. FUCK THIS. And slam down these prison walls once and for all. Slaves aren’t allowed to fuck, only breed. We are light sockets. We are it. Turn yourself on. And I won’t dare say OM, I almost did…and that’s definitely not the point… I won’t be trained or brainwashed to do something that leads somewhere besides my own discomfort with myself due to disowned feelings. If you were born in a forest and nobody gave you any rules, and there were no judgements on you. You would know yourself. You would know what to do. You wouldn’t be ashamed at all. You would simply be and accept being powerful. You, the God of all time. The one who is true holds the key in their heart. The heart is the hole and the key is symbolized by the commencement of fucking. Self assertion. The key is entering the hole. The hole contains life and death potential. We must be both soft and open, hard and penetrating. We must see it all within without recoiling from the FUCKING LIGHT. FUCK the dark with a vengeance. I say it everyday. Yes, it’s both of me. No such word as “love” until then…

🍩 until I am both of me. Sharada Devi


15 thoughts on “🍩 until I am both of me”

  1. I’ve been eating donuts for breakfast…followed by tea…followed by porn and masturbation…followed by laying around…followed by more porn and masturbation…followed by riding around…followed by ice cream…followed by riding around some more…followed by AA…followed by fire and brimstone religion on YouTube…then I go to sleep…I get phlegm in my throat whenever I eat too much cooked rice…it rolls my throat until I clear it…I see lots of trailers out in the Virginia countryside when I drive sometimes…not near me…but out in Carrolton near the Theravada Buddhist temple…I’d hate to be the type to fry a turkey outside on thanksgiving…eat it with my trailer park neighbors and friends…be sick with grease and fire…and have nowhere to turn to but an old stained mattress thrown on the floor in a trailer within a trailer park out in the country in Virginia…probably fall asleep in my jeans and flannel coat…and work boots…with some dead dried leaves and dirt on the mattress…an abandoned wasps nest up in the corner of the room…heartburn…burning…aaaaaaaahhh…it hurts…out of Rolaids…not to worry…I’ve got generic cigarettes and a warm 12 pack of bud ice outside…that’s for tonight…it’s 58 degrees outside and this coat is too much…I’ll just sweat in my coat and jeans and work boots on the mattress with the heartburn…until something changes…things are always changing…just wait 14 hours…things will be different…where do we go from here…only up I suppose…I laughed so hard when I saw the picture of the donut…it reminded me of Mani…cause Mani is kind of funny and cute…like the picture of the donut…I laughed and sat down with one of the monks at the temple…he seemed happy to see me…he was somewhat old and kind of fat from Thailand with a tattoo on his back…I couldn’t really see it though because of his robe…he talked to me but I couldn’t understand most of what he was saying…I guess the gist was to meditate…I realized I’m probably so depressed because of the porn…and it probably increases my physical pain too…and you seem to always be right and want to help on some level…I told the monk I knew some bodhisattvas…and that they are psychic…he said yes they can know things…I asked if he was psychic but then stopped myself and said never mind you don’t have to tell me…the sky was so grey…and Sunday’s are grey as well…I felt so sad to know that I may have really fucked myself…but there’s always Dan the man…raw veganism…which definitely lowers your pain and makes you skinny…the problem is I can only deal with the feelings that arise when I’m not using food as a drug but so much…and it’s related to the fat stored in my stomach…the fat is the stored up trauma and sadness…when I get to the point to where I start to release the fat around my stomach my body hits the brakes…whoa…hey now…what the hell are you doing…it’s when I go below 180 lbs…I’m probably 183 now…thats still kind of big….I used to be 206…Jesus no wonder my leg started going numb…broken down palace is a song…old fat women are burning with pain in trailer parks all across America…america is the land of sorrow…it’s where you’re born when you have a lot of desire…you can overeat fried turkey…smoke winstons….drink warm bud ice…lay around on the mattress in the trailer park…watch zombie tv which singes your retina and gives you a headache…creates grooves of greed and consumption into your mind…to be spread to your offspring…over and over…forever…unless you become an arahunt…or the Buddha…and live til you die a natural death…one day at a time…writing it down for sharada Devi…who does with it she only knows….

    like Daniel plainview….

    I’m finished…

    1. Hi Shane,
      I don’t know you, but I have noticed your comments here and there on the blog. I am sorry that you seem to be in so much pain. I find it interesting in what you wrote here about the trailer park people….and the fried turkey hanging out with family and friends then going to sleep on a stained mattress. YOU are who you write about, the trailer park people. You are just in another location….and for you porn is your fried turkey….and donuts? Whatever….The ONLY difference I see..is that you seem to have an AWARENESS in what you are doing. Sharada Devi talks about this AWARENESS. There is no time like NOW to get off that wheel of self-destruction. I know you see it. A while back in one of the blogs…back in 2016, I forget which one…but it’s THE message that is coming through relentlessly ALL THE TIME: “Get out of the city. Stop being a slave to the devil’s grid. Detach from your family of blood ties. Go into any form of retreat that you can – even if for an hour or two each day, longer if you can. Form spiritual alliances – connect genuinely with an authentic spiritual lineage. Go to the country, sit in the sun, breath the air, feel the love of the plants, eat the fruits of the trees. Focus on the light within and organize yourself – which means your priorities and life to create an entirely new life and new structure and totally alternative way of being. Fast and pray fervently like your life depends on it – because it does. Always God gives. Trust, like Jesus said, because there is always a way if you truly want there to be. Don’t waste ANYMORE time idling, vacillating, making excuses, being doubtful of your own power or afraid of what that would mean- because it’s going to take some responsibility for yourself this time – not the burdens of others that you carry – but your own inner light calling you home to the Attainment of the Motherlight.” (Sharada Devi wrote this…but don’t remember the date on the blog.)
      Anyway….NOW is the time. Get off the roller coaster…..don’t make it harder than it has to be….the longer you stay on, the harder it will be to jump off. It seems like you say the same things in your comments.
      I recognize you…..I see me in you…..the old me….before the re-creating (which is an ongoing process).
      Faithfully, ChandraMa

    2. Shane,
      You’re going to break through. There comes a point, a day in time when everything changes. When the veil is torn open and there is a new clarity that allows a new direction to open. You’ve been at the crossroads so long, but not much longer. You’ll make a move and the light will shine it’s voice into you, bright star. And you’ll write about the moon and the water that falls from the sky. And you’ll make others feel understood and you’ll understand that pain and the suffering caused by the fear is only a sting from the roots of the sun. Wake up, the dawn is rising, night is falling. The dead never die. Stars smile. Words mean a lot, beauty can come from all that is ugly, that is the work of God’s five pointed child. You.

  2. Full moon recalibration! Focusing on the candle’s flame, time to release, releasing Time. Deep breath in, deep breath out intoo the fire, burning regrets, burning resentments! Deep breath declaration!!! Rainbow quartz wishes, launched like bottle rockets into the deep dark blue velvety sky, exploding into stars!!! Blinking, blinking, winking, sexy stars, making dreams come true! Full moon, love moon, sexy, dreamy, airy, Gemini moon! Mind altering reflections stimulating creativity! Shimmering, slithering, writhing, wiggling, sliding, slowly sinking, sinking into that Divine twin soul!!!!

    1. Moonflame. Cool white fire. The mouth sings
      from the bottom of the oceans water through the waves up into the clouds. It’s raining and we are filled with everything opal and silver. Blood of life, a knife cuts through the sky. Lightening rips open her stomach. I could have left, but I didn’t. There are no islands only memories made by moons that cannot apparently shine alone. Always watching her change and grow. Igniting flames and thinking she wasn’t the reason
      for the night…to live fully. Bright and deep.

    1. Thank you sweet friend. Why not forgive?
      Yourself and everyone. Let go. Of it all,
      even needing to forgive or let go. It’s subtle. We control nothing, we can only deal with fear by breathing and the thoughts slowly slow down and we begin to release
      attachment to the shame blame pain game.

      1. Let go… relax into as…inwardly tuning in with the environment….the world. Let go….settle in with it….it’s deep. So much so that you feel your heart beat in connection with the pulse of the earth….Feel it? there it is…. there is a natural radiance and brilliance in this world….ABOVE the darkness…with the dawn of the great eastern sun! Experience the goodness of being alive…..let us respect who and what we are….how lucky we are to be human beings! FEEL Alive…do not be afraid of death (but prepare and know that it will arrive)…but enjoy life while you can (that is part of the preparation!)….EVERY MOMENT COUNTS. EVERY breath! Forgiveness is the opening … to true freedom…….

  3. the other side of ‘me’ came out to play seduced by the pull of the full moon and the sun side slipped into smooth darkness. no fear, just being. that ‘me’ dissolving, fading into the realm of no rules no fear . when the sun came up again, the new day was grateful for the other side, the bold of night, the puzzle piece that stitched it all together. i could not stop laughing all that next day. everything that was said was hilarious. driven to tears of laughter, just melting, the remains of hilarious lunacy. it’s better in that space place of defying all the rules. it’s freedom. alive in what is said to be dark all the while, the light still shining. like glowing whole.

    1. Dear Radhe,
      Thank you, your comment was lost in Chinese trash.
      I’ll get it fixed!
      Hilarious lunacy and defying all the rules.
      I do like that!!!

      Also I got your email the other day, don’t worry all is well and alive, shining and ever clear!

      Sending love and birthday happiness! ☀️♥️☀️

      1. Dear Sharada Devi,
        Thank You for the love sent, the uplifting response and kind birthday greeting.
        Your words make for a singing heart and a cheshire cat smile
        Considering the alternative, so glad to hear that i wasn’t swept under the oriental rug…

        1. OF COURSE NOT!!!! No rugs!
          the return of the sun
          Rainbow smile🌈☀️

Leave a Reply to Radhe Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *